Take note of these two concepts:
- 1. Friendship is triggered by liking.
2. Sexual attraction or love is triggered by wanting.
The Physiological and Social Dynamics of Liking
Liking or friendship is triggered by:
- - similarity
- proximity
- familiarity
- reciprocity
- conditioning
Let's take proximity. People like people who are within their circle or those that are physically close to them. Say, a baby who has been breastfed by her mother and rocked to sleep while listening to the mother's heartbeat. All kinds of hormones and biological chemicals are triggered with this close physical interaction.
Compare this to a formula milk bottle-fed baby whose mom has been busy working 16 hours a day for the first seven years of the baby's life. The closeness isn't the same compared with the breast-fed baby. The breast-fed baby will like his/her mother more compared to the bottle-fed baby who is likely to hate his/her mother during the adolescent period.
Let's take this to the pick up arts. Consider an office affair. The secretary gets into a sexual relationship with the boss since she sees him everyday. She smells him everyday. She feels his testosterone levels rise when the boss is, say, closing a multi-million dollar deal. In a very competitive, high stress office environment sex explodes sky high. It's the hormones or maybe even pheromones at work. You're bound to like the person you see everyday at work as long as the interaction is psychologically AND physiologically rewarding.
The Physiological and Social Dynamics of Wanting
Wanting or sexual attraction is triggered by:
- - scarcity
- absence or separation anxiety
- unpredictability
- symmetry
Let's take scarcity. A man with a high testosterone level is scarce. The same man who will have certain low points in his life will find his testosterone levels drop to all time lows. This is the same reason why men who are at the top of their careers attract and have sex with the most women. At certain low points in their lives, these same men will get cheated on by their wives or girlfriends because these guys have lost their testosterone highs.
Of course, testosterone is just one hormone among many.
In the case of friends falling in love after a long period in time, this love is usually triggered by a long absence of one friend. Since the male or female friend has become so familiar with the scent, hormones and physical presence of the other, a long absence or a relationship competitor triggers missing the psychological and physiological pleasures which became scarce and/or a fear of loss which triggers wanting. Wanting then triggers love.
In simple terms:
30 days of seeing each other = liking
30 days of NOT seeing each other = wanting
30 days of seeing each other plus 30 days of NOT seeing each other = Wild sex
Add in unpredictability and the intensity of sexual attraction goes sky high.
Just my one cent of observation brothers.
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