I dated a girl for 3 months, and she broke up with me for the most absurd reasons. She said she was feeling insecure about herself, about the relationship, that she wanted time, etc. At first, this caught me completely off guard, because things were going on smoothly. I was a bit angry at first, but then i cooled down, and we reached the agreement that i would let her have her distance and time she wanted, but we wouldn't have any contact at all, not even a "hello" on a txt msg or anything like that. That if she wanted to really talk to me or see me she should call me, but no "friendly" talk, because i don't want her as a friend. She says the option of us coming back is a possibility, but she said she's not ready for that yet. She's also quite vague about when that possible day could come.

Cutting contact clearly got to her, because she sent me a msg one day, telling me she just wanted to know how i was, but i ignored her. Well, 3 weeks have passed, and i just crumbled under the preassure, i've been thinking a lot about her, so today i sent her a msg. I told her i just wanted to know how she was, she's a workaholic, but i didn't let her go into too many details about her job. I just told her i was fine, that i was glad she was fine, that i wanted to kiss her, but that it won't happen unless we were a couple again. I told her that i didn't wanted to put preasurre on her of any kind, that she has to make up her mind regarding what she wants, but i did told her that she could "lose me" permanently. She asked "what do you mean by that? " but i didn't reply, i just wished her well, and told her that this was just a small pause in the agreement we reached, and that once more i wouldn't call her again, or answer any attempt of her at doing small talk.

So, right now i regret breaking the silence with her, i shouldn't have done it, but i think the conversation remained under control for the most part. She clearly didn't like to hear that she could lose me. I'm making my promise firm for sure for at least one or two months. I'm planning to msg her in two months, the day that our anniversary would have taken place. I'm thinking about being casual about the whole thing, but at the same time trying to reach for a real closure to this, for better or worse. I know i know, there are other girls and what not, but this is a really really hot one, a full 9 for sure. She has a great personality, but i'm aware she could pull another emotional bs stunt on me. Any advice here?

A common mistake a lot of guys make is thinking that things are going smoothly... Most guys are just blind...We think as long as we're getting laid, everything is going smoothly, and that's not the case a lot of times...There could be shit brewing under the surface of the female then seemingly out of nowhere she snaps under the pressure and tells you to she needs time apart...

You should not have contacted her telling her you want to kiss her, but that won't happen unless you're in a relationship...and that she needs to make up her mind.

She already made up her mind...she was no longer attracted to you enough to stay in a relationship with you..so she made up her mind to leave you....She doesn't care if you want to kiss her, she already knows you do...she already knows you're not kissing any other girls by the way you're talking to her like you're desperately trying to get something out of her.

Telling her you don't want to be friends is okay in my book....Cuz it can be hard in some relationships, to go from serious relationship, to just friends...can it be done? Absolutely...but it can be tough...

But, telling her she could lose you permanently, in a way...is kinda like threatening her, putting pressure on her, trying to force her to come back to you..trying to persuade her to do something she doesn't want to do...

Your best bet is to leave her alone...if she contacts you...keep it simple..dont get all mushy and start talking relationship stuff....demonstrate that you are perfectly fine without her in your life...that you do not need her..

So far, it sounds to me like she met other dudes and wanted to pursue them and broke up with you to not feel guilty about it...Which is another reason you should just leave it alone...Give it time...live your life...and if she contacts you, keep it simple....and if the time comes she breaks down crying to come back...go ahead and have that talk if you've got nothing else going for ya and you're interested in giving things a shot....until then leave her alone and dont talk to her lol

And in the meantime, read over this thread: we-split-up-shes-texting-me-like-she-mi ... 19608.html

Lots of gems posted in that thread which directly relate to a similar situation I found myself a few months back

Thanks for the advice, and for the link. Heck, i even tried to go out with another girl these past days, but i had the "luck" of running into one of those crazy psycho bitches from hell. So the date never went on (thankfully for me that is) sadly my friends are all in similar situations, so nobody is proposing to hit a club right now.

