The last couple days have been mediocre, for some reason anxiety has set in... After hooking up with a couple girls, I've screwed up the after game... failed to show enough interest, and now I feel like I'm being gamed, since responses come far apart... and now I have that feeling of uneasiness, as in what did I do wrong - when I know it was all perfect except for me being reluctant and uninvested. I'm just emotionally not good at not forming relations - I fall into the caregiving role - and the only way I know to avoid that is by distancing myself... but then I feel guilty, and then lonely, and then it f*&cks with my head...

I went out with Zander another night - town was quite dead... we still managed to open a couple sets... but we also failed to open a couple sets... One set I guess responded with "see you" right off the bat while we just said "hi" We laughed afterwards - should have responded with "name the time and place and I'll see you there" or "wow, barely met and you want to see me?" quick and witty but too late... Zander tried an opinion opener on another set 'drunk I love you's" but I again have a hard time transitioning from opinion openers to conversation. The group was all into it, they were all debating the topic... I started talking to one of the guys in the corner as in "what is there to do around here on a Wednesday night?" the girls told us to follow them as they were living the place... we decided to move on, strange group... Zander talked to the bartender at another venue - cute girl... it was us and another couple - the only people in the place... I can't figure out the hired gun game yet... unless you stick to it and spend the night there... then you can work on conversation... perhaps a paper napkin rose - I tried that and it's all cute and stuff... The next venue I opened a group of college students - 2 girls, 5 guys. Opened with "wow, this is the biggest group I have seen tonight, you guys rock!" I was carrying a lot of energy into it - I find it's not the opener, it's really the energy... they all cheered... I sat at the table going, "I don't know where my friend is, but on second note, where's my drink" - as I started playing with an empty glass at the table. "Hod do you all know each other" they introduce themselves as this guy is really trying to take property of the cute girl in the group who was eyeing me... I AMOG him with "I won't get that, but why don't we just call you Abercrombie and Finch" the girl is in school for teaching... she wants to teach preschool... I introduce and run the cube... I get some social cred - Abercrombie goes "wow, initially I thought you were just a drunk guy, but you actually know some shit" the girl asks what do I do... I tease her about it... then try to ignore her talking to the guy... She insists - I tell her "wait your turn, don't you see adults are talking" she goes "fine then" gets up from the table and goes to talk to her friends... Microcalibration - remind me next time... They will be at the same place on Saturday... but I don't think I'm interested...

Last evening an older acquaintance calls me to join him for happy hour in Harvard Square. I show up - lame crowd - 5 to 1 ratio, old guys and older (30s?) women... all 4-5s... no game... I order food and start mingling... Figured it's an opportunity to have fun... I think they all remember me as I was lightning, joking, teasing, guys, girls, having fun... they were all serious, I was all elementary school, jokes, rubbing my friends bald head, making fun of the girl's attitude, etc etc... The only one that seemed fun was this Brit who had attitude. "Where's the wildest place you had sex?" everybody's jaw dropped... she stayed with it, after a minute "bollocks, my bosses desk... how about you?" I think the entire 30+ people's attention was on our conversation at that point - remember this are all professionals there for after work Thu happy hour... that was really fun... I left my friend with them - told him to ask her number, she was fun and in his age group... I step away and walk to this corner table/cubicle with about 8-9 girls, they are not part of the main group, a separate party... I open with "you guys are no fun - everybody's mingling, and you ladies are all just sitting here with serious faces" they go "no, we are fun..." "how do you all know each other" dismissively they go "friends" one of the girls tells me this is a "champagne party" I go where's the champagne... the point to a mimosa that one of the girls was drinking. I go, "dude, the French would kill you for that... have you been to Champagne, southern France, oooh, la vie" but honestly, could not figure out how to go on with a cornered group of that size... impossible... I figured at least it future proofs me... maybe we run into them again... I offer them to join us again, and return to my friends... I talk to a german guy in his 60s, motorcycles, fun... people are listening in... he makes fun of my crutch rocket as he's more of a classic moto guzzi guy... the group is slowly getting smaller... time to move on - I ask my friend if he got the number.. he did not... As we exit the building, we run into the Brit in the hallway - I go, you guys should come party with us this weekend - the Brit tells me she's all booked... I go, no problem, numbers and we'll have fun... she starts going "1, 2, 3" I give the phone to her friend who puts in her number... then the Brit grabs the phone and punches her number... as we left about 15 minutes later I text her "you spin me round right round - who sings that"... no answer... 7 minutes later I text "dead or alive... that's the group name" followed by next text "you are no good to me" we texted simultaneously... "The guy who sung it is Pete Burns" then "You'll cope" to the no good to me comment by me... I tease "Maybe a Hard thing"... she says "watch some monty python and reminisce" to our british monty python discussion earlier... two numbers but not sure what to do with them... offered them to my friends...

