well work has been having a toll on me. This past month i've been working everyday pretty much, without a good solid day to just recoup. Here's what my schedule has been like.

Mon: 12am-6am (Job 1)
Tues: 6:30am-11:30am (Job 1)
Wed: 6:30am-11:30am (Job 1)
Thurs: 6:30am-11:30am (Job 1)
Friday: 6:30am-11:30am (Job 1)/ 6pm-3am (Job 2)
Sat: 7pm - 3am (Job 2)
Sun: N/A, but i have to leave for job 1 by 11pm

I've noticed at my jobs recently i'm starting to not enjoy either (especially job 2). That and i've been very angry and have had lots of anxiety lately. I feel like i'm losing a sense of control working all the time and ive been in fear getting in trouble or snapped at regardless of what i do(even though i don't get in trouble). I've been way more sensitive lately, taking shit to heart at work that normally wouldn't give 2 fucks about. That and being around some people i don't like more or just never really feeling like i'll get a break. It's all starting to make me feel sad and unmotivated.

I've been so money hungry this past month, despite me making good money now, i still feel as if im broke as fuck. All i do really is just work, go home, sit on the computer until work again. Sometimes i'll go out and melee w/ friends but i don't enjoy it. (mainly because i've out grown my friends, but still hang out with them)

I've definitely been taking into account what you guys said like joining groups and nightgame. I actually wanted to start things off by joining a gym near my house. The problem with that, is i keep procrastinating "ehh i'll do it tomorrow" i either too tired to do anything or i don't do it because i have work in the morning. I mean
lately work has been doing nothing, but depressing me.

I figured the best solution just to see how i feel afterwards, is to call off this week for job 2. I'm the only one in my department in job 2 who hasn't called in sick. I also stay alot afterwards to fill in for people who do call in/get called in, so i figured its not a bad look because they know i'm reliable. (only been late a few times due to traffic on bus/ transit construction)

I just am feeling tired, haven't had a saturday off in 7 months, always have to find rides home from work since i close. I've been not responding to people who hit me up for various reasons. Idk man, i just feel like its affecting me alot.

Plus this weekend my friend is holding some melee get together or something. My best friend might go and we never see each other anymore. We use to chill almost everyday now its like once a month, so i kinda wanna touch bases with him.

As for females i haven't really bumped into an occasion recently where i felt the need to approach, but who's to say i would if i did? I usually gauge whether or not i should approach a girl not by how much i'll i feel like a bitch afterwards for not doing it. So if i tell myself "quit being a bitch and approach" then the need to approach will be in demand. If i don't think i'm a bitch for not doing so then i won't. Honestly i haven't had that occasion where i bump into hot girls, especially since i work so damn early.

I was possibly thinking about online dating, but idk man. Part of me doesn't wanna do it because of pride i guess, that i feel like i need to be going out meeting women and by doing online dating it'll give me more reason to stay in the house. Plus i don't wanna get caught up in all the profile bullshit.

But yea i have a goal to approach 15-20 girls and a makeout with one this month, but ehhh we'll see where that goes.

Thank you for reading =)

That sucks. But you've been broke before, and if you want to stop being broke in the future, this is the way to do it. Invest and save money so you can have a better future.

At this time in your life, you've had to work a lot. You should probably keep this up, it will help your life situation. At the same time, it's exhausting. So give yourself a break. Go to this melee thing, see some old friends, see how much they like the new, social, positive you.

Good luck finding some balance in your life.

Thanks man, it's much appreciated.

For whatever reason my day went well today and overall i feel way better

I kind of have it in my head i'm not going to work fri night/sat so im kind of excited about it, even if i end up doing nothing.

For some odd reason though, i really want to approach a girl, like idk. First time i feel like excited to do so. Today i'm gonna join the gym/get some groceries. Partly cuz i need to do it, the other half of me is hoping i run into a girl so i can approach. I'm very curious as to what will happen if anything happens and how she'll react. I wanna practice and im not really expecting anything from the girl. I just wanna get somewhere. Lets just hope i man up and do it, cuz all this shit is easy to say now. Im only going to do it with a girl i actually think is cute though otherwise its not genuine to me imo.

If i actually do so ill post about it tonight.

Me just ranting whats on my mind... (skip to game help, to help me with an issue i got)

Well friday i tried calling in work, but ended up working anyway cuz a new guy called in on his 2nd week so i had to come in. Although i did call in sick saturday.

