I am a douche bag



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 Post subject: I am a douche bag
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:17 am 
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I have always known I am a cocky and arrogant guy. I hate that I am that way and actively try to be humble.

I have been fooling around with plenty of fish for awhile and changing my statuses up and such. A girl writes me "you know your the reason they invented the term douche bag". At first I just laughed but it wasnt long before I had the feeling that she was right. I looked at my profile and my recent actions through that lens and I definitely fit the profile.

I honestly do think I am the shit and that I have more potential then almost anyone out there. Because of what I continuously accomplish I dont have any reason to believe otherwise too. Perhaps it does seem hyperinflated to people i dont know. Im really not sure how to act on this. I actively want to be as humble as possible. I have a very direct personality though where I just say it how I think it is. If I fucked something up completely and sucked ass at something I say that. If i destroyed at something I say that. I dont know how to do any different. I freely give out my perspective on things.

If someone has a similar personality and knows how to dull down certain features to be more likable please let me know. Although I have a lot of friends. I do think that they probably look at me as an arrogant bastard. I want people to respect me as much as possible.

Thanks,

VF


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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 7:24 am 
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This one definitely puzzles me, how do you change your personality. I'm not entirely sure.

Perhaps have someone record you in a group of people and actually watch yourself, this might make you go "wow, I am a douche" and see what you can change. Otherwise, try maybe going out with a few other douches (that you don't like) this should show you what you maybe look to other people.

I'd say do this first and foremost so that you know WHY people don't want you to be a douche.

Also remember, being a douche =! being alpha. Being a douche is what people THINK they have to do to be alpha. False.


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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 7:46 am 
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Going back to the chick on POF - she messaged you just to tell you that you are a douchebag?

Nah, not buying that. Maybe she thought you were arrogant, but I'm betting she likes that, if she realises it or not. If she had no interest she probably would have just moved to a different profile.

Did you message her back?


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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:07 pm 
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Strange, if you say that you actively try to be humble and say/apologize when you screw up you do not actually fit douchebag profile. Arrogant maybe, but douchebag - not sure.
About changing your personality, it is possible, its not the personality, but the beghaviour that needs polishing :) Just try to be better person step by step and it should go well. Of course if you are successful you should not be super nice and super humble, because it just won't be natural you. So just improve a little bit here and there.
First thing that comes to mind - treat people the way you would want to be treated. If you treat them decent then you shall not be douchebag. Thats almost number one feature of douchebag - they do not treat other people with manners and respect.


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 Post subject: Re: I am a douche bag
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:11 pm 
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Quote:
"you know your the reason they invented the term douche bag".
Response:

"...and YOUR lack of intellect is one reason YOU'RE where you are in life..think about it."

Big fucking deal? Move on and fuck the next profile that interests you...

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2012 3:41 pm 
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FUCK THATARE YOU KIDDING ME? We as humans are always evolving-changing-learning! BUT to change your personality to fit some bitches demographic of what is NOT a douche bag? That would be to FAIL the worlds oldest shit test! Women always want to change/fix you, it's hard wired in! Once they have done this, and you have lost your cocky confidence, she will simply walk away....every time!

Your confidence is in your control, like a powerful dog on a leash! Own your power!

It is for you to have her do YOUR bidding. Not the other way around!

She was likely more attracted to your profile than she would admit to herself, SO up goes the bitch shield!

I would answer something like "You obviously have mistaken me for someone that thinks your opinion has any value"

Smile in the face of danger sir! Meet her challenge! 8)

Good Luck Bro!

Heywood

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:27 pm 
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First thing that comes to mind - treat people the way you would want to be treated. If you treat them decent then you shall not be douchebag. Thats almost number one feature of douchebag - they do not treat other people with manners and respect.
That is what I constantly have to drill into myself. It is really hard because when I truly feel like im acting that way I notice that im a much different person. Actually a person that I like a lot more logically. The only issue I find is that my emotional urges are so mismatched to that.

