ahh ic, idk i thought you we're/are saying to ask them to take a picture and like say "can i take this picture to show i get girls". Honestly im sure they would do it, but it just sounds hella weird to me. I should prolly take pictures with girls more though. I guess i can't really judge it until i've tried it .

and of course im scared LOL, that's why i got excuses on excuses.

Despite that I'm making a schedule for myself to try to push my limits of overcoming every aspect that bothers me when its not done

- women
- working out
- eating healthy
- finding activities
- new clothes
- clean/hygienge

that along with like a weekly goals and expections, i probably will post it here once i figure it out. Something that i can follow everyday and take steps towards actually getting somewhere

thanks though slipnslide for being real with though man, sometimes i tend not to listen to people and learn the hard way like a dumbass if you haven't noticed =)

Today was alot better than yesterday

work was slow so i got called in not to come. Today i showered, cleaned my room, worked out, did laundry, and then went to the store. On the way to the store i said hi to 3 people while they were walking towards me! One was a girl on the phone, she didn't respond back, but i was still happy nonetheless. I was feeling a need to go direct on a girl, but i didn't see any girls worth doing so. Despite that, i asked a girl if she was waiting in line and chatted for quick sec and also helped this lady who was short change at the register.

Overall it was better for me, i think the workout had ALOT to do with my attitude. I still felt AA, but it didn't consume me to initiate a conversation. It was it felt more like jumping in a pool for the first time of the day, instead of a feeling of being in a room of wolves.

Tomorrow i have a training session at the gym after work. Hopefully i get a good workout and still keep having this positive attitude.

Today was cool, worked then had a good workout at the gym. Overall these past few days have been decent. Although AA got the best of me again.

Literally this was like 20mins ago. I had a perfect oppurtunity to approach a girl and got scared. She had a real pretty look to her, she had glasses, and a real tight stomach (idk i like that alot). Anyway, i went up to her and say hi, she looked backed gave a soft smile and said hi back. I was nervous, i wanted to go back. Then im like rotating that area, we pass again, i say "you again" and she just passed me. Im a tad sad because once she smiled i should've just went direct there or at least engage a conversation instead of walk off.

I see where i went wrong and know what to do to fix and i'm trying not to be so hard on myself and tell myself "there will be more girls". For some reason whenever i tell myself that i see another chick and just forget about everything.

I'm more confident in the sense that im getting real decent at saying hi regardless who the person is, so that's dope. I bought condoms for motivation to use them, and just in case i ever need them. Its just that moment when the hb is in my vicinity it's hard for me to engage them how i want. How i want to engage girls is to be up front with my intentions and motives, basically say whatever the fuck im thinking. I don't like the idea of having that hidden agenda (at least until i get good enough at gaming).

Though sad about how i did im happy it's happening. I feel like im getting experience in these situations. Usually the times where i approached where due to this freeze happens so much and a bunch of workouts. Despite this i want this moment to happen more so i can become comfortable with it. I am more comfortable with the nervousness because i don't think im a loser or ashamed of myself afterwards like a use to. I'm also being more logical about everything.

I think recently, though i knew this, i finally starting believing this the other day. I use to think you had to either, look amazing or have a good career to get a girl. I had this thought in my mind "if i improve my life situation, girls will come" which i only think is true if you're already in a place where you're decent with women. I notice i feel like im falling into a trap where everything in my life is good, but still i'll be unhappy because im lonely or just settled.

These thoughts of building a life for myself to get women in it, to me it's like spraying shit with perfume. Yea you might smell the perfume for a little bit, but it's still shit, if you really wanna get the smell to go away you gotta pickup the shit and throw it out.

I'm learning in order to get good at game, you have to practice, pretty fucking simple i know. In this journal i avoid it big time. Through finding work, working out, doing chores, "being present", but at the end of the day, none of that shit will cure the issue i have, and that's not having beautiful women in my life. (get at my run on sentences bruh)

Where i want to be with women, is to have about 3 or 4 fwb's. Then possibly a relationship down the line (never had a legitimate gf before so i wanna see what it's like).

Also i use to think the stigma of me being a virgin use to fuck with me. Mainly because my friends would make a big ass deal about being a virgin. I realized that some of them lied and are still virgins themselves. Its like how when people diss gay people cuz they're gay. When i found that out idk, it made me feel relieved that i wasn't the only one. Though i still do wanna get rid of virginity really bad, im starting to finally not be ashamed of it. It's starting to not become as big of an insecurity as it once was.

