About me,

I'm a former PUA turned AFC. 36 years old.

In my teens and most of my 20's I was banging 8's and 9's every week.

In 2002 my girlfriend killed herself inside our apartment while I was sleeping. I proceeded to get drunk and stoned every night for a year and wound up in the hospital.

For a long time after that I wanted nothing to do with women. Then I would try to meet/pick up without success.

I had confidence issues, lacked game, forgot what women find attractive. Plus I became a pothead and a video-game-geek, and I didn't really care anymore.

From 2002 until 2012, I did not touch a woman. You read that correctly...ten years dry.

February 2012 I started online dating. Met some whores and got wet again. Met two that became my girlfriends (an 8 and a 9). Two really great women, but I lost them for being a wuss afc. More on that later.

I had intimacy issues at first. Couldn't get hard. Then I could get hard but wouldn't stay hard. I have all kinds of issues fellas - anyone would after going 10 years without. More on that later.

I'm a needy, wussy, puppy-like AFC, a softy, a mushy cunt. Pathetic in bed, pathetic in every way. Even still, I'm pulling ass left and right.

This is my journal, where I will record lessons learned, my experience meeting/picking up, and any relationships that happen.

cj

PS: This forum is the fucking bomb. Greatest source of game on the planet.

***First Contact***

Online. 36 year old brunette nurse (about a 7). My first date in ten years. Feb. 2012

Had dinner, good conversation, some attraction going on. I was her first date in a while too.

After eating our conversation stalled, then this:

ME: *sip of wine* "So, want to go make out in your car?"
Her: "Yes"

And that was it. I remember touching her hand, it was soft and warm. First time I touched a woman in ten fucking years! We kissed a bunch and made out. I could have taken her to a hotel, but didn't. I wussed out.

Never saw her again. Texted her that she lived too far away and I would like to meet her at a hotel just for sex. She said sorry, but no.

Thanks babe!

***Meeting A Dime***

Feb. 2012

Walgreens. Saw a perfectly beautiful, 5'10" tall blonde - at least a 9.5 - looking at cosmetics.

My confidence is up some from being back in the saddle. I approach. Strong eye contact, smooth conversation. Not flirty, not too serious. She's a cell biologist who lives in a super nice neighorhood I used to live in, and my bro-in-law is a cop in. Familiarity is an excellent thing to have in pick-up.

Said she's single when we first started talking, but when I give her my number (I give my number usually without asking theirs) she said:

Her: "I do have a boyfriend..." (as she's opening up her purse to get her phone)
Me: "I thought you said you were single"
Her: "I meant I'm not married. He hasn't asked me to marry him yet."

-at this point what should I have said?

I gave her my number and said: "If you want to get together or just talk, give me a call."

Haven't heard from her yet.

***Sure, why not?***

Feb. 2012

Online. 26 year old brunette. All of her pictures were of her from the shoulders up. That's a major red flag. Now I know this.

Texted, talked for a couple days. She is ten years younger than me and pretty, so I'm feeling like the man, right?

Wrong. Pretty face, body like a bowling ball. Spent $50 on drinks then back to my place. Quick lay...and it was over quick. I didn't even care.

First sex in a decade!! I'm feeling awesome.

***Girlfriend #1, Part 1***

March 2012

Online. 34 year old 5'9" brunette. She's a 9. Smart and funny, but bitchy. By now I've learned that all women are at least one of the following:

stupid.
whore.
bitch.

This one is just a bitch, that I can deal with. So we met after emailing and texting. She said she was dressed like a 1970's babysitter, and First thing I said was "You look nice. Where's the Brady Bunch?" She laughed, and we teased each other the whole date. At the end of the night she gave me a real sloppy fast kiss, stuck her tounge down my throat, and walked away.

I'm thinking: I want to show her how I like to kiss.

We text and talk for a couple days. She is real witty in everything she says, I wonder if she is ever serious about anything? Whatever we are digging each other so have a second date. Dinner and movie at her house.

Snuggling on the couch. I wanted to kiss and make out so I said: "This movie isn't doing it for me." And went for the kiss. We made out and dry humped for about an hour. I decided to soon leave, so I didn't seem too clingy. It was just right, she wanted me to stay.

Lesson learned: Always break the kiss first, break the hug first, always leave first. And never ever linger saying goodbye.

Girlfriend #1 - Part 2

Third date. Had plans to go out for dinner, then a movie at her house. She was wearing a robe when I got there. We never left her house that night.

By now she's real comfortable around me so she lays on the couch with her head on my lap, I'm stroking her hair. This is within 5 minutes of my arrival.

I kiss her and open the top half of her robe, hand in, fingering, then eat her out.

