I really like this girl, but there is one thing she still talks to her ex... well he looks for her on her job place, and on her home, he even eat there... i confronted her about it and she toll me she was to nice to make him leave her alone even if she hated him, the situation is more complicated because she says she haven't toll her mom that she ended the relationship with that guy(she lives with her mom), she almost cried there and i just couldn't make her feel bad at the moment, so i didn't pushed it sadly...

But is just not that, she isn't open about our the relationship, i mean she hides it from everyone, she says she does that because she is older than me for 5 years, and that she is ashamed because of that.

She promised that after she came back from her vacations she will stop hiding our relationship, she will come back in a week.

One night i asked her if she wanted to us be exclusive to each other, and she toll me she wanted me only for her, and im fine with it.

I tried to play it cool and didn't mention anything more about the while ex, she apologize about the whole ex-boyfriend situation.

what i don't like is that we aren't official... i would like either have my freedom to fuck everyone(i have turned down a girl because of my deal with this one) i want or make it more formal.

How do i handle this situation, should i wait till she comes back or msg/email her?

A couple concerns here, aside from the fact she still talks to her ex.

1. She hasn't told her mom about it
2. She hides you from other people
3. She wants YOU only for HER, but is SHE only for YOU?

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but know this: her crying is meant to distract you from the issue. It makes YOU look and feel like the bad guy, and it's not the case. She's using it as a distraction to keep from making a choice.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

just say:

"look you obviously need some time to sort things out.
call me when u'r ready to get serieous or don't call me at all."

Don't invest one bit more into this relationship unless she does as first. I'm just gonna be blunt, and not sugar coat things: You sound like a rebound bf.

Not gonna lie, I've been there. I was able sense what was going on and just waited till I found someone else then dumped rather than being the dumpy.

The fact her mom doesn't know what is going on means she probably has no intentions of keeping you around to meet the fam.

I could be wrong, but just be very cautious here.

Thank guys.

I know this girl cared for me because she been texting and calling me even if she is on vacations with her brothers, even bought me some surprise gift.

She also say don't come open because her niece is in love with me(proved...), and is like a daughter for her...

So i toll her that she have the right to be happy too, and after a week she toll me that have been thinking about that, and that she will come open about it just when she return from her vacations.

She is trying hard to keep the relationship alive sending messages and calling, im on the other side feel awkwardness trying...

Andrasol ill sure use your advice if she don't come open after her return, i was just heating up myself with my own tough's...

Thank you guys, i was getting very irrational, i know im the rebound bf, i didn't even tried to seduce this girl... i was trying to get her niece... but always ended up sleeping on the aunts bed(more comfy)... until it happened... now im with the aunt... and the niece is in love with me... the other day almost happened... and she don't know about me and her aunt...

Shit got super complicated, now there are plans of drinking with the niece in a week... im pretty sure she wants to fuck me already trying to getting me drunk...

The niece already tried to get with me on bed, all i could do was touch a boob and her parts over the pants(could feel her heartbeat)... but i just couldn't go more than that because my relationship with her aunt, i promised her aunt i was gonna be only for her, and she did the same.

The day she gets back make sure it's 100% sorted or move on.

Say anything to her. Just make the point and move on. Doesn't matter if it's AFCish because it's over.

I'd be really pissed if I were you...really pissed.

It MUST MUST MUST be sorted the first day you see her after she's back. Otherwise she isn't being true to her word and you deserve better (probably).

Forget about her ex, the fact she hides you is pretty damn insulting and enough of a red flag to make me end the relationship.

Her comfort level (of not revealing your relationship) is more important than the way she feels about you, so it seems.

Most good decisions when you have the luxury of time are made after you have evaluated several insights or facts. I will present different insights into your situation so you can decide well.

