About me:
To start off, no I'm not a doctor. (I didn't know what to use and was watching Stargate SG-1 at the time.) I'm studying to become something else too.

I'm 19 years old and situated in Stockholm. I've always felt that I was lagging behind all the other guys. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never had sex, I've never gotten to second base, I've never gotten a "real" kiss from someone. (I made out with one chick during truth or dare last year - that's pretty much it.)

I had delved into some PUA material during my earlier teens, but after I turned 18 I could finally get into night game and started reading again. I've read some random stuff. I've read some Savoy, Mystery, Gambler, AFC Adam, 60yearsofchallenge. And that's maybe why I'm all over the place. So this time I've decided to primarily look at Chief's teachings. And I'm planning on studying in Korea next year and he seems to have be successful there too - so why not learn from him.

It was during the summer I started again, but so far I haven't gotten any success worth mentioning. Because of Approach Anxiety and Fear of Escalation I think. However with the new year I'm hoping to start anew and get where I want to be. So start off this new year I'm going to do the Newbie Mission.

For now I'll write in this journal semi-regularly until summer where I will either stop or begin writing more often. My goal until then is to have made out with a girl, gone to second base, gotten laid - but the girlfriend can wait. I'm leaving for Korea, fool.

Newbie Mission: Attempt #1
OK, so I did the Newbie Mission. I went into it thinking "OK, I'll just do this and then I can practice Chief's Outer Game during the Sauna Party tomorrow - Awesome". But... when I got the shopping mall I just could NOT do it. I won't come with any excuses - I just didn't have the guts to do it. I think I spent 2 hours walking through two different shopping malls. I greeted someone one time "legit", but that's not near the number I had hoped for. I will however say that it was informative. Also I think I'll be able to see progress easier by doing the Newbie Mission than when I'm out clubbing because Newbie Mission is more... bare? You yourself are the only variable.

Another thing I discovered is that I really can't look at Asians. I'm Asian myself and it feels kind of racist (it's the wrong term, but I hope you understand what I mean) to "gaze upon" an Asian girl. I don't know if I want to fix that. I don't know if I want to take part in furthering the stereotype that Asian guys only go for Asian girls. But ha, I'm a bit sneaky about that because there are these Asian Nightclub events and yeah - I go to them. But it's OK to look at Asians there because there are almost only Asians. lol wut

I felt the key was eye contact. I had to force myself to look at a girl and wait for eye contact. Since I had problem with the Newbie Mission I'll break it up and focus on only eye contact next time.

BUT as I mentioned earlier there will be a Sauna Party tomorrow so I'll go ahead and practice some Outer Game even though I haven't successfully done the Newbie Mission.

You took your first step in wanting to change by starting this journal good work. As for the newbie mission your out of your comfort zone and in time it will be comfortable for you if you stick at it. How long it takes? Well that depends on you. All you have to do is say "Hi" to a stranger its simple. Clear your mind and stop thinking about the past, what you have or haven't achieved. Don't think about the future either just feel the present moment. After that you will realise that AA is just some madeup self-cockblock that some pua came up with.

Keep at it.

_________________
My Journal here-vp590119.html#590119

I had a similar issue when I lived in America. I legitimately became disinterested in Asian girls (for the most part). It felt weird hitting on an Asian girl at a party when we were surrounded by white people.

You can't let social pressure like that of any sort get in between you and a woman, though. She's counting on you to cut through that bullshit!

I appreciate your encouragement! Hopefully I'll take things slow this time, during summer I went clubbing with the purpose of me closing someone, but I see now that that definitely put too much pressure on myself - and I haven't even practiced anything. I hope that I'll be able to see progress even with small steps by having this journal.

This is so true, just the other day I was talking to my Asian female friend. She said that she hated it when she checks out an Asian guy and he also checks her out, but doesn't approach her. I just told her to approach him herself and the problem would be solved. She said she sometimes do, but that it would be "cooler" if he did it. And this is what 60YOC is talking about - Escalation creates Attraction (well this is more pre-Escalation, but it creates Attraction for the same reason). I there should have realized that a girl really wants to be approached, but instead I just complained to my friend about equality...

CGtOG - Conversation: Qualities
As I stated in my previous post there will be a Sauna Party tonight and I want to take the opportunity to practice. I'm actually one of the volunteers helping setting up and manning the entrance, but I'll be able to enjoy the sauna too. Normally I wouldn't want to join them because I have a weak build and I have bacne scars, but I won't get anywhere if I don't put myself outside my comfort zone, and there are people with more serious problems who are comfortable with only bathing shorts.

Anyway, for this event I'm planning on training on the Conversation section of Chief's Guide to Outer Game. It seemed like the most logic thing to train for this occasion. Ugh, I could go on about this but I'm feeling it's getting too long. I'm used to writing down my thought.