Friday at work something that i was told was cool i guess. Since new guy called in we we were short people, to a point where people who use to work with us that are in different departments had to come in to help us.

Well the guy that helped has always been like a super social dude, talks with everyone, has a really fun/flirty vibe with girls, at least when i've seen him. He tried to open some girls and they kinda just ignored him. I had to ring them up and then we had a like flirty thing going with them, they opened up i guess. Afterwards he was like "damn dude, you were doing way better with those girls than i was. They're were hella dull." and just replied "hahaha yea i guess".

I mean i really appreciate the compliment, but idk i still don't feel adequate in a sense with women, not enough to be boastful or proud. Especially after seeing how he is. The good thing is i never really envy dudes, i just respect them for their game. An old co-worker he would always say "why do all the hot girls come with ugly ass dudes? " I would just be like "no clue, but i cant knock them".

Although i finally had my first saturday off, finally got to see old friends and chill and whatnot. Had a good time, didn't realize how social i can be at times. I think it's a friend i hang out with a bit has my mind a little jaded. I hang out with him based on the fact he can give me rides home from work, or we're going to the same place and we live relatively close to each other. My problem with him is he's VERY naive. He's spoiled, but acts as if he's some kinda mature ass dude and he's knows alot. Alot of people don't like him to much cuz he gives off the vibe of that asshole who thinks he knows everything or tries to relate by bragging, but they put up with him cuz he's with me.

Lately though, i think i gotta stop hanging with him as much, because i feel like i hold myself back when im with him and i just do it so i can leave the house. Plus he 's a little misogynistic, he talks about women as if they hurt him in the past or something and hes bitter. It messes with me a little cuz i think theyre amazing. I also wanna do shit other than video games, but he seems a little scared to leave that realm, despite the fact that he'll talk about how he's amazing with girls and they come to his house all the time (they don't lol.) So i started last night instead of riding home with him i just stayed the night and got a ride from a buddy of mine. I didn't realize till yesterday though that being around people who you enjoy their company, it's alot more easier to have a good time. Although i can never find people who wanna just go out and chill with me.

Overall i've been realizing what i've been lacking. That one word is action, and it applies in for these things

- lack of action with going to the gym (i joined, but haven't been back since)
- lack of engaging women
- lack of finding new hobbies/new ways to pass time
- lack of eating healthy

for now those are my primary things to no longer procrastinate on.

Game Help???

I have an issue with finding girls to approach that i'm attracted to to. Partially it's because i'm not out enough (kinda answered my own question), but still even in those rare cases when im out i always feel like it's never the right time to make an approach. I guess its the AA

my excuse are these

- Im too tired to approach
- Im with my friends right now so i can't approach
- Shes walking away, i don't wanna run after her
- I haven't showered
- It's late outside
- I'm at work
- I'm at the gym
- If i fail everyone will know
- She's with her boyfriend (although i think this is a legit one LOL)
- She probably is with her boyfriend
- She's with her family/friends
- She's probably is with her friends/family
- I'll creep her out by approaching her on transit (even though i did this shit already)
- She'll get bored of me (alot of the times i feel like i bore girls even when i don't)

anyway all these excuses and they're always there. There's never really times where i can't use this as a means to not approach. They always get me out of not approaching. I guess one of my questions is are there ever situations where it's not okay to approach in daygame?

Because for me its hard to tell, especially since i make all those damn excuses in my head.

My other question is Should i approach once i feel that gut feeling of approaching/attraction to her?

gonna start writing my goals down again to

Weekly Goals

- Go to the gym 4 times this week
- Eat Healthy Mon-Fri
- Approach 5 girls this week
- Find something new/different to get/show up to this week

Any feedbacks/criticisms is very much appreciated and thank you for reading =)

hey there!

recently for me i've been feeling a whole lot better. I think it's cause i finally started to put forth action and work on myself and what i need to get done, instead of procrastinating online. So far the things i've done this week

Monday: Work, Finally got off my ass and got my socials, went to the barber, but in cali they're closed on mondays.