• 1. Her not introducing you to her family while keeping her ex around her social circle is best explained by propinquity. You have said yourself that your age difference is an issue. In most cultures, relationships of older men with younger women are fairly acceptable but the opposite is rather uncomfortable. If you want to dig deeper into the idea of propinquity, you might find this classic research from Penn State useful, here: http://forms.gradsch.psu.edu/diversity/ ... /rauch.pdf
  
  2. Her wanting you exclusively for her signifies that she finds value in your relationship. But giving her an ultimatum that you want a reciprocal arrangement will create undue pressure that will lead to a situation where your relationship either sinks or swims. However, since you have made a commitment first, this places you at a disadvantage since she hasn't made a reciprocal commitment from her end yet. I would advice that you stick to your agreement like a gentleman should but you must take action on item 3.
  
  3. You can keep the woman versus the competition when you have the following factors to your advantage: (a) You have developed deeper emotional connections with her compared with the other guy; (b) You trigger more oxytocin release via multiple orgasms versus the other guy; and (c) You are more capable of giving her higher doses of natural dopamine by giving her a quality emotional roller coaster ride. The best approach is to give her more clitoral and vaginal orgasms when you have sex. After sex, go into deep rapport mode and anchor your conversations on her positive childhood experiences and find similarities with your own childhood experiences. Also try role playing into the future but stay away from marriage plot lines and other commitment-heavy story lines. Build on fun filled future story lines after sex. Finally, learn to give her a wide variety of emotions like laughter, frustration, jealousy, anger, stress but do so with a rhythm. The up cycle should be tension-filled followed by a down cycle of releasing the tension. This is the bitter-and-sweet approach to the emotional roller coaster ride. Another approach is the happy-then-sad-then-happy approach. You'll lose the emotional roller coaster ride attraction effect if you kept her emotions very stable to only one particular emotion. Emotional variety and an up-down-up rhythm are the keys to execute this technique properly.

If you find these insights and solution too complicated for you to execute, then it's much better to bail out of the relationship and sarge other girls like most people here advice you to do. It will take extreme self control and superb skills to execute this kind of solution. But if you think you have what it takes, then go for it and keep the girl.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Hello Again,

Well i managed to keep the attraction(Following advice from 3.) for a while but lately everything is gone shit, this is what happened.


We meet each other through her niece(18y who is like a daughter to her), and the niece have discovered our relationship... now the niece say she is in love with me and some crazy shit.

So we play cool and still see each other the whole May, my birthday its at the end of may and we made a party, my girl even made me a cake... well on the party my girl arrives, the niece see me talking to her, niece gets all drunk and goes crazy fuck, at the end of the party i left, to later know that the niece was crying the whole night and that she was all full crazy when i left the party without her(she says im her best friend).

Now when i left the party i went to visit my girl where we spend some awesome 15 minutes of kissing, at the end my girl asked me to bring her niece back to her house, which im okay, so i go and look for the niece...

One of my best friends tell me that she has gone crazy and that he is mad with her for what he have been doing all the night on my birthday, so he tell her that he was mad at her but that he wouldn't tell her why...

So here Im with the niece and bring her back to her house and tell her to go sleep... but she says she don't want so, because she would like to know why my friend is mad at her, i toll her to stop because she is drunk and discussions with drunk people don't end well... i repeated that to her like for 30 minutes until i made her left my car...

From there i went back to my house... and 30 minutes later there is my girl and the niece... the niece have made my girl drive her to my house at 4am... because of course now Im mad her too, because the whole drunk fuck up she has made, so i toll her to leave because she was drunk and that i don't like surprise visits.

The next day the niece comes to my house(30minute walk), Im still mad and tell her that i don't want to talk to her and that she should leave.

This all happened like 10 days ago, things went all fine with my girl the first week after my birthday, but then the niece have been starting to make her lots of questions, like where she goes at X or Y time(when she meet with me), and my girl don't want to tell her because she knows the feelings of the niece towards me, and the way she behave around her when she knows we are meeting.

