Very eye-opening . . .
Now this part confused me slightly . . . You can't really treat a girl 'as your girlfriend' the very same moment you get to know her? I feel like there is a void in between that needs to be filled, but I can't figure out what that might be.

Great analysis! Very impressive.
Generally, in a conversation with anybody, should 'yes' and 'no' be avoided as much as possible?
Yeah I suspected it could be a stretch if my place served as the first date.

I remember reading one of your posts a long time ago where you talked about how you used to be good with cocktails and invited girls over to mix them. But never on a first date I assume? When was the time you usually invited girls back to your place for these purposes and how did you go about suggesting it?

I'd like to mention that I've taken a break from ONS's. I would like to properly date girls and maybe find a girlfriend in time. This is an area I don't have much experience with. That's why I'm asking about the whole cocktail thing. And in fact, that's the biggest reason I'm learning how to mix drinks, cook and all the other stuff in the first place. I want to be able to provide the girl and myself with interesting dates.

Thinking about getting a license for a simple motorcycle too for that matter.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Just started eating healthier. Bought a lot of healthy foods, with the help of Lodewijkp, who has a huge help-thread in the relationship section.

Also, my next goal is to start running with a friend of mine from either tomorrow on, or on Monday.

Basically, what this diet consists of is:

- Seeds
- Raw food
- Fruits

For the sake of it, I will still post conversation-segways in my next post, just to practice and be better prepared.

My final film-shoot is now on Sunday and I will be free for the entire summer after that! This will give me more than enough time to set additional goals and make them come true. There will also be an amount of traveling going on.

For now, there is in fact one specific goal that I'd like to address . . .

Goals - Lifestyle

~ Surround myself with successful people.
a) Take any chance possible when being introduced to a new person, to get to know that person and evaluate his/her values and mentalities in life.
b) Host a party where friends and other people from my social circle that I don't know yet, are invited. Get to know them all and do the same as a)
c) Read up on how to properly offer people value in order to effectively exchange it with the people I get to know.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Sure you can. . .

There are a few 'societal boundaries' to respect but other than that, what's stopping you?
What I wrote above has more to do with this:

-i-am-this-i-am-that--vt134758.html?highlight=

Half way through that thread, you will notice a post written by a member who is on the worst end of the "monkey" spectrum. I don't really know how else to label such a person. Usually, those with a habit of proudly "telling" others about their talents:

1. Lack talents.
2. Repel others.
3. Are the butt of jokes

Those who are actually talented have a way of demonstrating it. And they often do this involuntarily because others ask. Others are curious and inquire more about talented people because they usually 'tell less' but 'demonstrate more'. Let me know if you'd like examples.
At that time, I was involved with the restaurant/bar industry and ran with that crowd. . . so it was a fit. I had a commercial ice cream machine in my kitchen and a celeb chef friend of mine hosted a show there once. Usually, girls invited themselves. Just bring up the topic in conversation and play off of their curiosity level.

I guess I was lucky to have lived in some interesting parts of the World but what really made those places 'interesting' was that I was new to it. In every new city, I spent a lot of time just exploring. I'd go by myself or with anybody willing to check out new things. That enthusiasm carried over to others. Wherever you live, there is a chance that a tourist of 2 days might know more about your city than most who've lived there all their lives. Find a few spots and make it your own.

Well, I think I know which people you're referring to in terms of the monkey spectrum, they make it very clear about themselves.

However, I could indeed use some examples of people who demonstrate more and tell less - as I just realized that this might be one of my sticking points. I never even realized it until you brought it up. I have a hard time demonstrating and almost always feel like telling, just in case the other person didn't get it, lol.

And every time, I kick myself afterwards for it. Gives me an unpleasant feeling. I could use some inspirational examples.
You sir just gave me a very interesting addition to the journal. I moved to Sarajevo almost a year ago and I haven't been as ambitious as I should be about exploring. Will definitely add this as a must.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Haven't really met any 'successful' people per se, but definitely made some strong contacts over the course of this week. The goal still remains and is probably permanent.

