Hahahaha you just made that girl's week though, I promise you.
Yeah there are many girls like that. That's how they've learned to get positive attention.

Great self-read, yes, you are going for these girls based on scarcity mentality.
There is a natural failure rate for cold approaching. That is why most guys don't cold approach. When a cool guy cold approaches, he has less of a chance than an average guy she meets through work or school.

So when that same cool guy has coworkers that he shows his coolness to, they respond well, because you're a cool friend. Doesn't mean you should go for them. Learn how to be physical with them, and the same concepts will translate to all game, once you remove the anxiety that blocks them.

ahh i see, yea i see what you mean. I'm more social than my co-workers, i say hi to a bunch of people, flirt when i can, while at the same time i keep my distance. Like my co-workers keep to themselves in ways yet they're all friends on facebook, weird shit like that.

As for going direct still i'm still gonna keep trying. I feel as if though it's alot harder because i'm putting myself out there. At the same time i give less input about what a girl thinks by going direct, just because my intentions are out there already.

I feel like im on a good path, my issue now i don't have enough going for me outside of work.

thanks for ur input slip, i been trying my best to apply what i've been reading to my life lately, shit's been paying off.

Inner Game

Overall my inner game has improved, i'm getting better at not assuming the worst and being a little more in the moment (still not present though). I also have set my pride aside in the sense of i'm not above anything and am willing to get what i need even it if means dealing with people/stuff i don't want to necessarily.

My latest inner game issue i'm trying to overcome is having a consistent frame. Right now my frame is glass as fuck, one shitty altercation with another person can ruin my day. Also when people are distant towards me or act really standoff-ish towards me, it ruins my frame. Then i start feeling needy and ask myself "why are they being mean to me?", "what did i do wrong to them", "i just want them to like me." Mentally i want their validation really bad, but in person i become more distant. This problem i've had my whole life and am trying to fix it.

Could be cause i'm an only child?

My relationships with people also spike to, rare occasions do i have a consistent friendship with someone. 99% of the time my relationships with people are like this: At first it's like "wow this person is really cool" then it's "man this person is a dick all of sudden", then it's "okay fuck this person" then it's "well i guess im done hating you we're cool again" wash, rinse, repeat. I'm not sure as to why my relations are this way, but i know there's something wrong with me that i need to figure out. I feel like alot of it is because my frame is glass causing me to break easily. This only happens with people i admire as friends to some extent. Alot of the times i create crazy rationalizations about my friends that were never there in the first place. For some reason though, this never really happens when it comes to girls im attracted to.

I just want to learn how to not get angry or hurt when hostility is thrown at me. This issue i have more with guys than women, but with women, i am more definitely more validation seeking. I really wanna get rid of my neediness with women.

With women i feel awkward while around them sometime and think "fuck i really wanna talk to this chick, but ehh she'll blow me out because she doesn't know me" or "they always blow me out so this isn't no different" or "she's a bitch anyway so why try". So i sit back and don't say shit, just making the situation more awkward the next time i see her. (new goal: say hi and try to initiate conversation to every chick i get that feeling with at work both with co-workers and customers.)

Outer Game

Today i bumped into a girl who comes to my job with her little brother every wednesday. I was like "o your here again, whats up!" she smiled said hi and whatnot. I went up to the counter to break someone and her and her brother happened to be the next in line. I tell them whats up and how they're doing. She's smiling and giggling like crazy. Should i try to make something happen? idk i think shes real cute, but i the reason why i never get at customers is because it scares me because cuz im around people and its work. That's one of biggest fears about hitting on women in general, i feel like everyone's watching (even though they aren't). I think next time ima try to talk to her and just build some kinda rapport, idk some situations i just feel i gotta be indirect, but i'm definitely gonna make a effort to talk to her next week.

Goals
- Say hi to every girl i feel awkward around
- Initiate conversations
- Listen more and don't daydream when being talked to
- Still go direct on 2 girls by before Monday.

Well this weekend has been kinda busy for me i guess. I haven't really been able to sleep much lately. I just been working both jobs and caught up with some old friends briefly. This is like the first time since my last post where i can finally sit down and chill.

