@Kasabi.

Worshipers asking for forgiveness is indeed quite common. Most of the religions tried their best to convince us for decades how imperfect/bad we are, we've bitten the apple... it's our job then to make sure god forgives us and grant us access to heaven. Religion are founded on guilt, and that's part of the reason why I'm not fond of these beliefs.

Yet, I think they say something about human nature. It seems to me that we indeed almost look for an authorization to be happy. When we want something badly, we usually work hard and sacrifice ourselves to be sure that we "deserve" it, and if we don't get it, we tend to think that we didn't work hard enough. On the other hand, when something good happens to us, we tend to behave the best we can to be sure nobody's going to take it away from us. We can easily find these behaviors in children, but also in adults. I think this is just the way our brain is wired. Without any education or understanding of the world around us, we obviously consider it magical. Children want to be nice with their dads to get something they want, adults pray god.

As far as I am concerned, I know I have everything I need to achieve my goals. I know I am the only one making it hard for me to succeed. I'm not taking actions in a desperate way to "deserve" what I'm trying to achieve, to punish myself or anything... I'm not "hoping" for something or looking for an answer in self sacrifice.

About choices.
You've already said it several times Kasabi. It's a matter of choice. To be honest, I asked myself several time what exactly you meant by "you have to make a choice". Well I only understood it a few weeks ago. My life is great, I don't have anything to complain about, I'm actually pretty happy currently despite some negatives things around me. The real problem is I'm not able to make a decision in certain aspects of my life: relationships and work. I am not moving forward because I don't make any decision. I don't know what I want.

I am swung between too many desires, this is paralyzing me. I tend to see desires (now at least) has a matter of balance. We take decision not because we desire it strong enough (will), but because the balance between opposite desires has changed. That's when decisions happen. Not knowing what I want is a result of a good balance between my desires. Look at my first approaches in Brazil, I did them because I saw a picture of one of my exes with her new boyfriend... I saw it as a newly found motivation... but it's simpler than that. The balance was tricked and produced a decision. I immediately took the decision to act. There's no free will here, but only causes/reasons aligning to each other... and that's my point. I'd like to "generate" my real causes and free myself (as much as possible) from my need of external ones to make decisions. That's where I'll find what I really want.

My plan, simply put.
In the last post, I have taken decisions... I'm standing by some of them (Weekly Actions, Long Term Actions), I'm trying other ones (This Week)... This is all about testing and seeing what is working for me. I'm testing things weekly. I'm actually designing a lifestyle.

Now I knew I would scare some people with my post on Spinoza since it is indeed complicated. I did it because his work is priceless and I have never been so inspired in my entire life. I know it doesn't look like I'm making things simpler... but I actually am.
I know the answer, I know where it is, I could even say I know what to do... but knowing has never been enough. The alcoholic knows that drinking is bad for him... but without any decision, nothing happens. Knowing is necessary to action, but it is not enough to trigger it. The decision is the only part missing to my equation, especially in the area of work (already made a decision this last week though) and relationships (will come soon as weeks come).

@Hobbit.

I understand I went through a really complicated path but it helped me see the problem and the solution. It's not a quick fix at least. I won't feed the problem. But the solutions are not easy to apply since it's a matter .

I've already thought about portrait photography. That's an area I'd like to improve on. I've already asked Princess if she could model for me. I was waiting to get a new lens but I might get into it sooner.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update: being approached in a bar.

I wanted to go out on Friday night, a friend actually asked me if I wanted to go have a drink but he bailed on me in the end. I was expecting it to be honest... but I didn't let that change my plans. I took my car and went to a live music bar to enjoy myself. It felt really great to actually be active, not waiting for someone or something to actually live. The place was packed. I asked for a beer at the bar and stayed there to take some pictures. I was really close to the stage and took amazing shots. It was the first time I went out alone at night.

As I was grabbing my beer to have a first sip, two girls, who happened to be behind me, started to talk to me: "what are you having?". I was confident, looked at her in the eyes and tell her what I was having. They were around my age. I noticed they were wearing cow boys hats from a dinning show I've assisted when I was younger: "how was the show?". She smiled and said it was really good. I told her it's been a while since I went there, asked her if it was still with bisons, Indians and all. She answered. I told her "Last time I went to this show, I was actually working here" (I worked there when I was 18yo)... "oh you've worked here?". At this point she ordered some drinks from the barman. I kept on taking pictures. "Is your name François by the way?"... "No... why?" (I was a bit surprised by the question)... "You turned to us when my friend said François"... I actually had no idea what she was talking about but it was cool. I didn't have the time to tell them my name though since they basically left to join some friends. I thought I would have a better opportunity later to better meet them but it was not the case.

