Hey guys

Right so before I get into this please bear in mind its
bit of a long one, but it's a dedicated post to all the new guys
or noobs getting into the community and specifically
dealing with their Approach Anxiety. I feel that
you guys aren't getting enough advice and
guidance from the contributors on this
forum and that is why I want to help.
You need this info or you won't
go anywhere.

If you're up for an informative read (easy, understandable and relatable shit)
and are serious about overcoming the anxiety of the approach, read on and
enjoy the post, I'm sure this will help your AA in many ways as it has helped
me thus far.

Lets do this.


Let's first discuss what exactly AA is and why it's holding you back.

Approach Anxiety is what happens is when you feel a complete rush
of conflicting emotions within yourself...Rational and irrational emotions...
and this is what's stopping you from making that approach, but before I
get into this, I'll relate to you on what you're probably feeling BEFORE
making that approach.

Picture this for a minute: You've been motivated to get out the house
and you've decided "Today is the day I make an approach TODAY
I'M GOING TO DO IT!!" By now you're heart is racing a little
and you arrive at the mall (wherever it is) and you walk
through the entrance doors...Bam...you're scared now.
You're thinking about what you've learnt and how will
you do. You're heart is going a little bit faster now
as you now know it try or fly time. You begin
walking casually and you try looking around
for a pretty girl to approach...you may even
say to yourself "come on...come on...",
you want to approach someone so badly but at
the same time your not welcoming it all.

A few minutes go by and you begin doubting if
there's anyone even worthwhile approaching...
you then see her, about 100meters away...
beautiful girl, long flowing hair, amazing figure to
compensate the elegant dress and dashing eyes...
You're heart is racing faster than ever now. This
is your chance. She begins to walk close in your direction.
You're thinking "OK! COME ON! LETS DO THIS!!!"

She's moving in really fast now, you can feel
your heart from the outside of your shit its pumping
so hard and fast now. Just then at the same time,
100 million thoughts avalanche into your head
and you begin to doubt yourself and what you
should do. "Should I use this approach? What
will she think of this? What should I do? What should I say?
SHE'S SO HOT she's probably heard that line 1000 times
Why would she want to talk to me? She probably
has a BF so there's no point...She looks
busy I don't want to annoy here. My breathe smells
I cant approach now! SHE'S GETTING SO CLOSE!!
APPROACH HER NOW!!! COME ON!! WHAT ARE
YOU DOING??? APPROACH!!!!!!!"

In the heat of all this
happening, you've walked straight past her...
she's gone. You now think to yourself
"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!! WHY
IS THIS SO HARD!?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????
I'LL NEVER GET OVER THIS AA!!!!!! FUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK!!!"

You then leave the location, feeling disappointed, not only
in yourself but if this thing that's holding you back will
ever go away...will ever get rid of this THING?? You
wanted to approach more than anything...but there
was something, just something that was just
holding you back...this one little thing.

Does that sound very familiar to you in any way?

Now if you've acknowledged that feeling...we can move on.

One thing that you must realise is that, AA is very common habit
amongst those within the community. Don't forget, even the
greatest PUA's had Approach Anxiety just like you! Style (Neil Strauss),
Mystery, Gambler...they all had it, maybe if not worse. There was
only one way they got rid of it, and will tell you how they did it.

They got over their fears, by using the process of Systematic Desensitization.
S.D is a process in behavioral therapy in which the subject
is exposed to his/her fears over a consistent period...and
overtime, if that subject is exposed to that fear OVER and
OVER and OVER AND OVER again enough...that fear will be
abolished. Their cognitive reasoning will now think "rational"
thoughts instead of "irrational". What is meant by this
is that once they internally acknowledged that the
fear has no possession over them...they are free'd from it.
Simple as that.

Here's an example: Say for example you have a fear of Spiders...
the only way you can ever overcome that fear of Spiders, is by
being exposed to them as often as possible...or to speed up that
process, get into a container filled of the hairiest spiders
you can find and allow them to crawl over you.
At first you'll begin to feel really frightened because
this is a new feeling your experiencing and even
embracing on a large emotional scale. You have
not been exposed enough to the fear in order to
get rid of it and thats where its control over you
takes over your mind.




