I was originally going to post this in another thread but it deserves its own post.

As I am constantly telling people, inner game is more important than outer game. Just look at naturals, they weren born with routines preprogrammed into their heads but they may have been raised in a spirit of confidence.

What you think of yourself is very important but it could also hinder you.

Lets look at whats going on in your head.

You have self confidence (how well you trust yourself to handle situations), self awareness (how well you know yourself), self esteem (how good you think you are) and yourself (how good you really are).

All of them are important.

Self confidence is often based on experience, if you are used to biking, you will be confident that you wont fall.
Self esteem is based on how often you cry at night and feel worthless (not really but you get the point), it is often confused with self confidence.

Basically, with bad self awareness you will over or underestimate yourself. With good self awareness, you will pinpoint how good you are and be right.

Self esteem and self awareness sound like the same but they are different. Self awareness measures how good you think you are intellectually and self esteem is how good you feel emotionally.


Someone with high self awareness know how good he is but feels like a lower or higher number (normally lower).

Someone with low self awareness and low self esteem doesnt know how good he is and feels even worse than that.


So if your awareness is low but your self esteem is high, you dont know how good you are but you feel like a million dollars. The same goes for self confidence. High self confidence but bad self awareness gives you the attitude that you are the best even though you arent.

Nothing pisses me off more than someone who behaves like he is the shit when in fact, he is just a little brat. (high confidence low awareness). I am sure they piss you off as well.
On the other hand, it is frustrating when a friend has low confidence and low awareness, they keep underestimating themselves. It sucks.

So work on your self awareness and dont just think you can get away with acting confident, alphamales can smell it from miles away and they love fucking around with people like that. Girls also see through it and if they do, they will think that you are arrogant and a loser.

And if you get your awareness up and still think that you are low on the awesomeness scale, then darn it, go out there and get better. It isnt impossible.


To recap, when is it ok to tell a girl that you have just met that "I drive a Ferrari to work and sometimes to my private jet because I like to have my harem with me at all times. Plus sometimes Johnny Depp calls and asks me for advice."


Figured it out yet?

It is ok to say it ONLY if it is TRUE.

Youd be amazed how often people can tell truth from lies, even if it sounds ridiculously fantastic, people may believe you if it is actually true.




Dont pretend to be something you are not, that goes both directions both for over and under estimating yourself. If you are called out on it, people will think that you are pathetic regardless.

So spend some time to get to know yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised at who you find.

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Just a few thoughts:
You also wrote: So wouldn't working on 'outer game' have a positive influence on self confidence?
I think you meant high self esteem, low ability, and low awareness. These types don't do very well with others. They're usually low level workers (due to low abilities) who tend to make a living off of projects that do not require team work.(Because they tend to piss others off) Unfortunately, by mid-teens, it's probably somewhat late to change these patterns. And by mid 30's, these habits are pretty well cemented so it's a good idea to work on forming habits to balance these facets of our lives at an early age.

It's pretty easy to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are "alpha, successful, talented, etc . . ." (that you've already arrived) It takes more work to take the necessary steps to actually get there in the REAL WORLD.

Now let's get back to this statement again:
If ^this behavior tends to piss people off, it means that it is exactly the opposite of what you're trying to achieve in PU. ^This is a 'repulsive' act, not at 'attractive act'. You know these people in real life and here in this forum. "I am alpha, alpha, alpha. I've laid xxx people. I am a leader of man. I am an elite PUA. I am monster. I am bull. I do threesomes. I get 2 numbers. I am this, I am that, I am this and that." Take a look at the photograph below:



Does anybody believe that ^this gentleman is Superman? Any of you believe he can fly? Does he look smart to you? Does he look strong to you? Yet, he sure looks as if he believes all of these things. The problem here is that he's believing what is not true. He is NOT superman but believes he is. He is NOT strong, but believes he is. Here's the kicker . . .and because he knows and everybody knows that he's not 'super', he has to remind himself and everybody else, every day that he is super. . . Sound familiar to you? "I have game! I am confident! I am alpha! I know my shit! That's the truth! Really! Believe me why won't you! I wrote it 100 times!"

