So there's this girl I used to speak to a lot, over a year ago, unbelievable, a solid HB9. We met through friends, and ended up working together, I always lusted after her, she lead me on, and I was stupid enough to fall for it at the time. Now throughout my time speaking to her, I was never good with girls, this was back in 08-09 for the record, and I probably came across as awfully needy. Even my friends used to tease me for how locked in the friend zone I was. So anyway, it was about 2010 that we gradually stopped speaking, I got bored of being just friends and stopped making contact, she didn't make any effort on her part, it fizzled out.

Fast forward to now, I have gone through a bit of self improvement, and if I do say so myself, I'm more charming, better looking and confident in both myself and sexually. She has recently become single again, hearing about this, I decided to leave it, after all I have moved on and become reasonably succesful with girls in the last year.

Then she texts me her new number, now I am stuck, I've text her a few times, just keeping it casual so far, and not texted back once or twice, just keeping it casual.

Now, here's my questions, how do I avoid, if possible, being placed back in that friend zone?

What are the chances, I am able to build a sexual feeling there? or will she always see me as that AFC guy who lusted over her for 6 months without ever trying anything and wimping out trying to hint at what I felt for her?

realize that the friend zone does not exist, the girl either finds you attractive enough to sleep with, or she does not, you can be friends with a girl and still sleep with her, you can also practically hate each other and end up sleeping together, forget about the ''friend zone'' worry instead about not falling into the ''pussy zone''

you will know you have entered the pussy zone when you are unable to act in the way you want around someone, if you become more self conscious around a person and it limits your words and actions in order to maintain some sort of approval out of someone or maintain some sort of reaction you are getting from them, then chances are you are stuck in the pussy zone, you are trapped by your own inability to express yourself, if this is not you, then you can get to the point of sex or a solid clear statement or indication of disinterest, but that is the point, if it has not been made clear, then obviously you have put no effort into this and are pussing out in the pussy zone, holding onto that approval, just let it go if this speaks to you, she won't like you more for hiding who you are, you don't have to get anything from her, she doesn't have to have sex with you, but you can at least face yourself free from regret as a man knowing full well that you went for what you wanted, that is freedom, expression, no one can silence your ability to express who you are, and if they can then in reality it is you who censors yourself out of fear, you must cut this fear from your soul, face it at every chance you get, you don't need approval from others, now it's one thing to say that, and one thing to actually push your limits and realize it internally, nothing really comes from either or, one person is more secure, one person is less secure, we are all people, and you don't need approval from others, you need approval from yourself, give yourself permission, don't wait for the permission from someone else

now just imagine there is a boy named little billy, billy is stuck in the pussy zone, he creates a wall in his head and calls it the friend zone, it prevents little billy from having sex, the wall created in this situation is non-existent, it is just a simple problem, guy meets girl, guy has compliance from girl, but he wants to be sure before hand that the girl is into him, no matter what sort of compliance he sees, what sort of good reactions, this need for approval consumes the guy, he thinks he is not good enough, usually it stops right at the kiss, he is unsure of himself, he will escalate, has full compliance... then no kiss, no expression, cuts off who he is and stops expressing himself because he has hit the point of not knowing what will happen, eventually the girl just falls off, she loses interest, maybe she gives the guy multiple shots, but eventually she just comes to terms with her disappointment... maybe billy just doesn't like me or he is gay and girls will just settle for this as an answer and move on with life since guys come and go for them, and it doesn't really matter if they develop confidence or learn social skills, as long as they are somewhat attractive, they will meet new guys with little to no effort, this is a hot girl's reality, even if she is really into a guy, there will be a new one and the girls know this, they are forced to develop an abundance much sooner, she ''could'' put in the effort and hunt down the guy or try to escalate on him herself and risk her social reputation possibly being tarnished, but why go through that when you know new guys will come and go?, but girls give it little half assed girl tries, a little compliment here, trying to make you jealous when they think they are losing you or not sure that you have any intentions towards them, possibly a girl starts texting you out of the blue when you haven't talked for a while, or even randomly invites you out to do something without ever actually making plans ''yah we should go blah blah sometime'' but often guys like little billy are too self conscious when these little girl tries come up, they are blind to the signs because they are stuck in their own insecure heads talking themselves out escalation because to them the fear and pain of possible rejection highly outweighs the joys of starting a new relationship, so instead of putting their focus and attention into getting a relationship started and actually bringing some romance into it and making the girl they are after feel sexy and important for being able to nab such a cool confident guy, instead they focus on not losing the only thing they have going for them, less effort to keep their investment safe, taking risks could blow the investment, only problem is without the risks, the investment won't pay out