Back to the spiders. After sitting with those spiders for a long
period of time, what will happen? Absolutely...nothing. What
can the fear do to you now? NOTHING. You've now conditioned
your mind to go into a calm state of being and awareness,
and your thoughts and energies aren't energies of
fear or scare...they are thoughts of "Oh, cool story bro. Oh
you're a fuckin spider...what are you gonna do? Crawl on me?
HAH! I don't give a shit! "

After that you can shout "I'M CURED!" and run around the
neighborhood naked...your a regular Bear Grylls now!

It's the exact same principle with overcoming your fear of
approaching. In order to overcome your fear of "approaching",
you need go out there and expose yourself to that unfamiliar
environment...and make it familiar so you can hardwire
your mind to feel comfortable and in a relaxed state
that makes it easier to achieve. In essance, the more
approach, the less likely you are to be afraid of
restrained by it and the MORE likely you are
to overcome that fear of starting the routine
or opener!



The reason you have such anxieties towards
approaching is because you were never taught
HOW to overcome that fear. Our parents certainly didn't
bother to teach us how to feel about fear or overcoming it.
Our fathers certainly didn't have the time to show us to be a
"man" about it. We had to kind of learn it for ourselves...
and now all this knowledge that you don't know how it
handle is being suppressed and stored deep inside
your mind where self doubt and lethargic
tendancies rise to the suface.

(YOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH THE POST, KEEP GOING Please
make yourself a sandwhich if you want!)



There are 2 emotions that you need to be made aware about
as this will give you some good insight into what your anxiety
is composited of...Rational emotions and irrational emotions.
We'll even discuss as to why you cant have these 2
conflictions in the same space.

A 'rational' emotion would be something positive,
like approaching someone you've never met before or communicating
to someone in a way that is new to you (just general pickup example).
You even experience thoughts like
"Wow that girl is beautiful...! How great would it be, just to talk to her for a few
moments? That would make my day Lets do it!"

Essentially, you're having only 'good thoughts' in your mind
and you want to direct all those good thoughts and energies into
that approach...Having positive thoughts not only gives you
that confidence but it creating your own esteem on the approach.
You always want to try and be in this state of good energy, have
that positive inertia and just overall great attitude about the
journey.

Now for irrational: Irrational emotions is everything you don't
want to feel when in the field and the thoughts that bar you
from thinking clearly and making your judgement go fucking
haywire. Examples of this would be "She is too hot for me,
whats the point of approaching her? What is she does (X)
and thinks (X) afterwards...? I better leave it, I'll get
the next one )

Basically these emotions are the bad energies and thoughts
that limit you from doing what you want. This is the result
of that initial fear holding that possession over you,
you are not exposing yourself enough to the
fear! Apart from that, you also need to
think about the one key sentence I said there:

They are: What if...

Right there...the line. Those 2 word...TAKE THEM OUT of your
mind right now. The very second you think "What if...", you've
already began to lose and that's when your mind starts to
fuck you over big time.

To combat this, internalize this instead: Who gives a shit what
she says about this or what she does that? WHO CARES? I'm doing HER
the favor by talking to her! She should be privileged to be in my prescence
and even talk to me.

THAT is the kind of attitude you should be having and internalizing and
replacing the 'what ifs' with. The only time, THE ONLY TIME you can say
'what if' is when you get enough confidence to think 'what if I swap that
opener and try that transition afterwards? That would be fun Lets try that!
I'd love to see her reaction!

That is a great and positive mindset and straightforward attitude towards
the whole situation and how to diffuse any negative shit coming into your space.

Now...ONWARD to the practical shit that you can use right now

Right, so, alot of newbies getting into the community as such decide
to try and use the lines and routines from the book 'The Game'.
There are a few problems I have with the book and how its
content is set to help new guys. First off, the style of
game in the book is HIGHLY over-used and over done
today, all the more reason not to do it at all. Too many girls
have heard that "Who lies more, men or women?" routine...
frankly, it should not be used anywhere, atleast not by
the newbies I think.