On a more general note, I was really friendly with everyone approaching the bar... Started a conversation with several people, talking with the barman... I think it's the first I'm actually being approached in a bar in France...

I think I'll add "GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF" to my plan for next week.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Week #1: report and new weekly plan.
Feeling great.

No more days, but weeks from now on. I want to be more proactive when it comes to update my goals in weekly basis. This post is divided in two main parts: report and plan for next week.

Last week's report.
I'm really happy about this week since I really have the feeling that I'm touching something here. I have been really consistent, confident and all. I've enjoyed myself and am really satisfied about it. Here's a small report on last week's plan.

-> LOOKING FOR A JOB:
I have a job interview on Tuesday and I confess I still feel pretty weird about that, but again, I've made a decision. I need to move on in this area, so it's a really good news for me. Finding a job is a number one priority for me.
-> STOPPING VIDEO GAMES:
Stopping video games has allowed me to have an insane amount of free time... I'm keeping that as an action for next week and see if I change it to the WEEKLY ACTIONS (making it permanent). Truth is I'm not really missing playing video games...
-> GO JOGGING:
Being physically exhausted felt really good.Yet, I don't think I'll do it next week. I'll see if I'll go jogging from time to time.
-> GOING TO A NEW PLACE:
I failed on this one. I went to the park I talked you about but it was starting to rain and it was basically empty. I'll try that next week but it won't be a park this time.
-> ORGANIZING SOMETHING WITH FRIENDS:
I had some drinks with my friends early this week. It was cool to see them, but again, I never do anything funny with them... basically having a drink and talking. I'd like to change that.

GENERAL FEELING: Positive. I was confident most of the time, secure but my family issues still manage to bring me down.
____________________________________________________________________

Plan for Week #2.
Here's my plan for next week (from Sunday to Saturday).

WEEKLY ACTIONS: (permanent actions)
-> STOP MASTURBATION.
Confidence builder, allow me to think clearly...
-> TRY TO UNDERSTAND AND EXPLAIN MY EMOTIONS AND DESIRES.
Allows me to better understand the causes of my emotions.
-> DO NEW THINGS EVERY WEEK.
The more you know...
-> WORK OUT.
Obvious.
-> ACTIVELY LOOK FOR A JOB.
I need to move on in this area.
-> PREVENT ANYTHING THAT DISTRACT ME FROM THE PRESENT WHILE OUTSIDE (NEW)
While outside, I won't listen to music anymore or anything like that. I want to focus in the moment to allow myself to be more spontaneous.

THIS WEEK:
-> APPROACH AT LEAST 3 GIRLS. (NEW)
Considering the fact that I'm feeling pretty consistent and even being approached, I want to give it a shot. I'm starting small since I actually didn't think about adding a Game related goal until a few weeks. But I think I can make it.
-> NEW THING: GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF. (NEW)
I actually really enjoyed going to a bar by myself. I had fun, met some people... I want to do that again.
-> NEW THING: GO SOMEWHERE I'VE NEVER BEEN.
Let's do this again, I'll think about a better place to go since last week was a failure.
-> ORGANIZE SOMETHING WITH FRIENDS.
I actually already organized something for next week.
-> STOP PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
Trying this again this week... I'm actually thinking about making it a permanent action. I don't miss it actually. It was a waste of time.
-> DO A PHOTO SESSION.
I've taken really nice pictures latety. Let's do this again.

LONG TERM ACTIONS:
-> GET A JOB.
Obviously the best way to go to emancipate myself. I still think I somehow attached an negative affect to work. I think I might have associated work and the way I behave while I was in a relationship (passive nice guy).
-> MOVE OUT.
My family is in a messed up situation. There's no day without fights. I tried my best to fix this, but I don't see what I can do anymore. I'm wasting a lot of energy trying to make things better for my parents but I'm obviously failing at it. The best thing to do for now is to move out.


I'm really proud of this first "active" week actually. I feel really great.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

with your family, when you talk with them, don't try to fix them, help them, make them more tolerable, or explain to them how things are not right.. just focus on trying to have a pleasant conversation with them. when they talk, don't think about what you will answer or how you will react to what they said. pretend you don't have to react to what they said at all, just listen to them and then listen internally for whatever thoughts or feelings come up naturally in your mind and soul. also try to be more of a team player like at a job - try to guess what jobs need to be done around the house and go do them. good luck.

Week #2: report and new weekly plan.
A strange week.

I'm a bit late on schedule since this week was a bit busy. Here's the report and my plan for next week.

