Hey so I was on my computer the other day and I went to delete the history when I noticed its said facebook message with my gf's ex bf's name...I thought it was very odd! since she said to me a while back that she did not like when I talked to my ex's, any way I said to her "Hey what do you think about me talking to an ex?" she said "I don't know" to which I replied "Do you ever talk to yours?" she said no, I then said not at all? no contact with any of them even ryan? and she said "no", to which I said "thats odd I was on my computer and it said you had been talking to ryan recently" she then got quiet and after a couple seconds she said "thats facebook, it different, and he msg me I did not msg him back".

After just sitting there I said to her "listen I don't care if you have been talking to him but be honest that all I ask" she then got kind of mad that I even brought it up, she said she was angry that I did not trust her and that she did not consider facebook to be "talking", I then said "Ok If you are telling me the truth then I believe you and trust you"


Now I still have questions about her honesty but don't want to come off as afc! I have a gut feeling that she is not telling me the truth although I have no proof at all! I don't believe that he msg her and she did not msg back....perhaps im wrong but it seems odd!

Not sure what to do.

p.s she made me feel crazy! when I first confronted her about it I felt so sure that I had caught her in the act! she looked kind of worried, then after a while she started to actually look serious, either she is telling the truth or she is a great liar!

Absolutely agree with this - just be careful, I mean it could be innocent but I some how doubt it.

See I did believe her at first, last night when we talked about it I thought "hmmm perhaps she is telling the truth, she seem to be" but today I was thinking about it and it does not seem realistic that when someone says "have you had any contact at all?" and the other says no, and then goes on to say that facebook is not contact lol seems fishy to me!

I am not really sure what to do? I want to bring it up but I know that will look very afc and she will probably continue to lie...it only benefits her to lie so why would she tell the truth? I guess my questions is how do I get the truth out of her if she is lieing? or what should be my next step?

Well, after the incident last weekend with her friend you both agreed to work on your communication. You have to allow for this residual stuff to filter through the system. If you trust that she didn't message him back, then let it go. I agree that it is plausible. Questionable, but plausible nonetheless.

Yeah it is....but I found some more kind of odd things, she sent a msg to his facebook wall saying "Finally got facebook! haha bout time" which is not bad at all, but when I looked on her facebook wall there was nothing saying "jessica has added ryan to facebook"....which leads me to believe she deleted this? the only reason I could see would be so that I did not see.

can't you look in Jessica's friend list to find out if Ryan is there?

by now, you've made Ryan an issue. whether she is planning to sleep with him behind your back, or simply being friendly, it looks like you made it very clear that any Jessica-Ryan contact is border-line for you, or at least you need to be told about any such contact.

me, I never ask. I told my girlfriend that her ex-bf is off-limits, because that is my boundary and her ex-bf is beyond my boundary. I do not have to ask. I assume she respects me and my boundaries. if I find out she does not, I will deal with it accordingly.

are you ready to next Jessica if she violates your boundary?

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

one thing i know is when girls start playing games like this it is never a good thing, one reason may may be that she is losing interest in you (just a possiblity since all I know is from this post). Ignoring it won't solve anything but constantly asking her about it won't solve anything and may make it worse, if it was me, I would back off of her, talk to her less, etc, maybe just move on, but it all depends on different factors i guess.

Well we live together so it makes things a little more difficult. I could act distant but when she asks why then what?

I just want to know the truth...If she would have said "yes I talked to him" I would have been fine but its the fact that she might have lied that bothers me.

Its bothering the shit out of me! I have no clue how to handle this situation and feel it would actually be very beta to ignore the fact that they talked...but its also beta to freak out about it.

yeah I agree, she also went out of her way to post on his wall...so her saying she did not msg back is a lie, she actually reached out to him in a way.

I was thinking of handling like this:

(Gf is at work)

Hun I want to talk to you tonight, I want you to think about anything you might not have be 100% honest about, and think about how important this relationship is to you, be prepared to be 100% honest with me!

When she gets home I will tell her:

Yesterday when I asked you about talking to your ex I feel you lied to me, lets be honest facebook is contacting another person, and you reached out to him by posting on his wall, so think carefully before you answer me, why did you lie to me yesterday? I won't get made just be honest"

I like that method better! lol Im just going to put it out there and let her explain her self , Im going to tell her almost word for word what you said there but I am going to tell her to be very careful about how she responds because she is pushing me away and if she doesn't want me to walk then she better start being honest!

Very good advice! I have had some experience with the 'honey babying' with a ex and it just leads to you getting walked over and stepped on

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pow ... gaslighted

GASLIGHTING

be very, VERY, careful

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

+1,000,000

tony has balls.

balls are respectable.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Amazing! this is exactly how I feel! I confront her but start to second guess my self and make excuses for her! she is a different person! she blames her actions on being stressed out at work or w.e but in reality is her own selfishness.

I talked to her tonight about her talking to her ex again, she told me she was not lieing, that she did post on his wall but forgot about it, and that yes he sent her a msg but saying that she looked good but she did not reply, she seemed to be telling the truth but who knows...

I have had some concerns about our relationship lately and she doesn't seem to take them seriously, tonight I was talking to her about some concerns I had and she fell asleep! mind you it was late but if she knew it was important I would think she would stay up a few minutes longer and talk? I know I would even if I was dead tired!

Things have really gone down hill! we had an amazing relationship but lately I feel things are different and Im getting fed up!