Why? 3 reasons:

(1) Considering how many people actually used all
the same routines and recycled shit from the book when
it came out and are still using it today, despite its success,
it's become an opener that passed around like a prostitute
or the local village bicycle...You know that phrase? "That girls
like the village bicycle, everyones had a ride with her!"

That's how stagnant the routines have become from this
particular style of game. No one shifts or changes up the
opener...its all done the same way, and when a girl has
heard that opener (or even similar openers like it from
the book) she is bound to tell you to fuck off cause
you're the 20th guy, today, to ask her who lies
more!

(2) inDirect (the style of game from Mystery Method and Style) to me
is a very, pretentious and beating around the bush style of game, it kind
of dapples in varying in routines which are long and subject to
qualifications which need to be done and hooked correctly in
order to work. Also, the style of inDirect is also over-used
too much and the problem with this style of game is that
you are generally implying to the girl you are hitting
on her. Here's an example:

You're at the club for example and you see the target, you walk up
to her after being ballsy with the approach and you say "Whats you're
opinion on my fingernails?" Your target is then in a state of
curious and begins to mostly ponder "He came all the way
over here to get my opinion on his figernails? He must
be hitting on me."

(3) Girls can tell when you're bullshitting em. You have to be
really confident in yourself and your delivery for the opener
to work effectively . Also, inDirect game is not known to
work well as daygame. Although the girls are caught
off-guard in the day (not expecting to picked up in
the day), inDirect does not to any justice for
day time practice or pickup. SO, you cant
practice in the day, you lose over 8 hours
of potential education and conditioning...
that is ALOT of time wasted which can be
invested in investing in yourself.

That is why my furry little friends, you need to go DIRECT.
Going direct is telling your target, right from the get-go how
you feel about her. No messing about...no silly routines...no
opinions or questionarres...just raw interest in the girl
and the main reason as to why you're approaching
her in the first place!

By going direct you're laying all your cards on the table
and you're also giving off a real genuine vibe about
yourself and you're coming off across. If you can
convey a genuine interest right then, that's
already an IOI (Indicator of Interest).
Did I mention it incredibly shows
just how confident you are just
be walking up to her and telling
her "Hey, you're really hot and I had
to come meet you!" OR "Hey, I really
like your style, I had to come and say Hi!"

Does that not seem more genuine and open
then trying to hide behind a pretentious opener
by asking her opinion on something? You don't care
who lies more, SHE doesn't care who lies more...it's rubbish.
Yes, it was great to use a couple years ago and was great
in 2008, but is's been over 5 years now and it's time move
on from the old and into the new.

Don't use inDirect when first starting out! Go direct instead!
And that's exactly what I'm going to show you how to do
right now.

(LAST PART!)

_______Practical________

How do you direct? It's very simple and often it gives you
the best and genuine responses right there...what is better
than having a girl respond in the best way possible from
a compliment? We'll see how.

First thing you want to know is that, just because you
compliment a girl doesn't mean you want to pick her up
or even like her at this stage...you're just testing the
waters to see what exactly she's like and your investing
in her at the same time.

This can be done by doing the following:

SCENARIO

You walk into the mall and you immediately see the target infront of your
line of sight. Once you see her and you find her attractive, you quickly
select one particular aspect you like about her.

Is it her hair?

Her body (figure)?

Her style of fashion (boots, dress)?

Say you she has a great sense of fashion for example, you run right up to her
and follow this exactly and afterwards we'll do an analysis and breakdown
of the opener:


Me: "Hi, sorry to bother you, I'm off to go meet some friends in a minute...but
I just had to come over and tell you I really like your style!"

Her: "Thank you I love this outfit. "

Me: "No problem. Your actually really friendly...I don't often meet girls
who are well dressed and friendly what are the odds? "

Her: "Thank you thats really nice "

Me: "Cool, well I've got go now, nice meeting you!"

And leave. Thats it.

That whole interaction last probably no more than 10 seconds, and that 10 seconds
is all you need to boost your confidence No fake routines, no bullshit...

Be honest with yourself now, which routine felt better? The inDirect one or the Direct?

Let's move onto the last part of this long ass post, Analysis.

I'll just get right into what you're conveying when going direct.