Tuesday: Work, cleaned room, worked out. I was gonna go to the barber/gym yesterday, but it was raining like crazy so i decided to just clean and work out at home instead

Wednesday: Work, finally went to the barber, washed clothes, ate 2 big ass sandwhiches, played melee with friends, then ate at red lobster

Thurs (plans): Work, and ima go to the gym for sure. Can't Keep putting it off

Overall though i been doing alot better overall, i feel as im more clear headed, i think more healthy sort of speak. Alot of it is because i'm finally acting on what i need to get done. I also feel way less needy than i did a week ago, just off getting some priorities straight. That and the procrastination isn't as dominate it tends to go away faster.

I also been eating healthier to, been eating a sandwhich (chicken/cheese/lettuce/thousand island sauce) not the healthiest out there, but its really good at getting me full. I also been eating plain greek yogurt everyday (stuff is gross at first but im getting use to it).

Women wise the need for a girl in my life as of now is less in demand, but i'd be lying to you if it wasn't still there. I realized that i fell back alittle, i have a mentality that i should just approach, but i'm not comfortable in my own skin. I'm not comfortable saying hi to random people as much as i use to, let alone hot girls). I tend to tense up when im walking and someone is walking towards me and when we meet i wanna say "hello" and smile, i look at them first, but when they don't look i won't do it. Then if they look, i say hi, but don't smile. Idk i wanna work on that. I just wanna be comfortable in my own skin. That's definitely a goal of mine for now. I can do it at work sometimes, but not on the street at all.

Also going out with my friends to red lobster was okay, they were going talking about how hot the waiter was (one of my good friends is gay and the other liked the waiter). So they were talking about how hot she was. Usually when this happens i just don't really talk or add emphasis on it. (but when i hang with these guys in particular im really to myself, mainly cuz i don't really feel like i fit in enough to be myself). I felt needy though around the waiter, like i wanted her to like me, to impress them, to be known as someone who gets girls. I know damn well thats really not why i want to pickup women. I just observed myself i guess, this need to fit in socially.

The trippy part is we all play that game to, i'm the best by good margin and possibly respected the most by others that know us. Despite this i still feel as i need to prove to them that i have some life, when i feel as if i don't. From that stems disappointment. I already have those things, but its really tough to catch myself when in the moment. I guess it stems from wanting to be apart of something i guess.

I also think that not working out tonight and eating bad has a big impact as well. Yesterday my workout made me feel really good, but i didn't do it today and on top of that i ate bad. The workout made me more at ease, and more motivated. It encouraged me to make me want to workout again (most of the time i work out it feels like a chore lol).

So tomorrow i'm planning on going to the gym since i joined. Hopefully make the best of it


Goals for tomorrow:
Say Hello and Smile to 3 people while passing them
Say Hello and Smile to a girl a find attractive while passing them

well, things have been better lately. I've been happier overall this week, more social, less needy. Not masturbating has contributed alot to that, im like a week in. Last week i did it a shit load and had a terrible week because of it. I'm trying to only masturbate once every two weeks and no porn for 2 months.

Sundays are the hardest to because im at home not doing shit, so i end up getting super horny. Today i been resisting the urge so it feels good to know i do have some self control, especially when dealing with something sexual lol.

Talking to girls is becoming easier, but i still feel as if i get needy sometime. In the sense of if a girl stops giving me attention, i get all confused and feels like she got bored of me and i get the urge to want to gain her attention back. I also fear giving women attention because i feel like they'll just disregard me because of it. So i'm trying to do what i fear, give them attention and show intent. Basically so i can get rejected and not really give a fuck afterwards. I think it'll help me because i won't be needy and seek outcomes, or keep thinking about it. The more i put action in the more thoughts about what could/can happen go away. I noticed when i feel rejected after awhile i just don't care and then every interaction is more engaging, and i end up happier just by doing it and i don't expect anything

At my weekend job, there's a girl i'm attracted to. Her body is banging, hour glass figure, pretty much my type physically and she's a little weird. What's trippy is im actually cool with her more so than the other girls i see at my job (its a restuarant so there's a shitload of hot girls who work there). We've gained rapport with each other, but no kino or any kind of flirting. She has a 10 y/o son so by that alone she's definitely older than me LOL

BY NO MEANS am i trying or want to pursue anything, i'm just posting this to pretty much observe my thoughts and to not try to ignore the fact i think shes hot. I mean a shit load of the girls that work here look amazing to me, the only difference really between her and the rest is i actually have conversation with her unlike the rest of them (a lot of them are pretty distant with me imo, mainly cuz i don't work with all the hot girls, lack of comfort i guess). Plus i'm aware that this is usually how i ended up getting in that oneitis/friend zones category.