Give it some time....and like I said, read over that thread I linked you to...Check out the other sub-forums on this website as well...lots of useful information. You seemed like you were on the right track until you got all pussified and doing the things you mentioned....which is something I think we are all guilty of at one point. The lesson learned is to just let it go, and if its meant to be again, it'll happen on its own..no need to force, persuade, or manipulate. Theres also lots of good videos demonstrating "day game" on this website, and youtube...since you're not interested in the clubs right now....you could watch/read about that stuff and try to apply it to your life and location

Her bday will be in one month, somebody in the other topic said that just dropping a txt msg wishing her "happy bday" was good enough. She gave me a bday present when i had my bday this month, right after she broke up with me. Should i meet up with her? Or just a quick txt msg would do?

these are all the things that line up with problems you are experienceing

these things are all incongruent as fuck, you are saying one thing, then doing something completely different

you should realize, you are extremely needy, LIKE NEEDY AS FUCK, a freeze out is for you, so you can de-tach from a girl and come back different, refreshed, stop thinking about her, stop needing her, YOU DON'T OWN HER, YOU DON'T NEED HER

stop thinking in these obsesive clingy ways, desperately clinging to the idea of owning a girl for yourself, it is a giant turn off, and most likely it is the reason you are fucking this shit up you yourself, you are not listening to her, she says she is insecure about this relationship, and wants a bit of time apart, what does this tell you?

-she wants space (good sign of neediness)
-she is feeling used in one way or another, or has doubts about how much you legitimately like her

so what was your cure for this?
basically, set a frame of I need you, and if I can't have you, I want nothing to do with you, I don't actually like you as more then a possetion, and I need you, I'm desperate to have you

so now you are planning out what you are going to do to get her back, the freeze out your doing is completely pointless because you are going to come back needy, the whole point of the freeze out in the first place is give you a chance to fix your neediness for her and meet other girls, but it doesn't seem like you plan on doing that

you need more girls in your life, and to stop being so harsh on this girl, when she wants time, give her time, you can be her friend, but when she starts showing dis-interest in you, just back off from chasing after her so hard and get other girls, maybe she will see how awesome you are for paying attention, and get jealous that she can't have you anymore and want you back, maybe she won't, who cares, stop being so needy

you can contact this girl all you want, having contact with her is not the problem,
you're problem is not how much you communicate with her, but rather, what you are communicating to her, as long as she remains a primary focus in your life and you can not de-tach from her, you will not be able to get over this, the day you don't care if she stays or goes, if she is with you or with someone else, is the day this works out good for you, friend or girlfriend, nothing will ever stop you from escalating if that is what you want (aside from her not wanting to see you anymore)

don't do weird shit out of neediness, be somone people like that offers security, not someone that makes them feel insecure

GOOD LUCK

A very solid post, thanks for knocking some sense back to me. Both of you.

Hey Datguy

I only looked at the first post and skimmed through the rest, but here's my take on the situation. Keep in mind that I try not to think like a PUA - I try to think like a man first and foremost.

The girl (apparently) likes you and you like her. Something went wrong (not necessarily what she said went wrong). But the problem right now is, you aren't being yourself. Your ego and mental limitations are standing in between you and what you want to do.

Why do you insist on making things official right now? That's part of what's scaring her away. In my experience, the more rules you make for women the worse things get. Nobody likes working or thinking hard so you have to be easy. If you start having regular sex with this girl, SHE will want to pursue a relationship with you anyway (99% of the time).

Instead of having fun and sex with this girl (things that WOULD make her want to be with you), you're having DISCUSSIONS and RULES (things that DON'T make her want to be with you). Do you see the problem?

What I feel you should do is just ignore everything she says and go for it. That's what you really want, at the end of the day.

There's this new story I keep coming back to about the midget from Sex in the City - you probably remember it from the other thread. YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT MIDGET. She's sending you strong signals of interest, so plow through whatever she's saying and take her. Only give up if she gives you a strong, definite "NO."

Stay unreactive. You have to show that you like her regardless of whether she likes you back or not. The message is, you want her - but have the self-control to hold back if she's not interested. Describe to her in vivid detail what you want to do with her. "Right now, I'm thinking about kissing you. Holding you under the sheets. Having amazing sex, talking all night long and cooking eggs in the morning."

(that's just the kind of thing I might say. use your imagination and calibrate, but describe things that would be fun to HER.)

If you want this girl, go for it. Even a definite, outright rejection is better than living like this and wondering whether you could've done more or not.

You only dated for 3 months btw. The longer you wait, the higher the chance that some dude with rock-solid game and a horse cock will show up and take her. If you really want this girl, don't wait - take action.

My 0.02$

_________________
To download the 53-page Manual of Confidence for FREE, visit my blog
Why Men Suck at Sex (fun read) - LINK