The concept of "not giving a shit" comes up often in this forum as a strategy to overcome approach anxiety. When I see this, I'm usually quick to recommend the opposite. Why?

Go out for a field study today and observe. Look for EVERYBODY who you believe are NOT afflicted by social anxieties and log them under two different sections. Those who give a shit and those who do not. . . and I will tell you now that it will look something like this.

Gives a shit:

Teachers, professors, educators.
Police officers, crossing guards.
Business owners, (talented) waiters&waitresses/service industries (talented)
Business leaders, Public service personnel, public speakers.
People with lives, people with pride. People who've experienced success.

Don't give a shit:

The guys who yell obscenities out of their cars.
Punks who hang around the local 7/11 with nothing to do.
The local panhandlers.
The guys who wash your windows first and expects a 5.
The hookers in the inner cities looking for the next John.
The guys who push drugs on anybody willing to listen.
Telemarketing guys who call a few hundred numbers a day.
Drunk fucks at a ball game.

This might not be a complete list but you go ahead and make a list for yourself and see how it turns out. Those who "give a shit" communicate with others because they are compelled to improve relations, increase intimacy, and share ideas. They care about others and they care that others think of them favorably. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. This is natural. (Relying on ONLY what others feel about you is F'd up but that's a different topic altogether)

Those who do not give a shit communicate to get something for nothing. They don't give a shit about others. They "say" they don't give a shit about what you think but they do . . . and thus they live in a constant state of loneliness. You are most likely not a beggar. Do what you can to avoid acting like one.

*I was inspired to write this up after watching a girl get harassed by the corner bum this morning. He wasn't particularly unpleasant but the reality is, he's only chatting with her because he doesn't give a fuck about her, himself, or any sort of positive or negative consequences of this interaction. She's irritated but doesn't want to seem like a mean person . . .so she let him blabber his shit for a while. Let me tell you something. This is what happens to EVERY GUY who recommends the "Don't give a shit game."

the concept of not giving a shit, is on the context of not trying to impress the girl, once the girl senses you give a shit and your are trying to impress her, you are fucked... not being outcome dependent=not trying to impress=not giving a shit.. And trust me it works...

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If the context = not trying to impress the girl, then the advice would be, "Don't try to impress the girl," NOT, "Don't give a shit." (By the way, "don't try to impress the girl" is also wrong but this is a different topic for now.)

Not being outcome dependent is also wrong. You are there to score. You are not there to "not care" whether you score or not. Not being dependent of the outcome is the mindset of losers in every facet of our lives. Olympic athletes don't train dreaming about nothing. They train while dreaming of the gold. You don't work your ass off thinking that it's OK to fail. You work your ass off to succeed. Only in this tiny, awkward community of the socially inept is the concept of "working toward nothing" acceptable.

Again, think of all the people who do not try to impress, do not give a shit, and are not outcome dependent and they are losers in life. . . Go ahead and try to think of ANY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE in ANY FACET of our lives and see if you can classify them into the "Don't Give a Shit." Category. I suppose you can add the "not care about a thing wannabe pick up artists" to the list of "Don't Give a Shit" people above. If you'd like to be associated with losers of our society, go ahead. If you'd like to receive pity, go ahead. I just don't understand the missionary work. Why ask people to behave like panhandlers?

And trust me, if you think "this" works, you don't know the difference between girls pitying you vs. girls actually favoring you.

Yes, you have to have goals, and the ultimate goal is to get better with women, to score or to be a better overall human being, but outcome dependent is on the context of not being too CALCULATING, go to the general question and see what i am talking about, ex: hey i just met a girl and she just text me hi how are you, skills can you please tell me what should i text back, i got this question 50,000 times in the chat... Most guys outcome dependent over think and kill the natural flow of the interaction... Also guys that give a fuck, for example i want to make hb my girlfriend, will fuck it up by being outcome dependent on the i want her to be my gf outcome... In my personal experience the "do not give a fuck frame" being your true self expressing yourself freely without outcome works...

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Yes,but the most important thing is to avoid the mind to ``trick`` you..i`ll make an example:

If you ``dont give a shit to not impress her `` ,you`re just deluding yourself,your REAL action is that your just ``trying to impress her by trying to dont give a shit to not impress her`` hahahaha its a little complicated to explain but ive went trough that experience

In my opinion the ``truth`` stays in the middle;

Follow your desires and avoid ``extreme behaviour``

1. Goals and the means to achieve them are not the same. However, you cannot achieve your goals by doing the OPPOSITE of what you are trying to achieve. You cannot climb a mountain by telling yourself that you don't care if you do or you don't.

