What is the best way to improve my conversational skills? when i meet a girl and talk to her i try and avoid subjects like work and boring stuff like that...but i eventually run out of stuff to say...then i start thinking im boring then it just gets arkward.... so how can i become a better conversationlist????and build sexual tension at the time?

Most guys make a very common mistake when talking to women; they talk about things. They talk about going on a cool vacation or hanging out with their friends. They talk about their brothers' dog or the weird thing their hamster does. What they don't talk about are the emotions that make those things important.

Women relate to things on an EMOTIONAL level. Guys can relate on the things themselves, the emotional context left unspoken. What we have to train ourselves to do is look at every story we tell, every comment we make, through an emotional context.

Let's use the hamster thing. Let's say, for the sake of conversation, that your hamster does a really neat trick. He'll climb around the cage like Spiderman and do backflips and shit. When talking to a guy, it's enough to simply talk about the backflips and the cage-climbing. With a woman, you have to talk about how your hamster doing backflips makes you FEEL.

Man Example
You: I've got this crazy hamster, does backflips and shit.
Dude: That's awesome.
You: I know!
Dude: I went skiing in the alps last year.
You: That's awesome.
Dude: I know!

Doing it Wrong With Women
You: I've got this crazy hamster, does backflips and shit.
HB: Whatever. You gonna buy me a drink, or what?

Doing it Right With Women
You: I have this hamster, he's been crawling on the cage and doing backflips. I think he might be a superhero, but that's got me sort of scared.
HB: Why?
You: Well if he's a superhero, that means super villains are going to come and try and kidnap me. I don't want to be kidnapped by the Gerbil of Dume or something. So I asked him and he just looked at me funny and wiggled his nose. Sort of frustrated me. I think I'm going to ask him to move out.
HB: But he's a hamster. He can't live on his own in Canada...
You: I know, it's got me torn up. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

And then just let her talk.

Another common misconception about conversations with women is that you have to be interesting. You don't. To be perfectly honest, in any interaction with a woman you stop being important about halfway through. In the beginning of an interaction, you need to be able to give 90% and expect only 10% back from her. As she gets more comfortable with you, though, she'll start to give you 50%, and that's when you need to shut up and listen. Ask questions and make statements that will allow her to be interesting, on her own terms, for you. Register what she says, respond to it accordingly, relate to her on an emotional level and reward that emotional conection through escalation. It is when you've escalated a couple of times that you can start in on sexual tension building and bringing your conversation to your desired goal.

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Repent now and save 50% on your next divine judgment.
-Monkey's Little Brother, Spud

So whenever im talking about something with a girl try and relate to a feeling or an emotion to it.......?

For example
The style opener with the jealous girlfriend opener "ive got a friend................" How do you FEEL about that?

Thats the only one i can think of at this moment....

Any ideas that can help me become better at this...exercises and stuff?
This has been sort of an ArHA moment because would explain why i struggle to make a connecton with girls.

Thanks for the explanation any more ideas would be appreciated

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im the type of guy that likes to rome around,im never in one place, i rome from town to town, im a wonderer, yeh a wonderer, im a wonderer....

When you start to ask questions like "How do you feel about that?" you sound like Dr. Phil. Instead, phrase it as a statement. "I'm not sure how I feel about it," or "I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to step on his toes, but I DO want to look out for my friend."

And don't worry about finding out how she feels. She'll tell you. As long as you are making statements about your feelings, you're giving her permission to do the same. And because most women enjoy emotionally charged social interaction, she probably will.

As for excercises, I'd suggest going through your routines. Make every question a statement (an open-ended statement that invites her to respond). Look at the stories you're telling and find a way to anchor the story, or a part of the story, to an emotional response. Not HER emotional response, mind, but yours. Ask yourself, every paragraph or so, "How does that make ME feel?" and put in a statement to that effect.

Then play Statements Only. It's a variation on the _Whose Line is it Anyway?_ sketch Questions Only. Most of the time when we're in an interaction, we're interrogating our targets, barraging them with questions. In this game, you're not allowed to ask questions, only make statements. If you ask a question, you must eject immediately (though politely). You may go for a number close if you feel you're close enough for it.

_________________
Repent now and save 50% on your next divine judgment.
-Monkey's Little Brother, Spud

Thankyou, your advice has been most helpful

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im the type of guy that likes to rome around,im never in one place, i rome from town to town, im a wonderer, yeh a wonderer, im a wonderer....