Game wise i haven't done shit except just smile and say hello, but i mean idk i personally feel like that's whatever. Although i did see a chick who physically was completely my type she was with her mom though. There's been a few moments where i probably could've approached, but nothing major. I haven't really beaten myself up for not approaching lately. At the same time i haven't really cared about gaming tbh. What's good about me being out while tired so much lately, is i give no fucks in a sense. I don't think about approaching a girl nowhere near as much, just sleeping has been on my mind, at the same time i haven't approached. It's weird though cuz lately i don't really feel anxiety like i use to, but i still don't bother. idk

There is definitely some fear of rejection, that and how i'll be perceived for what im doing, typical inner game shit. I gotta get out of my head and realize no one gives a fuck. I understand it, but my ego doesn't.

One thing that's improving is i'm not trying to "win" a girl over, i'm like that when im tired. I'm also way more relaxed around women because of being sleepy. I just wanna learn to state what i think without caring how she'll react. (Fear of rejection).

I also decided to go a month without masterbating. Last time i rubbed one out was leap year. The hardest part is when i get home after a long day, but idk for some reason when i don't jack off, i tend to do better with women. Mainly because i take more action in situations. Idk i went a week and went direct, then jacked off and felt okay. The feeling after is a little relief, but still a tad mediorce. It's the build up that's the best part. That and i kinda want more than just my hand to bust that nut. Plus having the self control to go a month is always good i guess.

If something post worthy happens i'll definitely update this

until next time...

Weekly Goals:

- Workout 4 times this week
- #close 2 girls
- Don't Masturbate

welp, im back on my bs again. Started to fall into my old trap yet again and ready to put things back into perspective. Been working on my inner game alot, finished reading eckhart tolle's a new earth, which helped me alot in terms of my ego and whatnot. I do what i can to be as present as i can, but alot of the time i drift into compulsive thinking. Usually the most satisfied i am is when im in the moment with no thoughts in my head.

Game wise i've come to a realization that im not leaving my comfort zone thus getting nowhere. The closet thing to a hitting on a girl i did was i saw a girl i work with come out the bathroom in her regular clothes and i said "damn!" while giving her the perverted look up and down. There was no thought on why i did that, kinda just came out. I also did something similar to my friends girlfriend to because she put on the hoe wardrobe on her way to a drake concert.

I haven't bumped into girls worth approach, but there have been cases where i could've done so but bitched up. I also had been eating bad and jerking off so that caused me to be very unmotivated so im gonna do my best to not succumb to these things. Masterbation keeps me content with a situation im not satisfied with, which i don't like. Its because it's like another form of procrastination.

I came to a realization that i need to do something with myself other than just work. I just work and go home and sit around all day. So by leaving my comfort zone im gonna join a gym. I've always felt kinda nervou working out in front of people, plus it gives me something to do.

Overall i'm gonna attempt to take action and make things happen (i tend to fantasize alot about making out with girls). For now i think it's just breaking through my comfort levels and finding more things to do with myself.

Inner Game Goals:
- Be present as much as i can
- Give value to people/situations
- Ignore results/outcomes/generalizations
- Don't react when treated hostile
- Find things i enjoy doing


Outer Goals

- Workout 5 times a week
- Masterbate only on sundays
- Eat healthy (pretty much eat only what's bought at the store)
- Search for car
- Join Gym
- Get haircut
- Get SSI Card

i need to do something with myself other than just work. I just work and go home and sit around all day.

over past 2-3 years, i got into the habit of just going somewhere, - anywhere after work and in the evening when i am off. i googled "dance calendar" in my area and went to beginner salsa, swing, tango, walts, etc. dance classes. i signed up for four week sessions, also i went to social dances like contra dances where you dance with a new girl every several minutes and there is a lot of meaningless flirting going on. i learned to flirt better with women from doing all the dancing and i learned that i can feel the beat and dance - something i always was 100% sure i was much more awful at than most people. turned out i was quite good at the dancing!

then i took a six week beginner acting class. never thought i could pass for normal at it, but turned out, that the group liked watching me act in scenes and laughed a lot and liked me! who knew?

now i wanna take some singing classes and maybe piano and maybe drawing classes.

but my point is, just find ANY class or group or event and just GO after work or on your day off. you will get into the habit of going out this way, and when you meet people, you all of a sudden have an actual cool life. i have not had pretty much any dates, but when it seems to be help that i can tell women i strike up a conversation with, that i go dancing and then they ask where i go, and i tell them about it and i can invite them too if i want a feeler if they will go on a date with me.

go to underground punk rock concerts, open mics, poetry readings, shows, etc. just dress up, find any event and go there. hang around, say hi and smile to people who happen to be nearby. even if it sound lame, try and prove that it does not work help you in your game.

