Ive only met this girl once. I watched a Movie at her place and me and her K-Closed.
Now shes playing games. Always says she wants to hang out but never comes threw.


This Morning.

Her: You Working?
Me:I'm off until Friday... Whats Crackin?
Her:Sick! I want to shop
Me:Haha lets do this, You have to pick me up tho
Her:HAha okay, Maybe

3 hours later.....

Her:I just bought a TV:)
Me: Awesome.....Im till busy.( At this time I was over it so I lied)
Her: Lol What?

I didnt reply.

Any suggestions, or why shes playing this game?

_________________
Gotta Bite the Apple, To Find Out If its Sweet Or Sour

wrong section!

what are you stressing about? call her and say, "i'm coming over!" looks like you're playing too. she wants to dhv, playing "hard to get".

you are sounding too needy, in my opinion, it's turing her off.

"i'm coming over!" it works. it's a command. it's alpha. HB like getting bossed around. credit to mystery for that one.

how often do you text/contact this girl?, every day?
do you have long drawn out text/phone conversations?

she doesn't seem like she is really playing games at all, she didn't invite you to go shopping, she just said ''I want to shop'', you invited yourself, then she said ''Maybe''

then she went shopping without you, where exactly are the ''games'' here?

after all that you said ''im till busy''
if that was your whole text convo you just came off extremely incongruent and ingenuine

lets look at the contradiction here

first
Me:I'm off until Friday... Whats Crackin?
this shows that you are available

second
Me:Haha lets do this, You have to pick me up tho
this shows that you are not busy at all, but rather eager to see her

third
Me: Awesome.....Im till busy.( At this time I was over it so I lied)
this says that you are still busy, but the frame set before this comment indicates the sub-text of the complete opposite, this is now a contradiction, there is incongruence here, girls get turned off by incongruence, essentially you are failing a ''shit test'' (aka congruence test), without even being tested in the first place, you are just plain being incongruent

the problem with texting is it leaves alot of room for mis-inturpretation, funny is all of a sudden not funny any more, there is no bodylanguage or voice for you to be able to assign a meaning to the interaction (frame), why would you want to go shopping with her anyways?, shopping is boring unless you want clothes or food, then it is awesome, FUCK YEAH JUGO JUICE!! SOOO GOOD!!

anyways I digress, here are some ideas man,

-if you text her all the time, stop, cut it down (this doesn't mean stop it all together, just tone it down), give her a real reason to want to see you, if she likes you she will want to talk to you, if she can do it anytime she wants over the phone, why would she care about meeting you?

-when you see stuff like this happen, instead of quickly panicing and saying some weird incongruent shit, relax and realize just being comfortable and sure about yourself is the best way to hold your value, you didn't have to do or say anything amazing in this case, or let her know you are busy, or let her know you have other girls, avoid that kind of shit, don't do it, a simple cool how big is the t.v. would have been good, who knows could have led into a convo about watching movies (and that could plant the seed for hanging out and watching movies, and we all know what you can do alone with a girl on a couch/bed), you have to realize girls communicate in sub-text, if you are always calling her, and talking with her when ever she wants, but then you are telling her you are busy, guess what the sub-text is saying?, it is saying you are not busy, now if you are answering your phone here and there, and just being a relaxed chill normal you who already knows this girl likes him, has other stuff going on and says ''hey I gtg for now, I'll ttyl'' all the time and then doesn't call her so much (but still occasionally when he has time), what do you think the sub-text behind this behavior is?

-try for a while in your interactions simply never trying to get anything from the girl at all, nothing, no invite, no nothing, if it is offered, cool, accept the offer, but come at this with an angle of not trying to get anything, instead of getting, try to be giving, when you invite her out just give her the chance to meetup, don't try to get her to meet up, sort of like casually throwing out invites where it doesn't matter to you if the person comes or goes, if you are worried or panicing, or thinking of what to say or do to get her to do something for you, you are trying, stop trying, just calm your ass down and let her come to you more, have good convos with her when you have them (hopefully not all the damn time every day, but sometimes), when you get hints like you are already getting to work with for invites, make all your invites seem less eager, like it won't matter to you if it happens or not


lets assume for example that she was inviting you out for shopping and said ''wanna come shopping?''

instead of, ''Haha lets do this, You have to pick me up tho''

something more along the lines of, ''you have fun shopping, I'm just going to chill here, you can come hang out when your done, and if you bring me food you will win a prize!''

if you just be you and do you, you will do fine, if she says no, who cares?, you didn't have to go anywhere or put any effort into anything at all, you weren't trying to get anything from her (except food lol), but it all still comes from the frame of offering something, rather then trying to take something

-I know in your situation you didn't know what to do and paniced and stopped texting, but try not to just randomly stop texting the girl back in a real time text conversation unless you actually end the conversation (say I gtg, or w/e you do),
when someone abruptly just stops responding while conversing via text in real time, it will make you feel like they are not interested in talking with you, enough of this negative attention and eventually the feeling will be mutual, you just ''stop talking'' if the person does something that was offensive or out of line or delivering a behavior that you do not want to re-occur, how ever too much negative conditioning towards a person will cause that person to assosiate negative feeling towards you, you don't want that, make sure if you are using techniques like ''freeze outs'' that the girl already is invested in you and actually values your attention or you are bound to fall flat on your face

Thanks guys for all of the help. Sorry Im new what area am I suppose to be posting this in?

