Last night was my first night sarging sober for a long time. The fear of approach i felt at the beginning was probably the worst i have had for a long long time. I met up with zero at the library to get a bit of work done before heading out to some bars.
This was a definite state killer, the place was empty and quiet, no place for a social SPAM. Anyways, left and went to this nice bar along the main stretch in sheffield. I literally choded straight away, went to the toilet for a wee and left zero to it for a while. Got the old phone out, haha.
We left shortly as there wasnt too many sets in the place. Went to a bar opposite where i did my first opener. Tried to hide up near the toilets (unbelievable!), but zero came and took me back. Saw a table of older women all drinking and shaking the table with there hands in some weird way. Zero spotted that i wanted to open as i fucking love older women, i tried not too but he gave me no choice.
Asked what was going on as it looked sort of like a seance. Got a nice reply of one, she was laughing saying they were trying to shake the whole booth. Said couple things then wished them a good night as there was no way to get myself in with them.
Walked round the bar again and realised there were not many more sets left apart from big groups or mixed sets which i didnt feel up to yet. So yet again went outside to get my phone out and wait for zero. We went on to this cool bar/club we hadnt been to for a long time called Soyo. Felt good about this as i knew there was a small dance floor here.
Got in and it was fucking dead, the SPAM was shocking. Small groups spread far apart, no loud music, no hot asians or milfs, fucking munters in mixed sets. Opened this girl alone on the way out saying whats happening tonight, didnt get much of a response, she seemed content by herself alone. Said thanks to the bouncers and left.
Went to do some street sets but these didnt go brilliant. Went to Varsity (another bar) and in here started to get frustrated with my lack of opening. I felt like a loser not opening or trying, came here to sarge and ive just been walking round pretending to be on my phone staring at hot girls. In the end just turned and spoke to these two whales just to get a bit more social before moving on. Then opened a cute asian only to discover she didnt understand english, literally thought it was going well until i said, were you of to next. She carried on smiling shaking her head and said yea, i was like you dont understand english do you? Shes like yea......

. Anyway did couple more here, me and zero did a one set that went quite well but neither escalated so nothing came of it.
Later me and zero found ourselves in basement (small club sort of bar), sitting on a sofa for about 20 minutes with alpha body language not talking to each other or anyone else. After this we realised it was time to go home!
Basically the night was a defintite flop in respect of opening, but atleast i laughed of the AA i was having at the begining and did a sober night. The thing is now i really dont care what people think of me, as in if im sat or stood alone i dont give a shit if they are looking and talking about me. But i do still have a bit of fear opening big groups and worry about what to say. Im like i could go open them, i dont care what they think, but i dont know how to hook them and keep them interested.
Is this just because i havent done sarging sober for a while? Or become less social?
Look at my housemate in his nest and just want to go out at the moment. Need to get over this!!!