Am I in for a flake? Or do I just need to keep my cool? HELP



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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:05 am 
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Hey guys..might go on a small rant here but if you have any advice I'd greatly appreciate it.

Watched a video on youtube of Sashapua. Not sure if you guys know of him, but I really liked his day game style and being up front and honest. Anyway, the next day after watching I was really social and kind of through AA out the window. Finally approached a girl I've had my eye on around campus and told her I thought she was incredibly sexy (she usually looks my way too). Btw, she really is incredibly sexy. What a body. good god.

Anyway, my initial impression wasn't that great, but wasn't too bad either. I got number and dipped out after getting to know her a little (couldn't insta date). Unfortunately (at least for this circumstance), my spring break just started so through text I had to try and get a day2 tomorrow (monday) by saying we should hang out in the afternoon or so. This was after a decent conversation, but once I sent the text to kind of confirm it and saying 'but we hafta do something fun!', she didn't respond all St. Pattys day night, and responded with a text the next day with 'So what do you have in mind? lol'.

I got back to her saying it 'depends.. just how unathletic did you say you were again? something fun like mini golf' She laughed and said she's not that lazy. she can do that.

Then, just to be playful I asked, well what if I said bowling? Then would you be too lazy?

She's like oh no I don't like bowling!! I said "yea mini golf is better. I was just curious to see how lazy you can get haha" Have not gotten a response all day.

Kind of annoying. Like, it's simple. I was straight forward and told her I thought she was sexy and I wanted to meet her. At the end told her I'd like to continue this conversation another time. I just want to be like.. just agree with me that you are down to go.. or tell me you're not. otherwise stop wasting my time if you have no intention of actually continuing this interaction.

I wish people weren't all a bunch of bullshit artists and could just act and say what they mean/want. I understand people are busy but it's now nighttime, at least have the courtesy to let me know.

I am debating if I should call tomorrow in the day time or just let it go and reopen a few days down the road or so because if she REALLY wanted to go.. I am sure she would have sounded more like it.. thanks for any advice

Mike

PS technically not a flake because she didn't agree to a set time, but she is saying yea I can do that! kinda stuff.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:13 am 
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She's interested. Maybe she's busy hit her up durring the week and set a actual day. She did not flake, there was never nothing set.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:14 am 
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You're the one who wasted her time. When she said yes to minigolf, you say "Cool, [time and place]"

You should not have switched to bowling. It was unnecessary and made it seem like you weren't serious about the date in the first place. Set the date up, get logistics established.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:53 am 
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You're the one who wasted her time. When she said yes to minigolf, you say "Cool, [time and place]"

You should not have switched to bowling. It was unnecessary and made it seem like you weren't serious about the date in the first place. Set the date up, get logistics established.
Nice true slip, you need to be direct man, especially with good responses like that. All is not lost hit her up later this week.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:06 am 
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Quote:
You're the one who wasted her time. When she said yes to minigolf, you say "Cool, [time and place]"

You should not have switched to bowling. It was unnecessary and made it seem like you weren't serious about the date in the first place. Set the date up, get logistics established.
Hey thanks for the replies guys!

Are you sure I wasted her time? I hear ya, I could have given a time. but the day before that I said lets meet in the afternoon monday. but we have to do something fun!

She didn't agree to that time.. didn't respond the rest of the day.. and then the next day said what do you have in mind. So I guess I just felt needy stating the time again. You're probably right but now that I am in the situation I am in..

I figured I should call her up around noon tomorrow. She only works weekends so if its a no go I know its a no go. Or do you guys both suggest I just let tomorrow (monday) pass and hit her up later in the week.

I'm feelin the phone call.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:42 pm 
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W you being so mysterious. Tell her what you has in mind she wanted to know what you wanted to do.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:30 pm 
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I honestly dont feel like I was being mysterious. I feel like I am being more direct than ever, but I guess I should of kept pushing for it even further and made the plans after she said "I can do thaat".

I just called her to try and get it going but no pick up. I don't want to text back and forth after this though so I think when she texts me (figuring she will) I will just try to get her on the phone.