Goals - Lifestyle

~ Explore the city.
a) Be active with searching for events to attend.
b) At least once a month, take 'exploration walks' by myself or with a friend to check out rare areas of the city.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

What do you do for work? Why did you move to Sarajevo in the first place? What is your academic/work background?

Networking doesn't happen over night but it really isn't that difficult either. I went to a symposium few years ago where a mathematician spoke about collective intelligence. One example he brought up was. . . "I'd like to have a party. . . how many phone calls must I make to be able to eventually speak to and invite A-list celebrities?" - I suppose it isn't too fair because the guy is a bit of a celebrity himself, having been on the cover of national magazines and various TV outlets. For him, the answer was two calls. He did a similar exercise with, "how do I get in touch with Kim Jung Il, the North Korean Dictator?" . . . You guessed, it two calls to get the dictator's mobile phone number.

Maybe it will take you a few more phone calls but the point is, you're never too far from ANYBODY you'd like to meet.

But why would they meet you? Personality? Character? Why do you choose one restaurant over another? Why do you choose to read one book over another? Why do you choose to spend time with friend A over friend B on a Saturday? Why do you choose to go fishing with one buddy while you go to the movies with another? Try to figure this out . . .

In regards to demonstration vs tell. . . Those who TELL A WHOLE LOT do so to equalize the difference between actual lack of talent and what they perceive. We might not all verbalize/actualize others' actions this way but it's not any surprise that people are repelled by those with this shortcoming. So in order to demonstrate effectively . . . well, you have to be actually good at what you're trying to demonstrate.

A former CEO of a national department store chain told me, "I keep busy. . . " to my question, "Any current projects?"

What would have happened if he told me, "I am this, I am that. I am doing this and I am doing that."? - It would have been redundant and pretty silly. Instead, "I keep busy" made me even more curious, and I kept asking more questions. . . "What type of projects? Investments? Start ups? M&A's? Which industries?"

. . . And this really is no different from chatting with a chick. He kept on dodging questions. Not by design or bad intent but . . . almost as if he didn't want to bore me with details. Well I kept on asking questions until he told me, "And I sit on the board of a few companies. . . " I asked him, "Which?"

He asked me, "You probably heard of Merill Lynch?"

10 years ago, I ran into an Olympic gold medalist at a wrestling tournament. He had just retired and hadn't begun coaching yet. I told him, "You should be wrestling here." - his answer?

"I'm pretty happy with my career."

These are the types of attitudes and statements that create more interest, not lose them. This is what creates curiosity . . . and yeah, some admiration.

Instead of "Yes, I am this. I am that." "I am doing this and I am doing that." "I know this and I know that." Try:

"Well . . . I try my best." "I guess I like to ______." (doing what ever that you're good at.) "I took some lessons." "I read a few books on the topic."

^These are the statements. However, you should actually be pretty good at whatever it is that you're talking about so that your expertise is demonstrated throughout the conversation. This is a common quality that I've seen in successful and popular people in all facets of life.

The first time ^this dynamic "clicks" with a girl you just met . . . you'll be pretty surprised with her behavior. . .

Great examples! Made me read the post a couple of times.
Friend A has other qualities than friend B - which so happen to be more suitable in relation to partying on a Saturday night.

I would go fishing with friend C rather than with friend D, because C possess better/stronger qualities in terms of fishing.

And so on.

I'm guessing this is the point you're trying to stress? Embrace your strengths + present them to the people you're connecting with.

Since I'm practically at the beginning of my adult life, I'm still at the process of actually BECOMING something of more value to other people. Right now, the values that I can offer people are basically anything involving the film industry (photography, film, editing, screenwriting, camera, etc).

But the more things you're good at, the more value you have to offer. Right now, film is all I got basically.
I suppose it all takes practice . . . The first few times I'll probably freeze up in conversations as I'm trying to switch from 'telling' to 'demonstrating' mid-convo.

Maybe it's a good idea to write down the things I'm generally good at and convert the things I would usually 'say/tell' into demonstrations.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

I finally finished my last project for this semester. I can enjoy the summer, at last. This will give me plenty of time to set new goals and reach them. My next semester starts in September.

