I heard the L-word from J yesterday evening. but since it's J we are talking about, it had to be interesting.. here it goes.

I was back from work and we were hugging and cuddling/making-out on her bed, when she suddenly becomes thoughtful.
Me: "a penny for your thoughts"

She says no, then after a while she looks at me and asks if I really want to know. And I say yes. So she starts delivering this interesting speech that boils down to she likes me a lot, but there are times when she really really really....really 10 more times, really likes me a lot and would like to spend a lot of time with me, and other times when she just likes me and wonders why she doesn't like me much more because I have many qualities that she loves in a guy.

my PUA translation of this is that I am able to provide her with an emotional roller-coaster but that, of course, I cannot do that all the time (no-one is at their best 24/7 in a relationship) and those are the times when she likes me but not crazily likes me.

QUESTION 1 is: is that the right way to decipher J's feelings? is she asking for more of my best self?

now, the interesting part is that she did not stop there.
she also said she felt like saying something more to me.. something much more than "I like you".. but at first she would not say it.. and I played on "I am foreigner I do not understand - you need to tell me things I cannot guess them" to get her to say the magic 3 words: "I love you"

when she said that I hugged her very very strongly and kissed her lips.. I do not still feel like saying I love her..

of course, she realizes this gives me significant additional power in our relationship, since I wanted her to say that again this morning, and she said "I do not want to keep saying it because you do not say it to me so it means you have all the power"

my answer to that was that she is not gaming me (yes, she knows about the game - after we got together I walked her through the basic tricks in the book.. kino, IOIs, ...) so this is not a power struggle and that I like when she says that because it's beautiful and heart-warming and so nice. So she said it and I kissed her goodbye.

now we are going to hang out tomorrow

QUESTION 2: how do I handle the asymmetry? with my exGF it was not an issue, because she did not think about the power implied in this kind of scenario.. J is aware of that. I do not want to have to rush into saying the L-word, but I also want to be free to say it when/if I do feel it. any advice guys?

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

For me dealing with the "I love you" from a girl or even "I like you" has always been a crucial moment.

The best response on the first occasion in this power struggle I have found is one that has a double meaning. E.g. you acknowledged what she is saying but she is also unsure of how you feel.

I always reply "I know". In her mind she is then wondering what it is you know. Does he know I love him? Is this because he feels the same?

She will want to stick around longer to find out the answer and when you are ready to say it back you can

Just say it if you actually feel it. Keep it simple.

A good relationship is not based on power politics. It's never about "me" or "her." Instead, it's always about "us." The two of you should get on the same page with that.