Hey guys.Am not sure if i'm posting this in the right place, but i really wanted to pass this on.I hope this story i will give in a moment is taken in the humor/open mindedness/fun with which it is given, and i am merely posting this as a possible amusing story to tell to women whilst talking to them with your PUA.I know via David Deangelo that lots of PUA's tell women interesting/amusing stories (storytelling etc) and i am proposing this one as a potential cracker! Of course you would have to decide for yourself if it is appropriate for the type of woman/women you are talking to but i think in a club with a open/broad minded sexually minded woman/women it would be a funny one to get into.Change/alter it as you wish to fit it into your own style etc.It deftinately! needs shortening some more but i gave as as much as i could for you to draw off.So! Here goes!...
Oh, hmmm i guess first you ought to somehow swing the conversation around to history/ancient pagan beliefs/mythology etc etc.The following came from a ancient poem and so i have not made this up but put into basic words in places/shortened it.I have the original link saved in my drafts.
The story of Volci...(the story is from about 14th century but i think the actual event was in 1029).This must be a viking age?? A "Volci" is a...well...you will see!
Soooo...there was an old farmer and his wife,living in the North of Norway in a area far away from the main inhabited areas/the high road, but right next to a harbour good for warships,along with their two children.A son and daughter.They also had a slave and slave woman.The farmer was sensible and passive,his wife however was bossy and ruled over the household.The son was merry/prankish/rowdy.The daughter had quick wits/common sense.The farmer also owned a large hunting dog(a bitch).
In late Autumn, the farmers horse died.(I think it was a stallion).Since people ate horses there/then and the horse was fat,it was utilized as meat.While skinning it the slave cut off its "member"/"dangler"/"Phallus"...cough...you know! (i'm trying to keep this clean so it doesn't get deleted haha).(Ancient poets apparently named a horses thingy a "Dangler").As the slave cut it off and was about to throw it away the farmers son ran by laughing,caught it,and took it into the parlour.There, his mother was sitting, accompanied by her daugther and the slave-woman.He shook the phallus at them,shouting mocking remarks and uttered..
Here you may see
a vigourous phallus
severed from
a father of horses.
For you, slave-woman,
this Völsi
is not at all dull
between your thighs.
The slave-woman roared out and laughed, but the farmer's daughter begged her brother to take away the disgusting thing. The old woman stood up, approached her son, and took the thing from him, saying there was no need to waste a thing which might be of use. She then went into the kitchen, dried the member carefully, and wrapped it in a linen cloth along with leeks and other herbs, to prevent it from rotting, and then laid it into her coffer.
All that autumn she would retrieve it every evening and address it with a prayer of worship, believing it to be her god, and making the rest of the housuhold accept this heresy. By the power of the devil the thing grew and became so strong, that it could stand upright by the old woman, when she wanted it to. She made it her custom to carry it into the parlour every evening, where she, first of the household, recited a verse over it. She would then hand it to her husband, who then handed it to the next person, and so on, until the slave-woman received it. All were expected to recite a verse. Each person's attitude was apparent from their statements.
It so happened, before King Olaf was forced to leave the country by King Knut, that he directed his ships along the northern coast. He had learned of this promontory and the pagandom practiced there. Since he ever strove to convert his people to the true faith, he told his pilot to change course, and make for the harbour, which lay below the promontory, since the wind was favourable. They arrived there late in the day. The king ordered awnings to be spread over the ships, and told his men that they should spend the night there, while he wished to visit the farmstead. He was accompanied by Finn Arnason, and Thormod Kolbrunarskald.
Wearing grey cloaks to disguise themselves over their garments, they walked towards the farm, when evening fell. They entered the parlour and seated themselves on a bench. Finn sat in the innermost place, Thormod in the middle, but the king closest to the door. They waited until it was dark, but no one entered the parlour. Finally the daughter came, carrying a light. She greeted them, and asked them their names, but they all said they were called Grímur. She kindled lights, and looked frequently toward the guests, especially the one who occupied the place closest to the door. As she was about to leave for the kitchen, she uttered the following verse:
I see gold on the visitors
and velvet robes.
I fancy those rings.
I'd rather be crippled than tell a lie.
