Hey, guys

I haven't been on this site for a while. I was busy with work, my writing, meeting lots of wonderful girls... and it's kind of a shame. I come from a PUA background and always wanted to give back to the community.

Here's something some of you might find useful - my thoughts on the biggest mistake guys make with girls. It might help you, it might not, but I know it was a huge insight for me when I first "got it."



I see that 90% of the posts in this forum are variations of "Girl said/did X/Y/Z, what does that mean and what should I do?"

The answer is, do what you feel you should do. Do what has worked for you in the past. Do NOT do something because a girl is acting a certain way. Stop being reactive and become PROactive. Stop trying to figure out women so much - you'll never be able to do it.

A couple of weeks ago, I met a wonderful chick. She's cute, smart, makes good money, great sense of humour, ambitious. In short, girlfriend material.

I did everything right. Then she started acting cold towards me for no apparent reason. I did everything I could to turn things around but failed. Yesterday we talked - she was aggressive and, with a little prodding, told me she "doesn't want to see me for now."

For a couple of hours afterwards, I was flipping out. This girl liked me, I liked her, we were super-compatible and then everything went to shit. "Why the FUCK is she playing these games" is what I thought. But you know what?

This situation is normal. I simply made the biggest mistake guys make with girls - thinking I could control and predict a woman's behaviour.

At every point in a woman's life, millions of factors are affecting her actions. Who knows what happened with this particular girl? Maybe her ex appeared. Maybe she heard something that made her feel bad about me. Maybe she saw a sad movie. It doesn't matter.

What matters is, women are unpredictable. You shouldn't worry too much about what they do - focus on what YOU'RE doing. You can't decipher human behaviour. If you worry and stress every time things don't go according to plan, you'll do your head in.

Don't blame yourself when things go south with a girl. Make conclusions, sure, but remember that literally millions of things you don't know about are influencing your interaction - her history, the guys who've hit on her before, the last guy she was with, etc.

Stop making the big mistake so many PUAs make - stop trying to understand women and find an answer or reason for everything they do. You'll just get a headache. You're trying to find love (or sex), not become a master theoretician, right?

Do what YOU WANT to do, what WILL WORK (to the best of your knowledge). If you fail consistently, make conclusions and adjust your approach.

Stop thinking of yourself and your "targets" as a self-contained interaction/relationship and accept the ultimate unpredictability of life. You'll do better for it.


As I'm getting to the end of the post, I'm realizing most of the guys who could benefit from it might not get it. Still, I hope I made sense. The bottom line is, stop obsessing over tiny details you have 0 control over and focus on improving your skills. The End.

_________________
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Why Men Suck at Sex (fun read) - LINK

Well said.

I've actually stopped reading threads which are from people who want a detailed explanation about 1 sentence.

Well said man- last year I met a girl who I completely fell for. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, great sense of humor. I got along with her so well. After two dates that lasted 4 hours a piece (in addition to a long makeout session the night we met at a bar where she voluntered her phone number at the end of the night and dozens upon dozens of text messages) she just dissapeared off the face of the earth. No bye, explanation or anything. She just ended communication altogether.

I felt like shit for the next two weeks wondering what went wrong. Afterall, we seemed completely compatible. Oh well.

But you're right - no one should dwell on that stuff. Just move on.

I feel like shit by never having a gf, and not getting any in my life. I don't know how I would exactly feel, but I would probably feel a lot worse than you. But, your post reminded me of a scene in House MD, a popular TV show. There is this girl called Thirteen, and she was having an affair with Foreman, and she had Huntinton's Disease. One day, she just disappreared like that. I thought it would be like in the movies, but looks like in reality, its like that too. Anyway, the best thing is to pick youself up and move on with yourself.

Great post, bottom line should be: Shit happens, get over it!

Great read man..

I actually wrote an article on the exact same subject.

You can find it here http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-play ... the-rules/

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Now You Can Read My Articles Here! ------------> http://wayoftheplayer.com/category/play ... fews-tips/

I just starting getting into the dating scene after my wife left me last year, and, its not until recently I'm starting to remember all the irrational decisions women make. Things with them are very rarely black and white. I even had a great couple of dates with a 25 yo (I'm 37) who was dying to see me this past weekend. Some work things came up with her, our date got moved to a Sunday brunch, I email her Sunday how she feels (she's trainiing for a race, there was a reason). Response, things right now starting getting really hectic, you're a great guy, but I don't think this will work...WTF is that supposed to mean? I went to a yoga class, and started remembering what it was like being 25 again, and girls at that age, they make the least sense out of all of them....evertything is some melodrama. Anyway, I realized quite quickly, it was nothing I did and to just let it go....maybe I'll email her for a drink in few weeks, months, maybe I won't.

I agree, just be normal, act like you, don't over think or analyze, and you'll be fine...or, you'lll make her look crazy....




J.

I basically agree but for people who are unfamiliar and are learning about female and social psychology- we tend to want to analyse what happened. Why, what was she thinking so that we can lean how it all works. Perhaps a better question is, how do you know you have crossed the line from useful analyzing and counterproductive obsessing.

Emotional involvement. If it's starting to bother you then you've gone too far.

The objective is to react intelligently without being phased, to not be disappointed when you "lose" a girl that you are gaming...to not be afraid of losing her, to not let that cramp your style or make you nervous.

Stop giving a fuck and consider her a lost cause from the start, then bat her around like a cat toy for as long as she sticks around...if you get nowhere then there are other fish. If you do get somewhere, then it'll be a good place, because you'll have established yourself as a fun character who isn't repressed.

@bp029 - man, that shit sucks. but just like you said, all we can really do is move on! One door closes, another opens.

@yansaccnt I lost my virginity when I was 20. I don't know how old you are, but trust me - there is hope for you. Don't despair, brother .

@Fuze - I like your blog, good writing and design. Not to get cocky, but I've found that breaking my posts into sections with sub-headings got me more views and reads. Hope you don't hate me for giving out unsolicited advice .

@stugots - Man, great job. I really don't know what it must be like when your wife leaves you. You have some big balls to be dating already. I've found that doing new things (like your yoga class) helped me a lot after my own last break-up, that's a great idea. BTW, I think you still have a shot with this girl - and not in a few weeks or months but soon .

@thedocta - basically. I couldn't have said it better myself. When I act like I have nothing to lose, girls start falling for me. The catch is to maintain this kind of mentality once you DO have something to lose. But that's a whole separate (and more advanced) topic.

_________________
To download the 53-page Manual of Confidence for FREE, visit my blog
Why Men Suck at Sex (fun read) - LINK

your story is so scarily similar to mine bro.

really good post.

_________________
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.