Hey guys, I will probably get slapped in the face for asking this question in the first place, but I need some objective opinions on this matter here.

I hooked up with a girl a little over a month ago, turns out she has Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of curable cancer. She's going through SPAM the next 6-8 months, already lost her hair and all.

Anyhow, we almost had sex right before her SPAM began, around 2-3 weeks ago, but didn't because she said she couldn't once SPAM began. Note that medically one can still have sex as normal even when on SPAM and this type of cancer, so I'm guessing psychologically she is abstaining. I stayed cool and acted non-needy, said I understood. We just made out a few times after that.

Things have died down for the most part now, we stopped making out. We still are a little more intimate than friends, when we watch a movie I have my arm around her and she strokes my arm/hand and so forth. But that's about it.

I told her I am there for her during her SPAM, and basically said my feelings come second, behind being there for her. I told her I like her and there's nothing she or I can do about it, and I'm not apologizing for it. She still hangs out with me, so I take it as a good sign. She always showed her affection physically, never verbally.

She said to me openly that she can't give me what a relationship requires, I'm guessing sex. Therefore she is hesitant to get with me. I said that's cool. I can still sense a spark between us and I try to keep it alive.

However, I have been developing strong feelings for her, more so than she has for me (yet I don't show it when I'm with her of course). Therefore I need an objective answer.

I seriously do not want to be friendzoned here, but I also want to be there for her throughout the SPAM. She told me I'm NOT friendzoned (in fact she said it's almost impossible for her to friendzone anyone), but whatever. The direction things are going, I'm sniffing friendzone, slowly.

Now I have this thought that if she truly liked me how I liked her, she would be in a relationship with me regardless of her situation, but she isn't so I'm figuring she doesn't like me enough for that. Maybe this is ignorant thinking.

Now I have two conflicting thoughts. Either try and push for more than just friends (or whatever this is now), or just be there for her.

I feel like I am escapism for her, I can make her laugh, we almost always have a great time, she is extremely comfortable with me, but I really don't want to be just someone she uses to get away from her shit. I dunno.

You may tell me to game other girls and whatnot, but here in Vienna my social life is not very social, and I don't see myself sarging alone in German here. I care for her, and maybe I should be the better man and be there for her, but maybe that is foolish?

Thanks for any replies. Appreciate it.

I'd want more insight (from her directly) as to what those two bolded statements means as there is a lot that can be interpreted from them and I'd need some clarity.

As with any other girl, I'd simply open myself up to meeting new women. Why? Because in life we get what we ask for. If you have no other context (pursue only 1 woman), than you're building a house on a foundation of sand. Seeing as she is suffering from a potentially dangerous form of cancer, I'd truly stick to the way things are without pushing at her for something more as that'll only compound her issues. If she truly means that much to you, you must accept things at face value for now and just be supportive to her (without expecting anything in return - e.g., her being your girlfriend). If you're sticking around with the hopes that she'll see how good a person you are and therefore want something more with you, than your expectations are unrealistic.

Thanks agent,

No I'm not sticking around so that she'll see how good of a person I am, causing her to magically fall in love with me. I'm sticking around because, well, I care for her and want to help her through this.

About the statements. The night we almost had sex she pulled back saying "I can't", I calmly asked what she's afraid of, and she said "you know that once SPAM starts I won't be able to do this anymore?" I said I know what will happen to her and her body, and after that she said "Oh, I didn't know you knew, in that case..." and she went at it again, and dry humped some more, but she in the end pulled back again saying she can't, and she left my place.

After that night we still made out some more, not really bringing it up.

The topic about sex and relationships came up and she said she never had a guy friend, always had a thing, flirting or making out or whatever.

Then last Wednesday we drank a little and I boldly told her that I like her and there's nothing she or I can do about it, and that I also understand she needs her space now and if she wants me to back off I will do that (essentially giving her power, which I wouldn't do in a normal situation). I did this because I was sensing that she was feeling pressurized. Maybe it was my imagination. She said she didn't want me to back off, because she needs me. I said not back off completely, but to back off sexually. Then she said she doesn't know how she feels, and said again she can't give me all that a relationship requires, asked me what I expect of her if we did get into a relationship. At that point I was sort of stuck, because I hadn't really thought about it, obviously I would love a sexual relationship. I said I'd just want her affection. And she said she's already giving that to me.

About the friendzone thing, she said she didn't want me to back off. She considers me a dear friend, "but don't worry, you're not in the friendzone. It's not really possible for someone to be in a friendzone with me." The last bit is paraphrased.

The thing is I'm still in the blue as to where she sees this going. She hasn't made it clear, verbally at least.

I definitely see your point about keeping options open, and I'm definitely doing that. In fact, I may be having a drink with another girl soon. That goes without saying. But yes, I have developed feelings for her, and the only way I can get rid of them is by not seeing her, yet I want to be there for her.

Hope this made things a little clearer? Thanks for your advice.

Bump.

The only way I see it working out is if she ends up really liking you and she accepts her condition and gets on with life.

I would stay as her friend though, she's obviously having a rough time and if you can make her laugh and keep her happy I promise you she isn't using you to get away, but she genuinely likes to be with you. You help her forget about her condition, probably.

If I could make life happier for someone who's having cancer SPAM then I'd be really happy with that.

I think it could go either way, but it would be pretty non-standard PUA. Spending a lot of time with someone who makes you happy will make you develop strong feelings, it doesn't matter if you break most rules in the PUA book. This is what happens, you become attached. She might end up having strong feelings for you as well.

If it works out, that's good. If you stay friends then you probably would have made a really good friend.

I won't tell you what to do though. Do what you feel is best for you.

To be honest, need to get the priorities right. She has cancer. Going through hell with the SPAM...last thing is her over-thinking your relationship with her. She's enjoying your company, and appreciating you there as a friend/partner. It doesn't have to be official.

You be there for her. Fuck the PUA bullshit, she's vulnerable, she needs you. So far you seem to be doing a good job. Just be there for her, and on her call. It's your duty as a male to be the protector. So do that.

I wish her a speedy recover. When everything is on the up, you can reevaluate the situation...by then you two probably would have been through a lot and it's probably likely that you will become 'official.

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