Theres another that same chick in my department just as before playing games with me, saying she missed me and shit (i called off last week) and how come i never text her back (number got changed had no clue she texted me). Idk man though it comes off like she attracted, i feel like she's bullshitting and playing games. She has a boyfriend to, Maybe im trippin out idk.......She gives me that fear to attention/intent that im talking about. As sweet as she is, i get a real manipulative vibe her.

Other than that im not really where i can approach hot girls. At least by themselves, idk im too intimidated to approach a 2 set. I saw a girl who looked real sophisticated at the store. That like corporate career women look, she was super hot though. That's the one time where i could've approached, but didn't.

Alot of times to when im out, i'm either going to or from work, since i work at a dock i have like warehouse type clothes on, sometimes im dirty afterwards, idk that gets me real hesistant to approach now (my new excuse i guess). It also takes me awhile to warm up into a social state.

I also thought about going out just for the intent to go direct on a girl, though i've been very intimidated to because i feel like i do go out with and intentions i'll freeze up, leave the situation, and end up more frustrated then how i started. I try to only look for girls when im on my way somewhere so i don't put too muh stress on it, but at the same time that hasn't me gotten anywhere really so idk what to do really.

As for night game i don't really do it because i have work at 6:30am or im working nights. Afternoons are usually where all my free time is at.

Overall i just been more horny lately LOL. Which makes me more ambitious i guess, i've yet to hit 2 weeks without fapping so lets just hope that tension doesn't get the best of me. No lie though between no masturbation and exercise, it makes me feel like such a happier/well adjusted person overall.

Goals:
(Still the same as before, I do this at work with ease, but not in public)
- Say Hello and Smile to 3 people while passing them
- Say Hello and Smile to a girl a find attractive while passing them
- When i start building rapport with girls, tell them something i find attractive in their personality.

despite being so sudden, i feel like posting again, so i can look back on how i felt initially, and this post has nothing to do with girls per say (kinda). I just don't want to waste anyone's time whoever's reading this

So my landlady has 4 dogs, 3 of them stay outside and 1 is a puppy so it stays in the house. There's the puppy, 2 little dogs, and an average size dog. The little 3 are cool, it's the average one that's pure evil. They have to cage him because he tries to bite people, and even still he'll try to bite you through the cage.

So the average dog has 2 cages, one in the backyard and another in the laundry room. He's usually in the back, but this time he was caged in the laundry room. Usually when this happens, i can't muster the fact that he's in there, despite me KNOWING he's caged, but I really needed to wash clothes though. The landlady's boyfriend suggested if i was okay with him being in the laundry room because he knows i kinda fear the dog. I told him "nah, it's cool"

So then i open the door, see the dog barking, showing his teeth at me. He's right in front of the washer and dryer so he's to the left of me. Literally right next to me and i just ignored him and proceeded to put my clothes in. I noticed how like he saw me not really react to him after awhile, he would have phases where he just kinda stopped looked confused that im not running away from him, then i look at him and he'd start up again.

Long Story short i overcame the fear of the dog, that fear is still there a bit, but this experience is pretty much the exact same feeling i get when i approach a girl LOL

Remembering the feeling of relief after you've gone through a fear is great. That and no more mental masturbation of what could happen. To top it all off overcoming a fear of something you want/need to do at the end of the day only builds confidence.

Shit like this motivates me more to approach a girl. My issue now is im not in situations where i can meet or are around girls. So now i'm gonna try to fix that. I been looking at poetry classes, i think i'm into reading and writing way more (thank to this forum lool). Im also super interested on learning piano so i wanna learn that to

My plans for the week

Monday: work/chill/clean room/wash clothes
Tuesday: work/gym/look for poetry & piano meetings
Wednesday: work/gym/check out venue for this video game event some friends and i might host.
Thursday: work/gym/go to the mall and buy clothes
Friday: work/nap/work again
Saturday: workout/work
Sunday: chill/get ready for work

Lets just hope i follow through somehow....

and lets hope some girl(s) get approached this week. Overall i been feeling happier so doing this are starting to become more easier.

thanks for reading if so =)

well today wasn't to well of a day for me, despite me being productive. I had a bad day at work and i let it affect my whole day. My manager got mad at me for leaving early yesterday (i thought we were finished so i didn't check in with him). Then said i was working slow. Idk he kinda had it out for me the whole day pretty much. It made me real sad shockingly. That mentality kinda stuck throughout the whole day.

