Hey,
First time post & I'm in need of some help.
I met this girl a couple months back and we went on a couple of dates but nothing really happened, we hung out a couple times after.
The more we hung out though, the more I find myself being into her.
I tried talking to her to see if she'd be interested in going out but she told me that while she thinks I'd make a great boyfriend, she didn't think there was chemistry, she said we'd 'missed a window' and I got LJBF'd!!!!
No I have myself to blame as I didn't kino escalate on some occasions when I had the opportunity but maybe there's more to it.
Either way, can I get your advice?
(i) Is there a way to get with this girl?
(ii) If not - any ideas on how I can overcome this sticking point?

Thanks guys / (girls?)...

FBAFC (God I need help!!!)

First of all dont ask girls for help on this forum, that's AFC as shit.

This girl was amazingly honest:
I would mail her a thank you note.

To prevent freindzoneing

1. escalate faster
2. Be clear about your intentions by manifesting it sexually/sensually(whatever level of sexuality you can pull off)
3. Don't allow friendly girlfriend talk about ex boyfriends, buddy like behavior, or being her physiologist. When they start talking to me as if I'm not a sexual threat I tell them directly "we arnt discussing that".
4. Focus on Attraction and decrease comfort and rapport.
5. If you are not AT LEAST making out heavily by your second date renounce all hope.

Your problem is fundamental but i think you already sense it.

When girls say i like you but "there is no chemistry," that means you are boring as fuck. And for most guys, it is due to tye fact that you dont want to risk. You dont want to risk saying something tyat would offend her. You dont want to risk losing her interest. You dont want look like you are not paying attention enough.

I say turn her into a friend. It doesnt hurt to network, could be good for future job references, opportunities and hot friends. Approach and approach. Thats it. Thats all you need to know. You come to us if something seems to prevent you from improving.

In this instance, whats preventing you is your fear of losig the girl. Have fun, take risks.

_________________
Bow chika wow wow

Thanks guys - you're both right.
Because I liked this girl I ended up treading too carefully when really I should've pushed it.
Strange enough. I hadn't spoken to her for a week and she called & SMS'd out of the blue around 3am last night asking me where I was.
I was out cold so didn't see it until this morning.
I guess it's odd she got in touch at that time but maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I'll come back for more advice if (& when) I fail again!
Thanks

Following on from my last post, I spoke with this girl's friend and it turns out she was wasted and wanted to meet up with me.
I asked a more experienced friend about it & he said it was a booty call.
Hard to believe given what she told me but apparently shes going through some stuff right now.
What do you think?

I think they are both wrong.

First of all never believe what girls or their friends tell you, unless they are the kind of friend that is actively trying to get you laid, and even then its suspect. The 3am booty call seems more likely, but girls have guys for that, normally guys they already fucked that dumped them, or wont be in a relationship with them. Unfortunately that doesn't fit your profile. Your friend who gave you that advice seems like the married/boyfriend afc type who is just projecting, like the married afc's that say "if I wanted to just get laid I could go to the bar any night and get laid hahaha". Believe me these same guys couldn't get laid at the bar.

Usually in your situation, girls do these things to get attention. If she knows you are going to sympathize/empathize, or in other ways give her an ego boost ,they will keep you in their orbit while giving you no pussy. You dont want to be an orbiter, its a shitty, unrewarding job. And it sets a bad precedent and forms a bad habit

The best way to handle this is just get sexual and escalate when you do talk with her. If she wont play your game, which she likely wont, then next her. A high status male has other girls to attend to.

Recognize that the feel-good sensation you are experiencing can be had with thousands of other girls (nature's way of making you fall for the girl, settle down, and having a child together). Recognize it for what it is, a feeling...not an estimation of how compatible/good-a-fit the girl is for you. Her value has been driven up also due to the fact that she's telling you she's off limits/inaccessible to you in the way you want (vying for her affection, or feminine energy).