And because ^this goes NOWHERE, it just becomes a permanent field trip in la-la land. Some even advise others into enter this cycle by recommending the "Let's pretend we're retarded" game. Yes, I have zero life, zero friends, zero game, zero abilities, but let's start screaming to ourselves and anybody willing to listen that 'we're special! I am somebody! I am a winner! I am alpha!" - This is truly sad . . . All that happens here is a widening of the gap between "ability" and "self esteem". And as Ezo pointed out, people who have high self esteem and low ability tend to piss others off. Ask yourselves, is this 'attractive' or 'repulsive'? And does this habit lead to growth of ability or stagnation?

If you want to 'ATTRACT' others, then study the habits from people who 'ATTRACT' others. Habits are just a set of behaviors. These are daily tasks that can be built to form habits:



"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful … that's what matters to me."
"Let’s go invent tomorrow rather than worrying about what happened yesterday."

The truly 'attractive' . . . true leaders . . . these guys are TASK focused and not THOUGHT focused. They are GOAL focused, not TITLE focused. They are steeped in REALITY, not steeped in the number of LIES they can force down their throats in front of a mirror.

There's a reason why almost all the more knowledgeable members of the forum tend to recommend others to START A JOURNAL. This is a personal plan. This is what progressive, successful people do in all walks of life. This is reality focused. This is task focused. This is goal focused.

On the other hand, there is a reason why almost all the high self esteemed, low ability, low self aware people tend to advise others to stand in front of a mirror and 'gain confidence' by thinking this way or that way. Thinking this way or that way is all they know.

Who says these things have to be mutually exclusive?

In order to accomplish a difficult task, is it not sometimes beneficial to change the way one thinks about the task? Does one not have to first think about their goals in order to determine a path - or paths - to them? And is your entire post not in essence a persuasive essay eschewing those who read it to think about the world in a task-based, goal-oriented, reality-focused way?

I pose these questions not to dispute the merits of seeing things as they are instead of how you wish they were (something I am a devout proponent of), but in a legitimate attempt to understand why thinking is so vilified by you, a man many consider among the most thoughtful on our forum.

The most supremely self-aware people I know all became that way by thinking deeply about the way they see the world and stripping away the lies their egos were feeding them until all that remained was reality.

How can a newbie or even a seasoned ladies' man hope to make that happen without first using his mind?

Your boy,
870

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

Not sometimes . . . always. So think about the task. Focus on the task. Do the task. The personal mantras of mental midgets rarely have anything to do with 'tasks' and everything to do with justification of their sad existence. 1. Nobody around them offers positive reinforcement. 2. They feel bad. 3. They decide to give themselves positive reinforcement by thinking this way or that way about themselves. 4. High self esteem, low ability. 5. Since they've already 'arrived', they don't progress. 5. Nobody around them offers positive reinforcement because they do in fact suck. 6. they feel bad.

In ^this silly little cycle, what do you suppose is the most easily changeable step? If you feel bad, can YOU make YOURSELF feel better? can you change the way others treat you? What can you do? And do you suppose it could affect how the cycle flows?
Yes, so think of your goals: Where do I want to be? Where am I now? How can I get there? What are the tools I already have? . . . How can I best utilize these tools? What are the skills I need to learn? How can I attain these skills? What are the tasks I need to do? These simple steps are what goes into a plan. This is reality . . . and these are the thoughts that should occupy your mind. Whether it's a cooking plan, business plan, political plan, or yes, even a 'pick up plan' . . . good plans simply have some commonalities. Successful people in ANY sector of life tend to have similar habits . . . they tend to be task oriented, goal oriented, and reality focused. They follow through with these steps whether they feel great, weird, strange, cool, nerdy, whatever . . .

What do mental midgets do? 1. Scream to themselves and anybody willing to listen delusional lies, "I'm alpha. I'm a bulldog, mad dog, queer dog. 2. Then they jump out and think today will somehow be different from yesterday. 3. Disappointment. 4. Go back to 1 and repeat.
Agreed.
How mindful is it to stare at a mirror and scream to yourself, "I am alpha!"?

How mindful is it to type up 40 page mantras on an anonymous forum that "I am confident! I am confident! I am this! I am that! I laid 800+ And that's really conservative. I am alpha! Did you read page 24 where I told everybody here that I was alpha?!"

