I think I kind of know what to do here, but I will admit, I'm a little frustrated and would like to get some feedback. First, a little background.

I'm 37, she's 38. We are both very busy, white collar professionals (actually, I hate to admit it, she seems to be busier than I am lately).

Anyway, first date, hit it off great F closed. We go out again for my birthday, she's really into it, then another time, etc. Then radio silence. I stay in contact with her, mostly one-sided, then out of the blue she asks if I can meet her for an impromptu drink. I'd like to say a month has gone by since we've been out last. I decline, because, quite frankly, I had a date that night. The next day, I ask her the same, "meet for spontaneous drink" she tells me where she is, she just got out of work, didn't order yet, I meet her.

We meet, things are going great, and then it does come up, in a normal way, why the radio silence for a while? She told me that she got very embarassed because I f closed the first date. She claims she doesn't do that, but that it was actually, in a way, a compliment to me, because she felt very comfortable with me, obviously, but still couldn't believe she slept with me so quickly, and that anything for the future would be doomed because of it, most likely (woman logic, I know).

I told her ridiculous that was, and why she just didn't call me or tell me this sooner, we obviously hit it off? Again, she said or claimed she was really embarassed..she even said something to the effect of, "We're not like 25, we shouldn't be moving so fast." She went on further to say she's used to being courted more, etc. I said, "fine, I understand, we can take a step back if you want. I obviously like you, we obviously like hanging out with each other, we'll just take a step back." She liked that idea. I paid for dinner (which means it was a date) and she wanted to get another glass of wine somewhere else, so we did. I told her, no matter how much she'd beg, I wouldn't go home with her (goofing around of course).

So this week, are usually flirty banter, I even decided to send her flowers this week. So, we're chatting yesterday (email, its always email), she's going away, we both had a rough weeks, etc. There was definitley some flirty stuff going on, then I say, "so will you miss me? " She writes back, "You'e sooooo nice, but I don't think I'm built for relationships "

I write back, "Who said anything about relationship? I just want to be in your life and take it from there." No response, which I'm not reading into too much. She goes away to vacation house every weekend and I leave her alone, there's no need for us to talk over the weekend.

I mean this woman is all over the place. She lets me closed the deal the first night, is all over to me to hang out more and more, then silence. I should add I was on vacation and she had a business conference soon after we first met. Oh, when I asked her why she wanted to meet for a drink. She said she really liked my follow ups and pictures I sent, and could tell that I was a genuine good guy and not some Manhattan player looking for one nighters (don't know how accurate that is )

She liked the idea of taking a step back, she obviously likes me, and then the whole "I'm not relationship built" line. ?? I have a feeling I may have fallen for a shit test, and might have failed. I just find it odd for a woman my age to be pulling crap like this...or maybe she's just confused and busy.

Anyway, my course of action I was thinking, was to just forget about it, and next week, go by as if nothing happend and our normal interactions.

I'm looking for other thoughts/insights. I expect this crap from a 25 yo, but an attractive, intelligent, ambitious entrenpeneur??

Anyway...

J.

Hey there,

As one of the older members here, (52) I can tell you 1st hand, no matter how old they get, the game remains the same!

From what I see here your doing well, I do question however "Paying because that makes it a date?" "I sent her flowers?"

Chill her out a little, imply other chick are after your ass!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

don't listen to what girls say, watch how they act and what they do

notice that naturally she will do the same,

you act like you are just flirting around and want some sex, she complies and has sex, then later on justifies what she does to further absolve herself from responsibility for her actions, so she feels less like a slut, but if you watch her actions, they speak louder then her words

now what did you do?, listen to the words and not pay attention to the actions, you act like a flirt, you get fucked like one, you act like a relationship guy, you get treated like one, judging by what she said, she is not looking for a relationship, she is looking for casual sex and dating, if you want that with her, no more mr.long term romantic guy, go back to what you were doing in the first place, and avoid falling in love/getting needy for her

also don't let her decide, debate with her if you must, but don't be her little bitch, if you want to have sex, try to make it happen, don't wait for her to make the decision if she has too many problems about it, don't call her back, never be afraid to walk away

Hey guys, thanks....that's kind of what I was thinking. It's funny, I have implied that othere girls are after me before, by telling a few of her competitors hit on me hard.

I was questioning my, "who said anything about a relationship line." But now, I'm glad I did.

As far getting her flowers, I thought it was just a nice thing to do, and there was no romantic note or anything like that in there, something simple, actually an inside thing between us.

I mean she's cool, she's a business woman, they tend to be a lot easier to be direct worth and there's usually less typical girl drama, they understand what real stress is.

As for what I want? That poses a good question and how to proceed. I am recently divorced, so I'm really not into a serious relationship now let alone getting married any time soon. However, I would like to have someone to "date". As for this one, yeah, I definitely like to date her, she's a cool chick, exotic look, great body and easy to talk to. I think I might have even brought up seeing/dating, I mean that is what I thought we agreed to.

But I like your point...you want to be treated like a flirt, act like a flirt, you want to be treated like a gf, act like one...thanks again.

J.

Remain spontaneous with your connection, always add a little sexual innuendo in between, always let her think she is the good girl.

Kino, tease, kino!

Focus on trying to end the "dates" in a location suited for fucking. "Let's stop by my place to feed my gold fish"

She sounds like a busy gal, a F/B is just what her "mind" is looking for!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Heywood, I couldn't agree with you more...she DOES need a FB, whether she realizes it or not. Oh, and she definitely has that "good girl" thing going on in her head, I think it may have something to do with her ethnic background; I mean, she was saying some funny frigin stuff when we banged that one night.

