what did past experience teach you and how?

super simple. you are punishing yourself. why would you do that?

Here's my story. I actually dated this girl off and on for 5 years so I'm not sure if you consider it oneitis or not or just a relationship turned bad.

I was a senior in high school. Captain of the football team, started varsity baseball, share school records in track and field, and I was also on the schools Academic team. I had alot going for me and had just signed my letter of intent to play football for a University close to home.

I had seen this Indian skinned freshman girl in the gym practicing Volleyball. She wasn't particularly good but had a bonafide ass and nice natural dark skin complexion and long dark hair. No one was really hot for her because she had some galled teeth from hell.

I first met her after a football game at a small party. I called her over to sit next to me in the hot tub and she did. Talked a little. And a few hours later as I was leaving she asked me to stay the night there. I obliged.

We fooled around (No sex) that night and then 3-4 days later I get a call from her (her sister gave her my number.) just wanting to talk. Then the next dag she comes out and says, "are we gonna date? I'd feel like a whore if we didn't now". I didn't really like her very much as she was boring and she had those big gaps in her teeth BUT I saw potential in her and felt guilty so I agreed.

I had broken up with her twice in the first 3 months(still hadn't had sex, not that I cared but it's info) and she would always contact ke or have her friends talk to me about how much she liked me and wanted to be with me so I would end up agreeing to get back with her. After 3 months we finally had sex for the first time. Wasn't very good. Neither one of us had much experience but it wasn't a big deal regardless I don't think. But the day after we first had sex she broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her with my ex girlfriend (whom she ended up fighting in school a few weeks later). This break up led me trying to qualify my innocence to her and *gulp* begging her to believe even though I know I did nothing wrong. I had a long talk on the phone with my ex the day me and my new girl had sex but that was only to tell her that I didn't want her back an that I had found someone else. (I believe the drama was caused by my ex for what it's worth),

A couple months later I was staying at one of my lady friends house for new years (In which I regrettably passed up the opportunity to fuck her) and my GF was staying at her friends house with her, her 2 best friends (One of which I had made out with a few weeks prior), and her best friends 23 year old brother who was the adult for the night. When I woke up, I decided to surprise my GF and pick her up from her friends house. When I got there everyone was very weird towards me. Her best friend (The one I made out with, who had a huge crush on me, whom I eventually ended up dating 4 years later) pulled me into the room and told me she had to tell me something about my girlfriend and to call me later. This piqued my interest.

Later that day I noticed my GF acted funny. I pulled over on the side of the highway and demanded her to tell me what was going on. She confessed that she had sex with the 23 year old brother and that it was against her will. She was "scared" to say no and that he forced himself on her. Cops were called but in the end she refused to talk to them because it was her best friends brother. Nothing ever came of it and we split for a week because I couldn't deal with it. Eventually she persuaded me to get back with her.

5 months later it was summer time. My summer consisted of work, football training, and her. She went to The beach for a week with her family. When she returned she told me she had something to tell me. What she eventually admitted was she made out with a guy from the beach. I blew it off. I cared but didn't care. I was never one to get overly mad or upset about talking to other guys and wrote the kiss off as a vacation mistake. Shame on me in hindsight.

3 months later I started college and football and didn't have time for her other than a couple days a week. To this point I was infatuated with her and many times I caught myself wandering what our lives would be like together. From August to May my life was Lifting/conditioning 1-2 hours a day. Classes 4-5 hours a day, practice 2 hours a day, 30 plus work hours at Mcdonalds a week, and then hanging out with friends and my GF on weekends. Granted I was 30 minutes from my girlfriend, she couldn't drive yet and I was too busy and poor to make trips back and forth consistanly as my parents werent able to offer financial assistance.

The summer heading into my sophomore year in college (I was 19), I was at a campout with her family. She played guitar and I was a vocalist and we played
Some songs for her family. I left really late that night to go home but before I left we talked a little and as I walked out the door (I remember this vividly) she stopped me and asked me a peculiar question. She said "You know I love you more than anything right? I couldn't ask for a better man". This struck me as odd. Her tone was almost as if she would never be able to tell me again. I simply replied, " I know, I love you to, I'll talk to you tomorrow" and kissed her then left. Good ending to a good night.

The next day, she called me, said she wasn't happy anymore and was too young for a serious relationship and broke up with me. I said "Ok" and hung up. My first though was shes being moody for some unknown reason. My second though was "Sweet now I can fuck all these girls I've been pushing away for 2 years". A week went by without any contact by me or her and the realization a girl I loved was out of my life was starting to dawn on me. That summer I spent 3-4 night a week drinking and calling her. Occasionally she would answer but never responded how I wanted her too. This summer my number jumped from 2 women to 10 but none of it helped as all I could think about was my ex.

Also note, a week after we broke up she started dating another guy in her grade.