Last week's report.
This week was really weird, I felt good most of the time but still had to struggle with some issues. I'm pretty happy about my ability to build momentum out of a negative situation though.

-> LOOKING FOR A JOB:
I had my job interview on Tuesday but honestly I didn't understand what really happened. 10 minutes after the interview started, the guys interviewing started to tell me that I was too qualified for the job... I was a bit surprised by that affirmation and started to argue in the opposite direction: it would be a great position to gain experience, blah blah... but the guys insisted that I won't get the job and told me they wouldn't give me a favor giving me the position... I didn't really know how to react... I was disappointed but also kind of flattered. I guess they just wanted to meet me for future reference since they are thinking about developing their agency. Anyway, I've applied to other positions.
-> STOPPING VIDEO GAMES:
I'm changing this. Video games make me waste some time, I can't deny that, but I need to soften the rule here. I'll think about that.
-> GOING TO A NEW PLACE:
I went to a small park but again it was raining so it sucked. I need to stop going to parks and find other places to go. I went to a new Irish bar though with some friends. I really liked the place since there's some music at night too. I'll go back there, alone if necessary.
-> ORGANIZING SOMETHING WITH FRIENDS:
That felt really good actually. I've seen my friends on Thursday and went out at night with other friends I've met in Brazil on Saturday.
-> APPROACH AT LEAST 3 GIRLS:
I failed on this one, this week has started badly and then I focused on building momentum. I didn't put myself out there. I did speak to some cute girls I've just met in a bar but since I didn't get to ask any number, I don't count it.
-> NEW THING: GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF.
I went to a bar playing live music on Friday night, by myself. Took some pictures there, felt really good but the place was kind of empty strangely enough.

GENERAL FEELING: Mixed. I was feeling like shit on Monday and the job interview was so weird... I was confused. Seeing my friends and getting things done allowed me to get over it. Next week plan won't have anything original, just keeping it up.
____________________________________________________________________

Plan for Week #3.
Here's my plan for next week (from Sunday to Saturday).

WEEKLY ACTIONS: (permanent actions)
-> NO MASTURBATION.
Confidence builder, allow me to think clearly...
-> TRY TO UNDERSTAND AND EXPLAIN MY EMOTIONS AND DESIRES.
Allows me to better understand the causes of my emotions.
-> DO NEW THINGS EVERY WEEK.
The more you know...
-> WORK OUT.
Obvious.
-> ACTIVELY LOOK FOR A JOB.
I need to move on in this area.
-> PREVENT ANYTHING THAT DISTRACT ME FROM THE PRESENT WHILE OUTSIDE (NEW)
While outside, I won't listen to music anymore or anything like that. I want to focus in the moment to allow myself to be more spontaneous.

THIS WEEK:
-> COMPLIMENT AT LEAST 3 GIRLS. (NEW)
I want to push myself to be more direct, that goal will work better than "approaching" girls.
-> GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF.
I want to go back to that Irish bar in Paris, there was good music and a lot of people dancing.
-> NEW THING: GO SOMEWHERE I'VE NEVER BEEN.
Let's do this again, I'll think about a better place to go since last week was a failure.
-> ORGANIZE SOMETHING WITH FRIENDS.
I actually already organized something for next week.
-> STOP PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
Trying this again this week... I'm actually thinking about making it a permanent action. I don't miss it actually. It was a waste of time.
-> DO A PHOTO SESSION.
I've taken really nice pictures latety. Let's do this again.

LONG TERM ACTIONS:
-> GET A JOB.
Obviously the best way to go to emancipate myself. I still think I somehow attached an negative affect to work. I think I might have associated work and the way I behave while I was in a relationship (passive nice guy).
-> MOVE OUT.
My family is in a messed up situation. There's no day without fights. I tried my best to fix this, but I don't see what I can do anymore. I'm wasting a lot of energy trying to make things better for my parents but I'm obviously failing at it. The best thing to do for now is to move out.


I feel a bit like a guinea pig but it will pay off.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

That's what I'm trying to do but the situation is too complex and it's honestly bringing me down. I don't any arguments with my parents at all, they usually do though... I'm usually in the middle of all this. But again, the situation is complex... it's a real weight on my shoulders.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Approach #1.

Context.
I've been feeling really good this week so I've decided to do my approaches today as I was going to a new place. I approached a girl waiting with me at the bus stop. She was not really my type but reminded me a friend from Brazil. I liked her face. She was on my left listening to her iPod by herself. I noticed a tattoo on her left arm.