"Hi, sorry to bother you" (Remember, it's ok to say "sorry" when opening, its more
respectable and just conveys the intention you had to come over and show no
harm in anyway. Of course you dont, but its jut a general politeness and ethic. You
don't want to just say "I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT", you're more likely to scare her and
even creep her out. By throwing in the apology first, you're conveying the
you're friendly and don't mean harm.


I'm off to go meet some friends in a minute... (This is your
time constraint. You can use this to show your target that you
have somewhere else to be and you can only stay for a certain
amount of time before leaving. You don't want to just stay
in the space for too long, if you do, she'll begin wondering
when she can also go or when you are going to leave too.
Over-staying you're welcome lowers you own value. They
also have a place to be, so make sure you throw in a
little TC to let her know that you're not intending
on staying long, you just want to tell her something,
then leave. That's all it does.

I just had to come over and tell you I really like your style!"
This is the most important part which you need to say confidently, with
intent and most of, with a smile. If you say "I REALLY LIKE YOUR
CLOTHES. O__O" She'll think "O.....k....?" Don't be stonefaced
about it, be relaxed and happy to give her this
compliment...and REALLY mean it!

"I REALLY like your style "

"Your actually really friendly...
Another compliment, you're now telling her that
she's a nice person to talk to.

I don't often meet girls who are well dressed and friendly what are the odds?"
Self explanatory

"Cool, well I've got go now, nice meeting you!"
Thanks for interaction,nice meeting...and until we meet again

NOW how much better is that guys??? Doesn't that just seem much
more awesome? HELL YES!

Now, if you do that routine as often as you can on
10 girls, you will RADICALLY get rid of your AA
faster then you thought.
It's one of the simplest things you can do, and it's really
effective too. The main thing you can take away from
this is that: If you approach a girl with good intent,
be genuine and convey friendlyness...they will be
VERY open to have a chat and spare a few
minutes to talk to you

It's...that...simple.

How do you put this into practice? Go out during the day (don't do this in
clubs or bars, this is specifically made for the day) and focus on
improving your confidence with this simple routine.

I guarentee you...if you do this a few times a week on
a regular basis...you'll thank me for it.

Thank you so much for reading THE LONGEST post on this place...
and all the best... I hope I help you guys in some way.

Post your success here or any questions too.

- Chai

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

I took the time to read it all and all i can say is: "AMAZING!". This will help so many guys here including me!

Keep up the great work!

_________________
Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

That's what I'm here for. Thanks and goodluck

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

Keep going Man! The rest of the whole world is counting on yo!

N33dless to say, find this a great post. Thanx chai. And on a side note,do you take questions? If so,
I'm 16 and new in the game with huge approach anxiety. What would you do if I were you?
Cheers

Yeah ask away.

Since you're 16 (which is a bit of a minor in the community in my opinion
,18 and up is the usual standard when getting into this cause your
out of school, you can drive and you gain more independance.
At a stage you will need to go to various spots in order
to practice. You should focus on just improving your confidence
in the approach and not necassarily worrying about the other
levels of pickup like Transitioning, closing etc. Focus on
conditioning yourself to be an approaching machine so
when the time comes for you to branch out you
won't have a problem.

I've found that if you start out young and you try to dedicate
too much to this you seem to neglect many other aspects in
your life inturn, I'm assuming your still in shool haha?)

Anyway, you can improve your confidence by doing the following
as I provided in the 'direct game' example in this post. It's the easiest
way to start. You don't even have to approach in the mall, it can be
at parties, on the street, at school...wherever.

If you're not comfortable yet using the direct opener about
complimenting her fashion sense for example, you can
make your own, but it's recommended you stick to
the one's I've provided for now and then when
you're ready (you'll know), create your own
openers.

Choose any aspect (besides her ass) of the target
that you find attractive. Be it her hair, shoes, skin...anything
that is appealing to you and makes you want to approach her.
Even if she looks "Cute, fuzzy, hot, friendly", you can tell her.

It can go like this: "Hi, sorry to bother you, but I was just on
my way to meet my friends and I HAD to come over and
tell you that you look really cute and I had to meet you "
Girls love guys with confidence and this is the fastest
route to go about it.

