What would you guys do in this situation?

I'd noticed for 3 or 4 days that my gf had stopped initiating texts and I had been the last one to reply and first one to start.

So I did a mini freeze out and didn't initiate on saturday.

On Sunday lunchtime I get the text "have you fallen off the face of the earth"

I reply saying "I was thinking the same thing about you"

We were meant to meet later but I have a bad case of man flu so we rearranged for Tuesday.

I asked her a question via text and there was no response for 8 hours (this is increasingly common).

When we start texting she seems quite short and sharp. Her responses could of been seen as angry. Maybe because I couldn't meet her?

I honestly couldn't tell if she was pissed off or not and I thought that relationships are based on communication so I phoned her at 9.30pm.

As I expected she didn't pick up!

I waited until 10 and sent "is everything ok? I tried ringing to see how your weekend was"

She never phoned back and instead sent a text at 10.30 saying. "yea everything is fine. I never saw my phone ring"

I've not replied as I'm slightly annoyed she didn't just phone me back.



I'm thinking another mini freeze out until Tuesday? I'm trying to iron out this BS as I've noticed it's getting worse.

Patience is a virtue, it's better not do or say anything you might regret later or that might make her feel uncomfortable. What I would do is to continue as nothing had happened (however often you normally text to each other) and have a thorough conversation face-to-face when you actually meet up. (Good communication is essential.)

Perhaps she's had a busy week? For how long have you been together? Have you had the same routines with sms all this time? If the relationship is new she might feel that too frequent texting takes away her space. Are all the texts with similar content? (how are you today or similar) Perhaps it's time to try to pique her interest with something more exotic.

We've been going out for 3 months so far.

Yea I decided not to respond any more tonight as it was getting late and I was getting annoyed.

We have never been massive texters right from the start but I've just noticed a recent shift in effort towards me! Then when I don't text she acts like I've been the one being distant.

Think it's annoying because our contact between dates really is at a minimum normally so any less and it won't feel like a relationship to me.

If you're as annoyed with this as I would assume you are, I'd suggest waiting until you see her again to make any moves. Try to have fun with her for a few hours like nothing is wrong, then, as casually as possible, present the issue to her. See if there's anything wrong or if she wants to talk about something. If she acts like she has no idea what you're talking about (hint: she will!), tell her how she's been acting.

Do not do this hostilely. Don't come across like you're accusing her of anything, just that you're concerned and care deeply about her. Remember, the rules of the game differ greatly when you're in a relationship and it's important to show her that you care about her and that, while she is not your only opinion, she is your preferred option.

If she gets defensive, that's a red flag that something is wrong.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I think I'll just be normal tomorrow and see what happens! She texted last tonight so I'll reply before lunch tomorrow with something jokey.

Then I'll meet her on Tuesday and play it by ear!

I need to tread carefully as she has a very very low resistance to needy guys. It's why I've been successful so far with her. She likes her space and I give her loads but any more space and I'll be in a relationship that doesn't make me happy or fulfil my idea of what a relationship shoul be. Think a gotta stick to my guns and if we can't find a happy medium then I'll have to make a decision.

Imo this isn't going to be a good relationship. If she takes so long to text/call you that just tells me she doesn't care. Sorry to say man.

Then again maybe its her personality, but why be in a relationship like that? Shes either careless or doesn't like you that much.

Honestly in a relationship you shouldn't have to wait for a girl to text you back. Might as well meet newer and hotter girls who take time to text you back. You'll get the same results.

How often do you see her and talk to her as well? Maybe shes busy and you're going into overkill too. One of you is at fault here lol

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I see her twice a week maximum, sometimes once a week. We will text daily but sparingly. It doesn't bother me at all not texting during work hours as I dont have the time.

She never flakes and we always have fun in person it's just a very distant feeling inbetween dates.

Damn, this sounds like me 2 years ago. This relationship is heading down hill bro. It all started with the texting thing you described.

I get the feeling that you are kind of eager to see her, but she is not. It's whatever to her.

I have a feeling that she is going to dump you soon bro. As I am sure, if not already, likes another guy.

I'd call a quits with her. Doesn't seem g/f material. Find someone who genuinely appreciates you if you're looking for a relationship. Not someone who keeps you to the side.

Well she got in touch first this morning to ask how my man flu was so that's something at least!

Sent a few back and forth so I'll see how it goes. My gut instinct says she will flake tomorrow but I'll see.

UPDATE

Ok so a few texts where sent today and things seemed ok.

At 8pm she asked me what I was up to tonight.

I said I was out with my mate who's visiting from London and asked what she had planned for the evening.

Well I got no reply so it turns out I'm pretty pissed off again...I don't really think there is an excuse for this crap in an exclusive relationship that's meant to be going places!

I'm going to confront the issue tomorrow in person as long as she doesn't flake.

Considering the advice in this thread and others it seems like the best approach is to be my normal fun self for a few hours then bring it up in a non confrontational way. Nearly as if I'm looking out for her...

I'm thinking of saying something like this...

"Is everything ok?
I've been wondering if I've done something to upset you? 
You've been quite distant lately and I feel like you don't want to communicate with me much at the moment. 

I want to make sure your ok because I care about you greatly! I also want you to know that if your not feeling the connection anymore then don't be afraid to tell me!"

How does this sound? Any feedback or advice will be much appreciated!!

I would ask her face to face is everything ok and have I done something wrong? Then be quiet the first one that speaks in negotiation loses always.

The last part sounds weak and needy don't do that, be the strong guy, you don't have to be an a hole but let her know if she says that continues to do that she won't be hearing from you.

I appreciate the input!

I'm pretty sure once I ask the first part she will answer with the generic "Yes, everything's fine! Why?"

Then I'm going to have to say the second part anyway. Is there a better way to voice my concerns?

The last part is fine, but maybe reword it. I have one tactic that I've used with a huge success rate, but keep in mind this only works if you were pretty decent friends before the relationship.

Tell her something like "Look, I really care about you a lot. You're an amazing person to me and I want to keep you in my life. That's why I want you to know that if you're not feeling like being in a relationship with me anymore, I'm fine with just being friends. It doesn't have to be awkward. We can do it."

You might think it's high risk, but it's not. Deep down, if she just wants to be friends anyway, it's for the best. But otherwise it's like you're threatening her, only without the aggressive part. She'll be forced to get her head together and maintain the relationship if that's what she really wants. No more "on the fence" bullshit. The only thing is, when you say this, you have to truly mean it in every single way. Don't back down.

I like that tactic but we where not friends before we met. Plus it would be incongruent for the both of us as we both said that we are not friends with exes as it's not fair on the next person you start to date.

I thought that by me saying that if she wasn't feeling it anymore then it's ok to say so would be non needy as it's like its no big deal if I hear the worst.



Further update,

There's been no flake tonight so that's something at least!

Plus I started texting another girl I know that I fancy and she fancies me. We are going out this weekend for a beer tasting night. Fast work if I must say so myself but I need to do this so as I'm not tempted to beta backtrack. Plus if the shit hits the fan I've got a quick date and some fun! If it all goes well tonight then I've got a fun beer tasting with a friend. Win win situation!

I met this girl at the same time as my gf but ironically I chose my gf because she texted less even though this girl was hotter! Even I can see the funny side of this!

This is a classic case of bad communication. Leave the text for what they are and start calling her. Every single time you want to communicate with her call her.