It's important to use your mind . . . the guys who write up thoughtful journals and follow through with them in the FR section almost always progress. How often have you seen guys who are engaged in their progressive, well thought out journals type up the typical delusional idiocies of 'supposed experts'? They're too busy focused on their goals, plans, strategies, tasks. . . yes, real life! Rarely do you see anybody who FOCUSES on reality sway to idiocy.

On the other hand, how often do you see those with habits for typing up self mockery (I am this and I am that) sway towards anything progressive or reality based? . . . . . . . . .

I feel as though there are two dimensions of people with high self esteem.

There are the ones that say,

"Even though i fully accept my self in this given moment, i am going to dedicate every bit of time in my life to becoming my ultimate goal" i.e; having ability.
OR
"I'm fine sitting here doing absolutely nothing with my life, I have everything i need and i'm perfect right now, therefore I do not need to do a single thing. I expect people to respect me for this"

Both have self esteem.

I couldn't agree more about the importance of considering the questions above and formulating a plan to bridge the gap between who one is and who one wants to be, but how can one ever hope to put such a plan in motion if they are stuck behind some bullshit limiting belief?

If a guy believes he is a terrible communicator who is bad at working a room and generally unlikeable, it doesn't matter how foolproof his plan is for becoming a successful politician, he's never going to succeed unless he changes that belief. Why? Because all of his attempts to acquire the skills he lacks to do so will be tainted by the same belief: "I'm just not good at this."

The same applies to women. A guy who starts trying to learn pickup and doesn't first believe he is worthy of quality women can fumble around with all the schools of seduction he wants, but until he decides he CAN succeed, his journal will be filled with nothing but failure - or, at best, the kind of hollow, mediocre success that eventually causes people to look for the 'deeper meaning to it all.'

In both cases, it's the belief, not the lack of a plan, that's holding the individual back, and in both cases the belief is no more rooted in reality than the people who write 500 word essays on how awesome they are and post them up to prove it to everybody on PUAF.

I think the key here is a careful mix of the two. Develop a plan for who you want to be, then adjust your view of yourself and the world to one that is most favorable to that plan's success. Then and only then can you begin acquiring the skills you'll need to succeed.

Would you agree?

Your boy,
870

_________________
"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

Kas is right. People have believed the old Mystery Mantra, fake it until you make it. But they forget that they are supposed to eventually make it.

If you shout "I am alpha" in front of a mirror every day and start believeing it, what happens is that experience will disprove your statement in a while and when that happens, you have nothing left. You will feel worse than when you started.

So there are as someone said, two classes of people who think that they are good. 1. The good ones and 2. the ones who despite being bad believe that they are good.

People in group 2 need to work on their personalitites and basically every aspect of themselves while they are on a high so that when reality hits back, they have improved enough to not fall all the way back down to where they started.

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Low self esteem is really not as bad as people wish it was. Consider this:

http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/arti ... good-thing

Math is a good topic for ^this study because math abilities are easily testable. However, this inverse relationship between self esteem vs. actual abilities exists everywhere.
I tend to believe that folks who have a habit for ^this, simply choose NOT to partake in that activity first. Then they come up with excuses second. Go ahead and think what ever you want to think. If you want to accomplish something, set goals, plan, execute. However, I'd actually say that the mental midget exercise will in fact get in the way of your progress. . . but if it floats your boat. . .

Let me start this by saying that Kasabi is 100% correct about keeping a journal. It is absolutely necessary for progress. I keep a personal journal on a much smaller forum and that is where I receive all of my real epiphanies and greatest, most accurate criticisms.

The key is to see and represent the truth. If you are skinny, don't run around telling big guys that you can kick anyone's ass, someone might test you on that someday.

The same goes for getting girls. Don't run around with the belief that "I'm a MPUA! I can't be stopped!"

Here's a story, I'll try to keep it quick.
Right when I started all of this, I saw a old friend's facebook status-- something about a good opener. I chatted with him, and told him I knew the PUA terminology, but not how to apply it.

He told me, somewhat condescendingly, that he had "learned pick up" and was a whole different person from when I'd last known him. He told me a little story about how he got a number in front of the girls' boyfriend. I was skeptical (and recognized a DHV story when I saw one), but hoped I could take on the challenge with him as a correspondent.

