Short version:

Girl is (was?) really into me, initiating lots of kino on our 2nd and 3rd date. We fooled around at her place at the end of the 3rd date, I was down to my boxers but not hard due to nerves, and she made a comment about it (suggesting she had wanted to be fucked, but now thought I wasn’t really into her), and soon after asked me to leave.

Now she’s flaking on our plans. I need some insight on how to recover, get her back in the sack, and ideally advice on not letting nerves spoil a hardon (or letting a lack of a hardon lose me the girl).





Long version:

We meet over OKC. First date (coffee + wine bar on Mon 4/23) has great energy. Second date (different coffee + wine bar + bookstore on Fri 4/27) also great energy, and she’s actually initiating more kino than I am (grasping my hand or arm, kissing etc.), complimenting me, apologetic of herself, etc.

Third date (horse riding + ouutdoor wine tasting, Sun 4/29) is similar; lots of kino and compliments from her, especially when she gets tipsy from the wine. She’s coming down sick with strep throat. I know for a fact it’s not BS b/c I gave it to her on our 2nd date, which I don’t think she knows. (I wasn’t planning to kiss her on that date but she kissed me). B/c she’s very sick, tired, and tipsy, I drive her back earlier than planned, but we fool around at her place. Because of her state I’m not really intending to push for the f-close. She’s very receptive to being kissed, touched, and she gets very frisky when we dry hump.

After a bit of this, she’s topless and I’m down to boxers. I whisper for her to ‘take me in your mouth’ but she ignores it. She rolls face down and murmurs, ‘Maybe you just don’t like me like that’. I ask what she means, and she says, ‘Well, you’re not hard...maybe your heart is trying to tell your body something.’

(I was hard when we started dry humping, but am not currently.) I think to myself ‘CRAP! she wanted to be fucked! I just missed my chance’. But in that mental state, I can’t suddenly get myself hard. I reply (trying to sound casual, not frustrated, it’s no big deal) ‘I like you a lot; I’m just a little nervous’ and then ‘since you’re sick I was concerned and distracted’. She replies, ‘I like you a lot too. Maybe we’ll just keep things more relaxed.”

I go to the restroom, when I come back out she’s dressed, and she lets me kiss her. I’m hoping to reinitiate and get to sex, but she politely but dismissively says she needs to nap, bye, I had a nice time, etc. I can tell it’s one of those ‘literally true brushoffs’: he’s genuinely very tired due to sickness + wine, but all the same I may’ve ‘blown it’. I ask her about hanging out next weekend and she says yes, and sounds genuine.

Monday I call; she’s friendly on the phone and says she got some antibiotics. She asks if I still want to hang out next weekend (good sign!) and I say yeah, and we’ll see how she’s feeling and if she’s better.

Wednesday I text about bringing her some chicken soup that night. she says she has plans. (I think ‘CRAP! I figured if anything she was still sick; is it a date?’) I text back ‘Move ‘em if you can. Either way, Saturday at noon.’

No text reply. Thursday I call, she says she has plans for midday Saturday but when I suggest Saturday at 6, she accepts.

Then Friday morning, she texts

“ Hey sorry was distracted yesterday. I'm gonna hang out at my Uncle's most of this weekend. Kinda want to get out of dodge for a bit. Could we get together for a drink some evening next week?”

So now I’m pretty pissed. She’s flaking; I’m worried I’ve blown my chance by not fucking her last Sunday and offending her by not being hard, or if she’s pulling back because my recent communications have sounded too ‘booty call - ish’.

Reading between the lines of ‘get together for a drink’ says to me that she doesn’t want me to come to her place for our next date, i.e. she wants it to be nonsexual, and she might just be planning to meet to tell me Let’s Just Be Friends or she doesn’t want to keep seeing each other. (Girls.)

