i was with this girl for about a year, she broke up with me 10 months ago.

key point is that in a year long relationship we didn't have sex once. not oral, nothing. didn't even get naked. (i know wtf???)

i've been obsessing over this fact ever since, beating myself up and cursing myself over not making a move on her.

i'm so desperate now that i want to get in contact with her for the sole purpose of screwing her. getting that notches (or notches) so to speak.

'the book' says to not contact first because that shows neediness right?

how best does one approach this sort of thing? i'm sure banging exes is very possible, even if you never slept with them in the first place.

damn, been over three years now without. i'll try anything.

[with regards to game, i'm overwhelmed by all the information that's out there and have no idea where to begin. i struggle with having conversations with anyone let alone girls i'm attracted to.]

How old are you? Is your ex deeply religious? Was she a virgin? There must be a good reason for you two not fucking for 2 months I mean... knowing what a nympho my ex is she would have either jumped on me on the second week or simply would have thought I was not interested and just moved on if I didn't do her earlier... My first girlfriend was a different story. She was a virgin and I needed patience. I always made sure however that she knew both that I wanted it and that I would wait until she feels comfortable. I'd never try with a virgin girl again though. Back then I had been a virgin too, so my sexual desires and expectations were not as high as they are now.

But anyway... I think fucking an ex you haven't yet slept with, especially when she broke up with you is way harder than finding a new girl. Also instead of craving sex so much, I think you should work on your game, which is, as you were saying quite weak. I don't know how much you've improved in the past 8 months, but it sure is not so much if you haven't gotten laid at all. So my point is, if you couldn't fuck her when she was your girlfriend what makes you think that you can now, when it's clear she's not interested(she hasn't even asked you how you doin' in the past 8 months...)

You said yourself you are desperate. And women don't like desperate. You read up much so you know that while you're desperate you're not getting any, but you think you need to get laid to not be desperate, so it's an endless cycle. Don't build your life, your happiness and your confidence around sex. Yeah... if you got laid your desperacy might go away... for a while... and after another sour period it will come back just as badly.

Your confidence should come from knowing you're a person of value, not from how many pussy you're getting. So you should really stop this and go out. Step up your game. Make friends. Work out. Go on a vacation with friends. Find a hobby, a passion perhaps. Create success in other areas of your life to make yourself BELIEVE you ARE a worthy person and you CAN achieve WHATEVER you want.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

thanks for your reply.

picture this. you don't have sex for over two years and you're starting to think you never will again then an opportunity arises in the form of a really attractive girl showing multiple hints that she's interested. after finally realising this (it took a while) you form a relationship and you see each other multiple times a week. you are thinking to yourself the whole time "i'm actually going to have sex now again" yet after each time the two of you meet you're left wondering to yourself "how did it not happen? what's going on? is she actually interested? how can i make it happen? what do i need to do?"

this goes on for months. you ask your friends what to do. you never bring it up in conversation for fear of being too forward. she breaks up with you hand your whole world is shattered. you are devastated. you go through the worst several months of your entire life. you smash up your flat, the same one that you are still yet to christen. you constantly berate yourself and dwell incessantly on the regret of how you didn't bring the subject up or make a move in a TEN MONTH relationship. you ask yourself if life is really worth living. you consider ways to end your life.

everyone i speak to thinks it's fucking strange that it didn't happen in all that time. it just doesn't make any sense. it's excruciatingly frustrating. so much so that this is why i want to get back in touch.

it's so hard NOT to think about sex when there are so many attractive women all around both in real life and in the media. the frustation is just overwhelming. how can it possibly be this hard? how can it be that some of us are so damn useless at attracting women? how much personality change can one really undergo from learning said 'game'? if you're shy, weak, uninteresting, nervous by default what chance do you possible have to turn this around to any significant level?

as dark as it sounds, the more i weigh it up the more appealing jumping off a cliff is. why would i want to pass on these weak pathetic genes of mine anyway? life is such a mindfuck. fuckinghell.

(i'm 25 and no she's not a virgin although she'd only had one boyfriend before me)

let's analyze this. what happened during those dates? did you just hang out? did she ever come back home with you? what happened then? did she sleepover in your bed?
you in hers? did you have any physical intimacy? how far would it go?

these seem entirely reasonable questions to ask. the dynamics to having sex in a steady relationship are pretty obvious. I can easily push my GF on the bed and start kissing her. sex is going to come most probably she is a high sex-drive girl, and I know which buttons to push to get her going. having sex is "obvious" in our relationship, we are at a level of comfort where that kind of intimacy is fully expected and natural.

the first time, of course, needs some escalation since you're not yet at that level of comfort. and the point of the above questions is to figure out what level of comfort the two of you reached (oral sex, reciprocal masturbation, being naked around each other, ...), and why it never went to full-blown intercourse.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

When did I tell you not to THINK about sex? Of course you will think about it when you see a hot ass, it's biologically impossible not to do so. I said that make yourself independent from whether you have sex or not.