I started a journal, and my facebook slowly began to mature. I had more pictures with girls, and people in general. I had more wall posts, it was visually evident that my life was changing.

His was stagnant. His pictures were all funny ones from the internet, same as they'd always been. I talked to him very rarely. Last I talked to him, he said nothing about pick up. He did say that he'd been kicked out of college for grabbing a girls boobs.

Ezo, you broke down some different ways a human mind can look out to its environment, it was useful to read.

But I think one necessary element is humility. No matter where you are, realize that it isn't your upper limit; you are never as good as you can be. The "I'm just not good at this" belief is easily changed: "Yes, I'm not good at this! I better go practice! And I better write it down so I don't forget anything!"

Yes Slip, absolutely.

I agree that your results depend on how you see it. Like "Im bad at this" is not as constructive as "I have room for improvement on this".

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

just posting to keep the thread

I agree a lot with this. You don't have to be confident to get good at something. You just have to do it. Confidence is easy to gain once you have a solid fountation to build it on.

The most important thing to take away from this thread is with effort and practice, you will improve; always. Have confidence in your ability to learn if nothing else.

Here's what I believe. . Sure you can Go By the Absolute Reality in the Time / State of How you feel & think at that time, & Not have to think you Need to Lie to Yourself too change how you feel & it's bad, But i Say it Isnt .

I'll try to put my thoughts Clearly & Word this correctly so you fully understand me, so bare with me.


I think its absolutely 110% Good to i guess you can Say "Mentally Masterbate". . To think long & hard about things, everything, not just PUA.

Your mind is powerful & controls everything we do pretty much, So I'd encourage anyone to use it to change the way you think aswell.

From what i understand, You Pretty much said don't lie to youself/Tell yourself things that are untrue & to live with Reality & to accept what you are.

Thats complete Bullshit because anyone can change, & the Main Source of it is the Mind & how you precieve & understand things.

I can go on for days on this subject but let me get to the point of the Mind & Lieing to yourself. Lieing to yourself isnt bad or Bullshit, its actually a very very Powerful trick to trick your mind into believeing in something.

If i sit here & Lie to myself about something All day, or not even all day, Just day after day, I'll eventually start to believe it, Like for example. .

Back before PUA i was a Chump, & I remember lieing to my Buddy about this Chick i said i fucked when i really never did, I lied about it so much i actually believed i did fuck her, when in reality i know i never actually did, Literally. . Some Powerful Shit .

So what im saying is you can tell yourself anything & Pretty much become it / Think / Believe it over time.

Of course theres a limit, you cant just think "Hey im a Astronaut, awesome" & expect to be on the next Rocket to the moon, its about taking action to, & the Mind is the tool to motivate you to do things in life, In other words, Can change how you feel & think for you to strive to achive / Do something & to take action.

I use this Method all the time & it works great, takes time to kick in but it definately works, & totally changed my life, Yes i said it, MY LIFE. Like i said the mind Governs pretty much anything you do, & How good your life will be depends on the actions & choices you make, controlled by the mind .

So you pretty much have a arson of things and scenarios you can think up, Storys about yourself, Words or whatever to use on yourself to make you a better person. The story you tell yourself everyday that you wish you were this & that, & you wish you were like that dude & etc. . Say to yourself that your these things, say whatever you wanna be, You get the point, Then watch it fall into a reality OVER TIME.

So in Conclusion, Lieing to yourself can turn those Lies into a Reality, & be totally benefitial. The Mind is Powerful. . .

_________________
RAFC , Progress is Great

Lying to yourself can get you up from the lowest low and give you strength to deal with your problems. BUT. If you keep on telling yourself lies and reaality show you something else, you will start seeing that it isnt true and you will stop believing yourself.

Mantras and lies can never replace real mental training.

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Thats the MAIN & only flaw with this technique, its very true and I myself have dealt with it, But like i said, These Lies can Change your Additude / Mood / Drive Etc. . . to strive to do things & take action, aslong as you follow threw, results will show.

Eventually, you can stop because you will be on Auto-Pilot, you'll be at your higest state, and therefore wont need it anymore. Unless of course you get a Girl, & Drop PUA you may need to do it again, But like muscle Memory, it shouldnt be hard to get back up because you've Done it before and know you can do it.

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RAFC , Progress is Great