I call a couple friends to see what's on - one is in Dallas... Zander is still at work... one girl is 20 miles away but says, why don't you come down and I'll meet you for a drink... "no way"... another girl tells me they are leaving the Bruins game shortly... I decide to meet them... It's a cool group but no targets... my friend who is probably a 7-8 is great, but I work with her... which is a no-no for me... and I love hanging out with her - can't ruin her... her roomate was trashed but like a 5... kept complaining that this guy that she was hanging out with, they made out in her bed for a while, never had sex but evidently she gave him a blowjob... asked her on a date after... but then she never heard from him again... We played mary/shag/kill, opened a group of guys - they tell us all the girls (hanging together next to them - all from next town over) are trouble... I hesitated, should have like opened them... but failed to do... my inner game was not there tonight, I was anxious for some reason.. yes - it was the girl from the other night not texting me back... she got under my skin... but funny, I don't care about her... but I care about the attitude... so I decide to work on our girls... I start dancing and spinning with this ugly girl in the group... I involve in conversation this cool girl who is a news photographer from new york, cute face but thunder thighs... I move on to this cute 7 and actually game her, she was all into me... but then her friend distracts her, we should bounce... my target was there, really cute 10 face, 6 body... I grab her for a dance... she tells me she does not dance, I insist, spin her around... she's not too good on her fit... we laugh, smile... she's enjoying herself... but the group wants to move on... her brother is there too... we want to go to the next place down the street, but then the girls decide not to wait in line for 5 minutes... they are taking a cab across town... I take my friend back to her car - we go to this bar I know hoping to meet some class (it's the typical hangout across the street from hospital) but it's dead... me my friend and her roommate chatted for a bit, but I was unwound at that point... we shared some wings, I walked them to the car while her roomate insisted that I carry her... no problem... but hell... I'm not sleeping with her... we flirt, and I take off... I'll see my target again - we are in the same social circle...

Got home early - this 9 brunette from 4 years ago texted me about tendonitis... we talked on facebook for 2 hours... she has a boyfriend but evidently they are struggling... She's across the country though... I give her the disclosure - my advice may mean nothing since I cannot actually examine you... she says "maybe you should" I tell her you always welcome in Boston... she tells me "maybe I should"... I wake up to a love song shared on my facebook - with question - "what do you think of this?" ... really?

F&^ck... time for my vacation to be over... I have too much time on my hands to be preocupied with unnecessary stuff... I text the unresponsive girl again - 'wanna do dinner tonight?' (why do I care - I don't wanna do dinner tonight - it's Fri, boys/girls night out... needy puppy) an hour later I get "hey, going to Celtics game tonight, text you later"... thanks mama... that makes it all better... not...

I'm juggling 6 text message threads from this week... at this point... I'm getting tired... and am failing to escalate them... I'm falling into the boyfriend/friend scheme on all... and I just want to be the booty call... in search for my 5'10 blonde blue eyes B/C cup life 6 digit figure artistic and cultured mate... F&^ck again.. Fun times...

At this point it's been 10 days of going out every night and it's taking a tall... I'm tired... but I guess I won't be out for a while again... It's funny that I feel - instead of getting better - my energy has been actually going down, I bring less to the table, I can continue opening but have a hard time building rapport... part of the reason is that I'm not really invested - too selective and ultimately bored with half the conversations I hear back...

Went out yesterday again... Started the night with a shot of vodka and ended at this supposed to be upscale venue - it was not tonight. We opened one set and were loosing it so I literally go "Initially I totally thought you were complete beaches... but I think you can prove me wrong" Jaws dropped, I get a dismissive look, I get an angry remark, but we keep the set... Even though not necessarily the desired effect, it worked great for me as the wing in the set... The target talking to my friend picked up the conversation over my comment, to the extent that I am an arse... and the only reason her friends keeps talking to me is because she is nice... My friend actually made progress there while I entertained the girlfriend. We were just chatting since she had a boyfriend of 5 years in law school, while she was a nurse. We had common grounds, I practiced my straw man routine by building the guy up only for her to keep tearing him down... It was fun... I was just enjoying the conversation without any specific goals.

I met my friends there and then we decided to leave finding a new location. The city was busy but a bit out of whack. My friend opened a couple sets, I ran into this drunk girl and we danced, we kissed, we chatted for a bit then she disappeared... No number, but she gave me her work floor which turns out is just above my floor... She told me to come visit her (why do nurses do that - this is the second nurse that would not give me her number but told me to look her up at work).