I am not getting hard. An HB9, naked on the couch pussy wet, eyes half closed wanting me to fuck her, and my dick is soft! WTF! I told this her on our second date, I havent had sex in ten years, I have intimacy issues, and she says she understands.

We go to her bedroom, I try and try and try to get hard, she tries. It won't work. My dick is broke! So fucking embarrassing. I'm crushed. Performance anxiety, over-excited to fuck this hot woman, and it would not cooperate. Pathetic.

Back to the couch, clothes on, cuddling. I say something weak like "Sorry", she says "Don't freak out - no big deal". I said okay cool, but inside I'm struggling.

What hot babe is gonna stay with a limp-dick boyfriend?

Girlfriend #1 - Part 3

April 2012

Fourth date much the same as third. Tried sex, dick still wasn't working so I ate her out for like 30 minutes. She said "It's okay if you can't do it yet....thanks for going down on me." Thanks? Damn that's cold.

Fifth date sex. It works! I said pose for me, on the bed naked. She did whatever I told her and I started getting hard. Finally! Then I said "make me hard with your mouth.". She did and we fucked, I came inside her for like 60 seconds.

She went to go wash up, cum dripping out of her, and I heard her say in the bathroom: "This is gonna work!!" We fucked a couple more times that night.

I'm feeling good about this one.

Lesson learned: I need to relax and feel comfortable before trying to have sex. While I do want/need to please her, I have to meet my own needs as well, and she's got to work with me and be undertstanding. Luckily, (most) women are nurturing types. And they will work with you if you communicate.

Girlfriend #1 - Part 4: The Dumping

April 2012

I fail in more ways than one. Sex with her is great - while I can stay hard. Only my dick won't stay hard for more than 5 minutes, and she's always having to stop and blow me to get me hard again. Damn! What's going on I think? Am I unhealthy or is it because I'm 36, is it because I'm out of practice? I stress about that too much in front of her and she doesn't like it. Showing weakness and insecurity.

One night, I go over her house text her on the way: "On my way - bringing food", she texts back "Great idea, I'm starving!"

She's laying on the couch when I get there. First thing she says when I walk in the door: "What did you bring me to eat?" Bitch. I should have said "My dick" or just left right then, but I stayed and proceeded to fuck up everything that evening.

She doesn't drink alcohol, but wants to. She got into trouble a few times recently due to drinking. I brought a bottle of wine and killed it in her living room, in front of her. Bad idea.

Also, her legs were sore from working out (she teaches a workout clss two nights a week), and needed to cut the grass she said. She talked about her legs being sore and being tired and having to cut the grass a couple times, like, hinting. Sending a signal?

Now a good boyfriend would simply go out and cut her grass for her, right? Not me. Instead I stood on her front porch drinking and smoking and watching her cut the grass, limping behind the lawn mower. And I took a few pics of her doing it, with my phone. Bad idea.

Now it's movie time on the couch. Couches, different couches. She's acting cold and distant, ignoring me, being rude. I sleep on the couch and she goes to bed, not saying good night. I know somethings fucked up, but not exactly what.

Her phone was in the living room, she get's a text at 12:30am. I stupidly read her new text. I read all of her inbox. Stupid, stupid thing to do.

In the morning I wake up, hang out until 11:00, she's still in bed, but I know by now that she is only pretending to be asleep, just waiting for me to leave.

I left a note on the table: "Hey, I waited around for you to wake up, but now I'm going to the mall. Talk to you later".

Ten minutes after I left she dumped me via text.

Reasons given:

-Reading her texts,

-Being inconsiderate by drinking wine around her, and

-Watching her suffer while cutting the grass.

Totally valid reasons for dumping me and I would have done the same thing.

Lessons learned:

1. Never, ever invade someone's privacy. That's creepy and lacking of morals. Major deal breaker.

2. Don't let her see you *always* drinking, even if you don't always get drunk. Especially if she's reluctantly sober in the first place.

3. Be considerate.

3. Be attentive. Women love attention. You don't have to be her servant, but she will notice when you do things that show you care about her (even if you don't care about her- do it anyways if you want to keep her around). Like cutting her grass when her body is aching.

Girlfriend #1 - Part 5: On Ice

AFC that I am, I text and call her, she ignores me. Shocker! Sent her flowers, delivered two days later, with a note "Dear _____, I'm sorry, Love, _____.

She calls me, says: "I got your flowers, I'm your girlfriend again. You got me." We talked and I explained that I had been listening to my friends tell me how to act, what to say, because I hadn't felt this way in a really long time and I didn't want to lose her being newbish (good cover). she said just be yourself, I like you.

So she's my girlfriend again, but now she's in the driver's seat. I know I'm on probation with her so I just play it cool. Not overdoing it, but being more attentive and sincere. (I really did like her, so I stopped gaming). We have sex once more.