Hope that helps. Remember, if you're unsure about anything
ask away or refer to the post as reference.

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

Awesome Post amigo!!
Sticky worthy!!

_________________
http://realsocialdynamics.com/

I don't know Chai...I read a lot of your stuff and you're easily one of the good members in my mind here. But I find direct game in the daytime to be ...welll....I find a lot of girls don't have a confidence level to handle it...and this is what ticks me off. If I'm a sociable guy.....and I come in direct (Which is essentially very putting it all on the line) i find ...well u can get busted out way quicker...

On one hand I love direct...but sadly I'm discovering a lot of girls that are HB8-10 (maybe not a lot...but at least in my area) during the day they don't respond to it...

I usually just ask for directions then accuse them of being a terrible tour guide (roleplay / banter). I want to roleplay with more girls...but i notice I suck at roleplaying sometimes LOL. I don't know..have yet to do a lot of roleplay.

Get busted out? How can you get busted for giving a compliment?
Are you sure it's not how you may be conveying yourself when
approaching (too much energy, coming on too strong,
intimidating etc) It's in the approach man, don't
over-analyze things too much, if you do you
spend more time than you should inside
you're head and if you continue to do
that that's where you'll stay.

Who cares if she isn't confident with it? You're the one
who's getting the confidence out of the approach that's why you're
doing it.
HB 8's and 10's have much more value then other girls and
they can smell it when a unconfident guy is going to
approach them and that's when their Bitch Shield is
up. What kind of direct openers do you say to open
these types of girls? Remember, girls of beauty
are rarely found alone and if they are, why
would they want to waste their time giving
directions? Daygame is kind of like night
game...except the music is softer, the
pace is slower and the girls don't
wear as much makeup, yet they
are still the same girls.
Also note that the HB's
get approached alot, and although
their just walking in a shopping mall they
are less likely to get picked up but they get
compliments all the time regardless!

Upon approaching,
don't make it seem like an interview, make it fun for both of
you and leave her better than you found her.

Would you be able to share a reference to when you did
a direct approach but didn't get the result or compliance? It
would be great for the others to learn what not to do aswell hehe
Roleplay and banter is good fun, but it has to be done to the
correct girl and done in the appropriate manner.
If I ask you for directions and afterwards I say, stonefaced: "You're
horrible at giving directions / You're a bad tour guide"...there's no
playfulness or fun attitude in that and that's why it's important
you try to convey that if you present roleplay in the set.
...and I think that's why you're getting that result of non-compliance man lol
Banter is good fun but if it's not done correctly you just seem like a rude
person you know? I would also save this kind of thing for only later
on in set after you've got to know her a bit better.

I once approached a beautiful girl a few months back,
I asked her for directions (was very long but correct non-theless)
and afterwards I said "Wow thanks, I'll see if I can remember that "
I made her laugh, thanked her and left. It has to be done just right
you see!

Focus on just approaching and building your inner game
and then incorporate banter/roleplay gestures into
your game thereon.

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

I've been struggling with AA during my attempts to get better at daygame, I'm definitely going go try this next week

I don't want to crap on Chai's thread - which I fully endorse - it's a great read....

But as for openers... try a caveman with a tool. I wrote about this in a lay-report (Im not trying to pimp my stuff) as well, but just this week I did this. Spied a HB8 at the grocery store, pretended I was on the phone as we walked past one another - there was definite eye contact, so I started pretending to talk "Yeah, I got the email..... hold on, [as she walks past you - stop] .... wow, I'm sorry man, this lady just passed me by ans she's is friggin stunning! Totally lost my train of thought!" Then start walking... I said it louder than usual, obviously to have her hear me get "flustered"...

We're going opposite directions, so next aisle over we cross paths again, I keep the phone charade going (I knew what direction we were going, it was common sense) and about 20 feet from her, I said "Dude, I'm going to cut you off [keep eye contact with HER], shes in front of me again, and I ...[pause]... yeah I gotto go" and 'hung up'.

I looked at her and said something to the effect of "This is the second time you've passed by me, and the second time I'm doing a double-take - who ARE you?"