Overall i just wanna start putting myself in these situations more to experience these anxieties and eventually they won't be anxieties anymore

Things I Want To Do:

- Say what im thinking/feeling more WHEN i think/feel it.

- I want to go out more, to put myself in more situations with girls

- Going to a bar solo, never been to strictly a bar, i kinda wanna go to sports bar though idk.

- I actually wanna go to hookah bar on my birthday, it's in 2 weeks. I use to smoke a shitload of weed, but never had hookah, so i'm very curious about it (i get the same interesting curiosity about sex, cept i want sex way more lol)

- I really want to approach 2 girls this week.

- I want to indirectly hit on my co-workers at my 2nd job, alot of them are very attractive, i don't work with ones i'm attracted to, plus i want to practice more. (at this job it's okay for employees to date)

- I want to approach a customer at my 2nd job as well, i tend to flirt with girls in my department more so than my other male co-workers, but that's only if i can approach 2 girls this week.

Other than that, things are better. Work is better, less procrastination, more confidence, less depression.

To anyone who read this, thank you, you're awesome =)

Yo, just at home chillin, figured to write up a post.

Last night was okay, can't complain. I closed at work and then had a beer with some co-workers after we closed. I just noticed how i was feeling on the way to work.

On the way to work i was real nervous about bumping into a hot girl i should approach. Then a cute girl hopped on the bus and AA got the best of me again. Then i get to work, still nervous and tense as hell, for about the first hour i was feeling this. Then i was disappointed and i have no clue why. I'm not sure if i was sub-consciously upset that i didn't approach or because i had to come to work. My initial feeling was "i don't wanna be here right now".

From there i started to warm up i guess, started talking to more co-workers. Idk from there just kinda sparked it i guess. From there things get easier, but idk if you're at dave and busters from 6-2am im pretty sure socializing gets easier. One thing i tend to do at my job is im very playful and the girls there just feed off it sometime.

The biggest thing i noticed that made me feel better is that the mental masturbation went away! The more i talk to people the less im in my head. You have less time to think about shit when you're constantly talking to people. Which naturally causes me to be more in the moment. I also notice the less i listen to music the less i mental masturbate and am more focused in reality.

Yesterday at work a girl approached me I was shocked by it, but wondered what she was thinking. She was kinda cute to hahaha. Im walking to clean up and we had a little interaction, then i go back to cleaning. She just comes up to me asking to ring her up so she can cut the line, but the line wasn't long. Then talked to me how she was gonna get hammered afterwards. Alot of girls there try to bribe the fuck the out me, like a shitload. I always tell them no because mainly i don't see a point of her giving her shit just for having a vagina. I usually think it's their way to flirt/test me. Despite me saying no it seems to attract them more. Eventually i don't know how to escalate without feeling awkard/nervous. My problem with those girls is idk how to indirectly move that situation because 100% that girl is with her friend. I'm pretty good at winning the friends over, but my issue is what's the best way to telegraph interest to your target in front of her friends and just in general without it being so obvious?

My goals for now other than approaching is just talking to people. The more i have conversations the more it's easier for me to be comfortable. I do wanna be more assertive though. I just wish i wasn't so tense during the day. My issue when im out during the day is that i get so caught up in wondering when the next hot girl comes to the point im nervous when im out. Then when she appears the anxiety kicks in tenfold. I been thinking today just to deliberately go out and walk around my park and just hit on the next girl see, but we'll see where that goes.

Gotta get a number dude.

Write down three or four events you could do every week. A bar you've wanted to try, a restaurant, a concert or something. Anything, but make sure they're real and you know about them.

When you get a girl like that, who wants to talk about her drinking, it becomes an easy transition.
"Oh you're going __ later? Have you tried [bar you read about] yet?"
[nope]
"NO? I hear they have an all-glass bar counter and flashing lights, it looks like the coolest shit ever."
[oh cool]
"Yeah. I haven't been yet though. We should meet up there sometime, put your number in my phone and we'll figure it out."

