Hi all! I'm so excited to be here. My life has been lost and confused until recently and let's just say I'm overhauling my life in all aspects, but the situation that led me to this realization was not without a price (one-itis).

So, I frequent on internet forums a lot (at least, I used to ) and on one of the forums I was approached by a girl. Long story short, she seduced me and we had a 'thing' (don't know what else to call it) for a while, and my extreme AFC-ness (I assume) eventually led her to less and less contact.

In the beginning, she 'loved' me. Would ALWAYS send me messages, be clingy etc. She sent me pictures of herself (never any nudes, red flag to me now ) and told me she felt like she was cheating on me because she was living with her bf at the time. anyhow, when she began to get less interested, I happened upon the "Don Juan Forum" and swiftly diagnosed myself with one-itis. Thing is, she's thousands of miles away, and the 'relationship' was over the internet, so I feel really chumpy. :/

I went NC and she eventually confessed feeling guilty about what we did and not telling her bf blah blah, so I continued NC. She then said she still loved me and apologized for being "such a bitc*". So I continued NC and she started commenting on my poems I post and such (it's a forum so I post there often) and I had a back-and-forth convo with her for a while and then called her out on openly flirting with me. She mentioned it was "interesting" and also commented on my song. Mostly she's been dancing around the issue which makes me think there still is one. For my own sake, I'm trying to just learn how to game her while I get my life in order.

My mom (and my younger brother)live with me after mom lost her job, etc so I've decided we should all move moving out asap, also I joined the gym today and intend to start working out. I want to focus on me you know yet I also want to be able to game girls whenever I want (which isn't now, but my mind is craving the learning if that makes sense) so I mostly stick to the girl online and mess with her, but I'm afraid that might be too desperate still, I dunno.
Mostly, I'm just here to improve myself and women will be an addition to that imo. I've ordered "The Power of Now" and want to get my ego in check, but I've been reading so much it's just hard to keep my mind in order sometimes.

Anyhow, I'm rambling like a bitc* >> The main point is, I'm just wondering how to continue with my life and not let this girl online affect me. I don't care if I lose her, I also wouldn't mind using her as a means to learn, but I know nothing can replace real experience, I'm just not ready for that yet. :/ I like the forum, but don't go on there very often, and contact with this girl may be inevitable, and it's obvious she watches my every move on there ><

So yeah, any advise besides the usual "move on" etc? I am/have moved on, thing is I still get these feelings sometimes, that and I'm feeling overwhelmed with all this new info. Any help would be great, or even encouragement. anything to help me know what kind of direction to take now that I'm seriously adrift.
Thanks.

This online thing you got going on with this girl isn't healthy. You need to get a lot of girls on the go to get you started and that way if it isn't working out with one you have many more that you are still talking to. I know how the one-itis thing feels and it is awesome if you get that girl but you sound like you haven't had a lot of experience and you probably feel this way easily. If you are seeing or have seen lots of girls and this one-itis thing happens then see where it goes if that is what you want but I have a feeling this situation is you just settling rather than your actual dream girl. My rule is I never get too into the online conversation without meeting a girl first. Otherwise everything could be a waste once you meet each other. Good luck.

the thing about game, is most of it are just tactics that teach you how to properly screen, and how to hold a conversation with someone who you have not talked to before,

confidence is the tool that is the most useful in getting you laid, it is not the manuals, not the routines, not studying that will do this for you,

it is taking action and putting the material to use, and actually making attempts at getting yourself laid through trail and error that will develop reference points in your mind that make you more confident of what you are doing (hopefully within yourself, but if not within yourself then at least within the material)

that sureness from within yourself is what attracts the girls, it will communicate through your words, actions and bodylanguage, that is what will make you more attractive, not nessicarily the material, but the repetative use of the material

some other main takeaways from the community are
-don't be needy
-find validation from within, and don't seek the approval and validation of others

you are currently having a problem with being needy, quickest known fix for that, is MOVE ON, GO FIND AND FUCK 10 OTHER WOMEN,

it is one thing to say you have moved on, but how many girls have you had sex with since going NC?

