First of al, in the short time that i've joined this forum i read a lot of your advice on text game and i learned a lot from it. Thanks for that Don! I was wondering if you could give me some advice about this girl i recently met.

Background: met HB8 when she was at a party of a mutual friend. Talked to her briefly and the next day she adds me on facebook. Couple of days later she sends me a private message to say she saw me on the train that evening. I was online so we chatted for a bit. Convo went like this (translated from dutch):

HB: I just saw you on the train!
Me: and you didn't say hi!?
HB: i was walking on the platform and i saw you, but im not going to knock on the window :p
Me: i thought you were more adventurous :p
HB: i am, but i'm not going to knock on a window of a train Were you at practice last friday? (we both play soccer every fridaynight but not same team offcourse)
Me: yes, you too?
Convo went on for about an hour and i was being cocky funny all the way, she was totally into me and being really open and funny too.

So couple of days later i see her again at a party of our mutual friends and instead of being open and funny like she was on FB, she was really shy and didn't say much. After a while i isolated her and then she started opening up more, but not like i expected her to be. I let it go and talk to my friends for a bit and suddenly when i turn around she is hugging one of our mutual acquaintances and they kissed for like 5 seconds. I know it's AFC, but i was a bit disappointed, because i felt like we really connected. I didn't say anything about the incident to her, but it didn't take long before i left the party (i did say goodbye to her like she was just a random)

Now we are 2 days later and she sends me this message:

Hi! Did you have a hangover after the party? I know i did :p I almost fainted in class the next day and i had to run out and lie down for a bit. It must have been a funny sight. Are you ok? Don't forget to wave at me when i see you at practice friday! x

What's my move here?

I have not a damn clue who this lady is.........She just started texting me telling that she's the girl from online, I assume from Match. I am trying to think of sneaky things to say to get out her. She told me........

Her first name
She's got a kid
I gave her my number obviously(Not a whole lot of girls(around 30)
I think I'm gonna get a photo from her, but not for sure, I was trying to sneak some dirty/flirty language in there to cover it up.


But other than that I was trying to make sure I am running through the process correctly........

She kept running through an interview process, I kept trying to spice it up by being Cock&Funny, Showed DHV by talking about my previous bad meets(she asked), got her to validate her self to me a little, and ended on a good note. But again, she doesn't break from this interview style, do I even try to get her to do something else, or do I act like a pretty girl and pretend she is rocking my world? Trying to get her out and meet her blindly, but she won't go for it yet.

Firstly, you're a lucky son of a bitch.

Finding a hot girl who plays soccer is like getting your hands on an oyster carrying a pearl. Awesome.

Anyway, see here's the thing : You've just met a nice, shy girl and because the communication has begun pretty recently you cannot expect her to suddenly open up to you and deliver speech-like replies for every question that you ask her. You need to get her to open up and you should focus on doing that by asking the right questions. Now, what are the right questions? Go back a page on the thread and see a list of topics there.

Secondly, you should be expressing more through (physical) actions than through words. Kino-escalation is of prime importance. Go get yourself a copy of DiCarlo Escalation Ladder and apply that in accordance, with the situation and compliance.

Finally, be bold. There's not going to be much progress if you do everything half-heartedly here. If you want this girl, go all in. If you are just doing it for the sake of it, find another or three more girls to keep yourself occupied. That's your decision to make. (Personally, I'd go to hell and back for a girl who looked and played like Hope Solo, but that's just me.)

So, there's your question answered. Get back to me, if you have any update on this situation.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Get a photo from here. I am always a bit cynical about the outcomes of online dating, so I insist on a photo right from the get-go. I'd advise you to do so too.

Secondly, I think you need to work on comfort building, if she's not ready to go out yet (which is weird, considering all the shit she's told you about her already).

Have you spoken to her on the phone? Are you sure she's really what she says she is?

Do that ASAP.

I don't have a very positive feeling about this particular situation. Seems like there's a catch somewhere.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Simple question how do I reply to this text?

Me: We are playing two games next week if you are interested?
Her: I will let you know.

Context: I asked her to play soccer today for my university she bailed "too much homework"

I have given her the frame of control how do I take it back?

Normally I would just ignore the girl, but this one is in three of my groups to university so I cannot just ignore her.

Simple question how do I reply to this text?

Me: We are playing two games next week if you are interested?
Her: I will let you know.

Context: I asked her to play soccer today for my university she bailed "too much homework"

I have given her the frame of control how do I take it back?

Normally I would just ignore the girl, but this one is in three of my groups to university so I cannot just ignore her.