I also want to make this clear that this thread has to do with my overall character and not seducing girls. I dont believe I have to be a douche bag or arrogant to maintain alpha male status. I actually think that behaving in those ways repels a great number of people so that the overall number of people that you would be leading is much less then if you had an open, friendly, and inviting personality that focuses on the other person.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:30 pm 
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I was called a douchebag by a girls friends infront of her.

She got self-concious. I told her friends you know what else douchebags do? They all went Go away


I said No, they do this with the hottest girl in their group and I made out with her infront of them with strong physical kino and immediate kissing.

Those girls were so fucking wowed that I did that, I got their #s.

Don't take being called a douchebag seriously or a "test" Just do what you want my man.

-Yes this is sort of RSD...but I kind of believe you should not let people you don't know dictate your mood let alone people you do.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:37 pm 
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Well. I have been in this boat. Not as bad as you by the sound of it. I am more of a charming asshole kinda guy. But what helps... It's hard but try to do it most of the time... think before you talk. I'm not talking about chatting up girls, then do whatever works. But in general conversation.. just think about what you say or how you say it. Feel free to speak your mind, just do it in a good way.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:49 pm 
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take it from me - you're no way near a douche as you think you are.

a real douche bag would never admit to being a douche bag.

i certainly wouldn't...


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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 1:15 am 
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My take on this - and it's purely theoretical, I've not tried it myself - play a game with yourself. Think about making people find out on their own about how well you did something. Show them rather than tell them. Let them discover it themselves. Let them ask the question and then answer it. If you did something brilliant, then that's great. But the bottom line is most people don't really give a shit about anyone else's brilliant achievements, until you tell them about them and then they think you're arrogant! Telling it how it is is fine. But when it's about yourself, sometimes it's best not to tell anything. If people want to know something about you, they'll probably ask. Then if you answer, that's not arrogant.

Also, why are you saying those things? Is it really because you've just got a direct personality? Why do you want to put something like that on your facebook status? Is it really just because you're direct, or is it because you're trying to grab attention? Why do you need attention? And as a genuine question that I don't mean to be insulting, but I do mean as a real question that could be part of the problem, do you actually back up the stuff you say? Do you just boast without actually being all that great? People who can talk a good talk often can't walk the walk, so try to make up for it by over talking!

Humble people in general don't really need to tell people stuff about themselves. They are happy and confident with their achievements and don't feel the need to prove them to other people. Also major bit of advice - start caring about other people more than you in face to face conversations. People like to talk about themselves, but they also see it as negative when you talk about yourself (go figure!). So don't be telling people how great you are, instead talk about them a bit.

But I think my main bit of advice would certainly be what I said up top - don't directly tell people about your achievements, let them find them out for themselves. It's far more effective anyway, and makes you look less arrogant.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 1:46 am 
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Quote:
My take on this - and it's purely theoretical, I've not tried it myself - play a game with yourself. Think about making people find out on their own about how well you did something. Show them rather than tell them. Let them discover it themselves. Let them ask the question and then answer it. If you did something brilliant, then that's great. But the bottom line is most people don't really give a shit about anyone else's brilliant achievements, until you tell them about them and then they think you're arrogant! Telling it how it is is fine. But when it's about yourself, sometimes it's best not to tell anything. If people want to know something about you, they'll probably ask. Then if you answer, that's not arrogant.

Also, why are you saying those things? Is it really because you've just got a direct personality? Why do you want to put something like that on your facebook status? Is it really just because you're direct, or is it because you're trying to grab attention? Why do you need attention? And as a genuine question that I don't mean to be insulting, but I do mean as a real question that could be part of the problem, do you actually back up the stuff you say? Do you just boast without actually being all that great? People who can talk a good talk often can't walk the walk, so try to make up for it by over talking!

Humble people in general don't really need to tell people stuff about themselves. They are happy and confident with their achievements and don't feel the need to prove them to other people. Also major bit of advice - start caring about other people more than you in face to face conversations. People like to talk about themselves, but they also see it as negative when you talk about yourself (go figure!). So don't be telling people how great you are, instead talk about them a bit.