I recognize you, my king,
you have come, Olaf.
Then replied the visitor, who was closest: "You are a wise woman, so you will keep quiet about this."
They exchanged no other words. The farmer's daughter left them, and soon the farmer entered, with his son and his slave. He seated himself, and his son next to him, and the slave farther away. They teased the visitors about their courteous manners.
Then things were readied for a meal, a table pulled forth, and food served. The farmer's daughter sat beside her brother, the slave-woman beside the slave. The three men named Grímur all sat together. The old woman was the last to arrive, carrying Völsi in her arms, and approached her husband's seat. She is not said to have greeted the visitors. She unwrapped Völsi, placed him on her husband's knees, and recited this verse:
Enlarged art thou, Völsi,
and raised aloft,
enriched with linen,
supported by leeks.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but now, my husband,
you must accept Völsi.
The farmer responded coldly, but accepted it anyway, and recited a verse:
Were I in charge,
this object of worship
would not be presented
on this evening.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but now, my son,
take care of Völsi.
The farmer's son grasped Völsi, cocked it up, handed it to his sister, and recited:
May your bridesmaids
bring you a cock.
They will make the prick
wet tonight.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but now, farmer's daughter,
pull Völsi into your embrace
She was far from enthusiastic, but was bound to follow the custom of the house. She handled the object hesitantly, but spoke a verse all the same:
I swear by Gefjun
and the other gods
that against my will
do I touch this red proboscis.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but now, slave of my parents,
grab hold of Völsi.
The slave received it, and recited:
I'd much rather
have a loaf of bread,
thick and lumpy
and very broad,
than this Völsi
on a working day.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but you, slave-woman,
press Völsi against your bosom.
The slave-woman took it tenderly into her hands, embraced it and stroked it, and uttered this verse:
Surely I would not be able
to overcome the temptation
of thrusting you into myself,
if we were lying alone,
pleasuring one another.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but you, Grímur, our guest,
get a hold on Völsi.
Finn held it in his hands. He spoke a verse:
Long have I been moored
off many coasts,
hoisting sails
with agile hands.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but you, Grímur, my comrade,
catch hold of Völsi.
He gave it to Thormod, who inspected the shape of Völsi very closely. Grinning, he spoke forth the following verse:
I have travelled wide,
but never before did I see
an erect phallus
being passed along the bench.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but you, chief Grímur,
now receive Völsi.
The king took it, and recited a verse:
I have been a helmsman
and a forecastle-man
and a leader
of all the troops.
May giantesses
accept this holy object,
but you, dog of the household,
take charge of this monstrosity!
He then threw the thing onto the floor, where the bitch instantly caught it. When the old woman saw this, she flew up in extreme agitation, and spoke:
Who is this man,
this stranger,
who gives to dogs
this holy object?
Lift me over the hinge
and the door-beam,
to see if I can save
the holy sacrifice.
Put it down, Lærir,
let me not see such a thing,
and do not swallow it,
you evil, murderous bitch!
The king then threw off his disguise, and all knew him. He then preached the true faith, but the old woman was reluctant to accept it, while her husband was rather more willing. With god's help and Olaf's zeal they all finally accepted the faith, and were baptized by the king's court-chaplain. They observed the faith ever since, as they became aware of the object of the faith, learned to know their maker, and realized the evil and perversity of their former ways, which are despicable to all good men.
This shows how king Olaf was deeply concerned with getting rid of all evil practices, paganism and sorcery, both in the remotest parts of Norway and in the central inhabited areas of the mainland. It was of great importance to him to introduce the true faith to as many as he possibly could. It has since become apparent, that in these things as well as all others, he was performing god's will.
The End!
Ok i putlots of the original story/poems in as i am about to go out but i am sure if you wanted you can use the storyline above/shorten it and keep it funny and then use in a storytelling to some girls??? What do you guys think haha.Deftinately needs shortening but that's for uou to do! I found it funny anyway!
Ophiel.
ps it obviously is a Christian trying to convert the "pagan's" to Christianity.Apparently Christianity was descended from a religion called Mithraism, and that was connected to mushroom/mystery cults and...but that's another story!
CHAT