Since I haven't reached a couple of my previous goals, I'm putting them all together here . . .

Goals - Lifestyle

Previous
~ Surround myself with attractive/successful people.
~ Be active in exploring the city.

New
~ Get a bicycle until the end of the month.
~ Start putting away money so I can get a motorcycle license. This won't come true until September most probably, so no details about it yet . . .

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Hey Panda, I was a little curious about the goals you seem be posting. From my perspective a lot of them seem to be short term goals, (though I might be misreading them), and I was wondering what your end game goals are.

Example of one mine is I want to create a personal image that reflects my desires and beliefs (Hence my love for tattoos, dancing, and body building). Each of those three I have short term (stepping stone) goals that I hope one day will lead my end game goal.

So again, if you don't mind me asking, what is your end game goal?

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"Long is the way
And hard, that out of hell leads up to light." - John Milton's Paradise lost.

the-adventures-of-ilium-vt134843.html

@Ilium

Legitimate question, I barely even thought about any other end goals besides the ol' 'find happiness' goal that humans strive for.

The general personality trait I'd like to achieve through this journal (i.e. my end goal) is to be my own man and reflect as having a 'strong character' in the eyes of others as a first impression. I'd like to have certain values that I can offer people, and I want powerful people (powerful, but good people) to be a part of my life. In other words, the kind of man that is described as 'a great character' when people talk about me with others in my absence.

It's hard to explain as I don't really have the specific traits and the path to getting those traits identified.

Which is why 'surrounding myself with successful people' is one part of this journal. Successful people will teach you anything and everything about having a strong character and being a true man.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

So if I understand your correctly you want to become a man of integrity, that other people look up too?

Also, How do you define successful people? Some people define it as people with wealth and power, and others (such as myself), define it as people who have accomplished and now living their dreams (even if those people are not the most wealthy and powerful people).

I do very much like the idea of where you are going, surrounding yourself people who wish to learn from. I remember chief once said to write a list of qualities you wanted in your dream girl, I think people should go a step further and write one for the people you want in your life in general. You seem to have done that, even if so far the only quality you have is success!

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"Long is the way
And hard, that out of hell leads up to light." - John Milton's Paradise lost.

the-adventures-of-ilium-vt134843.html

Yes exactly.

And I believe successful people are the goal oriented people that have an enormous amount of discipline and execute whatever actions necessary to reach those goals. So they don't have to necessarily be wealthy or powerful (unless those are their goals) - as long as they have the personality qualities that enables them to succeed as described.

Therefore, when I say 'surround myself with successful people' - I actually refer to the people with ^those qualities.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Progress . . . Was at a rock concert last night where I got introduced to the band after the gig. The singer invited me and my friend back to his place for an afterparty.

I left on really good terms with the singer and the drummer and we're partying tonight again.

Two 'successful' people added to my list of new contacts.

EDIT: I'm also shooting a documentary about the band next November, so they're definitely considered 'stable contacts' at least until then.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Finally had some free time on my hands. My vacation has just started so I'm slowly starting to embrace the summer . . . Here's my latest FR: fr-vibing-is-key-vt139106.html

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

UPDATE

Was out a few nights ago at a house party. I completely lost control over the amount of sets I was dealing with.

I was gaming 3-4 sets over the course of 2 hours and I couldn't make my mind up.

However, one girl really caught my attention. It seems we really connected and things were going well, but . . . She seemed to act the same way towards everyone else as to me?

We would be very physical and intimate, but then she would do the same to the guy next to her (when I say 'intimate', I mean 'on the border between social and sexual' - but she never crossed the line with anyone, including me).

I would then turn to one of my other sets and simply engage an interaction with one of them. But I kept turning back to this girl, because I liked her the most.

Never encountered that kind of behavior before in any girl. It wasn't 'slutty'. It was simply casual and social . . . with all the people. Seemed like she nullified any kind of emotional impact I thought I had on her.

But oh well, we exchanged numbers and will probably go out sooner or later. We were supposed to go out last night but I had to blow her off due to cousins visiting.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html