Me and the girl admit we both like each other. She tells me she is tired of holding the pants in her last relationship and that she is still getting over ex of 1 year. I told her I'd wait but not forever. Everytime we hang out she shit tests me by trying to see my reaction. I usually don't play her game by calling her out on it.

She likes to push me away everytime I go in for a kiss even though we have kissed before and we always end up kissing anyways. I texted her tonight telling her to stop pushing me away and she replied with "make me stay".

What's that suppose to mean?

Close it. Make her stay = have sex

she sounds like trouble. but I'm not sure...

did you have sex with her already?

You are playing this out too optimistically and mistakingly judging her according to what she says, and in effect, over-analyzing her actions.

For instance, she says she hasn't gotten over her ex of 1 year, and needs more time to acclimate to you. You attribute this to whatever drawn out problem she has, but it's simply a matter of interest.

If she is interested in you enough, she will want to date you.

That's all you need to know. Never let what a girl says cloud your judgement.

"Not over my ex"
"Too much on my plate"
"Life is too stressful for me right now"
"I'm not ready for a relationship"

all of it is bullshit. A girl who wants to fuck you will fuck you. A girl who wants to date you will date you.

As for the second problem you mentioned, you are handling her shit tests incorrectly. I know it SEEMS like a good idea to "call a girl out" on her tests, but that's misinterpreting game. When you CALL A GIRL OUT, you are OVERTLY communicating to them, something that they HATE.

For instance, if she flirts with another guy and you "call her out" on it - you failed the shit test. Remeber a shit test is DESIGNED TO ELICIT AN EMOTIONAL RESPONSE FROM YOU. Even if YOU think you have a solid frame, by communicating that you are disatsified by what she did, you show her that she's fucked with your state control.

Likewise, if she pushes you away and you tell her "don't push me away," you OVERTLY communicate to her your POWERLESSNESS. This is the crux of irony for ultimatums. While it seems like your getting power BACK, you're actually just conceding it. You essentially told her "I'm getting pissed that you're pushing me away. I have no other cards to play, so it's either accept it or we're done."

She replies "make me stay." That means she's interested in you, but does NOT want to lose the favorable position in your relationship. Right now, who is the challenge? You're fucking up because SHE IS the prize right now. You're WAITING FOR HER to get over her ex. That translates to less attraction and less interest. We only chase what runs away from us, and that applies equally to this girl.

Don't get me wrong, you SHOULD call a girl out for things in so far as there MUST BE lines established in a relationship. She MUST know

"If you do this, I'm gone." And that CANNOT be a bluff. If she calls you out on it, punish swiftly.

But in your case, what you need to do is change the dynamic in your relationship so SHE'S the one going in for the kiss and YOU'RE the one hesitant about going out with her. That means:

(a) Adopt a smooth as fuckingfuckshitfuck attitude of amused mastery. Think James Bond or Tyler Durden. Unshakeable frame, confidence on par with a demi-god, absolutley irrational, for no reason.

(b) Sub-communicate challenge and competitive anxiety. Talk to other girls, flirt around, let her know that you CAN get another girl. You can't TELL HER "hey, if you keep pushing me away i'm gonna dump you for someone else." You need to HINT IT towards her. Have other girls like you, she needs to see that she stands to lose you if she doesn't reciprocate your attempts.

(c) Detach yourself from the outcome of this relationship and start working on yourself. Men with options and ambitions have an aura that makes them stand apart. Pursue both and don't let this premature Oneitis evolve any further.

Remember there is a difference between OVERTLY communicating "if you push me away again, I'm gone" and COVERTLY communicating it. In the former, you just tell her straight up like you did. In the latter, you freeze her out for 3 days and she sees you with another girl in-between. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT fall for the trap of thinking you should act MORE NEEDY. Girls will sometimes say "make me stay" to get more attention out of you, but remember relationships are often COUNTER INTUITIVE.

In this case, "make me stay" means "make me WANT to stay."

And what good sir, does every girl in the entire world want?