Midst through the summer at a party I met a guy a year younger than me that he had slept with my ex 3-4 times in the past year and that he was sorry. I was mad initially, but came to the conclusion that we didn't know each other and that it wasn't he responsibility to make sure my girlfriend stayed faithful. Regardless, the information left me empty. I didnt know how to handle this information. The question of "WHY!?!?" kept drumming into my head and my ex offered nothing to bring me peace. I was a mess by summers end and she appeared to be doing better than ever. I just couldn't understand it. I WAS THE CATCH. I WAS THE LOCAL LEGEND. I WAS THE GUY THAT HAD VERYTHING GOING HIS WAS. I was Handsome, physically in great shape, intelligent, life of the party, charismatic and charming. I could not understand why in the blue hell things came to what they did. She wasn't smart, she wasn't popular, I though she was pretty and under rated but her consensus score would be a HB7 at best. I just didn't get it. To this day I wonder how I handled my self wrong and to this day I have no clue. I wasn't clingy, nor did I starve her for attention. I wasn't a push over, nor was I a pusher. I considered myself pretty alpha until a couple weeks after the breakup when I tried contacting her for an explanation. Regardless I felt like half a man now.

The new school year came around and I went to about 20% of my classes. I went from starting Varsity as freshman to suspended indefinitely for hazing an assistant coach. I was put on social and academic probation and stared smoking pot a doing some pills here and there. Not much though I will add but it was uncharacteristic of me regardless. I began gettin in fights on campus and eventually everything became too much. I broke down many times alone in my room. I still though about my ex everyday and wanted her, but she was doing great without me while
I was a shell of my former self. I eventually dropped out at the end of the semester and starting working. I had dated 2-3 girls during the 6 months me and my ex were broke up but they were girls just to keep my mind off of my ex. None lasting longer than a few weeks ad I just wasn't feeling them. Very pretty girls but it didn't matter, I was still hung up on my ex.

A few weeks after dropping out of college and getting a job my ex calls me to see what's up. We chat for 5 minutes than I get off the phone. Immediately my spirits are lifted. All she had to do to erase 6 months of hate and anger was pick up the phone and dial my number. A few days of no contact and she called again to see if I was going to the homecoming game (She was on homecoming court) and I said no. She said she wanted to see me and I told her I'd see what I could do. I went.

That night after the game, she asked me if I wanted to ride around with her, her new best friend, and my buddy for a little bit so we could talk. She said she ha something to talk to me about. I was eager
To here what she had to say, and told her to meet me at a certain location at a certain time, she obliged.

We talked for a while that night, admitted feelings and then fucked. The following month she pressured me to date her but I kept holding her off because of the past stuff. I kept telling her to prove herself to me and this kept pushing her away. Eventually she stopped pursuing me and we broke contact for a while. Then a a month or so later we regained contact again and started dating again.

Before we started dating, she confessed to all her unfaithfulness. Who, what, when, where, and why. After she did that, she begged me back and promised never to let it happens again. I knew I wanted her, and only her, but I wanted her
To earn her way back intoy life. We started dating for about 3 months and it fell apart and she split for another dude, AGAIN. this time I said fuck it and moved 20 hours away with the sole reading of getting away from her. I moved away for 5 months and the whole time, every day almost, she contacting ke trying to get me back home. "Loves me, misses me, wants me
Back, yadayadda". Eventually due to financial reasons I moved back home. Even though at the time when I left I was dating a gorgeous Hawiian/Thai model, I felt okay leaving her because I still lived my ex. (STUPID STUPID STUPID).

Ever since we've been off an on for the past 2-2.5 years. Sometimes dating 4-5 mints then splitting for 3-4 months. Even when we broke up we would still fuck and sneak around and he would occasionally have some drinks at my place. Was just never the same though since our first big breakup no matter how much I loved her and wanted her.

We split up last around 6 months ago. My last contact with her was roughly 2-3 months ago when she Confessed she was dating a girl and was coming out of the closet. Which I had been accusing her of being a lesbian for the last year or so and seen coming. Her feministic views on everything and unwillingness to give head SCREAMED dike in training.

Im not sure if I'm 100% over or not. I think so, but who knows how I would respond to a text seeing that neither one of us contact the other. I've fell for her traps many times and no matter how I've tried to keep things to a fuck buddy level, it always turns into her wanting more, then breaking up
With me a few months later.

What's helped me the most is that right now I'm with a really cool chick that happens to be gorgeous with LTR qualities so I'm excited to see what happens. I've never been a one night stand kinda guy and meeting a lady you connect with is rare. Dated many women and fucked more women but I would say the best way to get over a oneitis or LTR would be finding someone you find more attractive and have a better connection with.

Also, when my ex confessed she was lesbian, it gave me alot of the answers I was looking for. Maybe I turned her lesbian, but according to her and every gay in
The world it's something your born with. Right or wrong, her confession brought me to the conclusion that it NEVER really was anything I was doing wrong. She's just chemically and biologically not normal and her and I were trying to fit a square peg into a square hole. It actually made me feel better when she told me she was a lesbian cause everything made sense then.

Not sure if that was a Oneitis or a LTR story but there it is regardless. Yes I was her bitch. Getting over her was the reason I came to this website.

Everything I say comes from experience.
Guys get oneitis because

1. They have a romanticized view of women
2. Their pride gets involved (you fear being inadequate)
3. You have no options or they are really challenging
4. You have invested a lot of energy

this is a really good question.

why would you do that? why would anyone do that to themselves?

biological hickup. software malfunction.

i doubt human males will suffer from oneitis in some 50+ generations. it's very important to block it out. if it's not real, it's not there.

to me, oneitis is the appendix of the male emotional world. cut that shit out and swallow the grape seeds!

but is it really a malfunction?

isnt it really your body's way of selecting a potential mate?

I get that it isn't exactly the same thing, but could a story of a very painful break-up turning into great developments in a guys life be of interrest?