Well that's just about the best advice I've ever read.

+1

Yea you're right, i feel like i need to this in order to get out of my shell and find things to do. At the same time those limiting beliefs come in such as me being alone/more excuses. All i do besides work is play a video game with friends and it gets boring as fuck. I'm going to try to break this habit and look into what you said. I've actually been really into wanting to learn to play piano. I appreciate the advice to btw =)

Otherwise today i was in regret with myself. I bumped into a girl at the bus stop, talked to her and whatnot, sat next to her on the bus and talked more, BUT DIDN'T ATTEMPT TO CLOSE! Felt like such a bitch afterwards, i'm pretty sure i could've gotten her number, but i'll never now would I?

It's just something about when i feel i get a girl remotely attracted, i tend to fear fucking up the interaction so much, that i end up not doing shit and feel like a pussy at the end. Idk there was no reason not to ask other than me bitching up. My ego is scared of rejection. Ima work in progress, i wanna make a goal and say next time i ever get into an interaction like that with a girl ima just go for it, at the same i don't wanna use time as a way to heal the wound so i'll just hope it works out next time. Whats cool is those situations come up when i least expect them to and so im real comfortable, except for asking for a number (which really isn't a big deal).

I haven't masturbated since saturday which is legit, and i been eating healthy for the most part (ate in n out today for the first time in months, results of living on the west coast i guess).

When i don't jerk though im way more into women of course. Situations tend to mold better to idk why, the biggest thing is initiative and motivation spike up. I realize with women that i both desire them, respect them, and overall i want a girl(s) in my life. I been trying to do the whole "live life and girls will come", but idk it hasn't been working. I feel now i need to take initiative to go for it instead of waiting for things to happens.

thanks guys for the advice, its much appreciated.

After coming home from work i kinda had some thoughts and just decided to write them down. Overall AA is starting to frustrate me i guess. I saw a few girls at work who i thought were really cute, one was def a 10 to me, and i didn't approach. I guess it's frustrating to know that im putting myself out there. Good news is i approach a cute girl on the bus, but it was only for the time. The whole not approaching thing is actually making me sad, gotta fix this problem.

There's also a girl i work with, whenever im in the break room she's waiting to use the bathroom and we've pretty much gained a rapport based off that. Kinda wanna try to escalate to see where things go (we're in different areas of work plus this job low on value to me as of now). We'll see though, im not saying that i will, but there's times like this where im a pussy.

I think inner game wise im doing better, but my outer game is ass. I also read the zen of meeting women by max weiss, it was a good read. For now though, action is what's lacking in my fore front. I need to get the ball rolling and start hitting on girls and just be a champ.

I think intimacy might be the only thing where i feel my confidence is dented. I think out of ego when im around girls i find attractive in the sense of "i need to let this girl know my intentions" "game her, game her, stop being a bitch and do it!" thennnnn i make up some lame excuse and regret and frustrations follow.

I feel like the only way for me to this is challenge, sadly whenever i have something to lose i pretty much do anything i need to do to get shit done, no hesistation, but i mean....we'll see where it goes. Thanks for reading if you did so.

You asked for my prescription so here it is:

Do a blowout mission or two.

When you go out to approach women and you're not doing a blowout mission, try to start each day/night out with a harsh rejection.

People usually try to do blowout missions by going over-the-top direct.

Yea for sure

definitely out of my comfort zone, but that's probably the reason why i should go thru with it.

much appreciated for the response man =)

hey if you are struggling with a video game habit, that's really gonna hold you down. the computer takes up so much time and does not motivate you to be extroverted and go out. i used to spend 8-12 hours a day, every evening after school and daily on school breaks on the computer. then i had two jobs and school and no time for it and that's how i broke the addiction. now i dont have internet at home or a tv. i just have internet in the basement and i still waste a few hours each week, but i go out a lot more.

i started going out after discovering meetup.com and then pua and then i read Feeling Good by Dr Burns and it had a few exercises on getting out of the blues and how to fight passivity and start to go out and put effort into stuff like decorating you apartment and dressing up.