What they can't have.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Hakuna gives good advice here.

esp

(c) Detach yourself from the outcome of this relationship and start working on yourself. Men with options and ambitions have an aura that makes them stand apart. Pursue both and don't let this premature Oneitis evolve any further.

This is key and will set up everything else mention in his advice . Men with lots of options are less needy men.

I agree with Hakuna as well.
when a girl says "Not over my ex", that means that she's not into you enough to be dating you. because girls wouldn't even mention about their ex when they want the guy.

and asking her to stop pushing you away gives her the control over the relationship you have with her. you need to show her values. but don't be a show off, girls hate that. (for that matters, even guys hate that too)
you don't have to be too flirty with other girls to make her jealous but it'd help to make her see you having fun with other people as well.
from the sound of it, she is your one-itis, isn't she? she knows you think of her all the time probably. she's taking all your attention which she enjoys. it's hard to do when you're into someone but you need to balance yourself.

good luck

although i agree with a lot of the rest of your posting, the quoted part is absolutely insane. do people (not only girls) use "not being over an ex/stress etc." as an excuse instead of admitting that they are not that much into you often? yes definitely. but in just as many cases if someone has had a meaningful relationship which he or she hasnt processed yet, then that can be the case. so i wouldnt generalize that its a fib in every case, just simply bear in mind that it might be.

I haven't had sex with her yet. She wanted to a couple times, once when she was drunk and I said our first time shouldn't be something we may or may not remember. The second time she wanted to go back to my place but I had to wake up early the next day so I denied her.

I was wondering if I needed to say things like "I need you" or "I will always be together forever and aways". Gooey shit like that or completely be 180 and just don't give a fuck.

my friend, than she probably keeps shit-testing you because you haven't banged her when she wanted to. besides, why not go for the kill if she actually wants it? once you have sex with a girl you're the one that holds the ball man, think about it.

Good point.

I agree with everything Hakuna says.


Ignore the shit out of her. If you wanna break her? Hit on other girls in front of her. Even better, make them hit on you in front of her. Be sweet and charmig but make sure she knows that she's one of many. She's not a special snowflake and youve met plenty like her before.

She'll be begging for your attention in no time.

your first problem is you're getting oneitis about this chick. how many hours are you up to at this point 100?? don't you have more important things to do? you're letting her control the relationship. you should be out pursuing other prospects and ignoring her a bit. let her see some pics on your facebook or hear about your other exploits through the grapevine, but don't directly connive to rub her face in it as then she'll be on to you.

next I agree with hakuna and disagree with what someone else said - the "im not over my ex" line is bullshit 1000% of the time, i don't care if she was married 30 years if she is into you enough it won't matter, in fact often women don't leave a relationship until a better prospect comes along and sweeps them off their feet. think about it most women will cheat on their boyfriend/husband/etc if the right guy attracts them enough, but you think she's holding out over an EX??? this is just like the i have a boyfriend line... whether a chick has a boyfriend is irrelevant, most attractive girls are perpetually in a relationship with someone. They leave one when a better deal comes along, plain and simple. cute girls don't stay single for any length of time. it's the fact that she is MENTIONING the boyfriend (who may or may not exist) that is significant - this usually means you fucked something up. In your case, she is mentioning the ex because you fucked something up.

It means she wants you to step up and make her feel like the woman in your relationship, if she pushes you away then be dominant, pull her in closer.

She doesn't want responsibility, she wants a guy like you to step up and start making her decisions for her. Girls like this can be great but they need strong dominating men otherwise they end up walking all over them.

I would bet you if you met her father he is probably a bit of a bit of a hard ass, it seems to be a common trend with these kinds of girls that feel a need to be dominated in order to be comfortable and happy in a relationship.

She wants a Daddy figure, she wants to act out and she wants you to put her back in line, I have dated a lot of girls like this because I like being in control and making the decisions so believe me I know what I'm talking about.

Just try it out, next time she gives you a shit test, be the Daddy figure and treat her like a child, tell her she's being a naughty girl and give her a tickle or a light slap on the ass. You might just be surprised at her reaction.

Serious.

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