Recast: I read your post, and something that was suggested to me that has worked the last two times in a row is to ask the question a different way. Don't say things like "if you are interested?" You need to frame it like this, "I would like it if you were there" or something to that effect. You need to disregard her opinion of the activity and focus on why she will go. She will go because it will make you happy. I know 2 yes's is not enough field testing for a concrete method, but it was a method suggested to me by people here and it has worked so far.





She sent me pics ad the pics match an online profile I emailed a few days ago. But she really never told me her name in the normal chat, so I am assuming she just didn't realize it., I am starting a little online journal. Maybe that will help track my thoughts. Supposed to meet up this week. We texted for several more hours after I made this post. Eventually she came back and told me why she said no and she actually asked me out for next week. I wrote this in a post. heretoday-journal-vt130188.html?highlight=

She never fights back, so I have tried to neg her as little as possible, trying to come up with witty things that don't knock her down.

Well right now I do not want to seem to needy, I want a response that says I dont care, and that will take my frame back?

Hello Don Draper, (or anyone else who wants to help)

I normally don't do this since I think that people shouldn't look for help on specific cases. Instead, they should look for help with their texting skills in general.

That being said, I think that my texting game isn't bad, but It could still be better. Still, the girls I normally close are really into me so I don't have to do much. I don't always answer, and if I do, it's a couple of hours/days before I do. Girls always bites into my loops and everything.

But... I met this girl last week at a club (Probably the hottest girl I picked up till now) but I knew from the second I talked to her that she would be hard to get. She is acting very independent, probably get hit on by a ton of guys and, from what I saw, is still into her last boyfriend. Yep...... Hard task.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I can get her if I manage to see her again, one day. But to accomplish that, I have to successfully set up a meeting with her.


Until now, she's been answering her text quite fast ( 1 to 10 minutes after I texted her) but she answer with short texts and doesn't really bites in my loops. I'm kind of looking for informations on how to behave and react with these kind of girls.

Should I keep texting her and try to built some comfort or should I be pretty laid back and not try to push it to the next level for a while until she's over her ex?

Here's the conversation I had with her until now:
(The next day I got her number at a club)
Me: Hey, that's my number
Hb: Hey
Me: So... If I understood correctly, you often give out your number to random people? (I was teasing her because I knew she only gave out her real number to one other guy she met at a club before me)
Hb: lol
Hb (5 mins later): Only happened twice in my whole life ahah
Me: Anw, I got to go to my hockey game. Hey give me your full name, I'll add you on fb when I have some time.
Hb: It's XXXXXXXX
Me (2 days later): Hey, I'm probably going to XXXX next thursday, you should come
Hb: Dunno (Short ass text that didn't give me anything to work on)
Me: kk no prob, you should often be busy I think (Trying to play it cool, to let her some space)
Hb: Yeah I am actually, I work a lot (First time she bought my loop)
Me: Where you working?
Hb: XXXXX resto and XXXX
Me: 2 jobs, damn.. I'm an elementary teacher aha! Anw, gtg to my hip hop, take care
Hb: Haaa yeah! Cute you dance? (First time she actually showed some interest over texts)
Me: I told you I was a dancer, You wouldn't give your number to just anyone
Hb: ohh well I didn't knew what kind of dance you were doing (Bullshit, she forgot because she was kind of drunk).



Anyways, on the good side, she answered all of my texts until now and she's been answering fast. But she's been answering with really short answers and not asking questions back (Which I'm not used to).

Feedback, opinions or any insight of how should I try to game her? Because obviously, I can't game her like all my other girls!

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Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

I read all of your posts and well, you cannot be the "I don't give a shit" kinda guy if you've already taken the "if you are interested" angle with the girl.

It would just appear incongruent.

Anyway, if you want a quick fix, just message her something like "Have fun with that." Short and to the point. And no reply required. Another way to go about this could be not replying at all. That'd leave her with the last message and you with the ability to communicate that you'd not comment on her flaking and are none too pleased about it.

Also, ignoring her isn't the solution. Working on the weakness is. Right now, there seems to be a distinct lack of comfort level, if she's not agreeing to go out with you. Work on building comfort. That should see you through this part of the process.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

The journal sounds like a good idea. Look forward to tracking your progress there.

Here's looking forward to your "date" with her. Just remember to go through the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder pdf before you walk out your door to refresh the kino-escalation and invoke a smooth transition between the stages. I cannot emphasize enough on physical escalation and "actions > words" cliches. Make 'em work for you. Good luck on this one.

P.S. Not taking a neg properly could just mean she doesn't care or that she's got low self-esteem. If it's the latter, throw the neg theory out the window. It's for Mystery fanboys. Trust me, a well-delivered compliment will take you everywhere.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Get laid back about the situation won't help. But being too over-the-top won't do you a whole world of good either. This requires a balancing act.