But now she's cold and distant and non-affectionate, treating me llike shit.

We went downtown on a date, to the rock hall museum. The induction ceremony was in downtown Cleveland that evening, the hall was free all day, downtown was majorly crowded. My bitch was the sexiest looking thing I saw in all of downtown. Knee-high black boots with heels, the most perfect fitting blue-jeans, a leather jacket and cleavage all day. Smokin hot with her long reddish-brown hair down, in sunglasses. I wanted to fuck her right there on the sidewalk.

As it turns out, I have lost her attraction. We do not kiss, we do not hug, we do not cuddle, we do not have sex. We aren't broken up but at the time of this writing (saturday morning) we haven't talked or texted all week, last time I saw her was Sunday.

Lesson learned: Never lose control in a relationship. Find out what attracts her and work at improving that part of yourself, if you want to keep her.

Having Sext

March 2012

Online. 34 year old brunette, single mom. Slightly overweight.

On the phone we talk:

Her: blah blah blah...
Me: blah blah blah...
Her: So, I read your profile, it says you want children. I'm almost out of time for that.
Me: Maybe, but not too old to have fun?
Her: Not yet! I do enjoy the practice!

At this point the soldier stands at attention and I say: "Hang on...I'm taking you into my room." I lie down and say:

ME: "You know, when you said you like to practice, I got turned on. Can I ask you something? What is the shape of your body?"
HER: "Can I be bad?"
ME: "Go for it"
HER: "Hold on, sending you a pic"

Sends me a naked pic. She's a little overweight, but I can work with it. We trade pics, I make her pose for me. I never sexted before, or sent pics of my dick to anyone. She fucking loves it and we start sexting. For two days straight we sext.

Make plans to go to her house. We hang out on her couch in the basement, alone (late night) watching tv, talking. Then we start making out, I'm rubbing her pussy, she's all over my dick. She gives me the best head I ever got in my life. She wasn't kidding when she told me she likes to give oral. For three hours my dick was in her mouth (with some breaks when she gave me a massage).

She got all clingy and then I said something really mean and degrading to her. When she lashed out I got up and left. She begged me to stay, so I went back in. Got some more head then went home 3:00am.

She sent me lovey-dovey texts for the next two days which I ignored.

finally I texted back:

ME: "_____, what did I tell you about blowing up my phone all day with texts? If you want my cock then do what I said"
HER: "WOW..."
ME: "I mean, I like affection and all, but damn. Cool it down a bit"
HER: "Sorry"
ME: "You're okay, just chill out a little"
HER: "I know you had some emotional issues we talked about so I was hoping to cheer you up"
ME: "My emotions are fine, that's not what I need from you right now"
HER: "Okay, have a good day, talk to you soon"

I ignored her texts and calls and she eventually stopped contacting me.

Lesson learned: I don't like women I can control easily and degrade. They aren't appealing to me, I won't go back for seconds.

The Hottie at Work

April 2012

25 year old blonde. Sexy, classy. Has boyfriend. My workplace has two hotties working there... out of 54 employees, mostly men. So they get a lot of attention and compliments.

One, I'll call her Rosie, is an 8.5. We work in different departments but at least once per day I walk past her desk on purpose. I'm reading up on body language and conveying messages without speaking. It's a good thing to learn.

Last week, she was outside smoking a cig and I was too.

She comes outside. I am there, I know she's right behind me (my back is to her). So I call my friend Nichol. I leave a message "Hey Nichol, it's ____, give me a call when you get a chance." So Rosie now knows I at least talk to one girl, friend or not she doesn't know.

So I turn to face Rosie and strike up a conversation.

ME: "Hey, thanks for deleting that listing for me."
HER: "Sure, no problem. It's really just a few clicks."
ME: "I like that you can do it, instead of me having to ask ___ to, since he's the CEO and I don't want him to know when I make a mistake."
HER: "Sure, anytime" (or something)

At this point I decided to use a line from someone I read on this PUA. So I said:

ME: *looks at her middle* "Hey, Rosie, your fly is down"
HER: *hesitates, checks her fly*
ME: "Haha, GOT YOU!!" *smile*
HER: *laughs* "I so believed you, I do that all the time"
ME: "Me too, it's so embarrassing"
HER: "I know! I'll be doing something and notice it's down and...(etc). Well, I have to get back to work"
ME: "Okay have a good day"

Hoping to be the one guy at work who doesn't just compliment her every day. I'd like to come up with new ideas for teasing her more often, she seemed to get a kick out of it.

LEsson Learned: PUA is the fucking bomb for routines and one-liners. I need to improve on this by learning how to follow up with conversational skills.

Nice work man, keep us posted with your FRs. You seem to be catching on real quick again. Since your first post. Seems like you have that cocky funny attitude that is vital to succeed in this.