The prerequisite for the Conversation part is a list of qualities I look for a woman. I'll right mine down here so that I can remember them (I took some of yours Chief )
- Open-minded
- Respectful of others
- Caring
- Compassionate
- Feminine
- Quirky
- Likes to dance
- Outgoing
- Cheerful
- Funny

Sauna Party
Things didn't really go as planned, but I'm still glad that I went.
During the event I only spoke to three girls. It felt too high risk to move around in the sauna and talk to girls because I think it would seem unnatural to move around, and I didn't have anywhere to go if I burned out. I also felt kind of insecure. I couldn’t have my lenses in the sauna, so I was almost blind and my nose was constantly running. So basically I just waited for opportunities to come to me instead of creating them.

For the most part I was talking to the guys which happened by chance since there were a lot more men than women. But later a German HB7 took a seat right next to me. Opportunity served. Tonight I was supposed to train on the Conversation by screening for the qualities I look for in a woman. But I had problems doing so. I couldn’t really find the things to say that would lead to that. I tried it one time on the German which somehow turned into a cold read about how she takes everything in her stride. But it wasn’t even one of the qualities I looked for - I just remembered one of Chief’s written down qualities. Seems like I don’t have enough brainpower to think and hold a conversation at the same time. The conversation flowed, but it was regular fluff talk.

Later on I decided to try with another person, an HB7 Asian from Australia. I tried to screen her, but it just didn’t come out. I settled with teasing her about being an architecht among civil engineers (among other things). Well, it was a good talk, but I didn’t really train anything.

Conclusion:
I have trouble thinking while talking so it might be beneficial for me to come up with questions beforehand.

Next time:
Tonight I’ll be heading out with a bunch of old classmates. I’m hoping to train on opening with a simple “hi”. My goal is to open 5 girls. I'll let you know how it goes.

Random question:
What’s the most natural word to use when talking about females? Girls implies young females. So is females, chicks, women or anything else better to use?

Clubbing with a bunch of old friends
I don't always push myself, but when I do I don't know what to say.
This Friday I headed out with a bunch of friends I hadn't met in a long time. And this time my friend who also knows about the pick up community was with me. Until I can come up with a better name I’ll refer to him as “Hair”. Hair suggested that we play a game. We would each take turns and point out a target to approach, if we didn’t we had to do a pushup on the spot. We played rock, paper, scissors to see who’d get to pick a target first. Of course I lost. He pointed out a tall brunette HB6. I just wanted to get myself into the right mood and associate approaching women to happy people so I went up and gave her a compliment abour her jacket. She was polite about it, but seemed indifferent. For my friend I pointed out a blonde HB8. He did more than just compliment her. It looked like it was going well, but then he ejected. When he returned he said that she gave him all the IOIs, but he was too afraid to continue. Dude! He regretted it a lot later.

Hair pointed out a seated tall blonde, but we switched when she stood up and turned out to be the tallest person in the whole room. Instead he told me to approach her blonde friend who was still sitting down. I was a bit hesitant since she was sitting down, but I went over to her anyway. She was an HB8. I tapped her shoulder, which I don’t really like, but I can’t seem to get people's attention any other way. I did what Hair had suggested me to do and told her that she was really cute so I wanted to introduced myself. She smiled in response. I think she said thank you. As for how I was feeling, I wasn’t really that nervous - a little, but it wasn’t too bad. Anyway I offered my hand and she took it. I first said my name, but she couldn’t hear it. The second time I introduced myself as DJ. She looked at me unconvinced, though still smiling. I shortly explained the background of my name. During this I was milking the intro and she was still holding my hand. Everything was going a lot better than I would have though! She was smiling, didn’t pull away her hand - I didn’t know what to do. I thought of just going quiet and let the tension build, but I cracked after 5 seconds and asked if I could get my hand back, and I could feel how her hand stopped squeezing mine. Then I didn't really know what to do and decided to just talk bullshit. I asked what she was doing. She said that she was having fun with her friends. Only she and a brunette at another table were left of their group. They had a bunch of jackets laying close to them so I said that it looked like they were hanging out with a bunch of jackets. It was kind of difficult to start a conversation about that, but she was still smiling. I didn’t know what the hell to do and it didn’t go anywhere so I said that it was nice meeting her and ejected.

We later moved to another venue. And there I wasn’t feeling it anymore. People were dancing instead of talking so I couldn’t get myself to do anything. Instead I just hanged out with my friends. Though, there was an HB7 who was dancing very sexily, but I didn’t approach her because she had a friend and I didn’t get any eye contact.

What I learned:
----Booze not needed
This night I didn’t order anything to drink (though my friend offered me a glass of beer) and I still had a good time. In addition to it being cheap. I only speant about 6 dollars for the wardrobes. I also realized that drinking didn’t help that much in approaching. I don't even approach that much when I'm drinking. Though I should add that I don't get completely wasted. Anyhow, I can achieve the same result by forcing myself.

----Direct seems like the best
Now I definitely haven't done enough approaches, but to me it seems like going direct is the easiest way to approach a woman. For now it'll be my default way of opening.

----I can get IOIs
Previously I haven’t really been able to get IOIs. My friends would get them, but I would be stuck without anything. But with the second approach it finally happened. That could also be the reason I didn’t approach anymore. I wanted the night to end on a good note.

----"I'm DJ"
I might be able to start conversation just by introducing myself as DJ. I’m sure I can get it going after some tries.