She hasn't talked to me on the phone yet though. Hopefully that just means shes shy :/

Thanks again for your help guys. You guys are awesome!

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 5:30 am 
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Wooow.. I was gonna post back all happy saying you guys are right, its not over. But just as Im about to write this I realized I might have made the same mistake AGAIN. what an iiiidiot.

Called her monday.. no response.
Waited until today to text.

Me: I bet you can't read this without smiling! See, you're doing it..right...now
Her: Lol u are somethin else
Me: Hows your spring break going? You behavin yourself
Her: Yes of course lol im at seton hall this weekend. and sorry i didnt call u back when u called...i got so caught up with things
Me: Ha its all good. are you free tomoro? Lets play mini golf
Her: Im still gunna be at seton hall tomorroww. Sometime next week?
Me: Alright well monday is the only day i have off from school so lets go then!
Her: Monday I have class from 11-7
Me: you dork! Hah ok what day is good for you. i cant tues/thurs
Her: Soo wednesday??
Me: Wed it is! I have spanish until 3ish so ill meet you 330 outside the lib. Better bring your a game!
Her: Haha mini golf forsure?
Me: Eh I was thinking something more adventurous..like robbing a bank. Can you shoot or are you driving?
Her: Lolol michael...we're not at that level yet [playful push]
Me: Ha fine you can sit in the backseat. Ill drive and shoot!
No response/kinda late

Shoot me if I made the same mistake again ha. For some reason, I don't know if I read somewhere that afcs always answer in in literal terms, but when she asked me that I just felt like answering logically was lame. To be honest, I didn't expect her to not respond though! I was gonna solidify it right after that.. I was controlling the time frame of the whole convo and figured it was set that we were going. Now looking at it.. she technically didn't agree because I made a joke and then the convo died. Unreal!

You guys think its set for wednesday or no? Also, wednesday is kind of far from now so I don't want to not talk to her until then. I was thinking about sending a friendly text later on to get her facebook because my facebook is a huge dhv (I have a lot of hobbies/pretty social).
Something like "I tried cute lebanese dork on fb but you didn't come up. help!"

Thoughts?

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:18 am 
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judging by her responses, I would say this girl is not into you, or at least unvailable to you

you are well on your way though, soon as you can go out and be ''direct'' like this to a good 5+ girls a day, every day, you will be well on your way to an abundance of sex

if you want to improve your results, become better socially, and hit the gym

also when you text or call girls, have a meet up in mind,

re-read her replies and only her replys, I have a feeling she will flake on you,

you asked her out, she was busy, you said monday is the only day you are available, she said she is not available monday, then she said she can do wednesday, and you agreed? (you were supposed to be unavailable remember?)

that is pretty needy, why do you need this girl so bad? you are comming off desperate, you are being warm, she is being cold, and you are rewarding her being distant, by being warm

be less needy

more of I want, less of I need, de-tach yourself from a need to get her, pursue other girls, she currently is low interest and you are plowing like crazy without listening to her or watching how she is acting, you have to switch your brain from hot girl is talking to me, OMG OMG I NEED THIS TO WORK, into hot girl is talking to me, cool, there are hot girls all over... is she cool?


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:52 pm 
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pumpington is right, you seemed to say:
"This is the only day I have."
"I can't."
"Oh wait do any of these days work??"

But she agreed to wednesday, so that worked regardless. Even if mistakes are made in texting, as long as you get to see her in person, youre golden. In person matters 100x more.

And yes, you did exactly the same thing here as last time. You better learn from this mistake. Be serious when setting up dates.

Her: Haha mini golf forsure?
Me: Yeah, if I miss the windmill I'm gonna be mad.

BUT you did luckily set up a day and time! All is not lost!

On Wednesday, before your spanish class, (as early as you want) text her:
"See you at 3:30"

This is a simple statement, no argument can be made to it. It's very hard to flake in a response to that.

Realize that because you weren't able to be serious in asking for the date, it's possible she will flake. "Oh sorry, I have to meet with a teacher."

If that happens, just respond "K"

Let us know how it goes.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 1:27 am 
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Thanks for your replies guys.