2. In this thread, Skills is following the generic flowchart of every loser in the World. They don't care so they don't succeed. They don't succeed so they don't care. They tell everybody willing to listen that they don't care. They tell everybody willing to listen that they do just fine. This is pretty much what every bum in every city corner will tell you. Everybody also knows some 60 year old blowhard who tells everybody that he could have been a millionaire but somebody screwed him over. Then what's his punchline? "I don't give a fuck!" - It's a very good idea for kids avoid this low level crap. Definitely a good idea to fix these issues before they become a 60 year old blowhard.

Again, I urge any of you to find anybody who has succeeded in ANYTHING and ask if they 'did not give a fuck'. This delusional reality only exists in the made up la-la land of online pick up advice.

3. Most guys 'over think' not because they are outcome dependent but because they have no fucking idea of the outcome that they desire.(They are not outcome dependent enough!) All they think about is NOW and what happened YESTERDAY. "She said this and I said that and she said this and I said that and I think this but she thinks that. . . what should I do?" This isn't rocket science. You want a girlfriend or you want to fuck a girl. Which one? Then you strategize and work for it. Simple. If you fail? Ouch, my heart! My heart! Look . . . this is a part of life. Pain is a part of life. Heart ache is a part of life. But in their great desire to avoid pain/humiliation, losers also will never achieve anything.

Think about this . . . if you can't take the possible heart ache of ADMITTING (to yourself) that you like a girl and the girl possibly shooting you down, what the hell kind of chances do you have to succeed in anything in life? What the hell are you going say in your job interviews? What will you tell your investors? What will you tell your partners? What will you tell your employees? What will you tell your vendors? If you can't be serious with ONE ditzy girl out of billions, what chances do you have with things that actually mean something in your life?
So you are telling us that your 'TRUE SELF' is a self doesn't give a fuck? . . . Do you know how pathetic this sounds? No? Read the bottom list in the initial post and pencil in your name. This is in fact what mentally retarded people do every day. Go visit a funny farm and see if you enjoy their self entertainment. The difference between the people on the top list from those on the bottom is awareness and a respect for social relationships. . . and isn't that what this is all about?

I think not giving a shit is a very poor attempt at analyzing Maslowe's hierarchy of needs. I mean the peak of that pyramid is self-actualization, where your major needs have been met and you just do what you want to do. Not giving a shit should read "do what you feel like doing." Problem is that when the guys who are here to learn do what they feel like doing its generally a poor decision. Some paradox

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These hos ain't loyal

The best way to deal with approach anxiety or any type of fear is to confront it, the best way to deal with approach anxiety, and the community has it right, is way baby steps like the style challenge for example..
This is so ignorant, that is not even funny... Profession has nothing to do with a level of success or caring
there are fucked up teachers, police officers etc... that do not give a shit! most of the list are right except for telemarketers, many realtors, mortgage brokers, stock brokers, politicians, charities etc... are millionaires by using telemarketing and the majority do care about people..
This is a pick up forum in the fantasy world you meet a girl you hit it of and you live happily ever after in the pick up word DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT
Again while in real life this is true, unfortunately in PICK UP, it is totally different world i will cover this in the next post that you brought up... That bum that inspired you did couple of things right approach(half of the game) and try to find out is this girl into me, does she need more info. or does she wants me to get lost... Did you approach her kasabi, or let me guess, you came to this forum instead of approaching to post this pointless threat, full with miss information, one thing is having a life, having goals be a better person, give a fuck awesome, good, and 1000000000% agree with you.... Another thing is interacting with WOMEN, the do not give a shit attitude, i am gonna go up to her(approach), I am gonna be a cool collective my true self dude, and bring that girl into my world, to see if she wants to enjoy my awesomeness, i am not gonna try to impress her with stupid ass routines, i am gonna relate to her as a man that wants her in a sexual way, and i am gonna find out was going on, i am not going to kiss her ass or pretend to be i am something i am not... Try it dude... it works...

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Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
http://www.dancefloorseduction.com

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Dude life goals Awesome, physical goals awesome, spiritual, money etc.. goals i am all for it, THESE DOES NOT TRANSLATE IN INTERACTIONS WITH WOMEN, Just watch the show "the millionaire matchmaker" that kills your argument...
In this treath kasabi is using fantasy in a fantasi world a guy and a girl meet and they live happily ever after, this does not happen in pick up is not the reality even djz and izume can tell you that or anybody that is a beginner at pick up... Life success, goals etc... do not translate to success with women just watch the millionaire matchmaker, or just go to a place were successful biz dudes, and preps hang out just sit there and watch the pathetic interactions they have with women..Better yet, just watch the millionaire match maker on Bravo or youtube it... Success in anything for the 50Th time do not translate with live interaction or text, phone whatever with women... millionaire matchmakers..
Do you think i sit there and think ok now tonight i am going to club xyz, this let me take out my cheat of paper listen to tony robbins close my eyes and imagine the outcome and write the 10 steps like if i already had it... Dude on the context on life interaction or trying to fuck a girl or hook up all these shit is pointless, counterproductive and irrelevant...