I went to the gym for the first time since joining. It was chill, but i did feel very out of place, only stayed like 30 -45 . Mainly because i had no routine and i didn't know how to work a lot of the machine. I felt like i shouldn't be in the gym with these people who seem way more serious about their workouts. Despite all of that one of the hottest girls i seen in a really long time was there, she was like bombshell hot. She was so bad LOL. She was asain, had that model/pornstar look. I looked at her then looked away really fast like a bitch. Seeing her was prolly the highlight of my day LOL

I could've approached a cute middle eastern girl on the bus, but i froze up. I think i have really bad AA. At the same time though i'm leaving the house more, so there's more oppurtunities. I also saw a white girl who was alright across the street walking that i could've approached, but i made another excuse

Oddly today girls were out, i feel like i have to adjust and get used to this. I feel like if in an environment where im around girls everyday or close to, i'll can get over the whole AA thing.

Throughout the entire course of this journal i've yet to really put myself in situations where im around girls im attracted to. I kinda just wait for them to happen. So pretty much my new goal is to be around women i find attractive more so i can pretty much play the game. It's like im trying to play basketball, but i don't have a court to shoot, so all i practice on is my dribbles (inner game i guess?). I think inner game at the end of the day is very important, but i gotta have some outer game going on for the inner to really shine. It's like yin & yang effect to me.

The best thing i can start doing is just, putting myself in situations where im around hot girls more. I feel alot of it is me always being unfamiliar with a situation, thus scaring me more because i don't understand it.

I do fear trying to game quite a bit. The thought of failure, embarrassment, and her telling people she rejected me. YEA I KNOW im failing by not approach, i know that to get what you want you're going to fail, but sadly i don't believe it's in me. For whatever reason the most social i am is when im at my 2nd job at d&b. I can interact with people well and im mad social, i guess cuz of the environment there.

I guess i'm just gonna try to push boundaries with girls anyway, cuz they're the only thing i really want. Easily biggest insecurity is my relationships with women.

today was alright, just a chill day at home pretty much

this me opening up about alot of shit.


Friends:
i worked today and after i got off a friend of mine asked me to chill with him and then flaked. He always does it, it doesn't even piss me off that he flakes, im more so mad at myself for saying yes to hang out with him. to begin I personally think he gets a kick out of getting my attention and rejecting me. Idk i kinda realized with him he's selfish/insecure and won't really consider people's feeling sometimes. Mind you this is alot of my friends and people are like that in general, but next time i think im gonna say no. I think it's best for me to just stop hanging out with the current friends i got at least until i find some balance with other people. They don't hold me down or anything at all, they just have really really shitty logistics. Only to hang out with them and they give no value, idk hanging around them isn't really a therapeutic experience for me at all. So it's best i think to accept them for who they are, forgive them(im pretty decent at letting shit go), but at the same time never really get to close, kinda like a freeze out. Mind you i only feel this way about certain people, not everyone in general, i think i've outgrown my friends......

Mom:
I had real solid talk with my mom today, i felt like i connected with her quite a bit. She's way more wiser than i give her credit for (i tend to have those my parents don't know shit phases). My mom lives in atlanta and haven't seen her in about a year and a half. I rent on a room on my own and i don't have family where i live. It's been rough these last 7 months trying to be financially stable, on top of that i give my mom money every other week because she's unemployed in georgia, worse off than me. It's the fuck out of me paying her though, plus i think she's pretty bad with money. I get distant from her sometimes because i feel that's all she wants from me

Despite that, we talked about alot of things, our lives, how people treat us, how we treat people, our friends/family ourselves etc. I talked to her about girls and she talked to me about dudes LOL(my moms a milf), yea dude pretty much everything. I've never really opened up to someone like that in awhile, despite it being my mother. I think we've both been going thru some shit. I usually tend to feel real alone and out of place sometime, but she kinda confirms with me that she'll always be there (mommy loves you effect i guess) Idk though it feels genuine, not like a "im cool with you until shit hits the fan or until you do some dumb shit" that's usually the vibe i get with most people. Feeling lonely is probably the reason why i wanted to "get girls" in the first place, so it makes me feel better when it feels like someone actually supports me.

Part of me feels a tad embarrassed for posting about connecting with my mother. All those insecure thoughts "dude you talk to your mom like that, what a bitch!!". Which is why im posting this thought as i feel it.