Report.
I turned to her and opened her:
ME - Sorry to bother, I know it's a bit random but I saw you have a tattoo on your arm, could tell me more about tattoos? I'm considering getting one.
I had a good eye contact as I opened her but I was a bit nervous. That nervousness quickly faded away as I was in a good social state. She was a bit intrigued by my question but she answered well.
HER - well it doesn't hurt...
ME - haha that's exactly what I wanted to know...
We started to speak on the subject, told me she got this one a few days ago (spot on) and blah blah. I asked her some questions about getting a tattoo, how it was an important decision blah blah. I understood that she had several tattoos so I tried to add some pressure to the interaction:
ME (with a smirk) - Piercings, tattooes... I see...
She smiled.
ME (reading her tattoo) - Is this your name?
HER - Yes
ME (complimenting her) - That's a really nice tattoo there...
The bus was coming, I thanked her with a smile and got on the bus. I was not really interested in getting her number, but the number close would have been easy in my opinion.

Result.
It was a nice interaction started with an observational opener. It worked great, my BL was good and the conversation interesting. No nervousness or awkward moment at all except at the beginning... It lasted around 7 minutes as I was waiting for my bus.

Areas for improvement.
- I could have challenged her a little: "you name as a tattoo? That's what I call egocentricity..."
- I could have introduced myself: "I'm Daniel by the way" and KINO.
- I could have complimented her name and get more information: "that's a cute name, where does it come from?"
- I could have number closed really simply: "you know what, I'll tell you if I get one! What's the best way to contact you?"

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Week #3: report and new weekly plan.
Being sick while doing well.

Here's last week report and a new plan of actions for the week to come.

Last week's report.
This week was great, I got things done and followed my plan strictly. I planned to go out by myself at a bar on Friday night but I got a bad cold so I had to postpone some actions.

-> LOOKING FOR A JOB:
I've sent other resumés again. I'm currently going through a recruitment process for a major IT company but it takes a lot of time. I'm to be contacted in a few weeks. I'll keep on applying?
-> GOING TO A NEW PLACE:
I went to a new mall on Wednesday. I was feeling extremely well, interacting with a lot of people since I didn't knew the place (bus drivers, random people...). Once I got there I realized the mall was empty. I was a bit disappointed since I wanted to do the approaches I was supposed to do this week. I went to several clothes store and at some point I've started a conversation with a girl. She actually started to really invest in the interaction... Ask me if it was the first time in the mall, told her I finished my studies in Brazil... She was really interested by what I was telling her. I was confident, good body language... It's amazing how people tend to come to you when you feel great. She was not my type so I didn't try anything further but it was nice to have such a great interaction. I also went to Sephora and talk about perfumes with a girl working there... Again, really good interaction, good eye-contact and all, I was funny, smiling...
-> COMPLIMENT AT LEAST 3 GIRLS:
I approached a girl at the bus stop (see report published before), it went well... I wanted to keep on, especially at the bar I was supposed to go by myself but I got cold. It was wiser to stay home until I got better. Gaming sick is not a good idea. In the end, I only did one real approach but had really great interactions. I want to keep up as soon as I get better. On another note, I'm really happy to notice the tons of eye-contact I get while walking around Paris. Again, feeling well, that is to say in Spinozian terms, "possessing my power of acting" changes everything.
-> NEW THING: GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF.
Couldn't do it this week since I'm sick but I'll do it next week if I feel better. I'm actually eager to go there to see what I can do in a dancing/bar environment by myself. I want to impress myself.

GENERAL FEELING: Great, but getting sick broke my momentum. I still feel really well but I'm physically to weak to put myself out there for now. Next week for sure.
____________________________________________________________________

Plan for Week #3.
Here's my plan for next week (from Sunday to Saturday).

WEEKLY ACTIONS: (permanent actions)
-> NO MASTURBATION.
Confidence builder, allow me to think clearly...
-> TRY TO UNDERSTAND AND EXPLAIN MY EMOTIONS AND DESIRES.
Allows me to better understand the causes of my emotions.
-> DO NEW THINGS EVERY WEEK.
The more you know...
-> WORK OUT.
Obvious.
-> ACTIVELY LOOK FOR A JOB.
I need to move on in this area.
-> PREVENT ANYTHING THAT DISTRACT ME FROM THE PRESENT WHILE OUTSIDE (NEW)
While outside, I won't listen to music anymore or anything like that. I want to focus in the moment to allow myself to be more spontaneous.