Finally we decide to go to our old location - storytown... Great crowd, music is bumping... I always have fun there... I open this set - one blonde and one brunette, both HB8 probably. They were chatting in a corner, and I commented on their energy level - again the place was bumping and I was coming in chatting them up to dance, get jumping. I ask them how they know each other - turns out they've been friends since 1st grade... back in Russia... score - I cheat here - and open them in Russian... The blonde got all excited, even though she turns out to have a boyfriend, we talk about things, the city, the community, her dental school... She tells me she's gotta give me her number and we got to hang out... I'm a bit confused about that since she's got a boyfriend - I give her my phone to punch in the numbers and decided to use her as a gatekeeper - tell her, "great, maybe you introduce me to some of your friends". She smiles and goes - well my friend here is single pointing to her girlfriend... At this point this guy approaches who maybe her boyfriend as I'm showing her a bunch of pictures on my phone. She introduces me but I'm not clear who he is... I start talking to her friend, she's a bit cold and we don't have much interaction. My friends get there and with full energy I engage them, dancing, jumping, maybe too much... The girls are getting ready to leave - I approach the girl again and pass on my phone... she's hesitant - I tell her, well your friend gave it to me... The friend goes, you can always communicate with her through me - I smile and push my phone towards her again. She puts her number and name... I give her a hug and they live...

Tonight tried to go out but am running on 2 hours of sleep over last 30 hours... I was supposed to find my friends there - place is packed and super loud... I circle the first 10 minutes with no energy to engage... I tried to engage a set - nothing... another set - nothing... did not even get a word out... finally found my friends - the birthday girl is feeling my arse - seriously? I tried to talk to her friend who I just met - a medical student... somebody who I would actually like... We chat, I fail to build anything since to be honest she talks for like 10 minutes and I have no idea what she just said... something about vacation in Mexico to my thread on fun... But then, the birthday girl grabs her hand, and next I know she's making out with this guy - boyfriend? or earlier connection... that blew my confidence... I'm out... gotta get some sleep...

Just got home and am getting flooded with texts from this girl (she's the one that asked me to the birthday party... she's the one that met me at storytown yesterday... or Liberty the day before... a coworker - we have been teasing each other for weeks... but I'm sticking to my rule of no coworkers...)

Anyway:
1. Need to work on my inner game... I'm still down...
2. Need to go in with more energy
3. Need to figure out how to transition from A2 to A3 and attraction...
4. Need to work on DHV stories...

Couple interesting routines/lines to commit to memory that I picked up from my wings...

- pearls or diamonds
- drunken I love you's
- "so, besides your looks, what else have you got going for yourself?" (tried it, usually get a confused "ha?"... yet my "what do you do for fun?" seems too much like an interview question...)
- the paper napkin rose

So I figured it's time for an update - with spring coming I got a cold, then a week later got another cold. That slowed me down and worked kept piling up so I have not had a chance to go out sarging much. I took advantage of my social circle, used the techniques of negging, leader of man, and jokes to attract a couple fine examples, but they are all mediocre after all. Early social proofing pays off - even interaction counts, even if not closed early on, they remain open for later closing.

I'm doing fine I guess, even though ultimately not happy with myself. I need to work on inner game and stop making excuses. Yes, I've surely escalated compared to where I was and several weeks of going out gave me a new circle of opportunities. I've slept with 4 girls this week and last night after a dry session of going out I was able to use my phone list to hook up with another. Nevertheless, they are all average - ultimately the reason I got in the game was to get the girl of all our dreams.

Plus, as I've slowed down in the field - I did not effectively open even one set last night, had a chill night with friends, drinks and later dancing. I've attempted to open a couple sets at the club, but the environment is not suitable for that as it is too loud and girls are generally flocked together dancing and not interested in conversation. I can dance, and will get the girls spinning, but don't know how to take it from there in the deafening ambiance of deep base and fist pumping hip hop. I have not had my sarging wingmen, they disappeared of my scene, school and work.

My new issue has been the whole idea of harem management - I've got 3 text messages yesterday, Friday night, to hang out. I had to deflect in a courteous manner but that gets complicated. Even though I'm playful I am also a nice guy and they all eat that up subsequently wanting more, which I cannot offer. I'm not there but it's coming, and even though I'm fine with that, I hate hurt feelings. Enough of self deprecation - I've got goals and points I really think work.

Much of the game is about inner game:
- going out you have to make a move within minutes of walking into the place, after that it gets hard, logic steps in, reason prevents us from being us
- the attitude counts more then the material, having the right image with confidence is what makes an interaction successful
- social proofing is useful - even if you don't get to the target, work on the group as we live in a small world. I've hooked up with 2 girls after going out in a group, playing the group, and then friending them on facebook even though we had minimum interaction early on as I was ignoring them. One of them does not even have my number. Last night as I was coming dry, I messaged her on facebook and told her I'm coming over either she wants it or not...

Anyway, let's see if I can go sarging tonight, proper game if I can acquire some wings...