You paint yourself into this corner by having no context (having no other option(s)). Don't give up readily on this one, but in the mean time game other chicks not to forget about her, but to rather keep better control over your state frame (knowing you've got options gives you a sense of coolness about you and you are less likely to exude this feeling of neediness that most women can intuitively pickup on).

Sure, maybe you missed the window with her in that you stalled on sexually escalating things. Women want a brazen man who'll take chances and be persistent (provided she likes him at least on some minimal level, otherwise you'll just come off as a creeper).

That said, keep her on the periphery, make room for new women in your life. The key here is to de-invest yourself a bit in her which will enable you to operate from a more relaxed, lucid state rather than being caught up with the notion that you MUST have her (being outcome focused). You may even decide she no longer interests you at this point (maybe you've found some other girl you're more into who's showing mutual interest in you).

There's always a way to get the girl, provided she hasn't told you to fuck off. At the same time, are you doing yourself a disservice by pursuing somebody who isn't worth your time and energy is the question.

Agentprovocateur, thanks for the response.
That genuinely is a great response & exactly what I needed to hear.
You're absolutely right. It's taking some time to come to my senses.
I'll try my best to de-invest in her.
I haven't spoken to her now for nearly 2 weeks which is the longest time we haven't seen each other.
I'm going out to a party at the weekend and heard she may attend.
I'm just going to focus on having a good time and approaching some girls regardless of whether she's there.
I need to be more alpha and bend less to her demands / will because I would fear like you say that I'd become an orbiter (if I haven't already).
One last question - I fear at some point (I know she is down at the moment) that she will look for a shoulder to cry on... what would be the best way to react to this?
Thanks again

If you haven't spoken to her in nearly 2 weeks then your window has pretty much closed. There are some extenuating circumstances but you are basically through. She said "lets be friends" and you decided not to talk for 2 weeks. I don't know good friends who go 2 weeks without speaking. THUS, she knows you liked her romantically and you really didn't mean it when you said you two could still just be friends,....which she probably knew going into it. It's over...move on!

If she's at the party who the hell cares. Have a good time for yourself, approach some people, and enjoy life. If she comes for you for a shoulder to cry on that's a friends job, and since you've already demonstrate you aren't her friend, and you have no wish to be her bitch orbiter... tell her to find another shoulder and go open another set.

Peace

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey guys,
Thanks for all the feedback / advice so far.
Interesting update - we went out on Friday night with some friends and her & her friends met up with us.
I was having conversations with other people and just enjoying myself in general.
I walked away from the group a couple of times to approach a couple of sets. I could kind of tell that she didn't like that.
Anyway, one thing led to another and we ended up at one stage of the night alone together and she said she was curious what it'd be like to kiss me.
So I kissed her for a while and she said it was good but she wasn't sure what to think and said we'd talk properly when we were fully sober.
I didn't push for a time to meet and I'm thinking of leaving the next move to her.
Any thoughts / advice?
Thanks!!

keep raising her buying temperature

She obviously likes you as a friend but is unsure of how attractive the "new you" is as shes used to the old AFC you. You have the comfort and rapport from before now work up pumping the attraction. This does NOT mean start heavily pursuing her.

Thanks Detox

She hasn't gotten in touch so I guess either she's thinking things through, finished thinking or doesn't want to make the first move.
Would you hold out until the weekend? Should I get in touch with her if I don't hear from her beforehand?
Also - any specific tips on what to do to raise her buying temp?
Sure - I post under 'FinishedBeingAFC' but as you can tell, I'm not quite there yet!!
Any / all advice appreciated

Hey all,

the latest is that a friend of hers proposed a meetup with myself and a friend (I guess to have a safety net) but I wasn't able to make it and it didn't go ahead.
I didn't receive any contact since so I texted her and asked how she was doing and what she was up to at the weekend etc.
So we're going to meet up at the weekend (my friend is hosting a party).
It's kind of pivotal now - it all sounds positive but I'm just looking for some last minute words of advice...
Appreciate it

Think what attracted her to you in the first place, and reproduce that. I'm betting you made her feel good somehow, do that and you're golden.