Hey guys,
So there's this girl I've been after for months. We had some connection and had kissed once but she said there wasn't any chemistry for her.
We spent a few weeks apart and in that time I went out & was with other girls.
However, we ended up meeting again last week and we kissed again. She said the kiss was good and in many ways I was perfect for her but there was still no chemistry.
I just need to ask - is this chemistry purely a natural thing or is it something I am doing wrong?
Now she wants a bit of a break before we see each other again (presumably as friends)
I can start to move on but I need to see if I'm making a mistake and if so I cannot afford to repeat it with another girl I like.
Thanks!

Hi.

Man, move on. There are plenty of girls in this world waiting for you just to proceed in the right (pua) way, i guess.

Maybe she's saying that to see if your emotional state is affected and you'll chase her, which gives her the feminine power she wants to feel.
If i would be you, i would stay away from her, treat her with indiference and see other girls. And after she sees that you are not chasing her, that you aren't affected and you are seeing other girls you'll see that (maybe) she will go after you. And if it that will be the case don't respond positively right away, don't be easy. She must see that you are the MAN and that you value your time.

Hasta.

May the force be with you.

give us some senerios that has happen.

along with the chemistry thingy. its basicly hitting the right switches. you might hit some but others are not hit. she might be looking for something that you dont have but. We cant tell without you being more detailed on things you observe or things you have done.

_________________
"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Thanks for the comments guys.
I really want to move on but I'm a bit of a perfectionist and want to make sure it's not a mistake I'm making.
NonStopReaper,
So we met a while ago and I took her out on a couple of dates, dinner, movie etc and we didn't kiss. She had hinted that she wanted to keep things as friends.
Time passed and one night I kissed a friend of hers and she got real upset with me and some weeks later she was with a guy in front of me.
A couple of weeks after that we talked again and ended up kissing but she said she wasn't sure what she wanted. She didn't know how she felt about me.
As friends we'd done a lot of cool things together but mostly day time 'relationship' type stuff without the benefits.
Anyway, after that ... we met up a week later and she said she wanted things to remain the same.
She told a friend of mine that in many ways I am an ideal guy for her but there wasn't chemistry.
Last week she came back from holidays and I had a whole evening planned for us & our friends... we were both drunk and she said 'we're just staying friends' and took my hand and showed that her pulse wasn't racing and that she wasn't feeling a spark even though she admitted that the kiss was good.
Maybe I was being too much of a nice guy. I wanted to see if it was something purely physical / chemical that wasn't working between us or if there is a 'switch' like you say that I'm not hitting?!
Thanks

she friendzoned you from the get go but she doesnt know what she really wants, a good friend or a boyfriend. At this point she very undesisive and it looks like you are leaning more towards the friend zone. Being that nice guy from the begining set it off even thought you did show intrested in her than being more than just friends. The part where you kissed her friend infront of her was good, created that jealousy feeling( a sign that she has some sort of emotional connection towards you) and the fact that you two have kissed means she is some what attracted to you but not fully committed with you. What type of girl is she? conservitive? party girl? quiet yet playful and also what are your ages?

_________________
"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Thanks NonStopReaper,
That all sounds about right. She is kind of a difficult girl to read.
She's a little shy in the sense that she holds a lot back but she is outgoing, flirty and loves to party with her friends.
I hope I'm describing this OK...
We're both 29 (although I'm writing like a teenager!)
Do you think this is recoverable or can I change my approach in the future? Thanks

ahh i see. to me it seems like she at that point where she is getting older and looking for that someone but her party girl sense is also influencing her. I wouldnt put much effort into pursuing her since she gonna take you on a rollercoaster ride. Until she knows WTf she wants then it can go either way. You can put her on the back burner for now and start new. I know that you probably invest alot of time and emotions on her but you gotta sometimes see one step back and then 2 step forward. Sometimes you gotta lose to win.

_________________
"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Thanks NonStopReaper,
I appreciate the advice.
Yes I invested quite a lot in her (time, money & emotion!).
All her friends really like me and they've told her that she should go out with me.
One of them contacts me via SMS to see how I'm doing and asked me to keep in contact with her no matter what happens.
She actually messaged me today and suggested that I not ask her friend (the girl I'm after) to meet up anytime soon as when she last talked she said she would like to spend 2-3 weeks apart just to let things settle.
First I was obssessing about the girl & now I'm obssessing over details (was there an attraction switch I missed - should I alter my behaviour / attitude?)
She asked me last time would I be cool if she was with another guy - I said 'honestly - no' and she said she would be cool if I wanted to be with another girl.
Should I tell her next time that I'm cool with her being with other guys and just try to get out opening sets again myself?
Thanks again!

... another interesting development. I met with a friend of hers in a group for drinks and her friend told me that she was a little annoyed with her coming out with me (& my friends) for drinks and suggested that her friend was into me.
I guess this girl has a bit of a complex or an issue around being the centre of attention!

Yes, It seems like she wants to be the center of attention. I'm glad you notice this. Like I stated earlier. she going to take you on a rollercoaster ride. She will soon make a move where she will intice you away from her friend and Bam str8 go cold on you. Just move on from her. Kinda sucks that the group of friends you are with are her friends to which will make it harder to move on. you Hit the attraction switch since the jealousy responds but it seems that alternitive motives on her part is conflicting. Questions for you, Are you trying to date her? or just have sex with her?

_________________
"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Thanks NonStopReaper,
I really appreciate the responses & guidance.. as you can tell, despite my age I'm still very much an amateur.
I think you have a pretty good picture of her... that sounds like something she could pull so I'll try to be non-responsive & casual to any attempt or move she makes.
Her friend is happy to meet up with me (we get on real well as friends) so it may continue to work the jealousy plot-line a little but I won't be working that angle deliberately.
Yup, I'll have to hang out separately with some guy only friends and try and open some sets.
In answer to your question I'm trying to date her.
I'm sure she knows my intentions are honorable in that regard.
The first time she kissed me, she actually asked me if I liked/wanted kids. Bit bizarre. I answered yes & know she loves kids. Sorry.. sidetracked a bit there.
Thanks again for your time... really valuable!

this can go either of 2 ways
1) she tries hard to get your attentions because;
a) she has HPD Histrionic personality disorder (lol)
b) she really is intrested in you

or
2) she will just let things go the way it is (basicly letting you go)
Have you convey to her that you want to date her? or do you just play the hot and cold factor of it?

_________________
"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Thanks,
HPD doesn't sound too far off the mark!
I've conveyed to her that I like her and I'd like to take her out (& be in a relationship with her).
I'm not sure if she gets the impression that I want a real serious relationship or a more casual one but either way for the moment it's off the table.
She was getting a lot of benefits out of our 'non-relationship' - I brought her out to nice places together with friends and she always seemed to have a great time.
I think she'll miss that and want to make some to reconcile
I'll definitely keep you posted. thanks for all the help