Today i analyzed something, possibly could be me being more wrapped in thought, but I thought about why i fear rejection. One of the reasons and possibly the biggest is feeling embarrassment. I imagine a scenario of a girl totally rejected me in a real fucked up manner and everyone just laughing at me. (kinda like those skits in tv shows where the background is black and everyone is a circle pointing and laughing LOL). The thought of looking like a total dumbass has scared me shitless.

Another reason why i fear rejection is due to the over reactive brolic boyfriend who wants to beat my ass. Every time i've gone direct only once did the girl mention she had a boyfriend, but these are just auto assumptions built in my head. I automatically assume she has one somewhere in the vicinity and he's gonna just beat my ass once he see's whats going on.

Lastly, is of course the thought being told no. My ego is like "this bitch said what!?!?!?" then being super sad over it because little ego got hurt cause he didn't get what he wanted. Then i thought about it, all these things i fear, some of this happened today.

I have 2 jobs, one of them i work at a dock and move a bunch of freight where i also drive a forklift. I'm forklift certified, but i'm still fairly new to it. I'm still "the new guy" at the job. So im moving freight into a trailer. This huge piece of wood and i'm struggling my ass off to get it in. 2 guys are waiting to move their freight into the trailer, but i'm taking to long. At this point im like "fuck hurry it up dude they're waiting". One guy was like fuck it and just left LOL, the other dude just told me to move out the way, where he then got it in like literally 2 seconds. I know it's not a big deal to some people and no one really cares but me, but the first emotion that arose was embarrassment.

I was embarrassed because i felt like i wasn't able to perform necessary in front of others. (which could be a whole different insecurity within itself) But thats what arose, embarrassment. Followed by real pessimistic thoughts such as "man dude you fucking suck" and "being scrubby at work blows". Then i took the time to stop and just feel that emotion inside, then i really noticed what i was afraid of all this time isn't that bad, just a quick emotion that's it.

The other instance i was looking for a ride home from my other job for tomorrow night (they close at like 2am, transit is closed and i don't have a car). So i asked a friend of mine, he's been giving me rides helping me out quite a bit but always look butthurt when i see him. He's one of those guys who does favors for you, but is mad the entire time while doing it. Anyway i gave him 40 bucks last time for all the rides he's been giving me. Also to let him know that i haven't forgot about the help and appreciated it.

Well I asked him today as he was like "NO". The no didn't really bother me, but i feel like he came off like a dick about it. Which isn't surprising, especially since i gave him money and i felt i burnt my bridges for asking every week. It hurt my ego in a sense, came up with all these legit things i was saying in my head like "man you don't have to be a dick about it" or "you have it so easy, yet ur so selfish" all kinds of shit. Not that im saying not of that is true, shit it could be, but the thoughts only came up due to what reason? Me not getting what I want....that ride =/

Then i stopped again, felt the emotion, still feel it to a sense because it happened recently. Which made me want to type this while it's on my mind. The aspects to me translate to women for me. It's the same emotions i get when i see that really hot girl and want to do something about it.

It hit me though, that i've wasted countless opportunities to avoid these emotions. By no means are they great, but they don't last as long as the emotion and baggage i keep on me everyday when it comes to women. Baggage i've been carrying my entire life and still to this day am holding onto.

It just made me feel like i've been trying to dodge a bullet that was never there. It also is good to realize what those emotions felt like again. So now i'm not so eager to dodge them as much. Idk its motivated me to hit on women, i never thought the day where 2 shitty altercations would motivate. I guess im learning lol. Usually some shit like this would ruin my day, i guess i just see it for what it is. Ego

But yea i really wanted to get that off my chest. Hopefully I approach a girl for the hell of it soon.

thanks again for reading =)

yea dude definitely, i get bored as shit now on the internet. I mean its cool to check stuff after you've been gone for awhile, but after like an hour its boring as fuck. Also same with the video games, partailly cause my friends are chodes, i do it to get out of this house which is a terrible reason. I do play the game once a week sometimes twice at most and i still think thats too much. There's no fire there anymore everytime i play it i regret and felt like i wasted a fuckload of time doing nothing.

Hey I like your journal. I would really recommend trying some night game like a bar or a club. Its the type of environment where you can try/ practice anything you want and if it doesn't work out you can literally move on without losing face. Numbers and k closes will also happen much faster.

P.S melee is incredible I'd consider myself to be very good at it, but I'd probably get annihilated at a tournament.