as for approval seeking, just think to yourself, if you are ever trying to figure out, what do I say/do to get this person to like me?, what sort of routine can I run to get this person to like me?, do they like me now? do they like me now?, If I buy them xyz or say yzx do they like me now?

if you are doing the above, chances are you are seeking their approval, just assume people will like you for who you are, and if not then don't put yourself in a position to be around those people

as for your specific case of oneitis she seems like a time waster, and she wants your attention, but has a boyfriend to take care of her physical needs, go out and find another girl to take care of your physical needs,

you have to stop paying attention so much to what girls say to you, and pay more attention to what they do

GOOD LUCK

Thanks for the replies guys.
Yes I know it's not healthy, I think about her a lot and then I laugh at myself for doing so. The whole thing is ridiculous tbh. I have started going to the gym and want to build muscle (and move out of my house) before I start 'gaming' tho. My confidence is pretty high but I still exibit beta behavior like smiling too much etc. I've been trying to be more sociable too, asking people about themselves etc, like at work. But I always feel like I'm the addition to them, instead of being separate. Like they don't need me to be there at all, and talking is just a courtesy. :/
If I knew a way to fuck 10 women, I would have done it by now >< Like I've stated though, once I've moved out I want to start. I was thinking online at first whilst expanding my social-ness. Any tips on that front?
Yeah judging people (not just girls imo) by their actions is very beneficial. Thanks for the tips. I do have another question regarding pleasing people tho, sometimes when I'm smiling and having fun, it's not to please people, but I think it comes off that way. Any way to differentiate between the two? Not laughing at my own jokes (I've read) is a good one.

figure out what you want, then actively pursue getting it, go take action towards your goals

if you want to fuck 10 women, then actively go out, and pursue that end, if a girl does not line mutually interested in your goal, then move onto a new girl, you do not need a specific girl, to meet a specific end, if you do, you will end up with oneitis, find out if she meets what you are looking for, what ever that is (only you can define this for yourself)

if you want to be more social, go out and socialize

no, I don't have tips for online,
don't worry how it comes off, if you are not trying to please people, then that is how it is, if you are worried about how it looks, or how it is coming off, then by default you are worried about pleasing people, if you are not trying to get other peoples approval, then it is simply not important what you are saying or doing, or what sort of validation other people are giving you, if you are trying to ''win people over'' or ''get them to like you'', doing xyz, saying ok, I have just executed xyz, do they like me now?, you are already seeking approval

forget not laughing at your own jokes, this is just a sign you can not deal with tension very well, go out and make yourself feel uncomfortable more often, do things that you are not comfortable with and learn to control your emotions better, eventually you will be able to hold tension better, but when you feel uncomfortable or unsure, that is your release from the tension you feel, you laugh

don't worry about this, the problem will fix it's self as you develop more confidence in situations that would normally make you feel insecure

yes it's hard to define my goals, since everything is in turmoil in my head SPAM. >< Mostly, just improving myself as a person, being really social, able to approach people and get friends out of it, and hook up with women. To be honest tho, my own self-improvement tends to pre-occupy my thinking so that I must make an active decision to engage other people.

As for being social, I must admit I have no idea how to be :/ I can chat people up and stuff, but as I've mentioned, I always seem to be on the outside of the interaction. Any tips regarding this? I'm reading "how to win friends and influence people" (the online one) so I've been implementing that. People do seem a bit more receptive to me now, I'm the thinking/quiet type tho, and am sure it's just for lack of a better idea.

I am coming from the angle of talking to people about themselves, but I feel even more needy when I do that because in truth, I am not interested at all unless we start having a real conversation, which happens only after all the mundane stuff. Is this a normal part of interaction?
Thanks for all the advice, it sure is answering a lot of questions. But here's the thing: if I didn't care what people thought, I'd be the AFC I used to be. :/ So that confuses me a bit. Like, how do you be a 'new' you, without caring? It seems paradoxical. Isn't the whole point to improve yourself and increase your attractiveness (even social attractiveness) to all people?