My questions:

1. How do I recover? Should I accept her ‘meet for a drink’ plans or should I give her some radio silence?

2. What goes through a girl’s head when you’re not hard while fooling around? Do they think you’re not man enough for them. That they’re not woman enough for you? How do I handle it when explicitly called out on it? (My sense is I regret the ‘I like you a lot’ line; sounds beta and like I think she’s too good for me, am intimidated by her looks, etc. and I should’ve just said ‘I was concerned and distracted b/c you’re sick’. )

3. I’m worried that even if we do fool around again, which is where I want to get to, I’ll have nerves due to the last incident, and it’ll become a self fulfilling prophecy of not getting it up. I know I’m biologically fine, since there’s another girl I fucked for 3 hours and gave a bunch of orgasms to last weekend. I’d love some advice on staying ‘in the zone’ and hard etc.

Respond, "Sure, but you need to pick the day and be there. I'd like to keep seeing you but I'm not into chasing girls."

There are plenty of resources out about getting hard. Staying in the moment and such. Look it up.

If you don't get hard, this time or another time, try "Yeah, I jerked off earlier today. I need you to suck it" (I know you asked her to and she said no. If she is difficult like that again, just pull your pants up and leave, she's being a selfish lover.)

Update: Sunday I texted

"How about early evening next Tues or Thurs?"

she texted back

"Hey I've done some thinking and i changed my mind. I just don't think I'm at the point in my life when I want to be dating."

Seriously WTF. She was all over me on our last two dates. This excuse sounds like classic BS, another variation on 'it's not you it's me'. It is true that she deleted her OKC profile, but she's 30 (I'm 31), tick tock tick tock, so I'm sure she's not literally planning to swear off guys for any serious length of time. My interpretations are

1. She's found some other guy, hence deleting her OKC profile and dropping me
or
2. By "dating" she's referencing the fact that I'm seeing other girls (I've made references to this for preselection, perhaps too many), and she doesn't think she could nail me down for exclusivity (this would dovetail with the low self esteem she seemed to have). In other words she's still attracted to me but doesn't want to deal with the BS of 'getting to the finish line'. This may be optimistic but it may be a more useful (i.e. confident and alpha) mental frame to maintain.

I went radio silent for a few days, and tried calling Wednesday at 7 pm (she didn't pick up. I should've tried 5:30 or so, so she's be off work but not yet potentially out wit some other guy...plus it wouldn't seem like I'm not already out with some other girl).

Any suggestions for a text / voicemail reply?

Believe it or not you would have been better off had you pretended like she was the reason you couldn't get hard. Like you should have left after you saw she couldn't her you hard. I know it sounds mean, but girls get off on that. Plus it makes you look hard to please. Case in point. Girl wanted me to spend the night, I declined. She was pissed for a few days (wouldn't answer my texts or calls.. but I only called like twice) but she was more interested in me than ever. She literary made me her number #1 priority a short while later, and she had an important career.

So if this doesn't work out for you next time remember to reverse the tables next time.

This is great stuff here. Nice post Slip,

I think right now its best to kinda let her go... and find some other chicks. This is super hard to do I kno... it hurts when girls flake.... but if she sees you around other girls she might think twice about flaking on you... regret she did... and give u another chance. But if u keep texting and asking to meet up... she will deny u... your giving her all the power and its lowing your value.... dont do that.

Hope that helps... i know its not what you really want to hear but in my experience its best to just let her go.. her loss not yours.

Now w the whole getting hard thing.... make sure u2 have a lot of 4 play... aka making out kissing ect.... that stuff always gets me going in bed... tell her to bite youe neck... kiss your chest... idk w/e u like lol. if that still isnt working i would look into how much you are having sex/ jacking it. It is important to harness your sex drive and not waste it... i go weeks w/o jacking it... so when i get laid i have no problems giving her a big load.... or 2 or 3. I kno for me if i jack it like everyday all day its hard to get horney....

Hope that helps!
Gl,
Duke

did not read it all but may I sagest that you eat pussy as hard as you fucken can if your dick don't get hard. don't leave her with out her cumming or you will be going.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Stop watching porn, masturbate less and at least make her cum if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

I found myself in a similar situation once, it was a combination of booze, jacking off that afternoon and some nerves because it was my 1st time with that particular girl. Blamed it on jacking that afternoon and only ate her pussy. She has been begging me for weeks after to come over and "reward" me, still is.