For over a year I've been friends with this HB who works in the same office (different team and project). We were never really close -- though we had common friends we treated each other more like acquaintances.

I felt nothing for her until December last year, I wanted to party and a common friend texted me that HB was at a bar and I should go there. So when I got there HB was drunk and tried to kiss me a couple of times. I resisted as I wasn't attracted and did not want to take advantage of her intoxication. She passed out and I took care of her until our common friend arrived to take her home.

On December we were at a Christmas party. I was busy and took no interest in her. But near the end of the party I went over to say hi and we ended up clubbing. She and her friends rented a hotel room and she made me stay over. She passed out and we shared the bed.

Since then we frequently IM'd one another. We share a common taste for humor and would throw funny pickup lines at each other.

Eventually I decided I wanted to get to know her more, so around Jan. 15 I asked her to come with me to an event. She agreed but flaked on the last minute, blaming PMS.

I invited her agian to join me for Chinese New Year on Jan 23. She really wanted to go, but again flaked on the last minute when she realized I wasn't going to go all the way to her house to take her to Chinatown.

After that I thought forget it, she's a flake. But 3 days later Jan 26 she texted saying she was going to go to the hot air balloon festival on Jan. 11 with friends. Said she thought of me and asked if I wanted to come. I responded with a DHV saying my friend is an organizers so I could get early tix and I was planning to go with my cousins.

I went unavailable for about a week before trying again. On Feb 3 I texted saying I was going to a party with my cousin but she couldn't come, and asked if she wanted to take my cousin's slot. She didn't flake this time saying she couldn't come, and added she's on a diet.

Two days later day Feb 5 I tell her that I was helping organize an art exhibit and asked if she wanted to come tomorrow Feb 6.

She couldn't, but the next day she texts me saying she was at the bar with her girlfriends and asked if I wanted to come. I returned the favor by making myself unavailable, saying I was in the area less than an hour ago but was already on my way home.

So on Feb 11 we went to the hot air balloon festival with her friend as planned. Although we shared a tent and a bed I tried to play cool by not escalating or giving her too much attention. However, near the end of the day I leaned my head on her back and put my arms around her very very loosely for about 20 seconds.

Two days later Feb 13 I asked her if she wanted to come with me the next day after work. I didn't use any terms that would reference "valentines" or "date". I tried to play by feel and keep it casual and escalate when we were together.

She obliged and on Feb 14 I took her to a romantic spot with a nice view of the city. Nervousness got the best of me and I wasn't able to escalate. Instead I went too fast by trying to ask her to dance. I got a rejection, of course, even though she gave me tons of IOI the whole time we were together.

The next day Feb 15 she texted to thank me. At this point I was disappointed in me so I just responded with small talk but kept cocky-funny mode.

Feb 16 she IM's me with a joke and I let it ride trading some of my own jokes eventually leading it to the more suggestive ones. She returned with sexual innuendos and she asked me where I am, and I made myself unavailable.

Saturday Feb 18 I texted saying I was in the area with my cousins and asked if she wanted to meet up. She responded saying she was with family and asked if we were going to watch a movie. I said no we were just chilling and she said too bad because she wanted to see Hugo. I responded saying I didn't know what that was, but that I like Martin Scorsese. She said we should go watch it on Monday after Work.

Which brings us to today, Monday. It was mostly silent all day except around lunch time I asked what time she was going to eat and she responded saying she already ate. 30 minutes before I left the office I walked over to her asking if we were gonna push through. She responded she can't because her sister was home (I wouldn't know the logic behind it, sounded made-up but has the possibility of being true).

Here's where you guys come in.

She's celebrating her birthday this weekend, Sunday the 26th. After that she is going straight for the beaches to party for a week where she will surely get picked up. She will get *-closed. When she comes back I will probably be history.

I could freeze her out indefinitely. I could make myself unavailable on her birthday. I could give her a trivial gift just to show I remember, or I could call on her birthday, or I could go all out.

I felt a connection and don't want any regrets. What should I do?

Hmm, i say go to her birthday.

Though I'm not a pro, i think you had plenty of chances to seal the deal.. On her birthday ( Which i think you should attend )spend sometime with her and show interest through actions.. please please escalate if you do get some time alone.. i would also try some compliance tests to see if she's attracted to you.

Keep alot of eye contact, you might be able to get the kiss que.
Always be touching her in someway, doesn't matter if it's a high five or you having your arm around her.

GOOD LUCK

Thanks for the response Shylee. I have qualified her early on though, so if I "re-qualify" her should it be more "sexual" in nature? Am I reading you correctly?

Thanks for the eye contact and kino suggestion. Will keep that in mind.

Pumpington thanks for the response. Though I feel you are missing the point your replies really cracked me up.

I did nothing back in December was because I had no interst in her other than friendship. Yes she was blatantly into me but I denied her. My fault? Maybe. I was into other girls back then and saw her only as a friend.

The other important point here is that we were friends and we work in the same office. If I knew her from outside I'd have closed the deal a long time ago.