As for the relationship, you're asking yourself the wrong questions. These just get you deeper in shit, but won't get you closer to the solution.

Instead of "how did it not happen?"... What exactly happened? Were we close to having sex? How close?

Leave "what's going on" out of this. You can only figure this by asking yourself other questions.

Instead of "is she actually interested?" How interested did she seem? Were there times where she seemed disinterested? What did I do before that happened? How did she show me that she loved me? When did she do this? What did I do before that?

Instead of "how can I make it happen?" What is missing? Is it the vibe, or just me pushing forward? Is it comfort? What can I do to put the missing piece in its place?
You may not believe me but I used to be worse than you. I was the absolute creep in my class at high-school for a very long time. Since I'd been there from class 5-12, it was 8 years. It took me 4 years to realise that I'm a joke and another 2 to break out of that status partially. Let me tell you myfriend how awkward I used to be. I'm going to now tell you some stories of my school life and point out how I improved from super-awkward to healthy. No, I'm not a womanizer but I certainly will never again have a problem with attracting girls.

Grade 5. -I shit myself on P.E. lesson.
-I jump on the table and start acting like some kind of beast just to get attention
- I pick my nose without shame.
-I basically do so many creepy things that it would be impossible to remember and list all of them...

Grade 6. -I shit myself again.
- I confess my love to a girl who tells me exactly these words: "You're disgusting"
-I climb a tree because my classmates told me if I did it I'd get a kiss on the cheeks from her.(not a single kiss was given that day...)
-I excel in my studies and I use it to annoy everyone who's picking on me. On classes I laugh out loud if someone doesn't know something or start banging my head to the table.

Grade 7-8.
-I start to realise this is unacceptable.
-I still do a lot of creepy stuff. I jump up and grab the hangers and pretend to be fucking the wall.
-I still annoy the fuck out of people with being nerdy and disrespectful.
-I'm secretely in love with a girl but now afraid of rejection I never tell it outright. My best attempt was "I like your jumpers".

Grade 9.
-The year of self-doubt and frustration.
-I'm beginning to change but my environment doesn't appreciate it as I thought. They didn't forget how I shit myself twice, they didn't forget anything, and I'm still being treated like a creep.
-Still doing minor weird stuff: Math teacher was talking about the purpose of homework and said: "I'm not giving you homework to make you suffer. I'm giving it to you to practise. If I were to screw with you, I'd tell you to write 5000 "+" signs in your excersice book." I did it... I put the 5000 + signs down.
-Has a crush on another girl. On a class I randomly whisper to her from the other side of the classrom: "I think your shirt is very nice". She laughs, but not like an IOI...oh hell no...
-I play WoW 10 + hours a day.

Grade 10.
-I'm stopping creepy behaviour and I develop a very accepting, open minded, and socially acceptable mindset.
-My creepy status is about to drop. I finally have friends in the class other than the ones who were "tolerating me"
-Crush left class so I now have a new target. I buy her a gift and I want to give it to her for Valentine's. Never had the courage to do so... Looking back...all the better. Geez... haven't spoken with her more than 5 sentences.
-I still play WoW but it's not my life now. I go out and have fun occasionally.

Grade 11.
-I discover pick-up.
-I realise all my life what I've been thinking about girls is utter BS.
-I'm reading up material. I'm reading and reading and reading... For like half a year, I've read up everything I could find. Then I went out and consistently got blown out.

Grade 12.
-I go out more than I read... I get field experience. On the 31st of december I get my first girlfriend. (18 years old) After months of waiting I finally lose it(19) We break up due to distance.

Uni year 1.
-The new environment gives me confidence and shoots my inner game to the stars. Noone here knows about my dark past, they'll only see the new, valueable me. I make friends quickly, go to parties and have lots of fun altogether. I have some ONS but I realise quickly they're not making me really happy. I have some short-term relationships basically none of them is working out.
-I get a gf and be together with her for quite a while.

Uni year 2.
-I'm happy in my relationship for a very good time. The sex is awesome, the girl is beautiful and she loves me.
-Finally after months something is going wrong. She goes out one night and confesses to me two days later that she cheated and she wants to break up.
-I feel down for a while but my friends help me a lot with getting better.

And now here's the kick. I did not become angry. Three months have passed, I'm living in the room NEXT DOOR int he dorm to hers(we used to live together) I'm still good friends with her altough I don't want her back. I also happen to have a very good friendship with the guy with whom she cheated on me. Can you believe it? Can you think of how strong my inner game had to become to achieve this? And look back from where I came from. 11 year-old creepy guy shitting himself... The absolute positive thing is that my dark past only makes me stronger. Because the fact that I could come so far reinforces my confidence.

And now let me tell you my final words. It is not the game, that will get you far. It is not pick-up that will make your inner game strong. There's only one thing that can change and it is YOU. Pick-up is a tool. And it will get you as far as your motivation lets you. Learn from my story. I didn't tell it to you to brag. I told it so you can see how can you choose the path you need.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct