Heya Don, appreciate this topic, seems You've helped alot of people, I'll probably take a few hours of spare time to read all of the pages, Learnt quite a bit from 3 already so who knows.. haha.

I am in a semi-strange situation myself, I'd really appreciate some good insight on the situation if possible. I'll try to go as deep as possible.

Situation:

First day in college, I took the alpha male attitude, dhv'd myself alot and then
I met this girl a few days ago, I decided to talk to her in a shop close to college, things went well.
Later that day I added her on facebook and instantly asked her a question (About a subject we discussed in class), I got an entire wall of text responds and everything skyrocketted from that moment. Things went well and the next day I took her appart from her friends to have a nice 1-on-1 talk, we had about 10 minutes before her friends joined us and we couldn't proceed (We talked very personal), She thanked me with a smile the moment I left the room, She told me an interesting thing though, when she chatted with me, her sister told her i'm a very gorgeous guy and when I asked her in a funny way how her sister looks, she mentions it's her twin-sister (I laughed so hard at that point)

The thing that does really make this hard is that she has a boyfriend, I'm in a situation where I dont mind if we become friends, as there are plenty of cute girls I've met, however.. We have alot of things in common, have really good chats and I can feel a certain vibe.

She mentioned that she appreciates me alot, that she's able to talk with someone that actually does listen to her and responds well (I never agree, I give my own insight). She never mentions her boyfriend either and we have a day 2 planned with a group of friends from college.

I have a feeling she's interested, but I do not wanna break our relation, I honestly think that I would really have to mess-up hard to actually have her hate me as it feels like our connection is unbreakable at the moment. Whenever we text, it's like 3 pages long, EACH text..

I'd like to give You an example of our texting so You could maybe spot her feelings throughout it, I'm not sure if she's interested, or has friend-zoned me. As I mentioned before, I will glady accept the friend-zoning aswell. I just always find it unclear to see if she's interested or not, and another thing I'd love to know is how should I continue talking to her?

An example:


Me: Heya! I asked some people around in college to hang out some time, you should definatly come along!

Her: Oh that's great! I definatly wanna come along! What are we gonna do? xx

Me: I'm gonna ask around to see what people wanna do, I can easily adjust . Anything specific that you wanna do? xx

(She didn't respond for about 2 hours)

Her: Ejj, Sorry but I'm working, thats why I'm sending you late, it doesn't matter for me. xx

Me: No problem (name)! I'll go make a post about it and see what other people are interested in, I'll let ya know . How was your day? xx

Her: (She gives me a long reply how she wasn't feeling well today, that she had an argument at work and asked me how my day went)

Me: (I give her a wall-of-text reply aswell, that she shouldn't be bothered about it and why + that my day went really well and that it was fun)

(We continue the topic for a few texts and she thanks me for the conversation, but she mentions that she doesn't wanna ruin my night with her ''problems'', I just said - Dont look at it as ruining my night, I'm always open for such a convo at any time, then she thanks me again and says I can talk to her any time I want. I say goodnight since I'm tired etc and we called it a night).

The next day I text her.

Me: Well, that's it for (The place I went too) No wonder I always hated it, seems nothing can really change my mind now . what are you up too?

Her: Haha, I always find it amusing too see them sitting in a chair and making fun of themselves, It's my late birthday-party so everything's ok .

Me: Congratulations, A party like that is never to late, Just make sure you dont end up in the middle of nowhere, that's the only good advice i'm gonna give ya! Oh! And dont mix whine with liquir, You'll end up regretting that for sure, haha! xx

Her: Haha yes! the mix with whine and liquir.. Already noticed that during newyear that that wasn't the right option. But.

(She texts me 2 minutes later)

Her: Sorry, Sent my last text a bit too early, wanted to say, But it's pretty nice here (Dunno why she had to say this, she's a thinker though.)

Me: Haha, I'll tell you a funny story next time we see eachother, It still makes me laugh . Especially the things that my friends mentioned about it afterwards! What do you actually like to do in life? I can tell your a very relaxed/cozy person.


This was last night and I didn't receive an answer from her, I'm pretty sure there's a reason for it so I'm not gonna bother. I think her boyfriend might be there as she wasn't going to see him next week, so I'll just wait till tommorow before I text her back.

As You can see, I think the texting went really well, I'm just really confused on my approaches as she does have a boyfriend, I hope I dont get to far into the conversations where there will be a moment she'll tell herself, hey wait.. I've got a boyfriend and I'm texting a guy I just met all this information. This might give her a switch in a sense that she'll have no other option then to stop texting.
There as no reason for negging/teasing her though, as she's quite a sensitive person and she has low self-esteem regardless of her being hot as fuck.

Sorry for the wall of text.

Thank you alot for your advice, but i have some "response" to your response:

1 - Since I'm not thaat old, the girls I see aren't either, therefor I do not think that A sleeps with a lot of guys, i just think that i’ve left an expression. And i've only got the chance to sleep with her 2 times, and I think that the next time we're together we're going to do it (if I want to).

2 - I think it's impossible that A and B won't meet each other, because they go to the same school.

3 - Here in two weeks I'm going to a party, where both the girls are going to be, so I need to figure things out until then :S

But again thank you mate

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*Enigma*

So I met up with a girl at a party Friday Night and basically just flirted the whole time, took her to dance and started making out, and then walked back to her room with her. I got an HJ and fingered her a bit but she didn't want to do anything else and had to wake up early so sent me off after an hour or so.

On the way out we exchanged numbers, and she said stuff like "I don't think you'll actually text me" or when I told her I did, she said stuff like "yeah right."

So I texted her Saturday evening to see whether she was going out etc. She wasn't and the conversation ended rather quickly.

Later that night I was very drunk and horny and texted her

"you still up sweetie?"

She then said what she was doing and then "I'd recommend you take your drunk ass elsewhere."

I said "Alright if you say so" and we haven't spoken since.

I don't want a relationship but would love to hook up with her again. I would be willing to spend time with her besides when that happens.

Should I text her again or wait? If I should text her, what should I say and when? Thanks!

Hey, quick question about breaking a bitch shield.

I've been talking to this girl for about 4 months, we started talking while I had a gf, we would always jokingly flirt cause she had a bf too. But now we're both single and we still talk a lot, and she'll always randomly say something like "Omg I need to find a hot guy!" or "I'm laying in bed with no one next to me =(". But whenever I try to make a move, she shuts me down.
For instance this morning:

Her- (starting the conversation) "Guess what?"
Me- "What?"
Her- "I woke up without anyone next to me. My bed is cold =("
Me- "That sounds like an invitation"
Her- "Haha, not for you."

And she does this kind of stuff ALL THE TIME. I feel like I can break her, I just don't know how.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

-Ghazal

Hey man. Thanks for the reply and the encouragement. I escalated the hell out of it and it totally worked

how should text exchanges end? I always end after I say something witty and get a positive response that does not require a reply from me. I feel this is a little counterproductive because I feel girls try and end it before me, like some stupid game were playing. Should I start excusing myself from the convo and see if she.does as well?

Look, here's the thing.

You're being the "Nice, Respectful Guy" and well, there's nothing wrong with that but in a situation where the girl is already committed, playing that card could be fatal to your chances.

I want you to understand something here. Maybe, just maybe, that girl is attracted to you, so what do you do about it? Do you invite her for a group "fun" session or something involving just the two of you? Do you be careful about expressing your desire or do you go direct and no-nonsense? The answers are always the latter part of the equation.

She already has a guy. You need to show her that what you are offering here is something more, something different, something better than what she's getting from her boyfriend. Otherwise, how will you justify your standing to her? Women see value in men, higher value wins. Now, don't confuse value with fast cars, tonnes of money and all that. Sure, that's great props but at the end it's about who and what you are, on the outside and inside that gets her going. Work on those values about yourself.

And I'd suggest you to 'flirt' with her, your messages might be 3 pages of "Nice talk" but it's inconsequential unless you are addressing the tension, the attraction, the want and the need and all that stuff between you and her. Work on those areas, first and foremost.

Take risks. They pay off more than they fail.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

I see. "school" is the name of the game here eh?

Well, then, we need to re-tune the approach. You need to be able to sleep with A, before you hit that party where they both will be present. Ideally, in that time you should try to have sex with B too. That would put them on even ground and you can be objective about which one of those two you'd like to carry on a no-strings attachment with or whatever you prefer.

So, escalate, amp up the sexuality and close the deal. With both of them.

Then, you can make your decisions.

Do all this before you go to the party, preferably.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Well, pretend like nothing happened.

If she brings that up, just apologize formally with something like, "I understand that you were offended by my actions. They won't happen again. I apologize." and leave it at that. If your message sends out a tone that you're not very happy about your actions, then she'd appreciate that you thought of them and of her, and hence apologized about it.

Also, the fact that you have two messages to show for all the handjob/fingering session that you carried out in the club is poor. I mean, if you reached there, then the only logical thing was to message her and flirt sexually without shame and close the deal as quickly as you could, by raising her temperature. You let her cool down and hence, you got yourself a little Ice Queen. I think it'll take time and effort to warm her up again. That's for you to decide, if you want to invest those into your equation with her or not.

Also, drunk texts are considered 'cute' by women who are head over heels in love with their BFs and want to air out the situation to their girlfriends to score some points about how much they are loved and all that crap.

Pro-tip: Don't do that again.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Doesn't sound much of a bitch shield, sounds more of lack of attraction.

You see, "jokingly flirt" does not equate flirting. Flirting usually carries an intent in it's course and the jokes and the fun do not. So, first and foremost make it very, very clear to her that you find her attractive and are attracted to her. And don't do it as a joke, but as a simple straight statement, clear of double meaning or doubt. Let that sink into her. Give her space to digest that information. Then, depending on her reaction, you can take two paths :

If she's positive and accepting, then what the hell are you waiting for. Flirt openly, flirt shamelessly and ask her out. Escalate and close.

If she doesn't know what to feel about it, then give her space, but not too much of it, flirt subtly, keep reinforcing your attraction to her through your words and actions. Make an effort. Sooner or later, she'll see the light.

If she's very negative about that, apologize and find yourself someone who can reciprocate your feelings.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Why don't you indulge in a little "quid pro quo".

If she says something interesting, answer her with a statement that does not require a reply from her. Flip the tables.

Also, be mysterious, be subtle, be vague. Don't always just say the words and mean them. The best texts are the ones which make the other person think, imagine, ponder. You need to be able to be in a position of security, where you can send out a message that "If you reply, great. If you don't, great." and this nonchalance in your attitude (not always though) will serve you well.

Sometimes, I will just leave a conversation at a point, when I'm finding that she's being very responsive. It's not rude, it's just that sometimes leaving them hanging, can do more for you, then exchanging messages for hours on end. But, that requires a lot of timing and know-how. Not beginner's stuff. You got to be able to do that without sending out the wrong message and that's not easy.

Anyway, use statements more than questions, but open-ended in nature. Vague sometimes and see how she reacts.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-fIFeMVMso[/youtube]

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Appreciate it - just want to clarify that the hj and fingering was in her room (I live at a college), not in a club, and that she told me she wasn't "that easy the first time" when I tried to push for sex. This happens a lot at my school - girls won't always be down for sex the first time they hook up with a guy. The options I think I have now are a) wait until I see her out again - not sure when it will happen b) text her just to chit chat / ask if she is going out or c) text her on a random day or night and ask to meet up later on. What, out of these, do you think would be the best approach? People at my school never meet up for anything like a "day 2 date" or anything like that.

Option C may sound ridiculous but it's worked for me a few times here before - I have a feeling it wouldn't fly with this girl though.

EDIT: She texted me recently to invite me to a guy-girl beer pong tournament Saturday so I think we're okay for now. Once again, thank you for taking the time to advise me.

Hey Don, can you elaborate a bit more. I think my message was a bit misleading. What I wanted to ask was, generally how do you deal with short replies? C&F? going into radiosilence? calling them out on it? Its not something that I come across often, but its something I want to know how to deal with. I agree w/ everything you say about taking interest in them, but i don't want to come off AFC by investing way more than they are.

Case in point being was that girl. After I didnt respond to her last text, she texted me today something random, and then after I responded a few hours later, again-- short reply....

So I guess the question(s) is,

How do you deal with girls who give short replies? what can I do to get her investing/contributing more? and specifically what kind of text would you personally send to a girl like this?

(btw I don't care about this girl, I just see her as a stepping stone to my PUA enlightenment )

Many thanks Khedira oh & btw i PM'd you

Don I'm curious, do you still reply to PMs?