Looking back over it you guys are definitely right, I was plowing through. I wonder why I couldn't pick up on how she was acting? Maybe because she was replying back pretty quickly and I was taking awhile (playing basketball) so I took it as a little interest.

Next time I wont say the day I suggest is the only day I have open (unless it is of course). And yea, you're right slip n slide I did make the same mistake but I wont make that mistake again. I should have learned the first time.

Judging by your responses, the facebook idea is stupid and needy. I'll just wait it out and send the text that you suggest slip n slide.

Her: Haha mini golf forsure?
Me: Yep. Unless you can't handle that?/Can you handle that?

I think that wouldve been the best response because that too is a simple statement. no arguement could have been made on that. 'Yes'.. so we're good to go wednesday. Or she has to disqualify herself, which obviously means wednesday would be a no go.

I'll let you guys know how it goes. Hopefully I can get her in person and work some magic.

Thanks again!

EDIT: "you have to switch your brain from hot girl is talking to me, OMG OMG I NEED THIS TO WORK, into hot girl is talking to me, cool, there are hot girls all over... is she cool?"

How can I accomplish this? I guess the only way is to meet and talk to a more women, eh? For the stuff that I have going on in my life I should be the most confident SOB (and I am decently confident), but clearly I am not seeing myself as the prize. I mean look at what I just wrote of the top of my mind "hopefully i can get her in person and work some magic" so I can get HER. At least I know theres room for improvement

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:05 am 
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Well.. I didn't think I was going to be updating this thread, but luckily I am! Hah

Wednesday came around and I woke up at around noon to random thunder (even though its been nice out) and it looked like it was kinda raining out (streets looked wet). In other words it looked like a shitty day. I texted the girl saying 'Damn weather.. looks like i'll have to kick your butt another day'. She replied quickly with 'Haha yea I guess so' which I originally took as a 'yea whatever' response.

Fast forward to around 3:30 and now I am on campus outside.. I'm looking around and its fuckin gorgeous out lol. So as I'm walking to the library to study I'm like eh what the hell and I call her up.. no response. Few minutes go by and she surprisingly texted me that shes driving and shell call me in 5.

She calls me up and I find out she went home, but she is free and lives like 7min away so I suggest we go play mini golf. She seemed a tiny bit hesitant at first like you sure right now? I'm like yea I have to do so and so..we'll go for like an hour and a half or so. So she drives to campus, I meet up with her and she offers to drive. After talking a little bit and joking around, she drives to the place. We make a wrong turn and have a decent drive to the place, but the conversation was pretty good. No awkward pauses the whole date by the way.

Couple things.. I am talking about myself a good amount of the time (not the whole time), but she is asking questions and keeps the conversation flowing. I bring the conversation back to her a lot and allow her to relate to the topics but she doesn't really have any hobbies. Like.. this girl is the definition of a good girl...to the T (has strict parents like me.. maybe thats why). Works and goes to school. I can tell she is shy girl in general. Doesn't have a ton in common with me, but I am definitely attracted to her physically!

I never had her laughing really hard, but throughout the time we were playing mini golf I had her laughing pretty consistently because I joke around a lot (but I also have serious convo with her to get to know her).

Oh! I don't know if this is important but she was doing good in the beginning at golf (lucky), and about halfway she started to suck and she was like, "Oh you must have taken my beginners luck away when you touched me before hah". I was only doing a little kino here and there when I could, but I guess it was on her mind.

Anyway, just so I don't go too much into detail like I tend to do (if I didn't already).. She drives me back and when we get to the parking lot we stop by my car and talk a little bit more. She told me where she works and that she likes to dance and goes out to drink here and there. When parting.. I hug her and then pull the Where's my goodbye kiss? She said give me mine first! I kiss her on the cheek, and when she goes to kiss me on my cheek I turn last second.. but she dodged it! haha. she was quick. She goes "you're sneaky! Not yet"

I was kind of surprised because while we were talking in the car she was stroking her hair and stuff. Maybe she really is that much of a good girl? ha Idk.

how do you guys think that went?

