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what kind of girl do you want safety?, what are you looking for in a girl?, what is your ideal situation you imagine with women in your head?
im not really looking for anything in particular, i mean obviously someone who is physically attractive, probably of similar social class. otherwise im looking for someone to sleep with, someone i get along with and would be able to create a few good memories with. I dont have a particular kind of relationship e.g. fwb girlfriend whatever in mind either whatever happens happens really.
ok, so out of the recent girls you have spoken to, how much of ^ this could you tell me about these girls?? obviously you looked at the girls, so you can recall how cute they were, obviously you talked to the girl and got a sense of how cool she was, but what did you do exactly to feel out her sexuality?, how much could you tell me that actually relates to these women as people in regards to what you are looking for?, you don't have a clear relationship in mind? this is really surface level stuff man, you have to define more clearly what you are looking for or you will have trouble finding it with confidence, once you have a goal, you can pursue that goal with a focus, that focus towards the goal will make you much more assertive and confident in expressing your intentions, but you must be willing to express your intentions, directly from the source, free from the need of approval
if you can truly define yourself as a man, and say I'm safety, im a young dude, I like girls who are pretty, and kinda friendly, not too nerdy, and that's all I care about, if they have that going for them, then yah... i'll have sex with them, or date them, or.... friends with benefits would be nice, I don't care, anything will do really, I'll just take what ever I can get
^ how attractive do you think a woman will find a man who came from this frame?, coming into an interaction with this shaky lack of confidence in what you want makes you seem disingenuous, you want to show these girls you are real, you came to them, told them how you feel, you have already spoken to alot of girls and met and been with other girls, out of all the girls you could be talking to at that moment, you are talking to her, that girl gets your approval, your attention out of every possible girl that could get it at that moment she is special, she is what you want, as long as she stays true to remaining congruent with what you want, she gets that special attention, you could walk away at any moment if she fucks up and proves she wasn't actually what you wanted, but until then she is wanted, she is desired and accepted, all you have to do is just go for what you want, there is nothing more to it, she is interested, or she is not interested, if she is interested it is just a matter of staying congruent with your frame from the start and escalating as well as time and connection, other then that it's just logistics and turning her on
realize if you are confident within yourself, you know who you are, there is nothing more that you need from others, rather then seeking something from others, do what you want, and give to others by acting through your own intentions and bringing value to people, as long as you are unsure of who you are, you won't know what to do, or what to say, or how to act
because the answer is... your own way, any other way would be in-congruent for you
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what is going through your head when you have already broken the ice and the girl knows you find her attractive physically?
that is when i start asking myself if i can see her as a part of my life? someone i can go on adventures with? someone i could hang out with and wouldn't be ashamed to introduce to my friends, someone id wanna put the effort in for?
i did some more direct game today, i am getting more comfortable with it and persistence is clearly helping (im two days into the 7 day challenge, this time consecutively), i read your other post and it all seems relevant but i am not having trouble with the reaction from the girl its more what i do after the opener. i just don't know where to go with it. what do you typically do after the opener? ask the girl about something? number close? see even now i cant think of what id say.
in regards to using direct game, I have two thoughts about this situation, I'll tell you the first thought is intent, you are unclear about exactly what you want, if all you want is promiscuous unbiased sex with no ''qualifications'' around it other then a girl being physically attractive, with no expectational criteria around a type of relationship, then you are certainly not confidently expressing this congruently through your frame, it is more likely that this is in fact not congruent to what you actually want, but rather just neediness seeping through that you need to sort out and cut from your life, if you are feeling desperate for something that is missing from your life, realize it and do your best to emotionally deal with it, you are already good enough to get what you want, but you have to know who you are and what that is before you can stay true as yourself and express your intention towards getting what you want, if that was truly congruent to what you wanted, you would express this, either with your words or your actions, BE A DOER, NOT A HOW DO I DOER? don't worry about failure, trust me it will happen, but also trust me when I say if you continue just letting go of the outcome, and continue to push that anxiety, you will get what you want out of this, expression, freedom
the second thought is that you have to learn to enjoy your time hitting on girls, don't worry about success or failure, or good reaction/bad reaction, be aware of social feedback but don't stress over it, all that has to be said is what is in your head, you want to be fully congruent, if you are thinking, fuck I really have nothing to say, then just say that
example:
''well, I don't really know what to say now, sort of just saw you and thought durrrr pretty and that is about as far as it got''
*from this point something else will pop into your head to replace the thought you just cleared from your mind by expressing if not you are inhuman, ever try to stop thinking?*
just don't worry about it, there is no bar you have to lift above your head, just approaching is winning, do it more and more until you can find the fun in it, go for what you want and find entertainment in women and their silly lovable little quirks, if it is enjoyable for you, then it will become enjoyable for others
but on a side note, since you seem to be getting girls that are compliant (or at least you didn't mention problems with non-compliance), then you should be focusing on escalation, practice your compliance building skill set, practice your ability to lead, throw a couple sets out, allow yourself to go in with the objective of failure with the parameters of success revolving around your ability to learn something new, how far have you taken it before?, how far could you push yourself?, how honest have you been in the past? could you be more bluntly honest?, and after all this reflect, what did you enjoy, what did you not enjoy
^ and this can be a tough sticking point, I know closing can be really tough when you have girls doing all sorts of weird shit first time around come alone time, and you are not feeling fully stable for some reason
CHAT
