I've been on okcupid for few months now, and I'm not quite where I want to be as far as results. I did meet my last gf on the site, few girls here and there have told me my profile has made them laugh, but I'm certain it can use some fine tuning. Give to me straight. Any and all criticism is welcomed. Thank you.

My self-summary
I plan on conquering the world, and looking for the right woman to share it with.

Born and raised in Queens, NY.

What I’m doing with my life
I spend my nights fighting crime and cleaning the streets. Other than that, I'm a deck ape in the navy. Deck ape is an undesignated seaman. I'm not a boatswain's mate. Don't call me a boatswain's mate!

I’m really good at
Swimming, listening, not listening, and literally anything involving my hands.

The first things people usually notice about me My eyes, lips, smile, and especially the palms of my hands.

Numerous people have told me I am very intelligent. I am not so sure about that one.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Catcher in the Rye, Rubicon, Meditations, Where The Wild Things Are

TV Shows: The Office, House, sometimes Sex and the City with a huge bowl of ice cream

Music: Coheed and Cambria, Circa Survive, The Killers, and that one song by George Michael, cause guilty feet ain't got no rhythm

Movies: Gladiator. I got the tattoo. Love And Other Drugs was suprisingly incredible.

Food: Not crazy about fish or seafood. I'm a picky eater. Seriously, I'll throw a temper tantrum.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
What my favorite color is. It is blue right now. If eating cookie dough is really that unhealthy. Whether or not I will reenlist. If I'm going to become a hospital corpsman or take that job with the FDNY.

On a typical Friday night I am
Like I said, fighting crime. More often out with friends, or standing watch.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I love cuddling, and sometimes I like to be the little spoon.

Here's my critique, down and dirty.

“Conquering the world” sounds a little trite. A lot of guys say stuff like this. Try to stand out more.

"I'm not a boatswain's mate. Don't call me a boatswain's mate! "

I don't really know what a boatswain's mate is, and neither do a lot of women probably. This makes the above quote not as funny as you intended, It just sounds little dorky.

The fact that you are in the Navy is a really good thing. But I would not for tray this as much in tax, but as in your pictures. Make sure one of your pictures a hot photograph of you in uniform. Plenty of girls will be all over that.

Get rid of “not listening” from the things you're good at. It's too self-deprecating. And a little goofy.

Get rid of “lips” from the first thing people notice about you. Even if you have nice lips, lips or a feminine trait, not a masculine alpha trait.

Get rid of “I am not so sure about this one.” Again, being self-deprecating is bad in an online dating profile. People don't know what to make of it.

In general, I think you can go into more detail in your self summary. What is it like to be around you? What is it like to experience you? What types of memories are women going to have of you?

_________________
Elliott Gordon
Owner of Authentic Online Dating Tips For Men
Visit by clicking the [link] below.
http://www.wheretofindgirl.com

I think you can do more and something better with my self summary. What you have is a cliche. You don't have anything much about ambitions apart some career choices. Top quality girls tend to have a pretty good idea where they're going in life and what they're aiming for and appreciate similar drive and determination.

Awesome, thank you both so much. Keep it coming.

I'd leave boatswain's mate. They don't know what it is, neither do I.

What is a boatswain's mate?

See, it gives them something to ask. Mystery is GOOD!!!!

This is what I have done so far, besides removing "I'm not a boatswain's mate. Don't call me a boatswain's mate!, not listening, lips, and I am not so sure about this one"

I spend my nights fighting crime and cleaning the streets. Other than that, I'm a deck ape in the navy. The only difference between me and those hard charging, old time sailors is that I clean up ten times better. Jokes aside, the military is a tremendous opportunity on so many levels, and intend to take full advantage of it.

Boatswain's Mate is one of the three remaining jobs in the navy that have existed since the Revolutionary War, the other two being Quartermaster and Gunner's Mate. In a nutshell, Quartermasters are in charge of navigation while Gunner's Mates, who originally loaded and fired the cannons, now are clean, maintain, run training... basically everything involving firearms, as well as certain larger guns.

The way I, and some people see it, BM's are the closest thing to that image of the old, salty, crusty, dirty, hard going, classical sailor. They take charge of everything on the deck, and general structure of the ship. Removing rust, painting, bringing in other ships and helicopters for supplies, ammo, fuel; launching and operating the small boats, dropping the anchor and tying the ship to the pier (which is actually really fucking dangerous) BM's make up the ship's deck department, HOWEVER... Deck department is also made up the undesignated seamen, also known as the deck seamen, or deck apes. All deck seamen go to deck dept. Deck seaman have no designated, permanent job. This happens if there are no available jobs at the time of enlistment, as was my case, OR when a sailor goes to, most commonly, nuke school, SEAL or any special warfare school for example, fails and drops out. We are Boatswain's Mates in all, but name. Being a deck seaman is a blessing in disguise because we can choose our job if available after we put our time in deck or stay to become BM. My dream is to become to become a FMF hospital corpsman, basically the medic in a squad of marines, and then on to study physcology.

NOTE, I'm in Virginia Beach. Military men here are a dime a dozen. And its annoying to explain what a BM is and even after that, some people still don't get it. A lot of deck seamen get offended about being called boatswain's mate, hence the "I'm not a boatswain's mate. Don't call me a boatswain's mate!" I figured not too many people would get it. Anyway, thanks for the input. More is very much welcomed.