_________________
Life Is Short, Make It Count

Girlfriend # 2 - Part 1

Shark meets minnow...

April 2012

Online. 31 year old 5'2" brunette, works in banking. She's a 7 in her pictures, but an 8-8.5 in person. She contacts me first. I didn't flirt, didn't game, just replied let's trade numbers. We talked for 6 hours the next two days, then met in person. Great chemistry, good conversation, major attraction.

For the first week knowing her, I used several one-liners and routines on her which I learned here at PUA forum. They threw her every time. We are comfortable talking to each other, I'm digging her style, her ways, everything about her...more on that later.

We have sex every time we meet, which is almost every day. On days we don't see each other, we talk on the phone. One day I fucked her four times, she tells me "I am not going to be able to keep up with your sex drive." I tell her "Neither can I." But this is an issue with her...more on that later.

She tells me the following reasons why she likes me:

That I seem like a real man.
That I am dominant.
That I sometimes ignore her when she's talking. (WTF? I'm thinking...who likes that?)

-continued

Girlfriend # 2 - Part 2

The Tests Begin...

April 2012

Test # 1:
Walking her dog in the park. She tells me she wants an old garbage can someopne left under some bushes behind an apartment complex behind the park, (she just bought a house, needs a lot of stuff). We walk up the path and check it out. Then leave and walk back to her place.

Now, if I was on top of my game and paying attention, after leaving her place that evening, I would have driven over, gotten it, washed it, and dropped it off at her place on my way in to work the next morning, while she was still sleeping (I go to work very early, she lives close by). Women love that kind of shit.

That was her running game on me, to see if I was a "keeper". I failed the first test. I say I failed because SHE was a keeper. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be writing this.

Test # 2:
Meet for drinks. I'm sitting at the corner of the bar she comes in, sits down next to me. Places a $20 bill on the bar and says nothing. I immediately slide it towards her saying "Put that away." She complies and says nothing. That told her something about me...what it is I do not know.

Women run game, run tests on us men all the time. Often times we don't even know it's happening.

Once, a long time ago, my girlfriend said "Nice shoes." I looked at my shoes and said "These? They're Wolverines." She said she read in a magazine that if you tell a guy "Nice shoes" and he looks at them, he's a cool guy. Hey I'm not making this stuff up, they are wierd creatures.

Test # 3:
She tells me one evening "I don't want you to date anyone else". I make her my girlfriend. Then I get wierd. I tell her later, "I think you may have the wrong impression of me. I am not the kind of man you think I am. You want a strong, dominant man but I'm insecure in relationships (she knows why), and I'm not always dominant. I'm a nice, sweet guy who's going to do things for you and make you happy." Showing signs of incongruity, doubt, and weakness. "Are you backing out?" she said. "No" I said, just wanted to be clear with you. I am excited to be your boyfriend."

This is where I lost her I believe. She needs someone to dominate her and be her "daddy" type of man, and she'll become a rider for life for him. That's not really me. At least not yet...I'm so pathetic with women at this point.

Test # 4:
One day after she said "BE mine" to me, and I made her my girlfriend. She texted "Call me when, you, can." She then proceeded to break plans we had for me to come over her house later. Because I am insecure in relationships (see post #1), I drove past her house at 1:30 in the morning. Sure enough, her front room tv light was on (when we fucked in the front room, she'd turn off the lights and keep the tv on), and a car was parked in the street out front. I think she was fucking some dude.

Test # 5:
Very next night I was with her, chilling on the couch. Went to have sex (we haven't had sex in 3 days), she tells me her whole body is sore (from working on her house), and that her "pussy is worn out"...how can her pussy be worn out if we haven't fucked in 3 days? Then I make a fatal mistake. I left her house and went home. The "witholding sex" test. I could have just said okay, no problem lie down I'll massage your sore back and not taking no for an answer. Instead, I failed miserably. I said and did everything wrong.

She dumped me in the morning.

Fail Fail Fail

Lessons learned:
-Pay attention to subtle hints.
-Never, ever show doubt or weakness.
-Women run game as much -if not more- than men.
-Always be cool, never lose composure.
-I am not ready for relationships.
-I am too insecure and have abandonment issues.
-I may need therapy to deal with these issues, that have lain dormant for a decade.
-I love the WAY she is (subtle in approach, elegant in motion, not demure, strong...these qualities are the measure of what I want my women to be), but I didn't get to know WHO she is, and I do not like WHAT she is (pof whore, runs through men like underwear).
-I was a rusty bike she took for a ride with the thought of keeping, because I was her favorite brand. That's all it was.

Thanks! I am glad you enjoy reading my journal. It's definately been a fun ride these past two and a half months. Looking forward to applying what I've learned in the future.