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The thing is this. When A girl does something shady you can only hold her accountable to the point where she won't just say fuck you and call the bouncer. I really don't like the fact that she did this and you still want her. I wonder if you want her validation or you want her just to make your hurt pride/bruised ego feel better. I also don't like this because I wonder about the message you are sending yourself as far as self-respect and self-esteem by pursuing someone that did this. When you take shit, you tell yourself its okay to take shit and the more you do it it becomes a habit and then you have low self-esteem...
It is crucial that you maintain the moral high ground here. She has to believe she did the wrong thing. This is where alot of guys mess up with arguing with girls. I would want her to tell me she is sorry and that she won't do it again. I would want to hear those words come out of her mouth. "I am sorry and i won't do it again."
If you must talk to her. I would call her. If you were surprised by this you obviously do not know her very well. You need more information. so I would gather information.
How many guys has she dated? Does she date casually? One night stands? How often do guys hit on her? Does she give her number out often? How did she get a relationship with her ex boyfriends? How many partners? What does she want? how does she feel about you? Why did she do that? how would she feel if you did that to her? Whats going through her head? ( I would just talk about these things not in an angry tone, but just deep conversation)
Just like your mom or your dad or your sister or brother. When you know a person well you know how they will handle a situation before they actually do it. Knowledge is Power.
I really, really appreciate your insight - I think you are dead on here. It's crazy how emotions are clouding my judgement - I know these things you are saying and thought I had internalized these long ago, but I sit here arguing them away.
I took your advice and called her. She has felt bad about it all day long and even told her mom everything she did and her mom told her she was a jackass.
She did say she thought we were just having fun and it wasn't serious until we talked last night. That was obviously my fault. I guess I didn't have the clear direction I thought we had. She also apologized and said she wouldnt do it again and she wanted to continue to try and have a long term relationship and that is what she wants as well. I feel more at ease at having called her, but I'm not optimistic about things working out. I agree with everyone that the foundation is all jacked up already. It's so sad that something so good went so awry, so fast.
She also said that had our roles been reversed, this would be a deal-breaker.
CHAT