By having a variety of these locations in your back pocket, you are ready for whatever the conversation throws at you, and you will quickly learn to steer conversations toward them.

will do, that's pretty legit

yea man i grabbed a notebook of mine and start writing like notes on game and shit. First time i've ever done it, but i feel like that helps alot.

okay, posting this while i still am feeling this way

I'm gonna make this as accurate as possible, even though i don't want to.

right now im very nervous, lots of anxiety. I walked to the park with intentions solely to approach a girl for the first time. There was one girl on the phone, but she was way too far away i couldn't see to see she looked or if it was even a girl.

There was hardly anyone there despite this im tense still. I decide to bail like a few mins in and walk home. There i saw a girl across the street, she wasn't attracted to me but then i got confused on wethier i should approach or not.


THEN im almost home, i seen this kinda cute girl ive seen numerous times walking across the street the opposite direction. I thought about running over there going direct and then fear kicked in like a motherfucker.

I looked at her, she looked back at me, i did a quick look away and that was it. I was so nervous dude. In social settings im never this nervous, but when im out and about on the street i tense up mad hard.

Lastly, one thing thats been stopping me from approaching, probably my biggest fear SPAM. Is that what if the girl is under-aged? Idk girls are so attractive now i can't really tell sometime. For whatever reason i don't like the thought of going direct to 16/17 y/o old even though her body looks like shes my age.

Idk i just gotta keep getting use to putting myself in these more and eventually i won't be as nervous.

I just really want some critique on how to handle this anxiety i've been getting. Everytime i see a hot girl i get anxiety up the ass because i feel as if i should approach but don't.

The good thing is im tired of waiting for something to happen to get me where i want with girls. I just wanna get decent at day game. Game is prolly the only aspect of my life right now i feel i need to "improve"

thanks all for reading. =)

PULL THE FUCKING TIGGER...if you want the girl, ask for the number.

my best advice is to step outside the box and realize you will not have the young looks forever. The older you get, the less opportunity you have of finding a decent girl because pretty girls will either be married or too busy with their careers to hangout.

Im 22, im the run. If i see potential girls, i go for it.

At the end of day you have nothing to loose, only regrets

Thanks man, i appreciate the comment

I understand this, but in that moment i bitch up

I've done it before to, but for some reason my anxiety to open is crazy

just came up with a new goal to get a number this week

I wanna feel on top the world this week looool

Im about go on a quick sarge before my 2pm class starts. good luck

@afcACE i hope that sarge went great for you man =)


today is okay so far, bumped into something that i wasn't sure of. There was a girl that was on the bus who hot and another behind her who was hot, and another. So i didn't know who to consider approaching. So i flaked like a bitch. Turns the first one i saw was the hottest.

I get alot of instances though where my eyes are deceiving as fuck. For some reason though im actually glad i didn't approach (thats a first). Idk for some reason the vibe felt like it wasn't the right time. 9 out of 10 times i would talk about how i froze and shit, but honestly that was one of the first times where i thought it was smart to just fall back.

I said happy birthday to a girl with a bunch of happy bday ballons and she said thank you. Overall i feel very non needy today, not really giving a shit about what people are thinking of me today.

For example, with melee i rarely play much, but i really wanted to play it today. It's different from most cuz theres no online feature (cuz i know people assume its some online shit). Anyway i went out of my comfort zone and asked as many people as possible if they wanted to chill and play. Usually i get thoughts that prevent me from doing this like.

"i'll look needy if i do this."

"i really don't want to get rejected so i'll just fall back"

"i give them power, they'll get a kick out of saying no"

its been a reason why i haven't talked to some of friends in weeks. I put it out there though, asked close to around 10 people. Most of them either didn't respond or said no. At this point only 2 in the air for debate. Though it does feel a tad uncomfortable, the thought of making shit happen for me is pretty dope. I've been thinking about msg that girl i went direct on awhile ago just to see if i get a response, the other half tells me it's not worth it though.

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Also at my 2nd job, there's this waiter im think im starting to like(if u actually read this journal, its the same chick who uses the bathroom while im on break), mostly because i think she's attracted to me a little, she's actually hot to which trips me out sometime. Issue is i only work there once or twice a week and we're in different areas so it's hard to talk to her. At the same time it's a good thing which is why i can kinda shit where i eat, plus co workers can date here.

Im def going indirect for sure, as much as i prefer direct, i think it would kill tension cuz it's so sudden. Plus it looks like she's more into me than the other way around.