But I think my main bit of advice would certainly be what I said up top - don't directly tell people about your achievements, let them find them out for themselves. It's far more effective anyway, and makes you look less arrogant.
Man this is all great advice right here. I particularly love what you said in the first paragraph with the game. It really solidified what I felt somewhere that you should tell it like it is but when it comes to yourself you should let people find out. It hits some of those zen-like overtones of "eliminating the self" for success and such I feel like too. Almost like you should entirely ignore yourself.

I took what you said in the following paragraphs to heart too. I definitely am one who wants to constantly be the center of attention. With this there are many elements of that for sure. In the more recent years of my life I have started heavily slacking and it has only been recently that I have recovered my drive. I think that is a major factor in my bragging because people around me are use to me being kind of a deadbeat loser that no one has much respect for. I want them to see and respect the change as quick as possible. Talking about it is not the way to do it though. You are definitely right on that.

From all of this I am gathering that I just need to calm down and trust that people will see the change over time and that it should not be forced. I want to make a habit of exactly what you described with the game as well. If I feel the urge to brag (DHV?) it should be through a way that they provoke the question instead of me directly talking about it. I think that if my friends and I got in the habits of talking eachother up infront of the new groups that it would come across much better too. I have read a lot about mystery and style doing that back in the day.

I feel like I have a new set of tools to handle this issue with but please everyone continue to share your thoughts as I am greatly interested.


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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 10:44 am 
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Yeah good stuff. To be honest, it sounds like you've pretty much got your head sorted, and got a POA to sort it out there. Using friends isn't a bad idea - one tactic wingmen can use, although I still wouldn't over do it. But if you go to the toilet or something and one of your friend "accidentally" brings up something really good about you in passing (especially if it is relevant to the conversation you were having), then the girl is not only impressed by the good thing, but is also kind of impressed that you didn't feel the need to brag about it.

Don't become boring and get too far the other way, at times you will need to talk about yourself, otherwise it just becomes a question and answer session where you're constantly interviewing the other person to find out about them. That's not good. But yeah, I'd try the game out - let me know how it goes! As I say, not tested it myself, but it is the sort of attitude I take into these sorts of things.

And your second paragraph I think pretty much hits the nail on the head. If you've changed yourself, it's understandable that you want people to change their perception of you to meet the new you. However, let it shine through from your personality and your confidence, make them intrigued as to how you and why you've changed and drop feed bits of info to them when they fish for it. All stuff you seem to agree with and want to try out.

Good luck!


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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 2:25 pm 
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Yeah good stuff. To be honest, it sounds like you've pretty much got your head sorted, and got a POA to sort it out there. Using friends isn't a bad idea - one tactic wingmen can use, although I still wouldn't over do it. But if you go to the toilet or something and one of your friend "accidentally" brings up something really good about you in passing (especially if it is relevant to the conversation you were having), then the girl is not only impressed by the good thing, but is also kind of impressed that you didn't feel the need to brag about it.

Don't become boring and get too far the other way, at times you will need to talk about yourself, otherwise it just becomes a question and answer session where you're constantly interviewing the other person to find out about them. That's not good. But yeah, I'd try the game out - let me know how it goes! As I say, not tested it myself, but it is the sort of attitude I take into these sorts of things.

And your second paragraph I think pretty much hits the nail on the head. If you've changed yourself, it's understandable that you want people to change their perception of you to meet the new you. However, let it shine through from your personality and your confidence, make them intrigued as to how you and why you've changed and drop feed bits of info to them when they fish for it. All stuff you seem to agree with and want to try out.

Good luck!
Thanks again bro. I'm going to put this into practice and I'll post the feedback up here in a few days.


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 Post subject: Twin with problem
PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:27 am 
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It was extremely confronting and scary to read these post on being a arrogant bastard.
It had the same effect on me as that text he got from that girl. (FUCK they are sooooo right!)
I have known all my life i am exactly as described in this thread.
Always looking for attention and confirmation….. pushing people around me away !
Believe me we are fucking twins. I will give you an example off this week.

And changing the long term is one thing but how do I flip it on short term I need help with a girl I REALLY want to get to know as a friend or maybe even a gf!!!!


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