Also, read books on a variety of subjects. The best pick up artists tend to be the most intelligent. Which is why being a "Jock" or and "alpha male caveman" will only get you so far with women. The more you know about any subject will enable you to hold more interesting and in turn more attractive conversations. My recomendations are learn about some new things such as:

1) Astrology****
2) Tarot Cards / Runes****
3) Psychology****
4) (not that i want to know about it at all, but sometimes it helps if your sarging a dumb materialistic ego driven girl, it helps to be up to date on celebrity/popculture news)
5) New scientific research
6) Other languages (even if it is only a few phrases, if you can teach them to her she will most likely assume your fluent)
7) Philosophical Ideas****
Other far out ideas or concepts (example is tell her about m-theory in physics and how new aged physics/chemistry/biology is finding out that we are all one conciousness and the ego is the only entity that makes us feel seperate, and that we are really all one, coming from whatever entity made us whether it be god, gaia, the big bang, ect...shit like this will blow her mind and make her feel intellectually inferior, in turn making her inferior)

There are plenty more but I use most of these alot and always get good results.

meth and monkey. AWESOME posts. you know what would be GREAT!!! An extensive Cheat Sheet on hot subjects. Ie psychology that are easily threaded into coversation. I read a lot of tony robbins stuff so i usually can quote a few things easily. I know for sure that stuff impresses people not just HBs. One time I recited a extensive quote by Calvin Coolidge during an interview. blew them away.

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KeepNitReal

Also if you sense a lull coming on EJECT and get a #-close.

Easy as pie.

-Hyde

BTW when you get married the wife will fill all that dead air with *plenty* of talking.

I agree, both Meth's and Monkey's posts were helpful. Things like the "statement game" only make social interaction with chicks all the more fun. I think another positive aspect is that it allows people who are not entirely comfortable with randomly chatting to chicks a method to which they can hone their madness. Walking up to a chick to engage in this 'game' (say making statements only - smething i am def. trying) is easier to 'swallow' mentally, for some, than say convincing yourself you HAVE to go number close this strange chick. Approaches like this, in addition to actually working, provide this benefit as well.

Kinda a bunch of ramblings, but i hope someone was able to extract the point i was trying to express.

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I do what I can, but I know I can do better.

I love the hamster thing! Good example Monkey!

I couldnt agree more, feelings are chick crack. That and psychology!

Guys try to understand the world, girls try to understand people.

Thers loadsa things you can do. have a few canned kino routines for quiet moments, this makes her feel more comfortable with your touch and if you pull away your body language at the end of it well enough it will create some sexual tension. Or some IVD's; cold readings (the cube, palm reading, graphology (handwriting analysis), chick cracks) theres loads of ways.
And as for the whole boring work thing, instead of avoiding this (coz trust me she will sense it) joke about it! neg her telling her that your neices dolls are more fun to play with. if she comments on how nasty you are, qualify her. If you talk about what you do with enthusiasm, she too will feel it. but try and stay away from the boring words that nerds say all the time eg. computer.
V1V

Hey thanx to Monkey and Methusela for addressing this.

I ALWAYS had bad experiences with the whole "eliciting values" method and anchoring trance words because all those questions made girls uncomfortable. Or rather, not attracted. This is unfortunately what some NLP seducers like In10se and maybe even Riker don't cover that well.

NLP that's based on questions sounds creepy for seduction, because you essentially make yourself her therapist! Those guys are not in the "potential lover" category.

Your posts remind me of a PUA who once said "Don't ask open-ended questions. Make open-ended STATEMENTS! Much more powerful."


I was actually just writing something about this on MS Word for my own reference, and it TOTALLY relates to what you guys said. It's a paper about how NICE GUYS are always REPEATEDLY asking girls how they feel, i.e. "do you like this?" "Did you have fun?" "Are you upset about something?"

Nice guys do this because they always want to be SERVANTS to the girl and try to cheer her up. They are TOO DESPERATE to know how she feels, they are always worrying that something is wrong, and they offer no high-value emotions of their own, so she ends up dragging you down and blaming you for it! Asking questions constantly is a DEAD GIVE-AWAY of a guy that has no confidence and tries to take value away from women.

~HotIce

good post

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I say..... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

I agree with HotIce about the NICE GUYS. I was one of those nice guys and it was such a waste always trying to put the girls on a pedestal.
Spiker