She needs space and you have to know when to give her that. At the same time, you need to further your case with her, by honest, direct, brutally frank expression of the attraction and the desire you feel for her. The greater your passion is for her, the more chances that she will forget her ex in a jiffy.

Women measure their men by the passion they have for them. Her ex must've been very passionate about her and hence, she values him more. Trump him in those stakes and you've got yourself, the women that you want.

Moving on..
Well, to be fair, your "questions" are the types which can be answered with short replies and you cannot hold that against her.

So, what do you do?

Well, you change the questions you're asking her. Instead of making them about "Hey, how was your day? What did you do?" blah blah blah blah and all that shit, make them about something potentially worthwhile... "Hey, what do you think of these romantic comedies and the ideas that they give women and men? I find them setting the bar a bit too high for poor, normal guys like me. " or something like that. There's a list of topics outlined on the previous page. Try to integrate them into your conversations with her. Also, try to know the reasons behind her answers.

If you ask her "Black or White?" and she says "Black", ask her "Why?" and if she says "Dunno. Favourite color?" reply back with a "Seriously? There's always more than that. A lot more. So what's your reasons?" and trust me, it works well. The reasons actually give you a good inkling of what's going on in her head. And while we are incapable of understanding the mystery called women, a little idea of it goes a long way.

Good luck with this one.

As a parting note, don't build an image of her into your head, putting her on a pedestal that she's "unlike any other girl that you've ever met", even if that were true, you're putting her above you and for this to work, you need to realize that you are both on the same footing here. No one's too special, no one's too irreplacable. Expect the worst, you'll be happy when it isn't so.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Background:
don't know how much you need to know about the situation, anyways, she had birthday, i first went to her house with a couple of her friends, then we went to a club, and basically everyone left us there to go somewhere else where we'd go later. So it was us 2, we had fun, talking, dancing, building attraction. We did Kiss but i pulled back really quick, because i originally wanted to close outside because inside you dont really understand what the other is saying except for if you scream in his ear. So after that i go to the dancefloor for only a few minutes when a guy sits next to her and they suddenly start making out and im like wtf. Just kept on dancing and eventually left with my friends without seeing her again. I did send her a sms asking if she is still coming into town with me to meet with her friends or if she went with random guy. Didnt response to that.

So to the question:
The next day i sent her a song she wanted to know yesterday and i got this back:
ah thanks , i was just writing a sorry - sms because of yesterday :/, i am really sorry for 1. leaving you alone 2. because i have the feeling that you are not so happy about me always leaving with xy,or is this no problem?


My response was (hard to translate but ill try):
"I dont care with who you go making out or whatever,(dont get the always but doesnt matter), would have been nice if you told me something though, because i did look for you for 10 minutes "

So Question is if you think that was a shittest or if this was her way of expressing that she has no sexual interest in me (i am 15(nearly 16), she turned 18 this weekend :s).
My answer wasn't really the best and i think she already knows that i am interested and i played the i dont give a damn card. (but seriously, how the fuck do you respond to that?)

Thanks for the help! I'll keep that in mind for next time, I do need to build some more rapport. I texted back with "I know" and that seemed to have worked pretty well.

Me and this girl used to be insanely attracted to each other freshman year of college, but I never took it past a certain point (no k-close) because I was an 18 year old p*ssy with no game. Contact slowly dwindled down to nothing, and I haven't contacted her at all for close to 2 years.

It is now senior year and i've learned a TON about gaming, especially regarding IOI's, which I was so clueless about back in freshman year. I ran into her on campus a few weeks ago but we didn't have time to talk much. However, from our brief encounter I learned that: she is still interested (gave IOI's) and her apartment is a 10 min walk from mine.

I've now decided that it's pure bitchery on my part that I haven't closed on this girl yet, so I plan on texting her out of the blue to see what's up.

When I ran into her she enthusiastically talked about how we "never smoke anymore!" and "you never hit me up anymore!" Smoking weed is something we always used to do together back in the day so I was thinking I would send her this:

"Hey ____! (or alternatively, 'hey stranger!') Come smoke with your old buddy ____(me)!"

If she responds then I would propose a time for her to come over and chill. My question is:

Is this too personal for 1&1/2 - 2 years of not texting her at all? Should I keep it casual and not even mention smoking? I keep overthinking this because she knew me back when I bitched out, so I don't want her to think "oh so NOW he grows some balls and wants to hang out, nah f*ck that!"

Should I just move on if i'm this passive and concerned about her reaction to a simple text?