I know a lot of you will say, with that attitude it is. Well I learned about Pick-Up when I was only 16 years old, and I was siked about it! It was like I was holding the most treasured secret in the world and I knew that only a few months of practice will get me to where I want to be. I started going out as much as I could, and whenever I did, and no matter how motivated I was a second before, I just couldn't open my mouth and speak to a random girl. This fear was bigger than me, no way bigger. I'm now 19 years old and the only thing that has changed is that I have a better mindset. I knew in my head that I would be pro at getting girls or at least developed enough confidence to not give a f*** about what others think of me. It seems like I haven't changed at all since then, no matter how hard I try, and the thing that sucks the most is my friends don't even know about pick-up and they are way better than me at getting with girls. It's like a viscious cycle that keeps getting worse. I'm trying to keep this short because I like to complain, but I don't know what else to do in order to achieve my goal of becoming really self confident and good at meeting girls. This is a fear that everyone has, but for me it's to the max, and I don't know if it's hereditary or a rejection I had from the past. Either way If you were in my shoes right now what would you do to improve yourself, and become who you've always dreamed of becoming?

Just think to yourself- 'im sexy as fuck' and you'll get any girl you want.

xD Thats funny as fuck, to be honest. I don't think it quite works like that -_-

The only problem with that is I would be dependent on feeling good about myself to get with girls. In all honesty I don't feel good about myself all the time, even when I tell myself those things, so I'm looking to having a mindset of having fun approaching girls in whatever mood I am in. Does anyone know what I am talking about? and any advice on how to get there?

Inner game problems can come from different levels of depth. If the problems are near the surface then things like affirmations can help. But if it's really deep and comes from serious abuse or really being out of touch with who you are at your core, then it can take a lot more than that. I think that's why PUA often grows into something so much bigger for a lot of people. It exposes their whole psychology and gives them a chance to deal with it.

I think you should take the focus off success with women for the moment and focus on developing yourself from the bottom up.

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. I definitely think It's from trying to fit in almost all my life, and I don't really know who I am anymore or at least at the core I don't. The question I have is how do I fix that? I have been into phsycology and self-help books since I was 16, and my fear of rejection has been holding me back that whole time. I have only had about 2 bad rejections from people in my past, then after that a lot of bad self-talk. Will going out during the day all the time, even if I don't talk to girls some days because of my fear of rejection, really help that?

Thee's no such thing as an "abnormal frear of rejection". Fear of rejectin is all in your head. And it manifests because of the meaning you give rejection,a nd the reason for that meaning is because of the beliefs you have about life, yourself, rejection etc.

For example, someone who believes the following:

I'm not good enough
If I fuck up ill be rejected
im not important
im not worthy
etc

will probably be scared of rejection. and a person wit the opposite beliefs WOULD NOT.

Google Morty Lefkoe, that homie's my hero.

Buddy,

You said you don't know who you are anymore. So the question is how to figure that out. It sounds to me like you've had pressures not to be who you are. Perhaps some people around you don't like your true self or aren't comfortable with it. So you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you may alienate some people while attracting new people if you change to be more your true self.

Is an awareness of that what might be holding you back?

Wow, that's pretty much exactly it. I've definitely been like that for a good 3 years in high-school, and not only did I fake it to befriend others but they still didn't really connect with me or become a true friend of mine because I was pretty shy and not being true to myself. I feel like all I need to do to fix this is not care what people think about me and having the confidence to say or do whatever I want without having to apologize. Can I achieve this through pickup? and I know I'm off on a bit of a rant here but I kind of lost the motivation to go out during the day and try pick-up because my fear of rejection still holds me back, any tips on how to gain back that motivation? Thanks for the reply's, I appreciate it.

I don't think you should go to the other extreme and not care what people think. Try to aim for a nice balance. Take what they say into consideration but make your decisions based on what you believe is right overall. And be willing to say no and set boundaries. "I appreciate your thoughts. I'll take them into consideration." That's the right attitude I think.

Can you find yourself through pickup? I think pickup has a role because doing it raises different issues. But I don't think talking to girls itself is the cure. The inner game stuff goes deeper.

I don't think you should go to the other extreme and not care what people think. Try to aim for a nice balance. Take what they say into consideration but make your decisions based on what you believe is right overall. And be willing to say no and set boundaries. "I appreciate your thoughts. I'll take them into consideration." That's the right attitude I think.

Can you find yourself through pickup? I think pickup has a role because doing it raises different issues. But I don't think talking to girls itself is the cure. The inner game stuff goes deeper.[/quote]

I would like to agree, but I'm still confused on how I am supposed to change my mindset. I definitely feel like I need validation from people in order to feel good about myself, and I don't know where that stems from. That could be my main problem, but I still wouldn't know how to fix it. I feel like I've tried everything to change my mindset and nothing worked. If I did pick-up do you think I would be able to identify what my problem is better?