She texts me atleast once a day, I never begin the convo., The day after we kissed she texted me and said she liked someone. Is that a shit test? And can someone explain what the meaning of "shit test" is in detail. I dont want to deal with that so I stopped texting her. She always sends me pointless texts. Like im hungry, or Im bored. I ussually dont reply. I have told her in the past. Lets go hang out, Even one time told her striaght up. Were watching a movie at your place tonight. She was up for it but when it came closer to the time. She said she was already in bed. Her excuse is shes always already in bed and she doesnt want to get all pretty for me to come over.

And can you explain incougruant in detail, I dont really understand the word?

Thanks

_________________
Gotta Bite the Apple, To Find Out If its Sweet Or Sour

http://couragewithhorses.blogspot.ca/20 ... uence.html

^ congruence, incongruence = not congruent, it is an alignment with your words and actions, no contradictions, when your emotional state suites the actions, it seems congruent, it seems natural

for example
if you say one thing, and do another thing all together = incongruent


a ''shit test'' is also known as a ''congruence test'', it is when a girl does things to test your congruence,

shit-tests-vp587648.html#587648

^ this explains the different types of shit tests, girls are like little fact finders, they want to find out what you are like and what you dating market ''value'' is so to speak, how much money you make, what sort of a lifestyle you lead, what types of friends you have, how you dress and style yourself, how well you take physical care of yourself, and how attractive your personality is, they will test the congruence of all these things with little ''tests'', a test is simply trying to determine if you remain congruent with what ever you are being tested on

you can pass almost all tests by just knowing who you are, being secure within yourself, and not giving half a fuck about what she thinks about you (that is the easy answer, the more complex answer is in the above link)

as for the texting and flaking, some girls will not meet because they don't find you attractive, how ever if she is texting you daily, it is really likely attraction is not your problem what so ever, instead, your problem is comfort/connection and the frame you are setting, just like how all guys have a fear of rejection and approach anxiety on some level, all girls have anxiety about sleeping with a new partner, as new dicks = new chances to get preggos and preggos = bad, not only that but what if they could be judged etc., there could be a million things that trigger panic in a girls head when sex or the possibility of sex come into the mix, she has to be careful with what sort of situations she puts herself into, it is easy to say no and offer friction and resist when your vag is all dried up, but as soon as she starts getting wet (she can't really control this either, that is the beautiful part), she will open up more and more, buying temperature raises, and she will loosen up, all of a sudden a nice sex session becomes increasingly appealing, so rather then risk putting herself in that position, she will chase attention and not putting herself in a position where sex can happen unless she is sure she fully wants the guy (by the way, girls are extremely talented at talking them selves out of liking a guy, just so they can avoid anxiety), so, how do you lay the frame work to stop this?

it is simple, classical conditioning, you set the frame work based on behavior, there are two of you, you both have separate agenda's, your agenda is to get her to meet with you, her agenda is to get your attention, so she can keep fact finding to see what is congruent for you so she can see if she stays attracted or if she can finally talk herself out of a good thing, so, how do you condition her to meet you?, remove your attention is how, don't act like you are doing it to punish her, just day by day, be less and less available, always have to go, wrap up the convos, make it hard for her to talk to you over the phone, but really easy for her to talk to you in person, then when in person, move things towards getting her in a position where if she gets horny, you get laid, once she has invested past that point, she will backwards rationalize that you are what she was looking for and are congruent with the attractive guy she wanted (she didn't know what she wanted in the first place), it is like supply and demand, when the demand for the product is high, make it scarce, people will go more out of their way to get that product (product being your attention)

it might seem counter intuitive to you at the moment cause you want to connect with the girl and want her attention too, you have to detach from this need, give it a test, make sure you test it on some new girls and not just one, see how that works out for you and if you start seeing more meetups and less flakes

it is as simple as making the benefits for meeting you (fun), outweigh the risks for her (getting preggos)

GOOD LUCK

Thanks pumpkinton.
You helped tons on explaing and what to do.
I will test this.

5 starts for your answer my friend.


Thank You

_________________
Gotta Bite the Apple, To Find Out If its Sweet Or Sour