I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now...We are not official yet(FB official) but we both consider us as boyfriend and girlfriend. The reason why we arent official is because she lived with her ex-boyfriend up until about 3 weeks ago.

He has anger issues, and apparently when they were living together he would punch walls when he got angry, would cry a lot cuz hes really emotional, and would yell at her to take his anger out, he would also check in on her with where she was at when they weren't even dating anymore. For the whole time she was with him, she said she couldn't wait until she moved out and could get away from him.

He didn't know it but she started talking to me when they were still living together, one day he hacked her facebook and read all of the messages we wrote back and forth to each other. She lost all trust in him and stopped talking to him, this was about a month before school got out and they didn't talk at all. When finals came he stayed at the apartment so he wouldn't have to drive home...

Basically where im getting at is now they text regularly since he came back for finals. She says that its mostly him talking to her and she just listening to what he has to say (hes very unstable) but she told me that she made a promise with him that she would always be there for him.

So....what are your guys view of your girlfriends still taking to their ex's. Should i just trust her and let her chat away or tell her i don't like it...?

Hey, what do you want to happen? I mean, if you were that type of possesive person, then you should tell her that you don't like it. otherwise, let it stay in that way. For me, it is okay for women to talk to their ex as long as I maintain a High-Value Frame, there's nothing wrong that happen. If you feel that she still loves him, build more attraction with lots of comfort building without getting possesive. This will help both of you.

i'd stay as calm and cool as possible, literally every relationship i've got into theres a ex or a stalker still involved, when i was AFC used to go mad about it, make her not talk to him anymore, all that got me was dumped for said ex

Now i act like i dont give a shit about this guy texting her trying to meet her, why would i? me acting fine about it only increases my value and lowers his

That being said if she said yes to meeting him, regardless if she actually met him or not she'd be dumped in seconds

Trust is given untill it's abused.

Trust her.

thanks for the support guys, it really helped me out.

I guess i just got to heated last night and took it the wrong way....

Its just that this guy would punch walls, take his anger out on her, and she would stay up all night because she was scared that he would do something. He also hacker her facebook and that's when she said she didn't trust him anymore.
And to make it clear she talks to both of her ex's but this guys is the only one that i don't feel comfortable about, i could care less if she talks to the other one...


So apparently she told him that she is seeing me now and that we wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and he lost it, he said it was his worst nightmare come true and that he couldn't handle it...

So what does she do, she butters him up and treats him like hes her best friend again. She told me that she is trying to get him close again to make it look like life still goes on even thought shes moving on and that they can still try to be friends.
This is where i lost it....i said isn't that the complete opposite thing you should be doing. He'll never move on if you kept acting like there's still something there. And when you tell him that you're finally mine, he'll lose it again....

She then went on to say that if i cant handle her talking to her ex's then there's going to be a lot of problems in the future for us. She said that he ex's were once a part of her life and she doesn't just want to drop them...

What are your guys thoughts on this? Should i just ignore her talking to them...i kind of gave her an ultimatum last night and said not to talk to me again until she figures everything out with him....

Sounds like damaged goods.

You were right, she should stop toying with his emotions and leading him on if she is serious about a relationship with you. I understand she is just trying to be nice, but its not the right thing to do. If the roles were reverse, I bet she wouldn't be ok with it.

_________________
The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

The guy sounds like a chump. Let her talk to him and be completely calm about it, dont act the way your acting. It will make you look like him.

If he is going crazy and your calm and relaxed about you'll come across as a much more attractive man than he is.

Whats more attractive?
Super jealous stalker who cant handle himself.
Cool, calm and collected man who has enough self confidence to laugh it off.

Hmmmm

I disagree with most of the advice you are getting here!

Break up with her "TODAY"...I promise that if you stay with her you are going to be the one who gets hurt!!! She has placed more value on this guy than she has on you, and you are allowing it to happen.

Note: Don't argue or be mean, just calmly tell her that when she figures out her situation then ya'll can talk...

You are the prize, if she can't/won't see that then she will lose you!

DO NOT GET INTO A FIGHT OVER HER AND THIS GUYS RELATIONSHIP!!!!! (Read this twice)

Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

this and what i said are the only ways you are gonna get rid of this guy, acting all mad will only increase his value and lower yours

Thank you all again for the advice!

I forgot to mention that the guy is kind of suicidal and she feels obligated to stay with him. This is what she told me last night.

"Yeah **** has his issues and him and i had some terrible moments. but before we dated we were good friends and that's what i want us to be now because it feels as though his life is dependent of me right now which is not the best feeling and ill die if he does something dumb that i could have helped prevent."

So basically shes scared he'll do something to himself if she leaves and she doesn't want the blood of her hands.


Currently we still have not talked today as i told her last night that she can text me when she figures everything out so i guess we'll see what happens.

Thanks again for all of your support!

Yeah so she will live her life expecting the ex boyfriend to move on with his life.

Nobody is that selfless... I heard this story before or atleas it sound very familiar when i was banging a chick.

Guess what, I left her crazy ass. Because I wasnt going to stand bye and not being together because of some crazy dude. I Dumped her ... two weeks later she and her ex are together.... I couldnt be happy for them.

This girl would tell me she was afraid of him because he could do something crazy to me or her and special to himself.

Crazy people have the tendency to attract crazy people to there lifes.

Bail out she has to choose.

Nobody who is considering suicide is going to tell or share with anyone, does who go the next step are the ones you are not expecting.

_________________
Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

I've been in exactly the same situation and I played it cool and didn't get jealous...she still dumped me for the so called abusive ex.

Seriously dude, get rid of her right away! Don't get angry! Be cool about it! Let her know that your not comfortable with the situation. Freeze her out and see her response!

Be calm and cool! The freezing out will make you look like the opposite of her ex!

If she wants you back but still wants her ex in her life then repeat the above.

this girl has baggage so that sucks. was still living with the guy while meeting you? i'm sorry, that's asking for trouble. i would hate the guy i'm seeing to have that kind of emotional bond with an ex that they still talk to. i just don't see that working successfully or healthily

yea we meet in march and she was still living with her ex and that time but they weren't together....Whenever she would come over to my house late at night her ex would text her asking where she was and he wouldnt fall asleep till she got home...she also hid our relationship until he moved back home and once he hacker her facebook...

Also to clarify, this guy lost his v-card to her and this was the first girl he fell in love with. You all know how bad your first break up was, but in order to get over that person you didnt butter them up or keep on hinting something was there. You stopped talking to them so you could get over them...

Also, one other thing she said was "im sorry you're not comfortable with me being friends with my ex's but i am. They were once a big part of my life and i wont throw them away unless they do something to deserve it or they dont want me in their life anymore. im sorry"

This really pissed me off, because when they were together, apparently she caught him cheating on her with her best friend....and she still puts up with his shit...

O well, ive been freezing her out since Monday night and she still hasn't texted me....just goes to show how much she really cared about me over him...

Thanks again for all of your help guys, you made me feel confident about my choices and i will be back in the game in no time once im done with all of this shit...

Good work! Keep up the freeze out and dont give in to the moments when you really want to text her!

Keep us updated!