The way I see it I DHV'd myself by not taking advantage of her weakness. Despite her bad behavior she we got to know each other better and now she passed. So now I am interested in her. Perhaps I have not shown enough interest as a potential mate -- if so, how do I demonstrate that I am interested in her sexually? (re-qualify? how?)

Anyhow I ignored her today (Tuesday), but an hour after I left the office she texts me:

HB: You offline (in chat)? Was thinking of having dinner.
Me: I'm already off

(end convo)

She knows that I already left, so why is she asking knowing I am unavailable? Should I keep freezing her or show interest the next time we see each other (whether online or at the office)?

You're really running excellent game here. These freeze outs are excellent for DHV'ing! Damn. I envy you.

I would say just non linear escalation, and when you feel her bt is up in the air, make some good eye contact and slowly go in for a kiss, but really it seems escalation is not something you have practiced too much

chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

^the above is a link to chief's guide to outer game, read the part labeled, compliance ladder, that is a good linear start for you, the next time you are out, run that ladder, and get up to kissing, you can also use the di'carlo escalation ladder, or 100 other escalation ladders from other pua websites, or e-books or what ever, but for starters chief's guide is really easy to understand and follow, good linear structure for someone that has not done it before

it is as simple as check for compliance, if you can't get it, talk to her for a bit, put her in a good mood, then check again, make her comfortable with that level, then move up, the compliance builds momentum

stop focusing on the verbal so much, building social value is only necessary to give you more compliance, and get her investing, you obviously have enough value built, she tried to make out with you and you rejected her (drunk or not, girls do this when drinking cause they have probable deniability, they do not enjoy taking responsibility for escalation, they need an excuse, you have to take the responsibility away from them and take risks for yourself)

don't worry about qualification, you have most likely already qualified her out the ass and know what you like about her, if she gives you resistance, you can use all of that qualification and give her a nice genuine I really like you because you are this and this and this, speech, but really qualification, is a useful tool to shape a person to behave how you want them to, and find common ground to talk about, a person that qualifies them self to a behavior is most likely to demonstrate that behavior while it is fresh on their mind that they qualified to that behavior

saying I like girls who are adventurous and sexually open, and having a girl qualify herself to that (her:ohhh that's totally me, im super open about that stuff)
kicks open the door for you to challenge her on that frame and move more in that direction, if she objects you have her trapped with her qualification, ''I thought you said you were blah blah blah?''

sexual qualification can be used in the same way, and finding qualification based on hobbies and interests can lead to an exchange of commonalities (this leads to really good rapport being built)

if you keep waiting and waiting and waiting, and don't escalate, eventually her being attracted to you will only go so far and she will lose interest and assume you are either not into her, she is doing something wrong, or you are gay

mystery method is a system designed to sleep with a girl in 2 days, or 7 hours, not 1 year, you don't have to dhv forever, the a2 attraction phase should end after you get your 3 ioi's, you just want her hooked giving you attention and showing positive feedback, then you basically have your go ahead to start qualifying her and hitting on her (you should be testing compliance the whole time)

GOOD LUCK

lol this is hopeless at this point.. Your trying to play too unavailable and too cool, she's going to sleep with someone way before her birthday. Honestly it sounds like she already has been sleeping with people. She's a straight forward girl and just want you to be man enough to take action.

Cut it out dude, your being silly.

Invite her over for a movie tonight

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pumpington thanks for the detailed response and thorough explanation on qualification. I do not have problems escalating strangers, I move very fast with random girls. It becomes problematic once I decide I like a girl. This is a problem I am still working on. For this particular girl, I try my best to keep in mind the things about her that I do not like so as not to lose cool.

Fuze I like your movie idea.

She opened me on IM today. We started high energy which I later dampened a bit by re-qualifying her and asking more serious stuff like "do you think much about the past and the future?" (in connection to her upcoming birthday).

We had good convo which I eventually let die a bit because I don't want to spend the whole day chatting with her.

So I am thinking about the best approach to asking her for a movie without getting rejected/flaked again. Tonight is probably best. Any suggestions?

All the work is done. Message her and say

you: "come over"

her: "now"

you: "yes"

her: "why"

you: "movie"

her: "I hope you're not planning on sex"

you: "movie"

When she shows up... bang her! lol. And do it more than once for good measure.

You'll love this method because afterwards when you see how easy it was, you'll clue in that she wanted it the whole time anyway. She just needed some lame excuse to let you seduce her.

You give her her plausible deniability but also communicate to her that you wanted sex and got it.

Okay I went ahead and asked her. She asked if we could watch tomorrow so she could also shop for a gift for her mom. She PROMISED, in all caps, and apologized for not pushing through last Monday, saying she was not in the mood blaming you-know-what.

I'm still not sure what her deal is but I'll make sure I am onto her when we meet. We'll see.

If she is blaming her flakes on PMS that should tell you right there that she expects sex.

Joking?

Pumpington got this one, but I didn't make it all the way through his long post.

Fuze also got this one.

I'll just add:

The only thing necessary to close a girl is having the balls to take the opportunity when it comes.

Stop playing games and make an opportunity.

Solid Advice. Basically be confident. Don't just show it when sarging the girl. ACTUALLY HAVE IT!