My mom's has been in a bunch of relationships though, some decent one's and definitely a bunch of shitty ones, enough to where i feel like her advice is valid. Growing up i seen guys eyefuck my mom to an oblivion or people thinking im her little brother. One thing she told me is that i've never really heard from anyone is. Whatever the girl bugs about or mentions the most that's what her intentions in the relationship are. If money is an issue, she wants money, if its sex then its sex, time then time etc. She mentioned to never jump the gun with assuming shit in a relationship even though the vibe is that way, because people's intentions are different. Lastly she told me that im pretty good at not being needy, jealous, or obsessive, but i lack assertiveness, initiative, and am scared to show intention (solid ass read lol). So yea she knows me better than i give her credit for. It did feel good though to connect with her. It makes me love her more as a person, not based off the fact that she's my mom and im suppose to love her by default.

Game
My mom was telling me i should try online dating, but idk why i feel like a lame for trying it. I guess im insecure about meeting girls, no matter how it is i feel as if i met them through such ways only by default. It's like i imagine people saying "wow you met ur girl online, you have no life?" or "wow you met your girl at work?, i would never do such a thing on the job" or "wow you met your girl on the bus, why would you talk to people on the bus?" or wow you.......yea you get the point LOL. Alot of insecure/ego-ish thoughts such as that go through my head, plus i have no good pictures to post online of myself. They're all pictures of me playing video games or with a fucked a up bed head LOL. I guess i gotta work on it.

I hope someone answers this question although im not gonna lie i feel as if no one will anytime soon.

Should i try online dating, while at the same time try to direct day game when im out?

My thoughts/Insecurities
Honestly i do think i should do online dating and direct day game. I think online would help me want to game in person more and vice versa. At the same time i don't wanna do either because i'm insecure and feel like a loser to do so(thus me asking the question, logically makes complete sense, emotionally not so much). Night game i feel like im not "cool" to socialize drink. Prolly not the best dancer, im alright tho cuz im black (dancing with family when ur young loool). I feel like i'll embarass myself at night being the guy who sits on the wall all night, too scared to talk to chicks, or get wasted to so.

Long story short i feel like a loser for day game/online, and for night not cool enough or too nerdy.

What's the best way to start overcoming these insecurities, other than just doing it to overcome it???

Got damn typing out insecurities of mine and making it public made me feel a whole lot better about my situation.

Random fact, i passed my current record of no masturbation it was 9 days. Now im on day 10, im fucking horny as shit though.

I use so much parenthesis to holy shit LOL

Online dating rests on your pictures. Witty writing is helpful, there are a lot of posts about that, but you gotta get better pictures before that.

How's this for an approach challenge? Go out at night (or during the day, do both) and bring a camera. Go up to people and say, "Will you take a picture with me? I want people to think I know hot girls." Many will say no. I think you'll be surprised by the number that say yes, and then want to stick around for a conversation after.

You should start going out at night. Try it before you decide you can't do it. If you don't want to be on the wall, stand out and talk to people. Try it a few times and see how it goes. I recommend not buying alcohol in a club. If you're going to drink, drink before. Buying drinks there is a waste of money, and you might try to pour your money into drinking so that you'll feel better temporarily.

And I live in Atlanta too! Maybe you need a change of scene, and you should come down and leave near your mom.

Haha i don't see myself living atlanta anytime soon sadly, although i do want to visit.

I tried okcupid, i went super direct with like 5 girls, even gave my number out. I saw something in jsmooths thread with online direct and said fuck it why not. I agree i don't have any good pictures, sadly i highly doubt any of them will reply or it won't go anywhere (i get the feeling it won't go anywhere LITERALLY EVERYTIME i am in a situation involving women).

I got called in not to come to work today (they've been doing it to everyone at my job) so i stayed at home and didn't do shit. I was actually content with doing nothing for whatever reason. I think i've been content with being a homebody. Im also pretty convinced im addicted to the internet. I just been surfing forums and facebook all day. Although i do work 2 jobs, once i get home its a wrap (unless i have plans with someone, which rarely happens).