PS. When it came time to pay I went to pay for it she was like 'they're separate!' and I was like nah its ok I got it. She's like nahh blah blah.. I said, "Its ok you can get next time". Not a big deal but I thought it was cool she was willing to contribute.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:30 am 
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I woulda let her pay for hers. I've had dates where we would get food and I'd pay, I'd take her to a second location to kiss, then when we were leaving she'd say "Thanks for the food" and after that the good-bye kiss feels like I paid for it.
Only 1 of those sorts of dates eventually led to an f-close, whereas if I let them pay I seem to do better. It doesn't really matter though, get enough dates that you can see what works for you.

Yeah man, sounds like the date went fine. I'm glad you went for the kiss, I would have been angry if you didn't. Even if she rejected, it wasn't harsh and she said she would in the future.

Go silent for a week or two, next time you have a big night out planned, invite her to come party. With a party vibe and maybe a couple drinks, I think you could get a good close here.

Kiss her early on your next date. That way even if it doesn't work, you'll have more opportunities. Failing once does not mean you won't be able to kiss her.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:19 pm 
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thanks for your reply Slip n Slide. Just curious.. why go silent for a week or two? Make her try to chase/contact me or make her start to think a bit? Anyway, I was going to do that but...

THE FUNNIEST/MOST EMBARASSING/COOLEST THING HAPPENED LOL.

Except I cant tell you what happened immediately haha. Bare with me here..

I was going to take your advice and go on a date with this other girl that I n-closed and she is showing IoIs like crazy (I still am this wednesday :).. this shits coming together!) but last night when I went to this event with a fraternity I am trying to get into.. I saw her entering the event because she volunteers for the hospital thing that runs it. I gave her a hug/kinoed her back a bit and she seemed to be smiley. I talked with her for a little and then she said she had to find out what she had to do for the event and whatnot.

She stays busy outside of the main room of the event.. I saw one other dude chatting her up a bit when she came inside but no big deal. Anyway, I just get in the mood and I am just talking with everybody at this event being myself. I don't know if she saw me ever but if she was interested at all and was checking me out, she probably would have gotten more attracted because I was entertaining a few girls at one time and then bouncing around.

I catch up with her later and tell her a few good stories that kept her attention and had her laughing a bit. I kinoed her more this time, but I also realized I wasn't going to be able to k-close her here. Maybe thats ok and I got her more comfortable with me?

At one point we were talking about smoking (shes tried it once.. not her thing she said) and eventually led that she would smoke with me (even if its bs). I told its important to do it with people that you're comfortable with and whatnot. I asked her how comfortable she felt with me.. and then told her to rate it on a scale of 1-10. She said 6 haha and I acted a little shocked and I told her I felt around a 7-8 with her after she asked, but that I am usually comfortable/open with others and if they arent feeling me.. forget them kind of thing/its my reality. She then kind of defended her answer and said its good because she doesnt know me that well yet and its above average (5) and most people are only a 2-3.

I wouldnt go on a smoke date though. Im horrible with women when smoking and I would prefer drinking. Anyway, at this event there were two big inflated balloons with 1v1 gladiator matches where you need to knock someone off their block, and a bungee cord run where you had to run against a tense cord and place/stick a velcro thing as far as you could. I tried to get her to do the gladiator thing, but she said she was nervous/scared and stuff. This girl must be really shy, or maybe a little self conscious or something because she is 'scared of everything' lol. I dont know why I am into this girl, its like she is shy and innocent so she plays on my 'need to provide/protect' side and it almost comes off like she plays hard to get. Or shes genuinely not interested I don't know.

I then did the gladiator thing with another girl in front of her.. I went easy on her and she beat me the first time hah so then I shoved the girl off (aggressively..according to the girl im hitting on hah). So, I did the bungee thing with her and she went on the wrong side and couldnt get over, so after I hoped over I like grabbed her on both sides by the waist/hips and helped/threw her over lol. If simply touching her was on her mind last time, I dont think she coulda ignored that one haha. Went against her and cheated and beat her for laughs lol.