The cool collective dude, outcome independent, bringing the girl to his world, relating man to women in a sexual manner, works, whatever you call it irrelevant... do not over think shit...

This dude coleman has it right:

outcome-independence-being-yourself-amp ... 30704.html

_________________
Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
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Skills360 i believe your a good person,but you always want to be right at everything...
I`ve went trough the 2 dynamics....

1- giving too much= i was a loser
2-dont give a fuck= i was a loser pretending to not giving a fuck

The second one is even worse,to be able to fuck some stupid party girl,i ruined half of my life....but now im starting to feel better

Are you drunk?

Are you seriously supporting your entire argument with some flakey TV show made for bored housewives? You are urging me to watch that shit? I just googled it and the premise alone is making me want to puke.

Are you seriously suggesting that the rules for PU are different from common rules for everything else in life?
What the fuck does ^this mean? Am I currently a target for your "I don't give a fuck" routine? And you're supporting this nonsense with your TV show again? Is it any wonder that you're the biggest fan boy for the "fucked 800 chicks delusional retard boy"? 50th time? 10000000%? 50,000 times on chat? Do you have no respect for math? Are you always this full of shit? And you wonder why "Giving a fuck" doesn't work for you?
^You should not be giving advice.

Look, I get it. You're undereducated. You are borderline illiterate. Being drunk makes you 1,000344 times worse (Get it? Random numbers are your supporting arguments. . . it's a joke. . .har, har. . . you probably don't get it. ) My God, you must be quite the spectacle as the drunk guy in a club. . .

You came to the US and you didn't know the language. You have an inferiority complex. You sucked in school and you obviously didn't get much play as a kid. Kids probably picked on you. You gravitated to the only 'game' you could muster with your level of intelligence and emotional immaturity. 1. You don't say much. 2. You don't give a fuck. 3. And you shake your ass. The thing is . . . Most members in this forum do not share your background, your strengths or your weaknesses. You offer 'advice' as if you're rooting yourself on. Here's a little bit of reality for you: Some of these younger kids may have not 'approached' girls yet but this is usually because they're young and they're new to it, not because they harbor a strong inferiority complex.

You may have been drunk but . . .
So let's see. You don't give a fuck whether she enters your World or not but you are standing there in front of her advertising your 'awesomeness'?

Do you really have no idea that what you are doing is in fact:
You probably don't give a fuck about shit farms or algae pools. Do you also give equal opportunity to shit farms and algae pools and advertise your awesomeness to them? Do you relate to shit farms "sexually"?

You are deeply confused. Why not sort yourself out prior to offering advice?

LOL, Skills got spanked.

Kasabi is totally correct.

"I dont give a shit" has become a mantra that people use in the PUA community. It is pretty sad really. It is something you think is the right attitude when you are 15 years old and tell your teacher to go f herself when she asks you if you have done your homework. The attitude is immature and has no place in a mans world.

On a related matter, maybe I need to add the fact that the PUA community is becoming a 14 year old attitude-filled rap-battle instead of a forum for pickup, to the list of things that scare me.

allow-yourself-to-be-afraid-vt77784.htm ... ght=afraid

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

I don't think the message behind de-tach from the outcome was really geared towards,

don't seek an outcome,

simply don't care if you reach it or not, if you can't reach your goal in mind with a specific target, seek that same outcome with someones else, and de-tach from the need to have one specifics girls validation, it is not important what she thinks of you in the way that you should not base your self esteem on her opinion, how ever you still have to maintain a level of social intelligence, that is not some order from above that being socially retarded and running around insulting girls and taking off your clothes because you don't ''give a shit'' or you are just doing your best to stop ''seeking approval'' somehow = success with women, it doesn't and honestly if you are doing anything or trying to not do anything in order to get someone to like you, then you are actively seeking their approval anyways, the way I see self amusement is just another way the community has come up with to tell guys, have fun and don't take not being every girls prize so personally

Bottom line is this :

"I approach her because I give a fuck , but in the second she disrespects me she is gone."

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