I think today i just feel disappointed, i feel as if i remember why i never put myself out there with women and people in general. Im still learning to deal with rejection, but i feel like idk what to do to? It feels impossible to attract a girl i find attractive. I'm going to keep pushing tho cuz that i can do. Also i get this feeling like i need to impress girls. Which already tells me im not confident enough yet. I know if i keep pushing i can do it (i wanna get laid before june). I'm glad i joined online just because its SOMETHING some form of initiative to get at girls, even its not the most efficient way. I noticed the more i fuck up, the more im learning about how to interact with women

I think ill clean my room, shower, exercise, i think ill feel better. This post is pessimistic as fuck, but ehhhh its how im feeling at the moment i guess.

I don't see any plans to make things happen in real life. Use that camera routine.

You won't get any girls with online dating til you get good pictures, trust me. Use this week to get good pictures.

^^^ yes dude ur really right about the pics, i wanna try to open my options, but with pics that ain't gonna happen, im not ready yet. Gotta live life up for awhile then come back with some dope pics. Although i doubt im gonna ask girls to take pictures with me for my profile, not diggin that.

well this weekend was cool. I feel more comfortable at work, im way more in the moment at work(this made me notice something about myself, but ima bring it up later) it's caused me to be a better worker and better with my coworkers at both jobs. As for women though still being an idiot.

I had 3 occasions where i felt attracted to a girl wanted to approach and didn't

1. girl on her phone walking towards me and i froze

- Excuse at that moment: "She's on her phone"

2. girl at my job with short hair and flower in her hair. I really liked her look alot

- Excuse at that moment: "She's with her friends"

(this last is the one where i probably could have actually got somewhere)

3. Had a brief interaction helping this girl out, we pretty much eye fucked each other the entire time and she started biting her lip while looking at me. At that point i really wanted to just randomly make out with her cuz i thought that was really hot LOL.

- Excuse at the moment "i can't leave the area that i'm at, and she's probably with someone"

What i noticed a few mental habits about myself that have impact on why i fall into the situations im and im going to try to improve on them.

1. Hot Girl Approval.

I tend to think sometime i that i need to attract a certain girls. Just because i find them attractive almost like i need her approval or something. Then once i get that approval i don't care anymore, unless i sense her approval for me is dimishing then i get that need to gain it back. It's an endless cycle, i guess its the whole "we all want we can have effect"

2. Realizing i'm capable

At first i think i'm not capable of girls until i stop being a dumbass and realize all girls are different. I had a shitty attitude earlier this week that girls just don't like me. When thats not the case at all, they're just different people, in different moods, in different life situations, i hate when i forget that.

3. I'm social

I'm social, the issue is it takes me a bit to open up. If i have a decent chat with someone, even if it's just small talk the next transaction gets easier. I notice it's been easier for me to create rapport with people

Other than that im slipping financially which blows, but idk i should be alright.

masturbation/porn (idk if u guys wanna read this lol)

As for porn and masturbation, tomorrow will be 2 weeks for me without either. I figure i'll do it if i approach a girl, last time i did it i felt decent about it. I think holding back has made me more goal oriented, the issue i have about going this long without masturbation/porn is how long should i go without masturbating if im not getting any pussy? Cuz i feel like a week isn't enough and im at 2, at times its rough but im glad i went this long. As for porn i'm trying to go 3 months without it, last time i saw porn was April 9th so im 2 weeks without it. I havent masturbated without porn in a real long time, i just notice when i do, the orgasms are way stronger, idk why that is.

Other than though, just gonna keep on pushing towards getting with a girl.

That's lame man.

I'm suggesting that you go around taking photos with people til you have 20 or 25 photos. Then you take one or two and put them in an online dating profile. Throw in a picture of you fishing or something in real life and you're golden.

I know why you don't want to ask girls for pictures.

You're scared.

ahh ic, idk i thought you we're/are saying to ask them to take a picture and like say "can i take this picture to show i get girls". Honestly im sure they would do it, but it just sounds hella weird to me. I should prolly take pictures with girls more though. I guess i can't really judge it until i've tried it .

and of course im scared LOL, that's why i got excuses on excuses.

Despite that I'm making a schedule for myself to try to push my limits of overcoming every aspect that bothers me when its not done

- women
- working out
- eating healthy
- finding activities
- new clothes
- clean/hygienge

that along with like a weekly goals and expections, i probably will post it here once i figure it out. Something that i can follow everyday and take steps towards actually getting somewhere

thanks though slipnslide for being real with though man, sometimes i tend not to listen to people and learn the hard way like a dumbass if you haven't noticed =)