Why trying to consciously control all your communication in the interaction can work against you.

If you've been watching videos and reading a lot of material, you might go out and find yourself stuck in your own head trying to do what you heard to do in the video/article.

Anyone who has experienced this knows that if feels like shit and is not allowing you to demonstrate your true self to the girl.


Here’s a quick example

Let’s say the video tells you to maintain good eye contact around 80 percent of the time.

What you’ll hear in the industry is that eye contact is really important. Someone who is flawlessly confident in an interaction is going to naturally want to look at the other person’s eyes.

Let’s say it’s a confident man in his forties, he’s probably been told before that holding eye contact is a good idea, but he’s not holding eye contact because someone told him to, he’s doing it because he instinctively wants to without consciously thinking about it.

As a result, his other sub -communication is in alignment with his eye contact, coming across genuine.

The contrast to this is the shy guy in his twenties forcing the eye contact where he doesn’t feel comfortable.

Just because he’s holding eye contact, doesn’t mean he’s going to come across naturally confident. If it’s not a reflection of what he’s feeling inside, this is most likely the case.

It could be a better example of confidence to show exactly whatever you’re feeling inside, e.g; if this guy is shy; the girl will be like
“wow he’s not actually trying to cover up that he’s shy right now, that’s cool. Most guys try and put on a front, he’s exposing himself, and I respect that”

The reason ‘trying hard’ doesn’t work is because we’re trying manually control and multi calibrate everything that should be natural. It’s not possible to have conscious control over all body communication.

EXCELLENT..

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