Just set a goal to surpass and write down steps you are willing to take to complete the goal within a deadline, have a punishment for yourself for not completing the task and reward for if the task is completed, then execute the steps with discipline and collect your reward at the end

since you are wanting the challenge your fear of rejection, just simply challenge the fear and face it, go out and get rejected

just stop 5 girls, try to sleep with all 5, hit on them until you get rejected, make your goal rejection rather then success, basically just be annoying until a girl tells you in one way or another to fuck off

realize that your fear is irrational, it is more or less the fear of nothing seeing as how inaction results in rejection by default, hiting up a girl and trying to sleep with her and failing gets you the same result as not hitting up girls at all, by not talking to a girl or going for it, you are more or less automatically getting rejected

not only that but rejection is more like fluid then stone, a girl who doesn't want to fuck you on tuesday may want to fuck you on saturday, when a girl blows you off it really means close to nothing, once you realize this it can really change the way you think

I know how you feel. I have had the same problem for many years. Recently, however, I started to make some small improvements and walked up to girls in the middle of the day and tell them they are cute. I am still not where I want to be, but I am improving in small steps.

What changed inside of me ? I used to take rejection really hard. My world would be blown away after a girl rejected me. Now, I can handle it much better. Usually when you walk up to a girl and tell her she is cute, reaction is usually OK. But 2 weeks ago a really hot blonde I approached reacted really bad to me. Last year this would have killed my confidence. But this time it didn't affect me that much. OK, I would have prefered another reaction, but still I was pleased to see how well I took her bad response. I really believed that she missed out on something by behaving like that towards me. I really believe I am a great guy that has a lot to offer to a woman. If she doesn't see that, she must be blind and it is her loss.

I also hold the belief that women in general have a weird taste in men. If I see the variety of men hot girls date, that is the only conclusion I can make. Men tend to have a more similar and logical taste. Women have a more diverse taste that usually cannot be explained by logic. A year ago I had 10 hot women compete for me in a bar because 1 average girl came sit next to me and threw her arm around my neck and in a shy way started giggling to her friends. These same women would not even have known I existed if this average looking girl wouldn't have felt attracted towards me. So I truely hold the belief that if a hot girl rejects me, it says nothing about me because their judgement has 0 value.

The main point here is that you shouldn't let your value depend on what a random woman thinks about you. In a cold approach setting women will behave much more difficult than if they would know you for years. It doesn't always mean you are not worthy of her. The blonde one that rejected me harshly maybe doesn't like to get picked up in the middle of the street. Maybe she thought I was a player looking for as much sex as I could. Maybe she didn't like me enough but if she would know me for some more time she would go crazy for me. Maybe next week I meet her in a bar and suddenly we start talking and she likes me. Maybe she will never like me, but that doesn't matter because there are sooo many girls out there that I can approach and can like me back. Maybe my approach wasn't good enough and if I would have practice more she would have reacted much better to me.

You see, there are so many reasons for which a girl can reject you that you don't even need to doubt about your own abilities. Now, knowing this is not enough. In the end you need to approach. The best way to start is daygame. Don't try to get a girl. Just try to ask for directions. Practice this til you are quite comfortable with this. If you are, then try to ask for directions and throw a small compliment in there. Always try to make small steps outside your comfortzone untill you reach the point where you can approach a woman and tell her she is cute. If you can't do it on your own, contact a coach. But don't contact these expensive coaches that want to rip you of from your money. I took a coach in the netherlands and London and they really helped me a lot.

I think pickup, at least in my case has worked out great. Before learning pickup I had sex with about 8 women in my life.. Not too good since I was in my upper 20's.

Not that I was bad looking; I just had no clue about women. I'd usually have a cute gf, but they didn't come along all that often. In the past three years, I honestly would have to go back and think about how many chicks I've slept with. Not a lot compared to a lot of people, but more than double from the first 20 something years of my life.

I think the biggest thing that I see people do, and I've tried to help more than one person in these forums on a one-on-one basis through Yahoo Messaging and IM's is they want to start out banging the hottest chicks online and in clubs...

That, at least from my experience, doesn't work. Start with moderately cute girls, and learn what women want. They're just like us. Even the ugliest girls find the same traits sexy and attractive. Once you start to "get what women like" it will click.

Quite honestly, you'll get a lot further with your game be going out to lunch with a 6 or a 7 then sitting around trying to figure out the mind-set of HB 8 - 10 all night alone.

If a person can't get a 7 in bed, they'll not have a lot of chance with 8 - 9, and especially a 10.

I've actually tried to help people in here, and had them tell me they don't want to waste there time with lower value women. All as I have to say is it has worked for me. You can read all the pickup stuff in the world and yes it does help, but actually knowing lots of women will get one a lot further.

I promise if you start with the lesser value women, and start to get the mind-set of women, the women you date will keep getting more and more attractive as you progress in your game.

I've only been into this for about a month and am slowly getting over fear of rejection. Did a couple quick approaches yesterday out of nowhere(one to a HB who I knew had a boyfriend), did not worry about the result but just opening and keeping the convo going, got unlucky and got rejected those 2 times. Had the correct body language( was consciously stopping myself from leaning in), tonality of voice, approached from the front and was pretty confident.

Realised that the worst thing they can say is "I'm not interested" so might as well stop being scared of rejection and just go up, you just get told a few words and you still keep your dignity if you eject correctly.

I've done more approaches before and will surely try to do as many as I can in the future but the main thing is to do a lot of approaches because now I see that it really is not that bad. Nothing to ruin your night/day over anyway.

TL;DR
1) Do a lot of approaches
2) Realise rejection doesn't mean jackshit
3)?????
4)PROFIT