Gents- it's my first post here, and from the looks of it I've come to the right place. I'll get right to the issue in hopes of hearing your help.

Last Weds (4th of July), I go to a party at the apartment of this chick my boy is banging. I get there to discover she has a really hot, cool, cute, tight roommate...who currently has no man by her side. I immediately dig her but do not show any signs...I basically ignore her for the first 30 minutes after I get to her apt. Meanwhile, all the other dudes there are on her like flies on s***.

The party moves down to the pool. Me and HB9 start talking on the chase lounges next to each other, where she tells me she's hot and wants to hop in the pool. I ask her if she'd like me to join her, and she says yes. We hop in, swim to an isolated area, get close, start talking and then...my buddy cannonballs right next to us and joins our little circle. Moment ruined.

Flash forward a few hours, where me, 2 of my buddies, HB9 and her roommate are just chillin at their apt continuing to drink, smoke and enjoy ourselves. I'm still not making any moves, ignoring her and negging her from time to time.

Nighttime comes and the 5 of us go to watch the fireworks. I lead us to a solid viewing point, pull out my big ass beach towel, sit down, and HB9 sits right next to me. This is where it gets interesting.

Before I know it, it's just me and HB9 sitting on the towel- everyone else is gone. I quickly make a move and we start making out. I pause for a second to tell her she should give me her #, to which she replies "No, I have a boyfriend." Soon after, she's taking her tits out, riding me over my clothes, choking me, asking me to spank her hard, etc. Keep in mind this is ALL HAPPENING IN BROAD PUBLIC (Grant Park, downtown Chicago). This little session went on for a good 30-45 minutes.

I'm sensing momentum and tell her we should go back to her apartment. She refuses, and I tell her it's because she can't control herself around me. I then offer up some wine drinking on my rooftop. She asks where it is, I tell her Lincoln Park (a good 30 mins from our current spot), and then she says she doesn't really want to go all the way up there right now (11pm on a week night). So we decide that we both should go our separate ways at this point.

I ask her again for her #, and again she refuses. I then tell her I'll be a perfect gentleman, and to give me her #. She finally gives it to me and as I'm calling her to give her my # as well, a picture of her and her BF pops up and she says "see, there's my BF". I brush it off as nothing and we say our goodbyes.

I text her about an hour later "I'll be a perfect gentleman, and you keep an open mind to me in return...Pleasure giving you your dose of spankings : )" I haven't texted her since.

The next day, I find out from my boy who is banging her roommate that HB9 and her BF are having some rocky times at the moment, and that they've been going on for a while (and are clearly still unresolved).

This girl is NICE. I want her. And I sense that given what is happening with her BF, the timing is prime. But I've never navigated a situ like this.

What should I do here to get this girl, fellas? I feel like I need to get back in touch again soon to get the ball rolling...what should I say?

you can still try now, but judging by that interaction, this girl has a pretty high chance of flaking on you

she has made it clear that her bf is an issue and you didn't seem to do much to lower her guilt for this besides escalate on her (offering some plausible deniability for her)

imo, she is attracted to you enough, but she is not sexually available (more invested in the bf), since she is safe behind her phone now when you persist she can just ignore you, and save herself guilt, and if you persist too long it might come off as needy to her

also it would make sense if she went home horny that night and fucked her boyfriend because of you

so anyways, besides that, here are some ideas for you if you are given another chance with her in person, or face a similar situation

she brings up the boyfriend, deflect, re-frame, and lower her perception of the possibility that she gets judged for this, she keeps stresssing she has a boyfriend there are a few things you want to go over

-you are not needy and won't fall in love with her if she fucks you, you can demonstrate this by just actually not being needy, it's easy to sense neediness from people, just go for it when you want it, and if met with harsh resistance just back off try later but don't push for it, push for it, push for it, just let it happen when it does, indifference is your friend here

-sex is no big deal (you won't judge her, but just framing sex as no big deal passively proves to her that you won't judge)

-you will be discreet, her boyfriend never has to find out

-take as much responsibility away from her as possible, LEAD LEAD LEAD (in other words when you got the compliance for the makeout and she is getting horny *like I donno dry humping you in public lol*, take it further, don't get permission, put your hands down her pants if she lets you play with her ass, she will probably be ok with you getting your fingers in there, once again if the boyfriend comes up, frame control, lower asd, try again later without trying to force it)

-if she keeps framing this as she is taken, just re-frame as you are de-tached and false dis-qualify yourself, in other words, you just want to have some fun, not be her boyfriend


the frame control can be summed up almost as easy as, ''don't worry, I don't want to be your boyfriend, are you able to keep this a secret?'' *then letting the night run it's coarse and escalating*

then just accept agreement and don't react to the tests that follow, hold the frame and escalate, but as it stands now, if you invite this girl out and she starts having excuses, I would just assume you lost the game, better luck next time, if you see her in person again you can go for it as long as it isn't because you are needy

also keep in mind, girls have free thought, and just like alot of guys will and won't cheat, it is the same for girls, you could be very attractive to a girl (she might even find you more attractive then the bf by far), the stars could be in alignment, your game could be the tightest it has ever been in years on that one night, but if she has made up her mind about not cheating, nothing will happen and there is no magic way to make something happen (unless you are a rapist, and that is not very magical), so really girls with boyfriends should be screened early for compliance because alot of the time, it is a waste of time, and even when it is, if you are looking for long term monogomous commitments, girls that met you via cheating on their boyfriends are probably not the best girls to look for (unless you are all about the polyamoury etc.)

GOOD LUCK

She used you for short-term gratification and will never actually fuck you. You made several suggestions, to which she told you to shove up your own ass. Move on. Life is too short for this shit. If you have a problem moving on, learn how to actually cold approach so girls like this aren't a problem.

@Pumpington
Your explanation was hilarious, kudos.
@OP
Keep me updated. That's a bit ridiculous that she'd allow so much whilst being able to somehow rationalize her actions and categorize them as non-cheating.

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Fake it until it becomes reality.

A lot of what's being said makes sense and I'm in agreement with. So what's the re-entry point here?

I'm not trying to F-close off my first text, just want to plant the seed and then ramp up.

You won't F-close off the first text. If you do - it's an occurrence, not a habitual thing. Don't worry about it.

There is no re-entry. You made last contact. Let it ride.

I think Cap'n & Pump. are correct - she wanted you THAT night. Rather than asking for a number; you should have ecalated as much as you could have then/there. Hell, you probably could have fucked her there! Why'd you break set and ask for a number? For me, I don't break set ESPECIALLY if the mood is escalating. I don't give a fuck. I'm out to fuck her, not get her number.

But - for now, she's not available - or she'd be responding.

You don't want just a ONS from this chick, you've made that obvious from tone. Let it play out with her BF. If shit fucks up, and you're in the middle - you're a reminder of that and you'll be behind the 8-ball before you start... If you're on the outside, and she comes to you - then make it happen.


RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

RR- yeah, looking back on it, I would've played it differently and not broken set. Hindsight is 20/20. Is your opinion then that I shouldn't use this # at all?

Keep in mind that there's a decent likelihood that I will see her again in person due to the fact that my boy is banging her roomie. So do I just sit on my hands with this one until that happens?

pushing for her # was a no no.

it would actually have been better if she did not have your # nor you have hers.

that way she has no guilt, plus it makes it all the more hot/mysterious/romantic, whatever you wanna call it.

but ive been in your shoes before, and i made the same mistake.

it was irreversible.

move on.

Forget you know her until you see her again.

Then re-frame and re-calibrate.

Best,


RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.