Conversation ensued, I dropped an instant date and we bounced the store without buying a damn thing...

I love daygame moreso than a nightclub. ASD is off the chain in a bar. Daygame women are way too easy to put at ease....

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Hi Chai,

I read everything. Thank you =D

I definitely don't think I'm projecting a nervous vibe or anything like that. All my life I've bantered with a lot of people just didn't know thats what it was called. When I banter, I always have a smile on my face or an inquisitive look. It's never stone-faced.

I do feel that MAYBE I came on too strong though....Example:

HB9 (all my friends were jaw-dropped by seeing this chick) was sitting alone in the day-game putting on make up. I just walked over saying "don't worry about it...you look good..its all fine *smirk*" and sat down and introduced myself. Now she loved the approach..its just what I did after that I'm fairly certain kind of...got her to eject herself from the conversation...

I kind of went into the role of a seducer as Richard La Ruina puts it...way too soon without really having much of a conversation. Then she asked "is this a dare?" I'm like no...why? She's like cause your friends are looking at us...I'm like oh not at all, in fact you can meet them later.

But before I got to fully engage in it - her friends dragged her away....and they weren't in the room, they just happened to walk into the set.

Now it was the one time I did a direct approach, I was committed, and confident about it. I don't have any issues about rejection or being busted out...but it definitely DOES suck. Now on another case...my friend was talking to this girl...and I just went up to her (she didn't know me and my friend knew each other), I just said "you're cute =D are you single?" and she was actually very excited about it...

I felt I took it slower after a direct-game (well not exactly slower...I mean I actually had a conversation with her...connected...but i also did escalation way quicker than indirect)...and it went well..I got a number..and several texts from her that I didn't pursue...I thought maybe I needed more practice before getting a relationship.

I don't believe I have any problem calibrating when it comes to delivering my opener....but I know ...or at least I analyze it after that my sticking point probably is in the eagerness during the daygame. I don't connect too much. Perhaps I'm mixing up direct-game for lack of connection?

Nice lay man I still have yet to try out using you're cellphone
as you're wingman and although it is considered a gimmick
there is a chance a girl could bust you out, but the chances
of that happening are not that high I'm sure? I've never
done it before so help me out man haha!

Either way it's something to look into. Infact...it would be interesting
to see the newbies branch into this kind of routine after
increasing inner game. Don't feel
pressured into running a routine you aren't
familiar with yet guys...create that confidence and
develop yourself further and proceed from
there. Fair?

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

has anyone tried to game chicks in a quiet libary and how did you manage to do it

I gonna go on a limb and point out 1 thing that could be
wrong with your game and then if I'm right I'll post the
2nd sticking point...

(1) You try too play / banter / show too much energy too often

It's cool to have a sense of humor and show her that she can
be comfortable around you, but you must remember that if you try too
much to entertain her just so she can stay in set with you, she's going
to treat you like her dancing monkey. You get me? What would stop
her from saying "Bark like a puppy in front of my friends dude "
Would you fulfill her request if she asked you to do so?
If you considered it, you lose. You instantly lower
you're value, after that you're more than sure to
get the LJBF speech or just become her "friend".

As far as banter is concerned only do it when it's required
in set and it should only last under 20 seconds or so (there's no
specific number but don't turn the whole thing into a joke you know?). A simple banter routine could be, if you think she
were to be your kind of material for girlfriend say: "You're
pretty fun But I don't think you could handle me...I'm taking
the dog!"and if she inclined to play along she might say "Fine see if I care!
I'll just take you're PS3 along with ALL your games!"

You: "YOU WOULDN'T "

Her: "Yeah, try me "

I've bantered quite a bit in my time, but consider that
at some point it will become boring and lose its
momentum...after that it's time to transition into
newer discussion or different topic.

When her friends came to take her away, did you go back
try and isolate her from the group after that happened?

_________________
'Bitches aint shit' - Chai

No I didn't. I didn't see her again..saw her one time and I think she saw the car I drove (this was by serious chance it was her at some random store) and then she kind of started lurking around me for that reason later on in school. She instantly disqualified herself in my eyes.