THIS WEEK:
-> COMPLIMENT AT LEAST 3 GIRLS. (NEW)
I couldn't finish this last week, I'll finish it this week.
-> DO A DAY WITHOUT FACEBOOK/YOUTUBE/TWITTER/REDDIT (NEW)
I'll plan a no "social network" day this week, I want to free myself from them and be less passive about them.
-> GO TO A BAR BY MYSELF.
I was disappointed to be unable to go since I'm sick. I'll go as soon as I feel better.
-> NEW THING: GO SOMEWHERE I'VE NEVER BEEN.
Let's do this again, I'll think about a better place to go since last week was a failure.
-> ORGANIZE SOMETHING WITH FRIENDS.
I actually already organized something for next week.
-> DO A PHOTO SESSION.
I've taken really nice pictures latety. Let's do this again.

LONG TERM ACTIONS:
-> GET A JOB.
Obviously the best way to go to emancipate myself. I still think I somehow attached an negative affect to work. I think I might have associated work and the way I behave while I was in a relationship (passive nice guy).
-> MOVE OUT.
My family is in a messed up situation. There's no day without fights. I tried my best to fix this, but I don't see what I can do anymore. I'm wasting a lot of energy trying to make things better for my parents but I'm obviously failing at it. The best thing to do for now is to move out.


I need to rest a little to get better for next week.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hey Daniel,

In regards to wasting time on Facebook/twitter etc. I would just get rid of or remove your account.

I found I wasted so much time on Facebook, continuously checking girl's profiles, my mate's status updates and all kinds of time wasting.

Since I stopped Facebook, I've noticed I have more time doing things that matter in REAL life... Getting out the house, real life interactions.

Just my opinion.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

@Tweeby.

I won't get rid of my accounts since I need them but it's important to disconnect from time to time to see more clearly the relation I have with those tools. The important thing here is to remain "active" towards those time consuming websites... and when I say active I mean it in Spinoza's way, that is to say using it for a good "reason", not connecting to Facebook just because I've been influenced to do so.

I was thinking about writing a small post to clarify why I give up some activities from week to week, I know it can be a bit puzzling that it is a key to inner game in my humble opinion.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

I'm feeling a bit better, I think I'll be able to get back to work tomorrow. I've already planned this end of week. I'll go to a new place tomorrow and go out to the bar at night on Friday. I just hope I won't be sick anymore tomorrow. Anyway, here's a small update on everything.

Meeting People.
That's the main problem. Once I meet people through friends, I perform really well. I've met and number close Swiss Girl that way, in a bar, full of people knowing me since I opened them. As long as I am introduced by friends to a new social circle I can do wonders (even though I still have to work on the follow up). My main problem is that I'm not meeting anyone right now and the only option that I have left is approaching. Day Game is the most obvious, yet less easy/productive, solution since my friends basically never go out to clubs or "party" bars. Another solutions is going to these place by myself, that's why I'm planning to test it out. Pondichery Girl has been trying to get my attention but I'd like to meet new people.

Giving up things.
You might have noticed that I tend to force myself to give up on some things from week to week (stop playing video games, ...). I'm not doing this because I'm masochist but because there's a real strength you can take out of this. Let's take an example. When you force yourself to stop watching TV for a week, you free yourself from the external cause that is TV for a week and allow yourself to be a bit more autonomous, that is to say active. What you will do while not watching TV will really depend on you, and not on influences from external causes. The main goal here is to avoid distractions that makes you forget what is really essential to you, what you really desire. I'm not saying TV, video games, music or anything else is bad (or even good actually), but there's always two ways of doing something: doing it because you know you it's right for you (it's essential for you) and doing it because you are influenced to do so (not getting out of the couch because the Simpsons' episode you've watched a thousand times is not finished yet). It's all about acting according to what you know as much as you can. You know that something is bad for you, well don't do it. You know that something is good for you, well do it. You know that going to speak to that girl is a good thing to do but are afraid of what people around you are going to say? Do it anyways, be your own causes, don't let external causes prevent you from doing something that is essential to you... and giving up on some things for a period of time allows you to focus more on the essential.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hey Danial, I am glad to see you are still going strong with this Journal. Keep up the progress.

_________________
"Long is the way
And hard, that out of hell leads up to light." - John Milton's Paradise lost.

the-adventures-of-ilium-vt134843.html

Have you ever tried the Stelar method?

Salut Daniel !

Glad to see there is some Parisian on the forum ! Where do you used to get out at night ?

Bye and keep posting it's very interesting !

Quick Upadte.

Since I've been sick most of the week, I haven't written a new weekly goal and will consider this week as a 14 days week. I've stayed home most of the time and applied to some job positions. Finding a job that I like is really my main focus right now. Since I'm starting to feel better, I'll start to go out again and take the actions I've planned.

@Playa93.
No, I have no idea what it is but I'm not looking for new material.

@JarJar.
I usually go near Parmentier or Bastille to get some drinks but most of friends are not really into having this kind of fun anymore!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)