"Thanks for all the advice, it sure is answering a lot of questions. But here's the thing: if I didn't care what people thought, I'd be the AFC I used to be. :/ So that confuses me a bit. Like, how do you be a 'new' you, without caring? It seems paradoxical. Isn't the whole point to improve yourself and increase your attractiveness (even social attractiveness) to all people?"


It is paradoxical...just go out there and work hard on yourself and act like everything comes to you....don't complain about how hard it is etc...you have to act like you don't care what people think (within reason...doesn't mean be an ass). I think girls are attracted to that drive to better yourself in your career, fitness etc. If you have that a lot of girls will be interested in you...but if you just go after girls and you don't have anything you are passionate about or work on yourself than you probably won't have that much success. That is the way I see it anyways. A good tip when you are trying to close is to act like fucking the girl is not a big deal to you. For example last weekend I was frustrated about some drama with a girl that I liked and I ended up just going out with another girl who I thought was just a friend. I even told her about this other girl and then somehow I ended up sleeping with her that night.

I see. Yes I'm very much into bettering myself, and now more than ever since learning about all this stuff, and it sure is fascinating to think that it's so simple. I just figure I won't know how simple till I start trying. But for now, I just want to focus on my fitness, which I hope will help my confidence too, although I already feel like I'm alpha in a lot of ways, I just need to be more sociable perhaps. anyhow, thanks for all the advice, I'll be sure to keep reading the topics.

figure out what you want, write down a goal, one specific goal, and work towards that goal for x amount of time, pinpoint what it is exactly that you wish to achieve, then set fourth a mechanic to achieve this goal, after x amount of time, reflect on how your process of taking action has either been efficent, or inefficent, have you reached your goal?, or is it time to develop a new mechanic?

work on one thing at a time, and be sure of what your aim is, don't be unsure, figure out what you want

if you want to learn to be more social, go out and socialize, you don't need a plan, just to socialize en-mass, figure out what you enjoy about socializing and what seems to go well for you when you socialize, what goes well?, what doesn't?

if you want to have sex with women, make that your goal, and work on a mechanic that makes that happen, move things towards that goal rather then not being sure of what you want, or how to get it

go out > socialize > ???? > maybe sex at some point?

is not a very solid idea of what you want, develop an actual mechanic to achieve your goal,

for example

go out > let girl know I am attracted to her > talk to her > get number > kiss her > ask her home > get naked

rough outline of a mechanic, the mechanic it's self can be improved upon, but when you start you should make your goals simple and baby step them, figure out what you want, and how to get it, then put that plan into action, you can get a shit loads a ''plans'', just about every commercial pua sells one, but what is important is that you move things towards something, or you will end up one of those ''I've been doing pua for 2 years now and I can't even get a phone number'' guys, when realistically all you have to do to get a phone number is request one, it is either a yes or a no
if you absolutely knew, nothing bad could happen to you, nothing could possibly go wrong, and you saw a girl you liked and there were absolutely no reprucussions for any actions you took, nothing to be insecure about, what would you say to that girl?, what would you do? is this exactly what you would have done as an ''AFC''? you don't have to invent some new you, you have to find the confidence to make yourself vunrable and express who you are and what you want, without worrying about if the person you are talking to approves of you or not, just assume that they already like you for yourself, and if they indicate that they don't, then no big deal, you don't have to talk to them

yes improving yourself is very important, but if you are after women, confidence is most likely the main component you are seeking, figure out what you want and be sure of it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confidence

^here you go, read this and think about it

improvement overall is very important, everything matters, girl are attracted to your status, your looks matter, your financial situation matters, your social life matters, your personality matters,

but over all, if you don't have to confidence to go for what you want, you will end up sitting on your ass somewhere not achieving anything, the amazing rich, popular, charming model, that approaches 0 women, has sex with 0 women

confidence will get you further with women, then any other tool you could possibly have in your tool bag

GOOD LUCK

Thanks for all the advice I'm currently reading "Awaken the Giant Within" to help with my motivation/confidence. Are there any other books or articles or even topics you'd recommend on building confidence? Thanks