Hey guys,
today I want to share some thoughts on social behaviour in general and towards women in order to pick them up. In detail the topic is "Reactive vs. Unreactive - Congruence vs. Situational Fit". I`ve searched alot to find some usefull stuff out there, but what I found doesn`t answer the actual question. So here is my approach to explore the topic.
Basics:
What does it mean to be reactive?
In my opinion being reactive means that you give lots of verbal and non-verbal feedback to people you are interacting with. In my special context it means that I express my opinion on the topic or the opinion that someone tells me, through facial expressions (e.g. smile), nodding and often verbally by saying "yes".
What does it mean to be unreactive?
A good friend of mine is imo the perfect example for being unreactive. He almost always shows the same facial expression, that is kind a pokerface/penetrating sort of. Moreover he very rarely gives verbal feedback, so that you often don`t exactly know where you are at in the interaction. Nevertheless, he pulls hotties very well.
Why is "Congruence vs. Situational Fit" the subtopic of this thread?
Imo there is very rarely the "right answer" when talking about social interaction, it almost always depends on the situation. The problem with that is congruence, because being unreactive or reactive seems like some sort of behavior-related metaprogramm. In order to that it would be incongruent (or strange) when some-
one switches "gears" in the same social interaction depending on the vibe of the interaction, isn`t it? As Im thinking about that I remember Mysterys "IOI gets IOI and an IOD gets IOD" micro-calibration sort of thing. Does that fit in social interactions in general and is being reactive a reward to your interaction partner,
while being unreactive is a penalization?
Main Part:
What is the goal in social interactions and why am I asking which one
is better, being unreactive or being reactive?
As explained I am the kind of people who is very reactive, because I give lots of verbal and non-verbal feedback to my interaction partner. That doesn`t mean that I don`t penalize complete wrong behaviour of my interaction partner with desinterest. In general I think this sort of behaviour gets me lots of sympathies
among my social circle, but sometimes I feel needy while listening to an interaction partner (co-worker or HB) when giving lots of (mostly positive) feedback.
Don`t get me wrong, I am a very direct person, if someone pisses me off I tell them or let them know through my behaviour.
Relating to my unreactive friend I realized that his behaviour throws me off, because I need feedback! Okay Im needy to feedback and probably think other persons need that too, so I feel to must be reactive in social interactions...I have to fix that
!!!
Considering Tyler Durdens article about "social vibing" being reactive is good if a positive vibe is thrown at you, you should confirm that vibe with your reaction.
Do you think that it is right? Imo unreactiveness makes you "interesting", probably different from most people, but where is the border? Where do you lose sympathy? At what cost? Do you gain Respect? Is Respect some sort of counterpart to sympathy? What does that mean in order to pick up chicks?
I`m thrilled to read your comments.
Best regards
BoldDog
PS.: One more key question related to the topic, does positive feedback (you give, verbally and non-verbally) gain you sympathy at cost of lowering your (social) value?
CHAT