I have been dating a girl for about three months now. over the period of time, I have realised that she suffers from chronic, if not manic depression, severe anxiety issues, and my dad (who is a Dr in the clinical and educational psychology) thinks she may also suffer from attachment disorder and as he specialises in Asperger's syndrome, from what I have said about her to him he thinks that she may be on the autistic spectrum.

I should note that I am 22 and she is 24 (14 months older than me although she says that she does not care about this).

We met about three months ago and decided to allow our first date to be very open and take things as they come as I knew that she was very anxious. she only wanted to meet at nighttime around 10 PM so we did and we met in a college car park. we then went to sit in a field next to the car park together to look at the stars and talk and ended up cuddling together (not kissing). afterwards she told me she had never met anybody like me and told all of her friends that the experience was magical. after that we met for more times, and although I did suggest that I take are somewhere else may be the cinema all she wanted to do was meet at the same place at night and do the same thing again (cuddle in the field that we went to). then for about three weeks I did not see her as she explained she had become increasingly depressed and was scared of me not liking her in that state. although I constantly reassured her that being depressed is natural and there is no way I will not like her, it was another three weeks until I saw her again. when I did finally see her again we did the same thing again, and it was once again a very nice experience...we both ended up talking, laughing, cuddling, and as we went back to our cars she told me that she loves me. I did not take this too seriously as I knew she had a lot of issues but it did feel nice to hear it!

Now, after this meet she had major medical exams coming up. I noticed that she seemed to start to distance herself from me. I asked her about this, and she told me that she is not distancing herself, that she is just more anxious now because she has grown more attached to me, has in general become more depressed with her life situation and is more stressed due to her exams coming up and said that if she failed her exams she would be devastated. I still found it difficult to understand why if she did feel the way she did towards me she would not find the time to see me more but I tried to accept for a while that she really did just become more anxious. however, after a while I started to become fed up with not seen her and felt that she did not like me thinking that if she did she find more time to see me; so I told her and ended it with her. when I did this, she had a major depressive episode and ended up cutting her arm. to put a long story short, we ended up seeing each other again...once again in the same place and doing the same thing even though I offered to take to the cinema or do something else. this time she seemed very very distant. we lay there in our spot in the field for about an hour and a half and during the time the only words that she said were, hi, I do not know, maybe and see you soon. on the day before we met up she texted me about 12 times over a period of four hours telling me how nervous she was and she did not know why.
upon walking back to our cars I looked at her and noticed she was staring at her feet as we walked with a look of absolute depression on her face! She looked as if her entire world had come to an end and when I saw this I cuddled her as I saw her snap out of it and smiled slightly. I ensured her that she had been perfect and not to go home and start worrying.

Now, since her exams coming up and I realised just how anxious she was with me I thought it rest to give her a bit of space so she can focus on studying. so the last two weeks I have been in contact with her every three days allowing her to know that I still care for her, and that it is only to give her a breather so she can focus on her exams. she did not seem to object to this.

Now, yesterday, since her exams are almost over now I decided to contact her more again. she finds it extremely difficult to speak on the phone due to her anxiety so mostly unless we are in-person I speak to her on MSN messenger and by text messaging. I spoke to her last night on MSN messenger and it went well. I asked her during our conversation what she felt for me as she has always found it difficult to express her emotions (another sign that she may be on the Asperger's scale). in reply she told me " I love you and as I said I always will".
About two hours later my friend asked her on Facebook how her and me are getting on. she told my friend that she had missed me but we had talked earlier and it had made her very happy. she then told my friend " to be honest though, I do not know what is happening between me and him, so it may be best you ask him!"
this confused me! I really do not know where she is at the moment! She obviously does not want me to go yet seems very confused at the same time, yet says that she loves me!?
Maybe she is just very stressed and anxious due to her exams? (which in the past she said means a lot to her and that she be absolutely devastated if she failed). I really do not know how to take things forward with her. she obviously does not want me to leave, yet at the same time is terrified of doing something wrong which probably makes her want to distance herself to escape the anxiety?
I must note, a lot of pickup tactics I do not feel work with her due to her intense levels of depression and anxiety. she actually has told me when we have talked about this together in the past that she does not feel she is capable of having a real relationship with anybody, and does not know exactly why!? I have also asked her how she wants to move things forward with me; her reply being that she wants to slowly grow closer and closer to me over time and that she cannot do anything quickly. I have been trying to respect this and understand her. I have no problem with taking time but I find it very difficult to understand her and I do not feel she understands herself.