Anyway the FUNNY part. She mentioned she danced sometimes so even though there was people all around us.. with the music going I'm like, "Ok you teach me a dance move and Ill teach you one" which she obviously isnt going to dance because she is so shy. So I did and showed her a couple dance moves and eventually she wanted to see me breakdance because I told her I did it at one point while growing up. I said not in front of the people because I didnt want to be a show off. Went to the bathroom and she asked for it a little later, so I went outside the event to the student community center and did two power moves in front of her and two other brothers of the fraternity.

Now... I didn't know leading up to doing this that I had some fart pressure in my stomach hah, but the first power move has my elbow jabbed into my stomach as I repeatedly spin around on my elbow up and down. I am squeezing all of my muscles while doing this obviously, so while doing this move in front of them I bounced once more on my elbow with clenched ass cheeks and a fart RIPPPPSS out hahaha. I was a little embarrassed while still going and might have heard a Oh! (not sure) but I ignored it and did a couple more rotations... and then went to the second move where I killlleeddd it. I was like damn I cant believe that happened, but no one mentioned a thing, especially after I did the windmills. Luckily, later when I talked to one of the brothers and I was laughing about it, he thought it sounded like my hand squeaking on the floor so I might be in luck hah. Funny.. kinda embarrassing.. not really the coolest thing I don't know why I put that hah.

Afterwards when we were talking again her last name came up and I asked her if she had a facebook. Shes like yea! everyone does.. I said Well I dont know you seem pretty different you might not have one. Im like Id have you add me but my last name is only a few short of schwarzenegger (even though she has my last name in her phone). Shes like well I dont add people they add me! Im like wooahh!! watch out! *finger on her body "tsss" (burning) "well were in a jam because I dont add people either" Shes like oh damn well what are we gonna do then hah But I just played it off as a joke as i got her last name. I separated with her for a little while, and she even did the bungee cord thing with a different guy that was talking to her.. but after a long time towards the end of the event she was sitting alone and I went up and chatted her up a bit again.

After talking with her I suggested we got our picture taken (they had a booth thing at the event) and we took a picture.. I talked with her for awhile longer before my fraternity had to go. I hugged her goodbye.. separated and I saw her a few seconds later as I was leaving and I blew her a kiss lol.

I wonder if that shits lame blowing her a kiss and stuff.. but in another way Im just being my friendly self so fuck it in a way. Hours later (still last night) she texted me saying 'my raffle ticket didnt win in case you were wondering lol' to which I didnt respond. This was the first time she actually initiated with me though because I have been initiating everything thus far.

So do you think I should just go back to the original plan? Go on a date with this other girl and go silent for a little bit with this one and see if she texts me or whatever? Or I was thinking about returning her text today saying I bet she forgot our picture! (I didnt get it). And I don't think I should facebook request her for a bit because bringing it up/asking for it might have come up needy. My facebook is a pretty damn good DHV though.

Phew.. I wasn't lying when I said I get descriptive. Any advice much appreciated, and thanks for helping me so far/reading all that! Slip n Slide if you have any advice as far as kiss closing before the end of a date that would be good, although I do okay when I am in the moment.

I think my main issue at this point is I dont know what to do with her because she lives with her parents 7min from school.. and I dont live on campus I commute to school 35 minutes away and I live with parents too. I think I might try talking to my brother and driving her to his house (same distance as my house) because it can be just me and her with music and a projector for a movie in this chill ass room. But, Id like to drink with her because I know that will set a good vibe like you said, but obviously I cant take her back home if we drink! Thoughts? Thanks again man. Much appreciated.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:10 am 
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If a movie at your brothers has the best logistics, do that. Maybe there's a bar nearby where you can grab a drink or two and still be safe to drive five minutes, or if its within walking distance.

Maybe the best logistics is suggest a movie at your brothers, mention the bar and going out later, close and escalate during the movie, but not all the way to sex. I think it'd be fun to tease at fingering her but never actually do it the full way until you come back to his house after the bar and then you get the full f-close.

If she agrees to that sort of date, a movie, then a bar, all pretty far from her home, so she's almost sure to sleep there (make this obvious but unsaid) then she's into you.

If she doesn't agree, she isn't very into you.

Not kissing her at this party was a strange choice, good luck on the date.


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