the ironic part too is that little billy is so focused on getting the girl to like him and finding that point when he can feel sure and secure about what he is doing because of how the girl perceives him, that billy forgets that it is that being secure and sure about what you are doing that the girls like in the first place, if billy just did not fear the unknown and walked into it assuming everything would be fine, most likely everything would be fine, billy simply could have just walked into mordor the whole time

now you have me wondering, why is it you assume there are no sexual feelings there? do you truly believe she views you as an afc guy who lusted after her for 6 months, or is that just how you view yourself in relation to her? why is she so important to you? what exactly makes you feel you are not good enough for her? (you must have invested more time and energy into this one or something), why would this girl put in an effort to give you her new number if she didn't at the very least want attention from you in some shape or form?

you just have to relax man, this shit is not life and death, this girl will be the same girl no matter what words come out of your mouth around her, things could turn out well, they could turn out bad, why worry if you fail there are literally BILLIONS, seriously... BILLIONS of other girls, what is important is you focus on learning how to express yourself, if you can't risk it on this ''one important girl'' then cut yourself off from the oneitis, and go ''practice'' on other girls, you have to get to the point where you realize reaching your goals and leading a fulfilling life is more important then someone having a negative opinion of you, other people are outside the realm of your control, you can realistically only control your own words and actions, and doing so in order to shape a positive opinion from someone will often lead to you not obtaining that approval you seek so desperately, as long as you come from a totally congruent place, as long as you are fully honest, fully in alignment with your perception of reality and are able to express your reality with congruence and a lack of anxiety, you can offer the perfect gift, a guy who is simply himself, for real, no act, no pressure, no nice guy, no mean guy, no creepo, just 100% genuine real person, what you do and say as long as it is real and comes from you, is simply you being you, it is not gay, it is not lame, it doesn't make you a loser, it doesn't make you cool, it doesn't make you amazing, you are you, as long as you know this, you can remain centered in your own belief in yourself, how can someone's opinion of you make a difference, either positive or negative, who exactly are you? does what they say reflect what you think of yourself? how sure of who you are, are you of yourself?

if all of the above seems fairly familiar, chances are this girl already likes you but you just have been defeating yourself in a battle the doesn't even exist in the first place in your own head, if you don't want to be in the friend zone, then don't act like a friend, be yourself and be honest with yourself and express who you are... honestly and with full congruence, go for what you want, express yourself, try not to take other peoples opinions to heart, some will love you for expressing yourself, others will loathe you, but you can find strength from with in yourself, free yourself from an inability to speak your mind, start expressing the things you want even when expression is uncomfortable, push yourself, test your limits, do what you have not done, don't be ashamed of what you want, don't apologize ever for being yourself

now on the other hand there is the secondary situation, just plain dis-interest, try to make out with a girl three times, make it obvious what you are doing, flirt with a girl, and just go for it, if it never goes down and you expressed very clearly what you are about, then obviously it is just non compliance, oh well, more girls out there, might as well screen for this compliance, sooner rather then later, it will save you time and possible useless attachments towards girls who don't share mutual feelings and will only have you doing strange things coming out of neediness, leaving you with some bad experiences and a fair bit of wasted time being spent on girls that are a bad investment, but make sure, she should know whats going on, it shouldn't be a sneak attack, she should know simply because of how you express yourself that at some point a kiss will come, if you have romantic intentions, they should be felt, if hidden then you are being in-congruent, escalate, flirt, and mouth on mouth, if it is just seriously not going down and it isn't even entertaining for you, then you can just ditch that girl and go for a different one

either way, don't allow yourself to be unsure of what you want, always be sure, take action and go for what you want, don't remain reactive to others around you, waiting for what they want, waiting for that moment that they prefer, be proactive, just go for what you want, often it is not the things you do that lead to regret, it is the things that you do not do or wish you had have done, your life is ending one day at a time, get out there and make it happen how you want it

GOOD LUCK

Seriously, can't thank you enough for this post, an absolutely excellent response! You know your stuff.