This kinda sealed it for me with her. Since i stock up shit, i was stocking stuffed animals and sometimes the cotton from them will get on my head without me noticing. Now i had cotton on my head, but it was so small the fact the she even caught it startled me. But anyway she stops me, we look at each other and i say "whats up" she says "turn around" and gets the cotton off my head. If it where anyone else i wouldn't really assume attraction but after that i just think she is. That and she was talking to other guy co-workers, but i just was gonna not intrude, let her do her thing lol. So i just walked past her without looking, but from the corner of my eye she jumped up and looked at me and followed me with her eyes. Not in like a eyefuck way more like a "oh shit its him". idk, thats how i perceived it anyway

I feel like i have a shot if i play it right, my issue is idk how to convey interest back to her indirectly. My bday is exactly a week from now so i can use that, im not sure what angle to take. Normally im pessimistic as hell, but idk something tells me this girl will comply. I wanna try to put myself out there cuz i know if we keep this up, she's gonna lose attraction and we'll be friends. Idk what to do when i see her again other than say hi, we usually talk in the break room though. Most would say ask her out, but idk, i feel like there isn't enough personal comfort yet. I'm thinking the best thing to do is actually taking time to talk to her when i see her, but idk u guys got game so help the kid out, what should i do?

At the same time i wanna approach others, don't wanna get focused on one girl. Plus she could have a boyfriend for all i know. I just don't wanna obsess over something i feel like i should do and then do it when its to late (i have a huge tendency to do everything last minute).

Hopefully i muster the balls to approach, i might take a walk around the park to scope again just cuz.......

ive been writing shit down that i see on here on a notebook, actually writing it puts it more perspective for me and is def helping.

thanks for reading

I just found out some hectic news, found out i gotta move out of my place by the first of june, which i can't say is bad because i do wanna move out. I just wish i had more time, but oh well shit happens. Due to this im looking into getting a 3rd job my friends mom offered.

Also that same chick at my other job likes me, im convinced. We talked for a little bit, but it sucks cuz we don't really have much rapport going, it's growing though. Might ask her out once i get familiar with her a little.

I need to game other girls tough because i noticed when a girl likes me, i get so happy about the fact that they like me and i turn needy. 9/10 i attract girls at random it feels. It's at a point with her where you can clearly tell she likes me, it's weird cuz i feel like a dick cuz i dont really reciprocate that back to her. To be honest though i didn't pay her any mind until i noticed, i do think she's hella cute tho.

My best bet imo is to game other women, that way i don't put too much energy into something that hasn't really happened yet. Plus i need to break out of my shell more and stop being a bitch.

Lastly, after almost going a month on no porn and masturbating once a week, I folded. Honestly i can't say really regretted it. After i did it i felt like i didn't need a girl and just wanted to focus on shit other than game and i liked that feeling. It didn't really hinder my game at all, if anything it helped me because im not so on tilt all the time when i see a female. After trying once a week, twice a week, once a week for the past like 2 months. Instead i just do it when i feel like it, which is alot better imo LOL.

My goal this week is just try to get a girl's number. I wanna actually follow my goals i post here. Wish the best for me whoever is reading this, so i don't bitch up.

thanks for reading this to, you're awesome =)

I'm reading man. Your journal is 6 pages long. At 6 pages into my journal I was learning to close. I got two dates set up after meeting girls at two different parties, one flaked and I managed to kiss the other one on a first date (it never went anywhere).

Your journal does not have any kisses and it does not have many dates. It's time for you to learn to be decisive. When you find a girl you're interested in (maybe this cute one you mentioned?) you need to ASK HER ON A DATE (right away, don't waste time on this) then KISS HER.

I'd like to see you accomplish that on the 7th page of your journal. Good luck.

Yea dude you're right, thanks for noticing that, just made a date/kiss a goal of mine. =)

Today i just had thoughts about my life situations right now and ways to make it better. I usually try not to put a date on my goals, but right now i feel it's necessary. I've been living in fear with women for years, even today, so i think it's time to break the shell.

My birthday is tomorrow and i have no idea what i'm gonna go. A good friend of mine is down to go to a hookah bar with me. (since my friends are gamers they don't like going unless certain people show up). We were gonna go friday, but we'll see, my friends flake on me ALOT, enough to where i don't take it personal, regardless though i want to come up with a plan to something with myself.

