Earlier tonight I had a date with a girl, she was nice, cute and completely my type. Unfortunately right before the date I ran into an ex, whom I had once had an extreme case onitis for, this was made worse by her sitting a few seats from me inside the coffee house the whole night. Despite this the date still went well and I managed to keep HB entertained; no gaps in conversation and some light keno, I didn't escalate it as far as I could have and there was not as much push-pull as I'd have liked, but overall it was okay. It was only when we got out to her car that anything really changed. Because I thought the date had bombed a little I didn't concentrate at all during the walk to the car and ended up Unconsciously DHVing in a pretty major capacity... So when she began suggesting a second date and hanging out again sometime, and then offering me a ride home I thought she was just being polite. I was focused so much on what went wrong inside the building that what I was doing outside hadn't really registered with me and I was screwing up right there.

It was only after I sat down with my friend, (we'll call him "the kid," from this point,) that I really analyzed the situation. Had I not been so caught up in what I did wrong an the ex sitting inside I would have seen what I had done right. On the way out I handed her my phone and showed her some of my illustration work. (I'm a commission artist so this tends to be a DHV I play on a lot but this time I was genuinely just making conversation.) While she was looking I leaned over her shoulder and escalated keno, again this was unconscious and playful so I missed what I was doing and on top of it there was some pretty serious back and forth going on but I was oblivious to it all. I have no excuses, it was a series of slapdash chump moves. Anyway, when myself and the Kid talked over we realised this is when her attitude changed and suddenly she was more eager to hang out again and offered to take me home. Then I realised the massive signal that I missed, she had been stalling waiting for me to kclose on her. I completely missed it.

So he told me to write an e-mail that I thought was complete suicide, but after what I'd just done I figured I had no right to argue. So I sent this.

Hey, just got back thought I'd send you a message. Listen, I need to be a little upfront about something. Tonight when we met I had every intention of trying to get you into bed, and I almost went through with that but you're pretty sweet so I didn't want to be that guy with you. That's why I got so flakey at the car and I apologize sincerely for being a sleaze bag.

This, was her response this morning, all I can say is... Well genuinely all I can say is, what the hell?

Hey

I had a good night too! Read you totally wrong mind you, I thought you'd went all shy on me lol, at least that explains it

You're only a sleaze bag if you go through with it, so you're safe, for now . I admire your honesty though.

So I'll be honest too. I really enjoyed my night, thought you were funny and interesting and kinda cute. Though I wouldn't have gone to bed, had you tried, I'd still like to hang out again, see where it goes. It won't lead to bed, not right away anyway, but if your ok with that we can just see how it goes?

That was her response, why in the 11 circles of hell did this work?

Firstly, you should have escalated further. You know this, so that's good.

You didn't score and you didn't bomb. In fact, do you feel you have progressed at all?

About the email, the next time you see her, don't bring it up, cause quite frankly that was fucking retarded. You apologized. For being a man and wanting to go for what you want. Because you think it makes you look sleazy. Fuck that, don't ever apologize for that again. You have every right to make a move on a girl. You are a human being, a MAN and you're apologizing for your sexual desires? Never do this again.

Listen, was your email sincere? Or just an excuse for your behavior?

You can still score with this girl, but if you do it's because she is a very open girl (open to many AFC mistakes). Most of the time girls will think you weak if you apologize and will lose there sexual interest somewhat.

So the next time you see her, don't bring it up, focus on having a fun time, and escalating. She doesn't want it to lead to bed right away? IGNORE THIS COMMENT. ASD. She already knows whether she wishes to sleep with you or not. And if you do shit right, you could sleep with her the next time you see her. ESCALATE.

Actually this escalated it far more than the date did, in the e-mail she sent she basically admitted sexual attraction and I was able to play on that. This line in particular.

You're only a sleaze bag if you go through with it, so you're safe, for now .

For whatever reason that smiley didn't show up when I pasted from my hotmail. There's also a smiley face at the very end, anyway in the next e-mail I brought that line up jokingly towards the end saying basically that you're not supposed to lead a guy on after a sincere e-mail like that and the whole thing kinda blew up from there. According ti the kid that was the idea, the way the e-mail was worded she was either going to mother you, ignore you, or drop a hint that she'd be up for it. Obviously she did the latter of the three. Apparently it had to do with how much interest I had built prior to my cock-up but honestly I can't even begin to understand why this worked.

Where exactly did she "basically admit she has sexual interest" in you?

She only said that line because YOU BROUGHT IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE. You apologized for being a sleaze bag and she's like, aww no you're not a sleaze bag, you're safe for now...

The frame is upside down, she has a stronger frame than you do.

But anyway, this should teach you a lesson that things are only as awkward as you make them out to be. Had you not brought this up, she would not have even thought of you as a "sleaze bag".

But as said, go for her because her interest seems high.

The reason it worked, IMO...

(1) You had a good date. (So what if it wasn't epic? We can all be our own worst critics!)

(2) You showed you're comfortable with sex. You want it, but you don't need it. "I had every intention of getting you into bed (on the first date!)"

(3) You showed social awareness. You recognized she wasn't into sex, and you recognized you acted a little distant. Instead of being awkward about it, you called it out: "... you're pretty sweet so I didn't want to be that guy with you. "

The lessons from this:

- Girls like sex. They might decide on the first date that they want sex with you. But you still have to go through all the steps in seducing her. Too early, and you're a sleaze. Too slow, and you're a pussy.

- If the situation gets weird, it's always smart to call it. That shows that you're not an asshole or socially awkward, and even gives you some power to frame that weirdness in a way that reflects well on you.

- It's never as bad as you think. Don't freak out and get defensive at the first sign of awkwardness. Compose yourself and keep going. Go to the bathroom or check your phone if it will help you shake it off and remember your fundamentals.

- The best attitude for sex is "I always want it, but I never need it." I find a lot of power and confidence knowing that. It comes out as this mixed signal that drives girls crazy. ("Is he interested or not? I have to know!") It will also help you avoid any awkwardness when you finally do have sex, because it will always seem unexpected and natural. "Neither of us really planned on having sex but it sort of just happened." Because you're a sexual guy, but you're not trying to fuck her, except that you both just kept on going and got lost in the moment. (Contrast that with a guy who is overly pushy about sex.)