A friend suggested that I read the book " and on unquiet mind" in an attempt to help me understand the mind of a manic-depressive. they also suggested that I make a game plan to help her very slowly and gently open up, feel more confident and less anxious and keep things moving forward.

Taking all this into account, thank you if you have taken the effort and time to read through this post. I would be extremely grateful if you could offer your advice on how I should move things forward with her, whether I should try to force her out of her comfort zone a bit or respect her boundaries and work at her level and pace etc etc?

Once again, thank you if you have read the whole way through!

Correct me if I'm mislead, but it sounds like you haven't kissed her yet. Some girls will spend time wondering to themselves if you're just a touchy friend if you've only cuddled with them and spent time with them at different places. Kissing them totally cements it in their minds that you ARE interested, and ARE taking the steps needed. My impression of your story is that she likes you, but is being somewhat cautious of getting her hopes up because she is not sure of your intentions.

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Every girl is different. But not TOO different.

In the end, It's not about girls.

after reading the title to your thread:

run.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I have kissed her head and all over her face, just not her lips...she is completely and utterly petrified of even looking me in the eyes! Let alone me kissing her...so I figured I should wait..?

lol you havent even kissed her and she's in love? She's probably afraid that anything she does might make the relationship worst. That's why she wants to do the same thing with you. She wants to keep that feeling and not risk making it worst. You gotta tell her that getting out of the comfort zone is what needs to be done to be happy.

Tell her to visualize success and mention that a lot of people go through what shes going through but they overcome their obstacles.

Say things like it's okay, trust me. Hold her and make her look into your eyes and tell her she has nothing to worry about, show her this. Compliment her too and try to bring positive emotions. When she is able to take risks and get out of her comfort zone, make sure to reward her with positive feelings so you can reinforce her to do what it takes.

You can't just wait for her to do it herself, she's in her mid 20s, she's obviously weak and has psychological issues so you can try to help her for a while, see if there is any good progress, if not then try to get her professional help and move on knowing you at least tried to help.

SLy_wolf I completely disagree.

When a person is depressed, the last thing they want to hear is who other people overcome it, how its just a phase, to think positive. I have tried that typical guy appraoch of trying to fix things.They just get worse because they think you dont get it, they think something is wrong with them beecause other people can get over it, they feel belittled because you are giving them quick lip service on focusing on the positive.

I do agree with telling them that its normal, it sucks, etc...but mostly they just want to be heard and DEMONSTRATE a good time with them. They mostly want to find happiness and pleasure from someone.

In my opinion, its a HORRIBLE idea to be in that kind of co-dependent relationship, because when the day comes you are not able to pull them out of a stint of depression....it will either be chaotic, or the relationship is dead.

this. my current GF had a depression phase, and she told me about how her exBF dated her in spite of her depression, tried to help her out of it, developed a co-dependent relationship. and in the end she was fed up with his attempts to save her, and broke the relationship.
we were also looking at old pictures, and I told her how she was definitely hotter now than when dating the ex, "I got the hotter end of the deal" I said. her reply? "You got the saner end of the deal". most probably, a part of her resents her ex for those red-cross rescue attempts.

that girl needs to come out of her problems on her own, a BF can be supportive, but nobody can save her other than herself. once she does, she will definitely be an adorable person. but nobody can make that happen FOR her, much like J's exBF could not turn the depressed J into the girl I am dating today

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Most people with pyschological issues simply have a confidence problem and this comes from a culture that places unreasonable expectations on itself. Many people would profit from simply having a more positive outlook, however it usually takes someone stronger than yourself to help you get over your insecurities. In the process of helping people its hard to gain trust and to avoid resentment and to not be too demanding.

Wow... Nice story... KEEP on posting a nice story... hehehehe