| so here i am.
flame me.
I have been in the community for 10 years. this community has helped me through the beginning of the afc days. I made it far. I fuked lots of girls, but now 10 years later, am back at the same position I was as at the beginning.
And this might sound as a negative, a sad post, and I understand that, but this is the situation that Im in now.
I wont recap my life, but I made huge changes and moved to a new country. It is like I am starting from scratch, starting from the AFC days again. And also developing oneitis, etc.
for a quick recap of the ultimate fuk up, here it is:
I had the longest drough of no sex for about 6 months or more now. New country, new conditions, new situations, way less money, new identity etc. Reality kills sometimes.
So I developed onities, and had a party where she was invited over, a pretty big slut and I was psyched beforehand that I will finally get some again. Last time I met her I blew my chance right at the end when another guy took her as we were walking home.
Then these internal feelings corrupted me. Sort of hard to control. The emotions are strong and affect your overral vibe. They seem to be in control of me.
I set up a small getother with her friend to come over and my friend...later more people joined.
Thing were going OK with her, but really I was just weak at making any strong moves. Just nodding my head and trying to build the vibe. Maybe I just had so much expectation on the sex...on breaking the drought. On this girl being the one that I would fuk her like crazy.
Basically more people came and she was talking to other guys. Then she was just talking to her friend about tv shows and all the hottest guys and how much she loves them. Then some guy just came and she is like your hot and went home with him.
Thats the story. My vibe was messed about halfway through. It was quite strange...Its almost like I hated her. Like really had such a bad vibe for her all of a sudden. I dont know why, and I couldnt control it.
And now its like the pain is strong, and I am back to zero. Feeling of hopelessness and deep disapointment.
Not sure, it feels like I build something all these years but its all fake. If I try to control the situation, it can work sometimes, but its not based on any substance. I build it but it will come crumbling down so easy and I am exposed.
Not sure if I am being clear, but this is a rant and I want to post it to get flamed as I am really down in the slums now.
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