----What's stopping my improvement
My biggest problem is that I don’t actually do anything. If I don’t put in the time I won’t improve. If it's because of AA or not being in a social state that I don't approach I don't really know.

Things to work on:
----Push it to the limit
I have to do something that pushes me. Either having some kind of incentive or maybe have a mantra. I’ve been looking around the site and I’m liking these two;
"If you're not uncomfortable and under pressure, you're not learning"
"If you don't drop sweat today, you'll drop tears tomorrow"

----Things to say
The other thing I have to do now is to have something to say after opening. Maybe I wasn’t that far off with bullshitting, but maybe it was the wrong kind of bull shit. What I say shouldn't have to be that thought out, but it still has to have the potential to go some place. I guess I’ll find out with trial and error.

Questions:
I had a couple of attractive female friends with me and they're not familiar with game. How should I utilize them other than just having them near me?

Sorry for not updating for a while. I actually had this next post written a long time ago, but didn't take the time to actually post it. This happened a month ago and I've been out other times, but they've escaped my mind. However last week I was at a pretty interesting house party which I definitely want to write about later. Anyway, here's my old post.

College Night Club
For tonight I was going to try to get myself into a social state by speaking to the first woman I saw. That didn’t really happen though for a number of reasons, but there are no excuses. I could have spoken to the people in the line as well. I eventually did, but it was the people in front of me who opened since one of them recognized me. Apparantly we are in the same class :l

Another thing I regret is not cutting in line and going to my other friends at the front. I don’t like talking about what if’s since you can go mad by doing so, but if I had done that I would have placed myself behind the Korean exchange students whom I’m trying to befriend because they’re from the university I’m planning on studying at later - also one of the girls is cute. That was actually one of my goals for the night. Getting to know that girl (whom I’ve talked to a bit with earlier), but unfortunately they left after an hour or so and I never bumped into them.

But anyway after a long time waiting in line I got to know the guys in front of me and merged them into the group my friend had brought as well as others from my class. My plan for tonight was (other than talking to the Korean) to train on opening with a simple “Hi” by playing “Go”. I would basically go to whoever my friend pointed to and start talk to them. Because I had forgotten to do something for him I said that I could start walking up to someone. So I was the one walking up first. My friend pointed to a sitting 2-set. Why the seated ones?! Anyway I just walked up to them, no AA. Though I had had a beer and a shot. The 2-set comprised of an HB6 and an HB7. Turns out that they were French and would only be staying for a week. It kind of felt like it was good situation, but I just didn’t know how to proceed. First off I should have taken a chair and sat down, but I didn’t really plan on staying there for long. Also I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable by “settling in”. But I guess I don’t really know if they would be uncomfortable or not. It’s something I have to get over. Anyway, as I’ve stated before I’ve had problem with knowing what to say next. There wasn’t really any silences, but what I was saying didn’t really go towards a specific direction like for example the qualities in a woman I find attractive. I don’t really remember specific topics, but it was “normal”. Now, they didn’t seem bored, they laughed occasionally, but it seemed like it was more at their own answers than at something I said. I ejected after I felt that there couldn’t come anything interesting.

The rest of the night I pretty much hanged with my friends. There were people I wanted to approach, but I just didn’t. I guess I didn’t really care as much about the outcome when my friends wanted me to approach, but when I was genuinely interested in someone I didn’t want to risk it. I think all of them were Asian. Man, I feel racist.. There was one aborted and one last approach done by me. At first they wanted me to go talk to a guy and an HB, but I didn’t really feel like cockblocking. The last approach was an approach on a UG whom my friend pointed to for a laugh. She was pretty nice, though. Anyway, all in all I didn’t do that many forced approaches because more and more people joined in on the game. But I did have a fun night out which is one of the main goals, but if I don’t put in more sweat this journey is going to be a long one.

What I learned:
I don’t have that much trouble with approaching, but I am aware that I’ve avoided more high risk sets such as big groups, targets already being hit on and HBs that I actually want to approach.

Don't play Go with a lot of people

Keep posting man. The only way to get better is by putting yourself out there, so continue to do what you are doing.

_________________
Co-joint journal double-jornal-from-afc-to-pua-vt126220.html

Just a quick summary of that party I wrote about in my last post. Went to a party, met a really cool girl. Right now I haven't met her in a month and a half despite trying to set up a dinner date. We will meet this week at a club, though.

I'm sad to say that I haven't made any progress with my game. I feel like I'm at square one. My issues have been that I find it too difficult to talk in clubs and in general approach. I'm feeling like the Natural approach I was trying to take was too unnatural for me to start out with.

These last couple of months have been kind of hard for me and yesterday I again realized that I'm not where I want to be. Having just opened up to a friend about all of the problems I've become motivated again. What I'm planning right now is to start with small steps. When I'm gonna go out on Sunday I'll try my best with whatever tools I've got and see where my starting point is. Another reason for this is that there's this girl who is interested in me, but I'm not interested back. Her friend said that the easiest way to solve this is to show interested in other girls which I'm going to do on Sunday.

Wish me the best.