On those days i also started to making distance with the niece, but i have noticed that the niece have been using the fact that i toll her to leave my house when she was drunk to make me look like the bad of the movie, and now my girl kinda hates me a bit, she keeps calling me on the phone, but she don't want to talk face to face with me.

Now those two girls aren't from this town neither do i, the last vacations when the niece left to her hometown, me and my girl had a great time, but now the niece is staying she says to look for a work, but i think is bullshit and Im pretty sure is that watch what i do with her aunt, now she wouldn't leave me alone, calling me all the days, and sometimes trying to come over.

Now Im in the situation where if Im cruel to the niece the aunt kinda hates me...

So what i did its put all my attention over the niece and dropped all the attention on my girl, even deleted her numbers to don't call her, now i went today to their house, to go for a walk with the niece at the morning, and she was there, my girl give me a smile that make me think that everything isn't lost.

Now i don't have any problem with hanging out with the niece she is nice, or at least was, but suddenly she have become very aggressive while talking about her aunt, and probably have found our weak points, she tells her aunt Im bad with her.

TL;DR: Me and HB attract each other, her niece wouldn't leave alone neither of us, damn things getting complicated.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!.

the whole niece situation is kinda weird, so I will not delve into it a lot.
but, I can see a huge mistake you did: you agreed to one-sided exclusivity.
this is a big big big do not. exclusivity is either dual-sided or does not happen.

the way that has worked for me to lock a girl into commitment when she was resisting it (religious reasons in my case - age and family reasons in yours) and evaluating other options was:
a) see other girls. the best you can do here is have one other steady date and a bunch of booty calls. this is because the booty calls show you are a wanted man. the steady date is an emotional menace.
b) let her know you are seeing other girls. even better, let her find out. when she does, be very open about it. to the point of sharing intimate information. be sure to highlight the emotional connection between you and the other steady date. but don't do it in a bitter resentful way. it is just the way it is. you are not dating exclusively so you are free to see other girls, and are just sharing what happens in your life.
c) give this girl the emotional roller-coaster, be whatever she dreams of in a guy. orgasms, fun, many small wonderful memories to remember you by.
d) DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, act jealous of any other dude she is seeing. she will try to get even with you. DO NOT let her.

at this point, sooner or later, probably sooner, you can expect drama to start. she will act unsure, confused, will start clinging to you and wanting a deeper emotional connection. she might even say she wants to stop seeing you if you keep seeing the other steady girl (she is the menace - the booty calls are auxiliary).

now you man up and keep your point. you will only stop seeing the other girls for a dual-sided exclusive relationship which both of you are going to share with the external world without shame. she will probably resist, and try to get you back into one-sided exclusivity. or she might propose a scheme of things in which the booty calls are OK but the steady date is not. you reject this. of course, because the other steady date is this nice sweet girl so you want her in your life. you want both of them in your life, UNLESS there is dual-sided exclusivity.

48 hours later she was my GF

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Ok here is the problem,

I toll her we were gonna be exclusive and she agreed, the problem is we havent had sex the last 10 days, or even talk much at all.

Should i tell her that our deal is over since we havent been together for that time, or just assume the deal is over?

Another question, should i fuck her cousin?, because her cousin clearly wants to fuck me, the only thing that have stop me have been the deal i have with the aunt.


Sadly college vacations started and almost all the girls i know are out of town, and also im running low of money this month, so not to much sargin until the end of month when i get paid.

I just say ....can you stop fucking people in the same family? Gods sakes kid..get some better fucking options will you

Im not fucking her niece... but her niece dont stop looking for me man.

THEN FUCK THE NIECE!!!

A girl's intuition is 10x stronger than a man, therefore she can feel what you are sub communicated to her very well. If she feels like you are going to stick around be with her if she talks to her ex than she will talk to her ex. If she feels you will stick around if she hides the relationship then she will hide the relationship. You have to put you're foot down and be willing to walk away if the relationship isn't giving you what you are looking for. It's time to be a man my friend, girl will always do what they can get away with

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