I'm a huge kino fan and will do.

As for the the last time we hang, I think not going for the bedroom was the right call. One, it was kind of late for both of us, and I could tell I needed to chill this time.

Again, I appreciate all the input. I think I'm over thinking this a little because this is the second time this happend this past week! The other one, I didn't think too much about...it was a 25 yo that came over for dinner, was all about it, wanted to hook up again this weekend, work got in the way (for her), wanted to have brunch on Sunday, when Sunday rolls around, I get the, "My life has recently got really hectic, I don't want to waste your time, I think you're a great guy." That was more expected... naive, dumb 25 yo that thinks she has "stress."

Anyway, I diverge...sorry!

J.

Stress is the greatest aphrodisiac of them all. That explains the first date fuck close. She's also horny as hell because she's a go getter. The competition drives up her sexual hormones.

She wants a fuck buddy to relieve her stress. Stop the flowers, teddy bears, I miss you crap, and so on. Be the stud and sex machine. She'll thank you a lot for it.

Oh, I repeat what the others said. Judge what a woman does, not what she says.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Its funny, I'm not a big flowers guy at all! When she mentioned the courting thing I was like "wtf, I haven't sent flowers to a woman in a long time, keep it light though."

Yeah! I hear you all on watch what she does. She's definitely horny as fuck! She's got a slamming body and rarely gets to use it. Actually, I'm even more glad with my response, because if I had a few weak comments, I think I re-established myself as wanting to be the stud that I am! Hahaha.

you cannot respond to this crap logically. thats just not how it works. when she says that you need to say something like "we should be doing whatever feels right". when she says she's used to being courted you need to tell her that you dont really chase women. they chase you.
this is just unacceptable. stop backing down. stop acting like a pussy. and most importantly, stop apologizing for your desires as a man. you like her, she likes you, you wanna fuck. its fine. its natural. accept it. act accordingly.

pumpington and hellhound are spot on here. instead of acting like a fuck buddy stud, you gave away all your power...

anyway, whats done is done. so what you need to do is talk to other girls (duh) and just wait for her to contact you again. dont contact her. when she does finally contact you, play it much cooler this time. dont be so available. dont chase. dont be such a nice guy.

also, if you havent already, watch a couple of Tim's (the Right Hand Man) videos from the 21 Convention where he talks about not chasing. thats the attitude you need to embrace. let us know how it turns out.

your face is a shit test

You're obviously a self-aware adult - play this game on your terms, not hers. Unless you're actually just after a long-term relationship with one woman. In which case, why are you on this forum?

That's what I thought.

I can't help but notice that in a classic move, when you declined her invitation she was still willing to meet up the next day. I would wager that she even made time just for you after that. I would send the signal that you're moving on, and she's either going to hop on board or miss her chance.

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Humans are but a walking set of pre-programmed responses.

Thanks guys, it's all starting to come back... I was married and or committed the last 6 1/2 years, and, not getting too into it, one of the big reasons for my marriage demise was not enough communication, or breakdown in itreally and other bs, then again I guess relationships are one thing, back in the dating scene, or gaming scene, is another.

This one would be a good fb - career oriented, hot, not needy and, last thing I want is another serious relationship right now. I hope I haven't totally blew it, but what's done is done, we shall see what happens....I hope I will have more to report...

Thanks again everyone.

Someone should really kick you out of this forum. You made several shitty and demeaning comments like this to my posts. And now you are making this to someone else's posts. I don't care how silly the question sounds like to you, may be because you are an expert, but for someone who doesn't know or doesn't have a gf yet, they are still learning. You don't pick on a novice as an expert. So what, a guy has some insecurities, you don't make fun of him of belittle him, you teach him the right things and how to overcome them. You don't give them shitty comments, to put them down. I would say, just lay off man, just lay off.

Yansaccnt, thanks, ha, I really just ignored him....he sounds like a little boy. I'm used to dating women, not little girls. When I was young and single, I did quite well. When I had my gf, who later became my wife, I still did quite well, when I was engaged, I was still doing quite well, when I got married, I stopped the extracuriculars, but women still hit on me....

With that said, yes, I'm used to being more upfront and less bs...but I guess the dating world in your thirties isn't much different than in you twenties.

As for insecurities, only one person sounds insecure in this thread, whoever this guy is, I dont even remember his handle. Again, thanks, I appreciate your support.

It's funny, I'm always given the youngins in my office women advice, it is common to struggle giving yourself advice, I think that is common human trait....anyway, happy Monday...and for the record, pretty much everyone I've come into contact here has come across as a stand up guy.

I would like to hijack this thread a bit to help yansaccnt in his quest for becoming a genuine alpha male. J stugots here is a prime example of the genuine alpha male. Sure, he feels down for the moment due to his recent divorce but he has been managing this down cycle in his life through alpha male techniques.

First, stugots know how to leverage the knowledge, expertise and experience of other guys to come up with the best decision. Unlike alpha male gorillas, human alpha males are extremely social creatures. The anti-social alpha male human is a fake one for the simple reason that he doesn't stand a chance when the genuine alpha male leverages his social power.

Second, stugots has skills that place him at the top of the food chain and is still open minded in learning new skills and polishing them. The beta male does not want to learn new skills and has fewer skills than the alpha male. Hence, in a very competitive environment, the beta male always loses while the alpha male wins due to the skills that he has learned and polished with great effort, time and lots of smarts.

These are lessons in life that you can see from a genuine alpha male like stugots. Discern well.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html