An ex which I broke up a few months ago, and which I still love -_-, hit me up friday. She has been apologizing, and saying she will wait for me, and she loves me still.

The deal is that when we broke up she began dating the very same guy that we broke up over with. She has apologized but that does not change the pain she caused me.

A few months ago some older guy gave me advice on women in a waiting room. He said he could tell I cared for her, but that women are emotional and will do lots of stupid things without realizing it. But that ultimately they always come back and that is when it is my responsibility as man to make the decision to take them back or not.


My trouble is that as much as I love her, I am scared of taking her back only to have her do the same shit again. Additionally, I am loving being single. In the last week I have slept with 3 women.

So im at a tough fork, do I chose companionship or a very fun but ultimately empty lifestyle... and how should I deal with her if I decide to get back together?

Let me ask you this, how do you feel to be second best? Are you ok with that? Because obviously that is how she saw you at the end of the relationship, and she jumped ship to test out the new guy. Found out he wasn't all that he seemed to be, and has you to fall back on. I know I wouldn't want to be that guy, but to each his own.

What I would do? Cut contact again, revisit the question in a year or so. Your head should be clear by then, and you can make a logical choice.

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

I'd say the typical "Do what makes you happy" but I'm more inclined to say, have some self respect. This girl left you for some stupid douche, she messed up now that she has Buyer's remorse. Staying away will actually help her in the long run, shows her she can't get away with stupid shit like cheating. If you take her back then she knows she's got you.

Once a cheater always one.. You can go back to her and have fun and do whatever.. but come on have some fucken pride to yourself man..If you do not care about your self worth and respect go for it.. YOLO. but if you do care, next her.. You said you were enjoying being single and u banged 3 girls last week so enjoy that instead or look for someone new..

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In this world, you don't get what you deserve but what you fight for!

I have thought a lot about the self respect issue, as well as the taking her back and not teaching her a lesson 'properly' .... I guess some more background info would help..

the truth is I distanced myself and stopped paying attention to her. I was breaking up with her every other week and It was me who broke up with her the last time. She just didnt take me back. So I could see it as she got tired of my bullshit.

as for the second best... not an issue. I am way up above that other guy in all aspects, he was an ex of hers and was in town when I wasnt.

but still, I do value myself and its just emotions that have me coming back. haha

you probably shouldnt take her back. being single is more fun and better for you and you're enjoying it.

but you should DEFINITELY make her work for you. play hard to get. ignore some of her calls and texts. have her come over just to blow you and then have her leave. stuff like that. make her work hard. it'll just make her want you more. after a month or two of that she'll figure out that she's not gonna win you back and she'll probably give up and move on. but it'll be a lot of fun in the meantime and you'll get to be the prize. enjoy it.

oh and keep fucking other girls (duh).

OK, all bullshit aside.... from what you've said, you still love this woman.

You take responsibility for promulgating the opportunity for her to mess around to begin with... do you trust her? Can you trust her and forget all the past and I mean ALL of it on both sides? If so - make a go at a real relationship.

If not, move the fuck on.

But - also ask yourself this: How would she react to knowing you fucked 3 chicks in a week? I'm not suggesting telling her - I'm saying always put yourself in her shoes or never have the relationship at all. Her perception is also her reality. Sounds like you're in a good place, man.

Best,

RR


Let us know!

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Check yourself.

Try offering both sides to an equation whenever possible. Guide the poster to make their own decision wherever possible...

Otherwise any point/counterpoint is useless.

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

lol wtf

If you have to ask.... Wow...

Nevermind.

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

well, first of all, i think you're the one who should check yourself with your holier-than-thou attitude. if you dont like my advice that's fine, but it really isnt any less valuable than yours, and at the end of the day we're all just random guys on an internet forum posting our opinions and nothing more.

second, my advice wasnt trolling in any way and i stand by what i said. its what i'd do in a similar situation. i honestly feel like the whole uninterested/be the prize kinda attitude works very well with exes who wanna get back with you. at least in my (admittedly limited) experience with it.



but i digress. lets get back to OP's situation...


bookmark-

first of all, the way you treated her throughout the course of your relationship is pretty bad and bordering on disrespectful. i actually have some experience dealing with this as my best friend is one of those break-up-with-the-gf-every-other-week types. if you wanna be in a committed relationship with her (and if you do, that's totally fine) then do it. but do it with respect and integrity and really give it you best effort. thats the only way it will work.

the truth is, though, that you dont really want a relationship with her. you love her, you miss all the good times, but i think that looking at the way you handled the relationship you obviously didnt value it much. maybe you took her for granted a little bit. and now that she's back with the other guy you're probably feeling a little hurt and a tad bit of jealousy. its totally normal. you've built up a lot of emotions and memories that arent just going to immediately go away. i think theres also a little bit of 'if-i-cant-have-her-then-nobody-can' going on with you too. you dont really want her, but you dont want her to be with him. or anyone. again, all these feelingss are pretty normal to have.

the one thing you said that really disturbed me was this:
are these the only two options? really??? settle down with the old ball and chain or else die lonely and unfulfilled??? come on now, theres plenty of guys out there who date multiple women and dont feel like its an empty lifestyle. its not the lack of a committed relationship that makes for an empty lifestyle. its about you. its about having a fulfilling life of good friends, family, fun hobbies, etc. its about not lying to women about your lifestyle and how you choose to date. if your life is balanced, you'll be fine. and btw A LOT more girls than you think are fine with you seeing multiple women. believe it or not, not every single one of them is trying to lock you down permanently in a boring committed relationship and take away all your fun.

what will probably happen eventually is that one of the girls you're dating will stand out above all others and you'll want a relationship with her. since you have more experience and freedom now, you'll be able to make this decision when the girl and time are right for you. this time hopefully you'll treat it with more respect than the last one and it'll be a healthy, fulfilling relationship that makes you truly happy.