Tomorrow i want it to be the last day where im like this. I mean like this by not taking any opportunities with what i really want in life. As of now, i want the ability to sleep with women i find attractive and having real results that assure me that i'm capable. That and because i have a genuinely appreciate them and wanna connect with them. Lastly to actually to have more options of entertainment with myself other than just the gym and games. So May 10th will be my start. (May 9th i want to enjoy seeing another year alive). My goal though is to ACTUALLY start a journal LOL.

I was gonna go to this big game event come August(might not go), either way i want to use that as my deadline for the goals ima post.

By August 10th i want to:

- 90 days no porn
- Get 20 numbers
- Have a date with 7 different girls
- Makeout with 5 girls
- Sex with 3 girls

By June 10th

- 7 numbers
- 1 date
- 1 makeout
- Sex

Weekly goals

- Get a number before saturday
- Get girls i posted about above number

I feel like im starting small with these goals, but im doing so on purpose. Because i know if i don't complete this checklist by then, then im pretty much a certified pussy. Idk for some reason being called a pussy motivates you to overcome shit LOL.

Anyways today/tomorrow im gonna be a chode and be alright with it. Come Thursday though i'm legitimately "approach" and "sarge". A new start for me personally imo. I think next week i'ma go to san francisco and just try to pickup random girls in the city. I've come with term of getting rejected, i just need to put effort now and do what i need to do.

well i didn't wanna post till i approach, but i folded. What's cool though is the anxiety is turning into more of an excitement instead of a panic. I looked back whenever i did do approach i tend to be working out and eating healthy which i been doing lately.

Overall i been reading a bunch on inner game, along with the need to get over this everlasting hump of opening. Though i still haven't been done what i need initially, personally i feel like im progressing imo.

I say that mainly cuz i use to think "fuckkkk, hot girl, holy shit ummmmmm shit, what if she doesn't like me????? fuck i really hope im not bothering her"

that shit is still there, but it's turning more into this

"damn she's hot, i wonder is she cool to?" thats my initial reaction, then all those irrational thoughts hit. When i fuck up and don't open i always think of how i could've opened in that situation now, so i get a better idea to approach the situation.

The one thing that causes my AA the most i think, is if i see a girl and she has a angry/dull look on her face w/ headphones. Which is expected considering we're on transit bored as fuck.

Whats crazy though is today was probably the first time i enjoyed having AA ever, idk i like the challenge. Lately i been pretty optimistic in general, i feel like i'll get over it soon. I wanna keep experiencing it though, it's also made me want to go out. Tomorrow i'll be gone most of the day so im bound to run into a girl. I just have to seize that initial moment. I've never done the 3sec rule either, each time i've waited like 10mins then opened, so i gotta start doing that. I also stopped taking my ipod with me while im out, though music is amazing the shit clouds my mind with too many emotions and i tend to be less aware of my surroundings.

If anything i learn about myself with "game" is that i suck ass at opening and closing LOL, basically the most important shit in game. I think if anything im not shitty at is attracting. There's a new chick in our department, easillyyyy the hottest girl. The other girls call her dumb and whatnot, you can smell the envy a mile away. Anyway it was the first time where i thought "ima try to attract this chick." and it worked for the most part.(shoutouts to the forum) But that was that day, i haven't seen her since. There was also a customer i damn near approached, but the feeling hit once again.


I mean i know at the end of the day what i need to do, just gotta think rational when emotions hit is all, the kid is a work in progress lol....

I also realized that the fear is coming from something that i really desire, but never experienced or put myself out there with. So then it causes you to mask how you really feel so you won't get hurt due to previous life experiences. Which then creates frustration because you're not going after what you desire. (in this case the desire is women) wash,rinse,repeat. Its like a bubble that needs to popped.

So my new goal is to approach on rational thoughts about as girl, or once the irrational thoughts start to hit. And to accept when i want to fuck to a girl (IE that co-worker LOL). For some reason i use to think it was bad to imagine fucking someone you're attracted to, cuz i thought i would get further attached and be needy, but it's actually the opposite LOL

Goals:

- approach on rational thoughts about a girl, or once the irrational thoughts start to hit

- approach before work saturday