A couple months a friend of mine broke up with her BF. At the time I just saw her a mate. but recently we've been hanging out quite a bit more, watching films, going to bars for a couple drinks. She starts giving me IOIs and there's a bit of kino from her part which i return. but then almost every time, she starts talking either about her exbf of some other guy she has started seeing.

The exbf BS is starting to annoy me and i find it difficult to change the subject when she's talking about him. and the other guy she says she is seeing keeps inviting her round to stay the night...for obvious reasons, but she told me she doesn't think she is ready for that.

All i want is a way to try and get her to forget about the ex, and the other guy she is seeing and focus on me....

Hey man, I don't want to rain on your parade, but if she's talking about her men problems with you, this means you're deeper in LJBF land than you're willing to admit... There's plenty of fish in the sea, go out, meet new people and have fun... Maybe when your friend sees you with other women she will remember that you are a guy and feel some attraction for you... Hope that didn't hurt

sadly but thats very true. she does kino cuz she is feeling more and more comfortable with you..as a friend.

anyway test her a little, bring up talk about some other girls in your life (even when it's fake) that you're meeting and calibrate how she reacts but most likely she sees you as a friend only.

I feared you were going to say that... thanks all the same

Tell her plain. When she starts to tell you about her ex, just say, 'you know, I am bored that you keep talking all the time about the same thing'. Then wait for one or 2 seconds, to make her get it, and then YOU must bring up something else before she can really reply. Make it the most natural possible. And don't sound angry or anything, keep it simple, plain and in a neutral tone of voice, with some eye contact but not too much. She must know that you are serious when you say it.

Also, if she is talking all the time about her ex and current bf, that means that she has the frame the whole time. What about you? Don't you have stuff to tell? To ask? To talk about? Your frame (things to talk about) is more important than her (when you barely know her) and the same important as her (when you have passed the attraction phase and are talking more relaxed). It looks like you gave too much importance about what she talked, so you gave the frame to her too early.

First get the frame, then her attention, then her attraction, then give her your attention and attraction and ONLY then give her some frame to interact. If you give her too much of it at the beginning, she'll talk about boring stuff and blame and won't generate attraction, she will only LJBF you then.

PS, my advice about how to talk about other subject is not perfect, ofc, and it will only give you a really small -but bigger than now- chance to get something with her. Focus on someone else, there's many people out there.

I had a similar situation where the girl would bring up her xbf multiple times in conversation. I on the other hand believe they some time do this to read your body language and test to see if you are interested in them. I haven't thought of a good comeback for this, but the curtain has yet to close. I found out from her friend that she does indeed like me and we later bounced to the sex museum. So just stay in control of your body language and make it seem like you don't like her. your response is key, even though i don't exactly know of a good one for this situation yet. if someone can come up with a good thing to say when girls talk about past boyfriends, let me know! good luck

+1
i wonder if you guys been hanging out more because you take her BS about her ex more so than her other friends? Either way, i would draw the line and go from there bro, the more you let her talk about her ex and/or problems in general the more you fall deep into the friend zone.

however, i can't speak from experience in this because i don't game friends because i happen to have a friend zone as well, initially i'd say this one is a no go and move on tbh... but you can always try

It's a tricky one. She probably does just see you as a friend.

However, do you mind me asking how much experience you've got? How many girls have you dated? I had this problem when I was relatively inexperienced - you begin to become attracted to close friends. It's not because you're actually attracted to them as such, it's because you've got the closeness. When I was at uni, I house shared with girls as well as lads for the first time -I'd not got a sister, so first time I'd ever lived with girls. You become so close to these girls, and get on such good terms with them, that you begin to feel comfortable around them and mistake it for more than just friendship. I ended up trying it on with one of my housemates and getting rejected, then later tried it on with another, we had a couple of months of fuck-buddy sex, but then she started dating someone else whilst I was falling for her (or at least I thought I was falling for her).

Bottom line is this for me - go out into the real world and take your mind off her. The only problem with saying something out straight to her is that it can damage your friendship. Now some guys on here will say fuck the friendship you need to get your headspace sorted etc. etc. etc. but personally I'm not the type of person to just ditch my friends and they mean a lot to me. I'm friends with both of the housemates I tried it on with - in fact they're both very close friends even now.

But I have realised that the feelings I had for them were not the same as the feelings I have for girls now. They were fake feelings. Now I look at those girls and know that a relationship would have been completely unworkable for various reasons. We can deal with a friendship, but in reality we wouldn't be more than that.

So anyway, bottom line for me - don't tell her outright. If you're going to say something about being bored of her always talking about her ex, say it in a jokey "do you ever talk about anything else" sort of way, rather than a "I'm actually in love with you can you please stop talking about some other guy" type way. Then GO OUT and interact with other girls. If you hook up with a couple of other girls and then you realise you STILL like your friend more, then it might be worth going for. But I will put pretty good money on the fact that you will realise you're just letting this new found closeness blur your actual feelings for her.

I agree with 7000 it is most likely fake feelings as i myself have had this mistake on more then one occasion. and friends are really important i regret doing anything with my fake feelings because it didn't end up as good as 7000's story i ended up losing vary close friends that for the most part put up with a lot of my bs and were usually there when i needed them. not only that but you also have to realize that as a pua a female friend can be very useful at times, the wing woman scenario if you would. we cant decide this for you its something we all must decide what is better for us in the long run but you do have to decide do you want to risk losing the friend you have in an attempt to gain more.

If you are there is an idea i have been working on but it is not case proven yet as i now lack the female friends to try it on. it goes against everything everyone tells you but it might pull you out of FZ i for one do not believe there is a everlasting FZ i think there is a way out we as men just havent found it yet. but i will also agree with those who have said the longer your in the zone the harder it is to get out.

my hypothesis is that you make things AWKWARD, yes that dreaded word we all hate. it will instantly put them in an unfamiliar position where they for once have no idea whats going on or what to do. in this case how we would go about it is go out parting with her throw back a couple drinks as friends do then when you guys go home make for a kiss. go back to basics on the kiss if youd like she wont expect it and it will most likely land. now theres your awkwardness lol just a warning fight or flight will kick in like a rabbit caught in a trap and she'll probably try and chew her own leg off just to get out of there dont make her do that let her go peacefully.

little fight= just enough awkwardness
chew off leg to escape= to much awkwardness

from there in the morning text her with a drunken explanation of "man i have no idea what happened last night" play the drunken baffoon things still might be alittle awkward but you got what you want your kiss from there turn yourself into what she likes in a man. your her friend you should know what this is by now. im not saying show up in all leather the very next day if she likes bikers, do it slowly so she doesnt notice the change happening as much. all along that little awkward kiss will be playing in her mind, that is doubt women doubt themselfs all the time we can play on that doubt. while your changing to fit the occasion pick up other women sarge it up and let her see you doing it she might start thinking to her self if other women like him maybe he really wouldnt be so bad to date... hes better then alot of the other guys ive been seeing.

from this point you can start toying with her just like you would when you first meet a girl. worse case scenario you loose her as a friend but you still won the kc best case scenario.... well you know